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Gringo perdido en Bogota

Or so my wife thought. It was a day on which our host could not drive his taxi; something about the pollution regulations and the fact that his vehicular plate ended in either an odd or even number.

ENTONCES...we all decided to travel from the barrio to the candaleria using the Transmilio. We caught a bus near our apartments that took us to the local transmilino station.

I think they are pretty much on opposite sides of the city. I never studied a Bogota map; but as I recall it was pretty much the end of the line for the TM.

All was going well and we were in the process of making a transfer somewhere near the police or military school. It was starting to get pretty crowded and we had six person including my two year old daughter.

Well I am not a metropolitan person and not really accostomed to pressing myself against strangers in the subway. And the people exiting the transmilineo were slow. Needless to say all of my party were metopolitan persons and were on in a flash. Geez how did they fit on there? That thing is cram packed. I was close on the heels of policeman or military man I am not sure which; but, he had a green uniform and a baton.

Shawoosh! The doors closed on his right arm which he had extended forward with his baton in hand. My butthole puckered a little...I mean it was his arm about to be ripped from his body not mine. I was about to see if I could pull him out when he bellowed OYE ABRE!!!!! There was hesitation. I suppose there is a safety mechanism to prevent bodily dismemberment in exactly this sort of situation.

There was obviously a battle of wills going on here. I am sure the operator of the Transmilio expected the guy in front of me to retract his arm. I am equally sure the policeman expected the driver to open the door. THIS WAS MY OPPORTUNITY!

I edged behind the policeman as close as I dared and crouched overhim and got on the balls of my feet. I folded my right arm and was prepared to insert it in the door behind the policeman. It worked for him and would work for me as well!

OYE HIJA PUTA ABRE EL PUERTO!!!!! SHATHUNK! What happened? I don't know what was faster; the policeman slipping in or the driver toggling the door open and then closed. Bottom I experience a gentle but firm full load reject.

I saw my wife's eye get big and our daughter sensing her tension was crying PAPA PAPA! I know my wife and what she was thinking. How is my bobo gringo espouso going to find us? He doesn't have a phone, he doesn't know where he is staying, he doesn't know how to get where we are going?

As for me I did the only thing I could do, I got on the next bus. As it turns out Jaime jumped off at the next station and was looking for me and found me. My wife kept asking me what I would have done if Jaime hadn't found me.

I sat her down let her quit hyperventaling and told her that I had asked what exit the Candelaria was and made sure I understood the maps posted in the trains. Then I slid my hand in my right from pocket and retracted a small black leather zippered pouch and gave it to her. I told her to open it she saw $100,000 pesos and an atm card and a slip of paper. I had her unfold the paper and there written carefully were all of our hosts cell phone numbers and home address.

I then slid her hand into my other front pocket where there was my kershaw knife another $100,000 pesos and another atm card to a different bank. I explained to her that I intended to continue to the Candelaria and stop at the first outdoor cafe and call them. If I could not find them I would have continued sight seeing and returned home at the end of the day.

We also learned as the trip progressed that my spanish was better than both of us suspected.

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