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Friends or amigas for your Colombian wife here in the U.S.?

Today I was sitting in a coffee shop and reading some of the posts on PoorButHappy, which has become one of my favorite passtimes. I noticed that quite a few guys on this site have married Colombianas and are now living in the U.S. As I was thinking about that, a question occurred to me. For those of you that married Colombianas, do your wives have friends or amigas? What I mean is....

When your wives moved to the U.S. from Colombia (I am assuming they didn't already have friends in the U.S. or know english fluently), what did you do (if anything) to help your wives make new friends? Did you try to help them make friends with American women (women born in the States whose native language is english)? Did you try to help them find other Colombianas (or other hispanic ladies, who also immigrated to the U.S. and have spanish as their native lanugage) for friends? If you tried to help them find other Colombianas for friends, where did you look? How did it turn out? How would you guys describe the friends that your wives now have?

I'm interested in how you guys approached this, since there are so many different variables like: the size of the city, the need for english fluency, and the like.

Thanks,
Aaron

By aaronfromus on May 28, 2005, 14:26 in Friendly Talkzone.

adrimm (☼Travelguide writer) says on May 28, 2005, 14:52:

great topic Key points
1) Tiny, isolated, close-knit, but open-minded town
2) Active social & chruch groups (effect of living in small town)
3) Forced to learn new language quickly
4) Enjoys & participates in community events from the get go.

When my mother first arrived in North America, my parents lived in very small northern resource-based community (about 2000-3000 people). She was one of 2 "foreigners" in town, and the only Spanish-speaker. Becuase of this she was forced to improve her English at breakneck speed (a blessing) and stayed glued to books and cassettes for the first few months. My father encouraged her to become involved in the local women's groups at the church, and make her own friends beyond the spouses of his friends. She also later met other women during pregnancy support classes. The community seemed to regard her as a novelty and kept her busy, once she was more comfortable in English, she was asked to teach Spanish lessons.

My mother doesn't seem to be the party-person that other Colombians I know are, and she ended up adapting very well with the support of the close-knit community. My parents lived there for about 6 years, and the friends that were made there have remained the closest she has.

Aside from those people she now has one very close spanish-speaking friend, and several friends who are also immigrants (albeit immigrated at young ages) from Italy, Portugal, Ireland. Her sense of kinship seems stronger with those who have left their homelands and understand what it is like to be regarded as a stranger in both the new land and the old country.

My mother is so comfortable here and has such a good support network of friends, that when my father passed away, she choose to stay and not return to Colombia, where her family is.

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adrimm (☼Travelguide writer) says on May 28, 2005, 14:58:

Ooops My mother didn't move to the US, perhaps I should remove my little story then. Too bad becuase it could be relevant to spouses of Colombians who move to a number of places.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on May 28, 2005, 15:21:

it's fine, adri don't remove it; it's very relevant even if your mother moved to Canada instead of the US. As a matter of fact, the issue is universal; it is applicable to any country.

Your mother's story is one more example of the marvelous resilience of the Colombian people. I see them here, in Scandinavia, men and women, learning to ski, wearing winter parkas, picking up Swedish and becoming part of the community.

Making friends in a foreign country is essential for the emotional well-being of an immigrant. Many Colombian women that marry gringos go to live in areas where there already is a sizable Latino community and the friends that they make, at least at the beginning are mostly other Spanish-speaking people. Some gringo husbands don't think this is such a great idea since these new friends have already adapted to local customs and mores and this sweet, unassuming Colombian girl they married starts to change. It's an inevitable process and can't be stopped, shouldn't be stopped. It's a new situation and takes quite a bit of adjustment from both parts.

For myself, getting new friends in a foreign country has not been a problem. Going to school (university, college) is a great way of making friends, so is getting a job where the new immigrant will meet lots of people of both sexes.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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utopiacowboy says on May 28, 2005, 15:55:

First of all, my wife is a big girl. I didn't need to find friends for her because she is a fairly social person and I assumed that she would meet people here in the course of her daily life. Which she has. She has met many women in her ESL classes and some of those women have become good friends. Other friends are mothers of her children's classmates and friends. Most of these woman speak Spanish as well as varying levels of English. Some of her women friends go to the ESL classes to improve their written English even though they are fluent in speaking English. Others are like my wife with marginal English skills. Unlike other parts of the country, we have a very high proportion of people can speak Spanish.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Gomezman5 says on May 28, 2005, 16:31:

Hi UC UC has a good point. Invariably, women from Colombia are fairly outgoing people and they have a way of seeking other people that are similarly situated. Down there in the Lone Star state, specifically in the San Antonio community, you will find a lot of other Spanish speaking people. However, almost all of them are Mexican/Mexican American. Colombian women tend to prefer their own people or at least people from the South American/carribean territory, in that Colombian women have more in common with these women than they do Mexican women. However, since Mexcian women are the distinct majority in the San Antonio area, I assume she (your wife) has learned a lot about Mexican Spanish and Mexican culture. I know that here in Chicago, we have a huge Colombian community. (we have a Colombian Consulate here) So when a Colombian woman comes here, married or otherwise, she seeks out other Colombian women as opposed to Puerto Rican or Mexican women.

It is a cultural thing.....and not a language thing. I can say with %100 certaintly, aside from sharing the same language,(and even that is a lot different) Colombian woman have very little in common with Mexican women. The food, music, ....the mentality, are so distinctly different. Language is one aspect that links us Latinos together, despite the other cultural differences. Therefore, when a Colombian woman comes here, and lacks the ability to communicate well in English, it is amazing how quicly people from other Spanish people countries find a commonality that they would not otherwise find, simply based on the fact that they speak the same language.

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kernow62 says on May 28, 2005, 17:42:

Unlike Utopia's wife, my wife learned English rather quickly, within a year she was fairly fluent. We too live in a Spanish speaking area, so it was obviously her choice to learn English, although she watches a lot of Spanish language TV. I never thought about this before, but as she is a grown woman who began working almost immediately upon arrival, I just assumed she would make her own friends. Apparently she did because she has never asked me to help her find people to socialise with.

My wife had a big advantage, she was a US citizen even though she was only born here, she was able to sponsor her parents within two years they were together and she had close family nearby. Interestingly enough several friends from Bogotá also live in the area so she has the old friends as well. I don't think she has any close friends outside of work, when she and I are both off work at the same time we spend time with each other, and on the other days she spends it invariably with her parents or her sister.

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BlanquitoTampa says on May 28, 2005, 19:28:

similar to Kernow's situation... My wife was also born in the US but raised in Colombia. She has a few Colombian friends here, and has not displayed much interest in meeting non-Colombian latinas.

She's also really family oriented, and has an Aunt in the area with whom she spends a lot of time.

I would prefer that she make more friends, but she's University educated, perhaps that somehow inhibits new friendships.

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adrimm (☼Travelguide writer) says on May 28, 2005, 19:33:

Blanquito Tampa University educated = friendship inhibition?
Why on earth would you think that?!

My mother's uni education hasn't interrferred one iota with her ability to socialize. To be honest, her social life is better than mine!

Here's one:
For those of you living in places with lots of hispanics, does the proportion of non-hispanic friends generally concide with length of time since immigration?

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kernow62 says on May 28, 2005, 19:50:

No.

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Gomezman5 says on May 28, 2005, 20:03:

Also---No

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utopiacowboy says on May 28, 2005, 21:37:

In my wife's case, all her close friends are Latina because of the language issue. I will have to see what happens with time as her English improves.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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bufalo says on May 29, 2005, 10:15:

I see a lot of what Gozeman5 stated about cultural things. Most colombians I know do not want to be compared to any other latinos, especially mexicans, dominicans and puerto ricans. Funny how when I say that we lived in Colombia and that my wife is from there, people come back and say "Oh, hey, I went to costa Rica for a week", like that has anything to do with us. I mean once in colombia, when I stated that I was originally from NY, someone said oh, hey a friend of mine went to London. Like I was going to know him or something.

After being married, we moved for 5 months to Spanish Harlem in NY, I don´t believe my wife wanted to make friends with too many of the latinas there, really really different from the colombianas.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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kernow62 says on May 29, 2005, 11:19:

bufalo when I mentioned that I used to live near Liverpool I would get lots of people asking me if I knew the Beatles. ja ja

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bufalo says on May 29, 2005, 13:51:

It wouldn´t surprise me. A lot of times after coming back from colombia, people would ask "how puerto rico went?" I´d tell them I went to colombia and they would ask me "isn´t that the same thing?" good thing there were no colombians around

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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