For you guys and gals

carolain11 says on Sep 3, 2005, 14:50:

it's been difficult for me, my boyfriend and I are both Colombians, he's from Bogota, I'm from Bquilla, and we've had a hard time adjusting to each other's habits and views on both relevant and irrelevant issues...

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 3, 2005, 14:57:

if it's been difficult for you carolain, being both colombian I just can imagine how hard it can have been for couples that have a totally different background. There are so many issues, so much to discuss, so many compromises that you have to make to make it work...gods only know how how many talks we've had until we settled in a comfortable daily routine. Now, if you don't even have a language to share?

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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cam0940 says on Sep 3, 2005, 14:59:

Desi, I have a Colombian girlfriend who is not here yet. We chose to live here in Los Angeles because I (even we) have a more secure financial future here than we would in Colombia. Up to now, 99% of our communication has been in Spanish. I suspect that much of it will be around the house also. After all, you can live in Los Angeles without speaking English. Still, given that English is still the national language, she's learning English right now so as to give her greater access to more of the opportunities LA has to offer. We've decided that our kids should know both English and Spanish. Culturally, we haven't encountered anything that needed to be negotiated/compromised. Obviously she has some ways of doing things that are different from LA--certain ways of doing business, etc. Basically we're experiencing what I would call the best of both worlds. I'm learning from her and she's learning from me. It's enriching, for lack of a better word. We think we can make two trips to Colombia per year, and I think the kids will benefit from that as well, knowing where their mom came from and having a relationship with her side of the family.

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Rubiazo says on Sep 3, 2005, 15:06:

I already spoke Spanish when I met my gf. Its pretty hard to get by in NYC without at least some Spanish these days, unless you're rich!
The linguistic differences between us were still pretty huge though. We are constantly teaching each other new words and phrases. I am having the same problem John Leguizamo had making that Spanish movie. It´s amazing how many correct Spanish words I don't know because I have been using Anglicisms all along!
The big culture shock for me coming from North America to South America (it was even worse in Brazil) is just how QUIET and POLITE everybody is here. I am constantly saying shit that wouldn't make an old lady blink in NY that gets dirty looks from people here. In NY, even the priests, policemen, etc, EVERYBODY curses. People call me 'nigga' even though I'm as pasty as they come. Here everything is 'el señor', 'la señora' etc. I'm totally not used to using 'usted' except for as a joke!
I am teaching English to her and her son because I think it is important to be able to speak more than one language, but we will never use it to communicate. I actually don't really like English and the more she learns it the less she likes it too!! :) I also make a point of speaking Spanish to my own two children in NY whenever I see them, and I'm starting on Portuguese with the older one.
We really don't know where we are going to wind up full-time. I have two young children in NY and their mother wants to stay there, and she has a kid going to one of the best schools in Bogotá. Her living full time in the USA is out of the question because we could never duplicate the quality of the education he receives there.
I need to get my US citizenship , which is going to take another year or two. If that country ever gets its head out of its ass, I want the opportunity to be there, not to mention to be able to see my kids at will, plus I own a house there.
Things are working out very well in Bogota. I could easily pull a few million a month here as a musician, but I also owe money for my kids, and those pesos dont go very far once they turn into USD.
Canada is out of the question for many reasons, even though I'm already a citizen there. The education isn't much better than the US, taxes are horrible, and the medical system is a mess. Although in HER field (forestry) she'd probably do very well. London is another distant possibility, but its SOO expensive there and I'd be even further away from my kids than here in Bogotá.
We will probably end up all over the place, us both down here sometimes, us both up in NY for some weeks at a time, and me in NY or touring somewhere while she's down here waiting sometimes. Hopefully we will be able to travel a lot together as well. She has never been out of Colombia and that is one thing I want to share with her.

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Caballista says on Sep 3, 2005, 15:52:

Rubiazo not EVERYBODY curses in New York. Desideria, it's very difficult for me to communicate with my friend here in New York, because his English it's not very good, and his Spanish is not good either, and my Greek it's improving; his culture it's very similar in some ways to mine, but still different. I have a few good NorthA. friends, very polite, in the Communication's business, trying to learn Spanish and having their children watching Spanish TV to learn more from there.
It's difficult not only the boyfriend-girlfriend thing; it's everywhere.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 3, 2005, 15:55:

I don't think you should discount Canada that easily. I have a very god opinion of Canada and if she has a degree in forestry Canada would certainly be a good option.
Cam, living in L.A she will obviously have to be able to be proficient in the two languages. The interesting thing is what will you be speaking with her at home?
Have you discussed:
a) the family issues; (You've already told us about the financial assistance you're giving her)
b)religion
c)concept of time
d)the roles for a husband and wife in the family
e)school and growing up
f)food, health, hygiene
g)upbringing and education of your children
e)friends, relatives, visiting
g)her career, further education, jobs
etc. etc.

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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cam0940 says on Sep 3, 2005, 17:17:

Answers to Desi's questions Ingrid will be here on October 2. I expect we’ll start off mostly in Spanish because she’s far more comfortable with her Spanish. As she grows more comfortable with her English, I imagine we’ll move in that direction.

On religion, we’re exactly on the same page and we’ve had nothing but chemistry.

Concept of time: she’s going to need to work on this. Fortunately, punctuality (or lack thereof) is learned behavior, and long term I don’t think it’ll be an issue getting her reasonably aware of how much time we have to do certain things.

Roles: Most of this comes from our religious beliefs, which we’re already on the same page about. One thing that makes me feel awkward though is that I have been living on my own for a while now. I know how to make maybe 4 or 5 things in the kitchen, and the rest comes frozen, in a can, or from a restaurant. This is inconceivable to her. She at times has said she feels bad that she is not here to cook for me. In her house, they cook every day, at least twice a day. So she eats more healthy, fresh food. At one point it sounded like she thought all the food sold in the US came frozen or in a can, based on MY eating habits. So she really wants to cook so I will be more healthy and live longer. She also can’t fathom me carrying my clothes to the dry cleaner. They hand wash their clothes, and then iron them. She’s taking this to be her “duty�. Same with cleaning the house, washing the dishes, all the stuff their criada does down there. But like I said, I’ve been getting along just fine domestically. The things I don’t know how to do or don’t want to do I can look in the phone book and find someone to take care of. So I try very purposefully not to make it look like I’m asking her to be some type of maid. Not at all. The last woman to cook an edible meal for me was my mother. So I’m not used to the idea of a woman making dinner or breakfast or whatever for me. And I’m certainly not expecting that from Ingrid. She on the other hand, views it as a duty. And around the house, I appreciate the extra set of hands, but there’s a difference between a wife and a maid.

We want our kids to go to private schools, and part of the application process at the best schools involves interviewing the parents. So we’re pretty aware of what we need to look like on paper to give our future children a chance to be accepted.

Food health and hygiene: Apart from what I wrote above, my food vocabulary is the weakest part of my Spanish. Often times I have no idea what I’m eating. When we go to a restaurant, she has to paraphrase the menu. Other times I just tell her “I liked that� or “I didn’t like that� and she keeps track, so she’s got a little list of Colombian foods I responded well to, even though I have no recollection of what they were called or whether those things are available here. My mom and grandma have offered to show Ingrid how to make some of my favorite American foods as soon as she learns enough English to be comfortable. It’s not nearly as humid in LA as it is in Cartagena, often one shower a day will do, whereas she’s used to two or three per day.

I’ve seen her with her nieces and nephews, and she’s a little bit of a pushover. I seem to do pretty well with kids. My nephews listen to me and I never have to give an instruction more than once, and I’ve never spanked them. I just use an authoritative tone and that’s it. Even with Ingrid’s nephew. I’ve been out in the city alone with him, and he responds to me well. When I say “Sientate� he does it.

Friends, relatives, visiting: We plan to visit Cartagena twice a year. Her mother wants to come up for the delivery of our child; it’s not clear whether she’ll be able to get a visa for that. My Dad has been one of our biggest supporters during this whole process. He’s just been terrific and when they’re on the phone, I translate between the two of them. My younger sister is actually older than Ingrid (my sister is 30, Ingrid is 28). They have arrangements to crash the malls when Ingrid is comfortable with her English. My sister is a little bit of a shop a holic, very brand conscious, and Ingrid used to be a model. Ingrid’s not nearly as bad as my sister, but she likes to look nice and I, as the boyfriend, appreciate that. So they’re supposed to be shopping buddies until Ingrid chooses her favorite spots and/or styles. My immediate family is in LA, but the rest are in Chicago and they are all anxious for me to take Ingrid there to welcome her to the family. I was treated the same way down there. I think I have pretty good relationships with Ingrid’s immediate family and extended family. As I mentioned, Ingrid’s older sister trusts me to run around Cartagena with her 8 year old first born son, so I must have made a decent impression.

Her career, further education and jobs: I own a small asset management company that deals in U.S. Treasury bonds and derivatives. Ingrid has a degree in Contabilidad y Finanzas. So, over time I have been able to teach her a little bit about mis inversiones and she’s taken an interest. She says she wants to help me grow the business. I’m sure I could find something for her to do, but I would also like her to attend my alma mater for U.S. credentials, it will help expand her English skills, and it will get her involved in some activities outside the house. Plus if she later wants to work somewhere besides my firm, she’ll be able to. But she hasn’t really expressed any professional aspirations other than helping me grow my small firm into a mid-sized firm.

And that’s about it. I think we’ve covered everything and I think we’ll be OK.

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 3, 2005, 18:33:

We speak Spanish to each other all the time. Even after a year and a half here, she can barely speak enough English to get directions. OTOH, her kids are bilingual.

We live here because there is no way we could make enough money in Colombia to support all our children (7) in the lifestyle to which they would like to become accustomed.

We are both Catholic and very rarely are we not on the same page when it comes to various issues. I think people tend to exagerate the cultural differences. That is not to say that there are not differences, of course there are, but what unites us is far greater than what separates us. Or else why would we even be together?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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BAQ says on Sep 3, 2005, 19:16:

SPANGLISH It isn;t that big a deal if there is LOVE in the relationship and each of you can be UNDERSTANDING. We TEACH each other, and when I say TEACH, I mean the languages, the culture, the food ect. Being American, I speak to my wife in SPANISH and my wife speaks to me in ENGLISH. When we each need to use words we don;t know, we LEARN a new word. We live in Colombia and my wife has learned more english from me in a shorter period of time than any classroom can teach. Same applies for my spanish.

Honestly, it CAN be frustrating for both in the beginning, but if you can make a GAME out of it and make it FUN to learn from the other, things will be fine.

As far as "Values" and some of the other things, you better have those issues worked out BEFORE you get married, and in my opinion, those issues are the same in ANY relationship, regardless of nationality.

Just don;t make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Semper Fidelis !

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platano says on Sep 3, 2005, 19:32:

Answers to Desi's questions... Q: How did you manage to bridge the gap over the different cultural experiences of growing up with a different set of values, different customs, habits, beliefs?

A: We mostly respect our differences. We don't have the same theological background (Catholic/Protestant) but it's never been a problem because there is mutual respect. Recently we have found a congregation which embraces both of us!

Q: Did you learn how to speak Spanish?
A: Yes

Q: What language do you habitually speak at home?
A: Spanish

Q: How did you make the decision on where to live?
A: The guerillas and job market made the decision for us.

plátano

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bob777 says on Sep 3, 2005, 22:47:

When getting to know the person before marriage... When getting to know the person, before marriage, I suggest that you sacrifice some of the comforts of a hotel and stay at her house. This does several things. You get to know her, her family, her friends, her culture, and how she interacts with her family. All of these things are important in getting to know another person. especially if you plan on being with them the rest of your life.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 4, 2005, 02:57:

I think with my husband we ne I think with my husband and I never had any problems with the mix culture, he is a very adaptable person so do I, we speak most of the time in English. I think because of the kids, they don’t like me to talk in Spanish to them here in the Uk. But when we travel to Colombia we talked just Spanish and they’re fine. About religion he hasn’t got any so he is happy to go along with mine (catholic). Although I never go to church.
We decided to live in England because of his business, but he make sure we go back to Colombia often so the kids can experience my culture even if he doesn’t come sometimes.
We both decided the children schools but he left most of the decisions to me, he just spoils them, I am helping him in his or our business now. I got my own set of friends and I go out with them and he has his, and it’s not problem at all. He loves my family and I do get along with his.(sometimes ;-)). He helped me a lot to adapt since I arrived here, he gave me great support no only financially, but morally, I've studied many things in here and he always backed me up. I think I have been more adapted to his culture than him to mine. Now, after 16 years of married (he is a workaholic), and he is away a lot on business trip, big decision in the house have been left to me even the upbringing of the kids which is a bit difficult with two teens,
We have our differences in taste (big time), but this have never been a problem. I am more punctual than him. Como dicen en Colombia mas punctual que novia fea jeje, but I think we now realised that we have to different views of how we want to spent our old years. After 16 years of married and I've mature in the relationship, my points of views and priorities are becoming very different to his.

I think we have to start looking for a compromise

engage brain before opening mouth

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nanis says on Sep 4, 2005, 03:26:

although my husband has a colombian background he couldn't be more "gringo" he was born and raised there and he acts and thinks gringo. it was difficult at first because even though i have spent many years out of colombia i still have colombian blood in me, my culture is very important to me and i'm always in touch with my colombian roots so it was difficutl to adjust to his way of life at first but when you love someone you compromise and that's what we did, i taught him our traditions he told me his which were basically none! and even thought we didn't have much in common at first we still found it intriguing when it came to eachother's cultures and habits he wanted to find out more about mine as i did his. although his way of thinking was more practical than mine he learned to be more sensible and he taught me to be more heartless! haha even if couples are from the same country with the same background they would still have their differences because not everyone is the same and not everyone think alike!

The language wasn't a problem i speak english and he can speak a little in spanish, i always encouraged him to speak more in spanish because so that he could learn more but it was a bit difficult for him especially when we argued because he didn't know how to argue in spanish! i always found that so funny so we ended up arguing in english, Spanglish was the language we communicated in.

We met a very long time when we were kids back in colombia on one of his vacaccions with his family and we kept in touch after i came to london we still talked a lot and then we decided that we couldn't be apart any longer so as soon as he finished studying he came to london to live with me. ;)

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kernow62 says on Sep 4, 2005, 05:12:

Good post Desi. I will do my best to answer in a serious manner.

For the first 2 years of marriage we never spoke to each other, now we habitually use foul language to communicate. Sometimes we use sign language, I snap my fingers when I want a cup of tea and she throws the cup at me. I then give her the customary two finger salute from Britain and she utters something that I am sure isn't very pleasant in her native tongue.

Cultural things really haven't had much of an effect. My wife used to drive me crazy with being so neat and clean about th house, but now I am used to it. Better a clean house than a dump. For some reason I like Colombian food and she likes English food and we both like American food (if it comes from a Colombian or English restaurant). We are both punctual people who would have thought a Colombiana could be punctual. We both can squeeze every last peso out of a dollar and we both have the similar goal of leaving the US to live elsewhere at some point (probably after we have gathered enough dollars for a nice harvest of pesos).

Perhaps I was just used to Colombianas, 25 years of my life I have spent with them, so when my wife came along at 13 years ago it wasn't much of a change. I think I would have more of a culture shock dating or marrying an American girl.

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isaactraveler says on Sep 4, 2005, 05:27:

communication- I speak spanish fluently we get along great. At the beginning, I searched really hard to find other couples that were Colombian/American like we were, thinking that it would transition her easier into a lifestyle in the U.S.

Curiously, I noticed major stress with the other couples, and it was because the US partner didnt speak spanish or could barely communicate, meaning that all the little nuances of life that you share with partners were bypassed.

I really want her to learn english, and she is working on it ( her 5 year old is picking it up like blazes, after we put him in non-spanish classes) However, she likes to chat with me about things in her life, what she is thinking and what she would like.... what she heard on the radio, stuff about novelas, clothing, world politics(colombia), something my sister said.... ON AND ON AND ON (kidding).

She really wants acknowlegement from me and that I value her opinion. I really practice colombian variations of spanish (like poquitiko, mazorca, que pena, de malas) so that I meld better with her. We still interject english, and sometimes I ask her silly things so it is more of a game.. she can actually communicate in english and understands more and more so it's happening.

Lastly, I hug her and hold her everyday and tell her that I love her. I lived alone for a long time and this is probably the hardest thing for me to do, but I make sure I tell her every day.

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isaactraveler says on Sep 4, 2005, 05:30:

ooooh I forgot I also love her son and treat/teach him well, so If I screw up something with her, I am pretty much forgiven.

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platano says on Sep 4, 2005, 07:29:

Interesting the comments about punctuality... am I seeing a pattern of Colombians being punctual? Certainly is the case with my very punctual wife. Maybe the stereotype of "Colombian time" is changing? Maybe Colombians are getting a bum rap on the lateness issue?

plátano

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kernow62 says on Sep 4, 2005, 08:21:

Platano, I wonder if it is just an excuse.

My wife is punctual, her parent's are punctual, her sister too, her friends that I have met in Colombia and Colombian friends in the US have been punctual. For the most part they are middle class to upper middle-class, well-educated and almost all are from Bogota.

My ex from Medellin was from a lower class financially and less educated, she was late for everything. I have also noticed that people from the coast not just from Colombia, but also from the islands etc. have a much less rigid lifestyle and that includes a concept of being on time.

I think UTC mentioned his wife was punctual as well.

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Rubiazo says on Sep 4, 2005, 08:25:

I have found people here in Bogotá to be as punctual as people anywhere else I´ve lived. Usually I'm the idiot being late for everything due to losing my way because the streets are so complicated here!

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nanis says on Sep 4, 2005, 09:01:

I've learned to be punctual since i've been living here in england, these people are scarily punctual and if you're late to meet up with them then you're dead! I think most colombians are the same we hate to wait but can't ever be on time!




att: la gata salvaje ;)

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 4, 2005, 09:35:

You could set your watch by my wife. She is never late for anything.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 4, 2005, 11:01:

Don't tell me you watching that c**p soup opera Mrs Gomez jejej

engage brain before opening mouth

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Cerealkiller says on Sep 4, 2005, 11:23:

lets see, I am not married -god forbid, que al que no le mata le desfigura, as my lovely cleaner says- But I am European Born -colombian raised and the bf is American. In regards to religion, I hate denominations, he is a rather convinced anglican, but we both respect spaces and never have had a row over that. Language, English only, as his spanish doesnt go any further than "chicas, dinero, hola, como esta?" and his German is horrible -but i try and not let him know that- Only problem we have had is he wants to move to colombia and I totally refuse to stay more than a summer if it isnt strictly necessary. Neither of us would live in the states though, so thats a rather okay thing.
Food, he loves tuna and chicken, I am vegan...and in regards to films and music we are pretty much on the same wavelength.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 4, 2005, 11:54:

I see another pattern forming here and tha is that the women on this board seem to focus more on the differences and difficulties that arise in a multicultural relationship. In my experience, however, it's often been the women that adapt easier in a new society, learn the language and pick up new habits and customs. Is it because men are less sensitive in this matter? Or pay less attention to subtle signs of unhappiness in their partner? I'm not implying that anybody is making up a sunshine story here or playing down the sociocultural differences but I'd be very interested to know why this particular pattern is taking shape.

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Cerealkiller says on Sep 4, 2005, 12:04:

I do not think I agree with you on that one Desi. I mean I am not very aqcuainted with multikulti relationships other than my own and to be very honest, I dont feel like I have tried one bit to adapt and fit in his world. I must say it has been pretty much the contrary, Bf is always asking me to teach him spanish and german, he has considered becoming a vegan -always fails hahaha- watching the tv shows i dig, and I often feel bad because I think his cultural baggage, not his knowledge, but the way in which he perceives the world are something I have never bothered exploring, perhaps because i lived in the states, went to american schools and as much as I hate to admit it, I often find the yankee character a little bit too flat (I apologize, but sometimes i just cannot help it!!)but he certainly tries harder than me...i dont know if its generalized or perhaps I was just very lucky.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 4, 2005, 12:14:

I did adapt to his culture because I'm here in England and it was easier for me as i was going to spend a long time here but I am sure if we were living in Colombia he wouldn't have a problem adapting to mine and I think he would have try harder to learn the language and get to know my culture a bit more, yes some things he would miss about England like I do about Colombia Chao X-)

but to tell you the truth the cultures differents have been very little. when i said about my priorities and points of views had change, is like in any othere relationship multiculture or not

engage brain before opening mouth

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Lauthra says on Sep 4, 2005, 13:53:

*Did you learn how to speak Spanish?
Barry did take quite a few Spanish courses, but we really only speak English at home, which doesn't help his practice and improvement of the language, but it's just so much easier for both of us to speak in English.

*How did you make the decision on where to live?
I basically decided I wasn't gonna move out of Colombia until I finished Uni, so he had to make the move here or lose me ;) We might give England a chance, but nothing's set in stone, I wouldn't mind staying here.

We haven't had much problems culturally speaking, we were brought up on similar values so we get along just fine when it comes to that.

Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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kernow62 says on Sep 4, 2005, 17:13:

Desi I don't agree either. I have adopted a lot of Colombian culture and occasionally my in-laws comment that I am turning into a Colombian! I listen to a lot of Colombian music, I cook Colombian food, on our coffee table ll the books relate to Colombia, I mow the lawn wearing my Sombrero Vueltiao.

The only British things my wife adopted are her love of British comedy & some of the food, and of course the countryside itself.

However as we both live in the USA she has adopted the American desire for a SUV, lots of new stuff that we don't need, using the car instead of walking. I have adopted the last one too!

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 4, 2005, 18:28:

I suppose you could say that my wife has had to adapt to living in the US. OTOH, we speak in her language and she runs the house pretty much as she sees fit so she has changed as little as possible. I'm not objecting to this because she's the same woman I married and I didn't marry her so she would become someone else.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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poco says on Sep 4, 2005, 18:43:

Values A Colombian leaving their family, friends and adapting to the U.S. life style seems complicated. I’ve had no problem with transition from U.S. to Colombia because I paid attention and learned how rural Colombia functions.

I can adapt things under my control. There are fewer chickens with better accommodations and I bought the neighbors rooster.

No English is allowed, not even translation of Eminem records. Kids may ask to hear me speak English. I’ve standardized on “Plunk your magic twanger froggie�. They are like little parrots with Spanish accents. I’ve never been asked for a translation.

I have yet to notice a cultural difference outside the practice of women having their legs “hot waxed� at the barber shop.

The majority of Colombians will adopt anything immediately if it can be shown to be BETTER than what they were doing before. If it is NOT and you are foolish enough to force it,, then you will have a problem. I’d assume you might then fall from being an Americano to American Estupido to Gringo and Gringo Estupido, the seemingly lowest category.

You either have the same values or you don’t.

"Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 01:43:

I think is important to adapt to the culture of your other half, to get to know that person and the enviroment he or she was brought up better, or even if you not married to adapt to the culture of the country you’re living in (if you are a foreigner), it’s the only way you can learn and experience the culture. And you get to know and respect the people for who or what they are. I could say my kids are more British than Colombian, but they do know about the Colombian Culture and when we go to Colombia they adapt to the Country very well, they don’t speak in English to anyone just their dad or sometimes me,they eat Colombian food, ok sometimes they don’t like something. They Like Colombian music etc, and they do what the others Colombian kids do, so for them it’s not hard switching cultures.
I think I would have a bit of a problem adapting to a Muslim Culture, maybe because I think I am too old to change my belief and manners. I will go and visit and follow the countries rules, but marrying somebody Muslim would be a big problem.

engage brain before opening mouth

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vladimiro says on Sep 5, 2005, 04:49:

My wife is a typical super sexy dressing colombiana, I am more conservative British-Iranian. She is a religious catholic, I am an atheist. Although she is learning English I think it will always be more comfortable for us to use spanish because that's the language we spoke while getting to know eachother, and I also don't want to forget my spanish.

Our future children will be free to choose whatever religion they want to believe in when they are older, but we won't indoctrinate them with religion as children. The concept of time, warm talkative immotional people, close intruding family members, dancing, and other characteristics are common to both colombian and iranian cultures so I felt right at home in Colombia. A couple things we did have to get used to are differences in clothing and politeness/manners.

We will have to live in US/UK/EU for awhile for pratical reasons, but I want to repeat the experience I've had working in colombia with atleast one additional country. In time I think she will become as Americanized/Persianized/British/etc. as I have become Colombianized.

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kernow62 says on Sep 5, 2005, 05:51:

Kat1 have you seen the documentary "Mum, I'm a Muslim"? About British girls who have married Muslim men and become Muslim themselves. I thought it ws very interesting. My wife would have liked the fact that if a Muslim wife goes to work, all the money she earns is hers to spend how she likes, her pocket money.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 06:05:

I didn’t see it Kernow, it sound interesting , But for me would be difficult to change my religion, my way of dressing up, and some habits for example some Muslim women have to be apart from the men, like they eat apart,etc, all this thing about arrange marriage and that they give priority to son rather than daughters and specially that it’s a man dominate world, I know there are exceptions and I don’t understand 100% Muslim culture but what I see and hear I know that I will find it difficult to adapt. Food wouldn’t be a problem. And how easy would he adapt to my western culture.

engage brain before opening mouth

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nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 07:09:

No Kat1 i've never watch that novela before, my friend says that i look like one of the characters and so that's how my friends call me now! don't know why??? they say i act like a crazy cat sometimes :(

att: la gata salvaje ;)jejeje

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BlondeJamesBond says on Sep 5, 2005, 07:30:

Adapting to Islam Let me think about it.....

No Alcohol

No Ham/Bacon/Pepperoni

Women covered head to toe in black sacks


....not for me thanks!

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 5, 2005, 07:42:

I don't think Kat could be a Muslim - that would be the end of the Argentineans for her. Not to mention the Italians, Danes, Swedes etc.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 08:18:

correct.

engage brain before opening mouth

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nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:02:

now that sounds like the type of women greenday goes after, he freaks everytime he sees a sexy girl with tattoos smoking and dancing reggaeton i wonder what he thinks when he sees one of those girls covered head to toe en esos trapos negros??


att: la gata salvaje ;)

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Rubiazo says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:24:

Desi Look up Colombiche's post about the cold weather getting in the blood. She sums it up on exactly why I hate Canada so much, although I could go on for hundreds of pages.
All the Colombians I know in Canada (many) have said the same thing. I even warned one Bogotano friend of mine who was living in LA not to do it. At that time Canada was offering a free pass and in LA he was illegal and sick of all the BS that goes along with being illegal. I told him better just go back to Colombia or maybe head for Europe or something, that he would hate Canada. He chose to ignore my advice. A year later he was back in Bogotá and told me 'Rubio I should have listened to you, those people are MISERABLE up there!' He didn't make ONE good friend in a year!

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:29:

You crack me up, Rubiazo. I was thinking of all those millions and millions of miserable Canadians up there, cold and friendless. Those poor bastards. Come on, Sylvie Soprano, "Defensor de los Canadienses", what do you think?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:34:

En canada los gallos no canta In Canada the roosters don't sing they cough

engage brain before opening mouth

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:40:

Poor Canadian hens. No cock-a-doodle-doo for them.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:42:

they're too dam frozen

engage brain before opening mouth

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:48:

I bet you could heat up one of those Canadian roosters.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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BlondeJamesBond says on Sep 5, 2005, 09:51:

*now that sounds like the type of women greenday goes after, he freaks everytime he sees a sexy girl with tattoes smoking and dancing reggaeton i wonder what he thinks when he sees one of those girls covered head to toe en esos trapos negros??*

LMFAO

"phwoooooooooooooar, look at the stitching on that"

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 10:05:

Lol,UC you naughty texan.............
lol Be careful Mrs Gomez they are not trapos they call eh.............. dunno

engage brain before opening mouth

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 5, 2005, 10:11:

Naughty? I was talking about heating one up in the microwave? What did you think I was talking about?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 12:19:

why on earth are you guys talking about hens and cocks?? oops did i just say cocks? haha what's a cock anyway? gallos? oh men i don't know what sounds worst! hahaha



att: la gata salvaje ;)

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 12:37:

that is why I put roosters Mrs Gomez cuz I knew somebody will make a naughty coment like eh UC? and to tell you the truth I forgot why we're talking about cocks you know the kikiriki ones.

engage brain before opening mouth

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 12:41:

roosters and hens hello you guys'n dolls, I'm trying to conduct a strictly scientific sociological study here and you're talking about roosters (cocks) and hens...
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 5, 2005, 12:51:

It's all Kat's fault. She sidetracks everybody.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 12:53:

Oh yes blame it on the little one

engage brain before opening mouth

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 12:57:

so what's next? the sexual behaviour pattern of teenage cucarachas in Colombia? Compared with those in Russia and USA?
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 13:01:

haha oh dear Desi isn't too happy with us is she? sorry desi


att: la gata salvaje ;)

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 13:05:

it's ok, no biggie, keep on chatting. I'm fine, really.
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 13:11:

ok ya hablo Desi...so what happened to el gallo again? i got lost people

att: la gata salvaje ;)

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nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 13:31:

oh desi what do you mean by cucarachas huh? the bushy or the ones with long hairs? sorry long antennas or whatever you call them!




att: la gata salvaje ;)

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 5, 2005, 13:44:

what you mean with the bushy ones Mrs Gomez i don't know any cucarachas bushy. jejej

engage brain before opening mouth

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nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 13:52:

i think that's how they used to be...haven't seen a bushy one in a very long time! jejeje



att: la gata salvaje ;)

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duncanmack says on Oct 8, 2005, 05:27:

Im Canadian! Now slow down not all canadians are stuck up,its more on the west coast.The reason all the american movie stars move to british Colombia is its beautiful and no one will give them the time of day.Oprah moved here ,if i see here ill ask if she wants my autograph.
More Canadians live in the usa than here.Canada now is an experiment full of non canadians as they are only one who will pay 60 percent taxes to freeze.Me,im leaving.I just got divorced and ill never marry a north american woman again,life is too short!Colombian women here i come and i dont give a damn about cultural difference.I have had latina gf before in costa rica,we spoke the language of love!

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Crazy Eagle says on Oct 8, 2005, 15:58:

me too I'm Canadian too, and I'm pissed about how our politicians have squandered our fantastic country's wealth. High taxes, excessive spending, and the sheep keep voting the liberal bastards in, so we have a one-party state in practice.

I hope to relocate to Colombia to teach high school next year, and I may settle there if I meet a nice chica. I'm an adventurer at heart, and have lived in California and England. I would love to hear from other Canadians that are living in Colombia, or lived there. Send me a private message, lads.

"Some are born to sweet delight, others are born to the endless night." William Blake

"The natural rhythm of life is routine punctuated by orgy" Aldous Huxley

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Rubiazo says on Oct 8, 2005, 16:25:

CE if you want to give a Colombian the shock of their life, tell them what people in condos in Winnipeg pay for property taxes!!

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duncanmack says on Oct 8, 2005, 16:37:

ok so when are you going? Firstly,you will meet a fine lady down there np.Im planning to go soon and maybe teach.I have a euro passport so i have no intention of bring a colombian girl here.Where in Canada are you,the heating bills this winter will wipe people out!

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Rubiazo says on Oct 8, 2005, 16:46:

I just got back but am planning to go down again early in the New Year. I met the 'fine lady' a year ago online.
I live in NYC and have for 8 years and you wouldn't BELIEVE what they charge us in natural gas.
I mention the condo in Winnipeg because my parents went through that a couple years ago before they packed up and moved to Montreal.
Good luck teaching, and watch your back because Colombian women can be two-faced too, just like anybody else anywhere else. I seriously doubt you won't enjoy yourself though. :)

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cam0940 says on Nov 4, 2005, 21:21:

Getting back to your original question Desi, we are currently speaking 99% Spanish, mixed with occasional attempts to speak English. Her English classes begin soon. We met this Panamanian girl who is now coming over here regularly. The Panamanian showed her where to shop to get things that she's used to cooking with like leche de cocoa, yucca, platanos, and a bunch of stuff I can't name. Remember, my food vocabulary is very weak. Even in English. I took her to church, which was no problem because she can sit in the main auditorium with earplugs to hear it translated in Spanish, or if she doesn't want to use earplugs we can go to the adjoining auditorium which is a complete service in Espanol. I'm eating better than I have in 12 years. Everything is immaculately clean. I feel bad about that because I haven't really asked her to help around the house, but she is a little bit of a busybody. The place looks good, but she has systematically relocated things that I used to be able to find. Example, she hides our steak knives. Why? Because according to her, they are a safety hazard... That gets annoying. I am 34 years old, I can handle a steak knife. But basically everything is running smoothly to answer your original question. She is cold all the time, even when I'm comfortable in shorts and a tee shirt. But when we talk cultural differences, there really aren't that many. She has no idea whatsoever how to do business here in the United States, whether with government offices or owner/vendor relationships. I believe all that must be different where she's from. She's intelligent enough to grasp the things that I teach her piece by piece, but I get the impression that things must be far more free wheeling and lax where she is from. She's never driven a car, but that could be a new experience for a New Yorker as well. Basically, I think the differnces are negligible in terms of "way of life". Language and food are the two main areas that are going to require some negotiation. If I can get her comfortable in English, then she can enjoy more of the television programming than these Mexican novelas that are invariably dominating our living room. Oh and one other thing on the food, I do not eat tongue, liver, any abnormal parts of the cow or pig. Evidently, in her household they are subject to eat just about any part of the cow. I have liver in the refridgerator for the first and hopefully last time.

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