First time in South Am

jalf12 says on Jan 22, 2006, 19:57:

Advice Whatever you act like on a day to day basis, avoid.

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 22, 2006, 21:43:

You're a gringo and it's your job to be the object of ridicule and insult while in Colombia. Don't worry about it.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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miamimike says on Jan 22, 2006, 21:46:

Try these and you'll be a hit...Guaranteed 1)In the house, after you use the Bathroom, Never close the Door. Leave it open for the next person so he/she can see if its occupied.:) Next--when entering and exiting the Taxicabs--give the Door a Healthy Slam, like Osama Bin laden's Head was between the Door and the Taxi. No Wimpy door slams for Col!!:) 3) Never take small bills when you are going catching a Taxi-bring those 20K, 50 and 100K Col paper bills, the Col Taxi Drivers like to break these large bills and will do it with a Smile:)! 4) On a Warm Day in Bogota, break out those Shorts-enjoy the weather and get a Tan! The Col Ladies, BTW,love guys in !Shorts!:)5) Never show up on Time; try to be an Hour late at the Minimum (ps-if you show up on the dot, you'll be the only one) 6) In a restaurant, never leave a 15% Tip. If the meal costs, say $3.00, leave around 20 pesos Max;(about a dime in us money) anything more and you will spoil the help for the Locals. If you are in Bogota, suggest to your Novia A Romantic Moonlite Dinner in the Restuarant up on Monserrate;enchances the sucess of the Engagement period:). If you are staying in a Home, Tell the owner that only wimps take Cold or Lukewarm Showers--Real men/women like their Bath/shower water HOT-pure steam leaving that Shower head! Sheesh, how does a Guy cut the bodygrease and BO without Hot Steamy Water??? In Bogota, never carry an Umbrella in the Afternoon-real men never use an Umbrella, only Wimps do--better to improvise with Cardboard, Newspapers or a garbage Bag.They'll think more of you for it and also you gain sympathy showing up at your Lady's Apt sopping Wet and Teeth Chattering.If you at a Restaurant with a group of people and you are the only Gringo, when you see the waitress bringing the Check, excuse yourself and head for the Bathroom:).It'll (bill) be all be settled by the time you get back. Follow these Protocols and you will be welcomed back with open arms.....

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 22, 2006, 21:51:

You can't go wrong following the above advice. Don't just slam the taxi cab's doors. Slam every friggin door you can find. They'll love you!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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miamimike says on Jan 22, 2006, 22:09:

Right every Door! LOL LOL UTC !! If the door is still hanging on the hinges, Reopen and Wind up again for a 2nd slam-the idea is to take it off the Hinges! Only Wimps gently close the door in Col homes, taxis, churches, restaurants ect.

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Jan 23, 2006, 00:39:

LOL this was some entertaining reading, mike, UC and GringoD! Enjoyed it throughly.
Cheers,
Desi

Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone
else's life.

-Kobi Yamada

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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MacGringo says on Jan 23, 2006, 01:46:

And finally, you could take the piss out of the Catholic Religion, they love this and will love you for your great sense of humour.

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Albatross says on Jan 23, 2006, 04:38:

Yeah... they LOVE a good Pope joke. Especially the first time you meet your novia's family... it's a great way to break the ice and get over that initial awkwardness.

So the Pope and a Burra walked into a gay bar...

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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MacGringo says on Jan 23, 2006, 06:18:

Hahahaha Albatross. Yeah, that will get you well in with the family.
You'll be like the long lost son they never had and always wanted after cracking a few pope jokes.
What happens when the pope dies?........another one popes up!

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Crazy4Cali says on Jan 23, 2006, 07:03:

Boy! You can sure get some lifesaving advice here.

I don't know how I survived in Colombia before reading the tips and tricks you find on this site.

What a gold mine!

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bufalo says on Jan 23, 2006, 11:21:

Take a roll of toilet paper with you. The first time 15 years ago when I got to Barranquilla, I had to leave the airport with one sock only.

I have a friend who every year visits his mom and every year brings a toilet seat with him. Why a new one every year? Because the minute he leaves she sells it. I'm dead serious.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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elmodefoque says on Jan 23, 2006, 11:58:

f--k the toilet paper, newspaper is the best, if you got a sensetive ass, dunk the paper in water. I always use "el heraldo" their ink don't stain too much

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Jan 23, 2006, 12:01:

if you aint got no newspaper try ojitas de mata raton.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Jan 23, 2006, 12:02:

sometimes i clean my butt with the burras tail

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Jan 23, 2006, 12:14:

we used to travel from northern guajira by burro, we cross some desert area, you take a dump, nothing as far as the eye could see, not a freaking tree in sight, only blinding sun and that thing that looks like water in the distance, the only thing around is the burras tail, sometime you gotta do what you gotta do.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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MacGringo says on Jan 23, 2006, 12:30:

That reminds me Elmo, you'll have to pm me your email address so I can send you those pics of Conchita, I've got some some good pics of a llama aswell if you're into that mate.

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elmodefoque says on Jan 23, 2006, 12:32:

send me the one of chochita on all fours, llamas are no good, if you try to screw them they'll spit the crap outta you.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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