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First Tango in Barranquilla: A tale of Kylie and Counterfeit Whisky

Well, I finally got to dance, though with hindsight I think I would maybe have enjoyed Elmos sleazy dive below the fifties with a generator than in this over-priced joint (cheep for a Brit who isnt a poor student like me, but about the same price as somewhere in NYC or Glasgow, which is a lot considering how much people earn here) that had delusions of grandeur – laser strobe lighting, flat screen tvs, when all they really needed was good lighting and a live band. The place was really trying to hard to be cool, and not really succeeding.

I was worried at first because they were playing a techno cover of Kylie's “Locomotion”, and other tracks that need drive-by criticism. My heart sank. Words cannot describe how much I hate techno and all derivatives thereof: the soulless, bloodless, passionless thumping that literally “does your head in”. And if dancing be the vertical expression of horizontal desire: WHAT THE HELL is all that frenetic movement that goes along with it all about? [Big fish, little fish, box, box, change the light bulb, make the pizza, swimmmmmm.] But I digress. The barman told me the techno was just for “entrada” (one would assume because it is “cool”, if Kylie can ever be “cool”) and that they would play real music later on. Fortunately, they did. So I got to really dance.

I had been invited by friends of my hosts, who had decided to selflessly abandon sobriety for the evening in order that I dance at least once in Colombia, My friend and her husband, like good Colombians, and in a show of solidarity between two places famed for their love of the "water of life" joined me in sampling the local offering. I don't usually drink when I dance, but it was an anathema for my hosts not to, so I thought what the hell. One bottle won't kill. After the first bottle my friends husband in a fit of alcohol-inspired generosity decided that he was going to enter me in a cumbia competition, and forgot which country I was actually from.

“Where in the United States did you learn to dance salsa ?”.
“La Habana”.

The barman asked me, with perfect credulity, if I wanted salt and lime with the whisky, and then was surprised when I started laughing ( haven't laughed so hard over a drink since I was in India and the barman poured a "shot" of red wine, two fingers just, and - I stopped him just in time - ice). Now, it so happens that my country makes the best whisky in the world, exporting the crap for the world's connoisseurs to praise, much like Colombian coffee.

We have all kinds of legends and traditions surrounding whisky, like never adding ice or anything else in it, because to adulterate the scared brew is one of the worst sins known in my country.

Do it with Jack Daniels or that counterfeit rubbish from the States, by all means. Don't do it with our stuff. But when in Barranquilla, do as Barranquilla does, for it has damn good reasons for doing it. Oh it SAID scotch whisky on the bottle, the Edinburgh address on the label checked out.

But I know better. After two sips I asked for the salt and lime.

By CaritadeAngel on May 13, 2007, 10:26 in Friendly Talkzone.

Miguel says on May 13, 2007, 11:19:

Huy Get some sleep!

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elreydelostrolls says on May 13, 2007, 14:22:

How do you feel about reggaeton?

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Buongone says on May 13, 2007, 16:11:

Crown Royal The only way to drink the CrOwN. Is with 7-UP!! & yellow.

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CaritadeAngel says on May 13, 2007, 16:30:

Should the question not be
"WHAT do you feel with reggaton" Rey? You're slow of the mark today, you surprise me.

I learned my Reggaton, and my bachata (easier to keep a safe distace with bachata) from some puertorica gentlemen who were stationed in Seoul as part of the polite occupation.

You?

"I hope I never say anything worth quoting".

"I hope I never say anything worth quoting".

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Man Tequila says on May 13, 2007, 18:40:

I've enjoyed both Glenchimbo and Glenchiviado in Colombia. Now I being my own whiskey when I go.

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

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Man Tequila says on May 13, 2007, 18:40:

And when I'm not being whiskey, I bring some.

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bueno_pues says on May 14, 2007, 05:51:

Los boricuas los gusta mucho el reggaeton. Y mi tambien.

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kalder says on May 14, 2007, 05:53:

Reggaeton is awful.

Ranchera's the boy!

"kalder- have you ever had a woman?"--Sam Salmon

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curramberochris says on May 14, 2007, 08:07:

where did they take you??? which bar, clubs??? the type of place you described are popular here but I have grown very tired of them.....A common event, they take you to places they think will impress you, when all you really want is good music, cold beer and some old guys dancing like maniacs!!

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David in Idaho says on May 14, 2007, 08:20:

Reggaetonto That's right -- ...-tonto es la verdad. And I don't see ANY connection with reggae, so the name should be changed. To attach any similarity would be an insult to reggae.

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elmodefoque says on May 14, 2007, 10:01:

curramberochris, come down to murrillo and you get to see this old modefoque dancing. Last time i threw up outside the chicarron place at around 4 am.
A good friend took us to Henry's, a prentious boring Olrando type tourist trap in north curramba.
You want loud, you want crazy, you want fun, you want true barranquilla, go below the 20's and into barrio simon bolivar and sorrounding areas.
Che Che cole is always a great place to experince that real third world feeling.
The only problem is girls there are not too interested in culo blancos.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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curramberochris says on May 14, 2007, 10:18:

I am pretty mono.... but i only really go down to che che cole, salsa 8, taboga for the music and the recocha....most of the customers in those places are burro viejos (no girls) and I saw that in taboga they don`t let unaccompanied girls enter as they think they are "working"!

my bird is a regular in henry`s but I can`t stand the place......she lets me go down to the murillo sometimes...

"dedos arriba"

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CaritadeAngel says on May 15, 2007, 18:24:

And I bet Murrilo doesn't play kylie... and have flat screen TVs.

I had the distinct impression my hosts would have prefered someonewhere below the 20s: the place I was in (I think it was called the Rumba Bar - had a big tacky glow in the dark palm tree outside).

"Nolite id cogere, cape malleum majorem."

"I hope I never say anything worth quoting".

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Man Tequila says on May 15, 2007, 18:34:

Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo!

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CaritadeAngel says on May 20, 2007, 14:53:

Ahhh Man T... I see you are a man who knows your St Augustine.

"Nolite id cogere, cape malleum majorem."

"I hope I never say anything worth quoting".

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