fidelity of Colombian men who live abroad

bbattiste says on Mar 3, 2005, 09:02:

It Must Be True. I am sorry that I don't have advice for you, but in one week I am marrying a colombiana that I have know for more than a year and have visited many times. Anyway, we talk everyday and a day does not go by that she tells me to be careful and stay away from the chicas. Also, at least once a week she asks me if I am in my house solo. I just laugh and say yes.

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ColombianoX says on Mar 3, 2005, 09:15:

I'm colombian and I've never cheated on anyone. I think that anyone who would do such a thing is a scumbag!


ColombianoX

'Defensor de la Colombianidad'

ColombianoX 'Defensor de la Colombianidad'

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elmodefoque says on Mar 3, 2005, 09:28:

cx, i would go further, guys that cheat are yellow bellie sap suckers, lower than a snake. i would never do such a thing,sober.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Miguel says on Mar 3, 2005, 09:51:

MODO It's yellow bellied sap suckers. I will cut you some costeño slack, monocuco, because you taught me how to use monocuco. I think you should respond to my reply, log off your computer, quit your job, and move back to La Curramba. You are a happier MODO alli. I will do the same and meet you at La Kama o La Troja Friday night at 11pm.

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elmodefoque says on Mar 3, 2005, 10:07:

miquel, there's a better place than la Kama and is called "Brujulas" on 76. most of the crowed is from sur de barranquilla, low lifes, but man can they dance. they know me already, they think i'm some big time capo. if they only knew that in colombia i have a few bucks but here in the states i'm just a 9 to 5, train riding, freezing my ass, bagle and snapple drinking modefoque who cant afford to gotto clubs in nyc.
i'm posting a pic on picturetrail from inside that club.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Jackie says on Mar 3, 2005, 10:10:

It may be true it depends a lot of where is from it´s your boyfriend, you see, it is specially true if he is a costeño or a paisa where the culture of the men still remains in their mind and where the female is in a second step.

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gracez45 says on Mar 3, 2005, 10:29:

He is from bogota, his family are pretty well educated - doctors, lawyers, etc. I don't know if it makes a difference or not. He hasn't done anything for me to doubt him but i think that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. who knows,I just think he is pretty stupid to tell me dumb sh*t like this. he wants to believe that i am a nice girl, so that is what i will be. preception is reality.

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 3, 2005, 11:19:

It could be one of two things. Either he is just matter-of-factly telling you about his family life including the infidelities or he is preparing you for a future where he is constantly cheating on you. You know him better than we do (to say the least!) When he talks about this stuff, does he put some distance between how they behave and himself? Or does he acknowledge that he's going to behave the same way. People like to paint everyone with a broad brush but I know Colombianos who run around and Colombianos who are as faithful as the day is long. Which one do you have?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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gracez45 says on Mar 3, 2005, 11:35:

i don't get the feeling he will do that to me. he says that he doesn't condone that behaviour. he is a good guy, not too much of a lady's man, i think, more on the shy side. he is probably just telling me too much - honesty is over-rated. and perhaps, i am just being over cautious. i should just tell him to shut up with those stupid stories.

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ARMacleod says on Mar 3, 2005, 11:35:

My feeling? My lady says that she would never have considered another Colombian man as a partner because " they are all unfaithful"

I wonder who they are unfaithful with if all the females are paragons of virtue?

My observations are limited as to the male behaviour in Colombia, but I have to admit that with the constant preening and posturing of the males, it looks like rutting time among the Wildebeste to me.


Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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init4ass says on Mar 3, 2005, 11:38:

most men will cheat. i don't know one man that has not cheated.

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ARMacleod says on Mar 3, 2005, 11:57:

Hi, Mi chiamo James. Now you have met me, this will be a new experience for you

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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nanis says on Mar 3, 2005, 11:58:

Men will cheat whether they are Colombian or not! and women too, if a person is unhappy in a relationship then they will go and look somewhere else this however might not be the case for everyone but in Colombia it's not a tradition to cheat! Colombia is just like any other country some men cheat and some don't, there are men who adore their wives and there are men who are bored and want to have a little fan and there are also men who are with their wives "for the sake of their children" but come on doesn't this happen everywhere? and in every type of society? not matter if the person in Colombian or not, not even if they are rich or poor there are cheaters everywhere and i'm not one of these persons who categorise all men as cheaters just because most of my exs have cheated on me, yeah most Colombian men are players they like to sweet talk you into bed but most men are like that how else would us girls get to know men if they don't make the first move? and yeah there are also stupid women who think that just because they don't have the guts to raise their children on their own they need to stand by their men not matter how many times they have cheated on them and that's why i admire my grandmother so much becuase she wasn't one of them! she raised 6 children by her own even tho she was really poor and had to work 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet! so there's your answer whoever said that this is a tradition is talking bull sh*t if a guy cheats on his partner and the lady doesn't say anything about it then he'll just keep doing it. not tradition at all just stupidity!

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 3, 2005, 12:11:

All right, Mrs. Gomez!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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ColombianoX says on Mar 3, 2005, 12:15:

"most men will cheat. i don't know one man that has not cheated."


init4ass,

And now you met another.

The way I see it is if you have a girlfriend and you want to be with other women, you should just break up with your girlfriend. I don't know how these guys who cheat can live with that on their conscience.

CX

ColombianoX 'Defensor de la Colombianidad'

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miamimike says on Mar 3, 2005, 12:16:

Mrs. Gomez, while I agree..... with most of your post, however there is one area I do not agree with. In certain cultures,cheating is acceptable in this manner; the family circle does not show the cheater the door whereas in my family circle-if a husband cheated on the wife or vice versa--he/she gets the "Boot" for good--he/she would never be invited to family parties, dinnners,noche buenos,ect--he/she is History para siempre. If a person cheats once, he will cheat again and again and again.And this behavior is passed down to younger family members--if they see the uncles, mothers,ect cheating, they repeat this behavior. A child repeats like actions of his elders. A vicious cycle that is hard, if not impossible to break.

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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ARMacleod says on Mar 3, 2005, 12:17:

Anyone forgot something? It takes two to tango. Women cheat too!

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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gracez45 says on Mar 3, 2005, 12:25:

I believe in the once a cheater always a cheater but maybe it is unfair to say that all colombian men are cheaters.

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nanis says on Mar 3, 2005, 12:30:

Of course women cheat! I have cheated too of course that was in the past and that doesn't mean that I will cheat again because I don't need to! and the reason that I did it is only for me to know, no one can tell me that I’m less of a person for having cheated because no body knows why I did it, my point is that no one can judge a person for cheating because they don't know what goes on in other people's relationships and no one knows the real reason or what goes on behind doors and no one can either judge or categorise or make assumptions that every Colombian girl is like this just because I have cheated in the past and that’s why I hate stereotypes it’s like saying that because there are so many people involved in the drug business in Colombia then all Colombians must be drug addicts so why do people keep saying that all Colombian men cheat, they only know their own experience! there are thousands of Colombians out there that are as loving and as caring and as honest and that goes for the women too it's a bit hard to find them but you'll find them tho jejeje

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miamimike says on Mar 3, 2005, 14:00:

Once a Cheat..... in 99.5% of the cases they will cheat agin. James--Married women while still married DO cheat, maybe more then we think.....
Seonra Gomez-if a person is not satisfied in their married relationship then they should Divorce and have their affair at that point-not in the relationship. No matter how you arrange the words, cheating is cheating.Its like stealing-whether you take a penny or a million bucks-its stealing. Its the principle.....

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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calipro says on Mar 4, 2005, 01:01:

Colombian men are not just cheaters. They are world class cheaters. I know american guys that have cheated on their wives but they only ever had one women on the side. I know Colombianos that cheat on their wives with two or three women on the side. I personally never meet the americano that could pull that off.

My ex always told me how impressed she was with how american guys respected a married woman. When americanos hit on her she would just tell them she was married and that was the end of it. She told me that if she told a colombiano she was married that he would start telling her how he actually prefered married women.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 01:55:

"My ex always told me how impressed she was with how american guys respected a married woman. When americanos hit on her she would just tell them she was married and that was the end of it".jaja Calipro with all your respect I wouldn't bet in that one.;-)

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calipro says on Mar 4, 2005, 04:23:

kat1 I do actually command quite a lot of respect.

Lies and insults to my face are extremely rare. Now over the internet that is a completely different story;-)))

Feel free to make yourself happy. hehehe !!

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elmodefoque says on Mar 4, 2005, 04:47:

Alcohol is solely to be blamed for the problem with cheating among many Colombian men, especially costeños. We are totally innocent and would consider our self victims as well. In Colombia we have a drink called Ron Medellin better known as “rompe chocho” because it makes women panties literally melt off and any guy near them is gonna get molested. I was the victim of such attack by a 17 year old very hot, sweaty barranquillera. My 24 year old girlfriend nearly killed me and my 29 year old wife here in the sates would have revived me and then killed me too. Shit, I just realized that if you add all their ages, you come up with my age.
Anyway, that’s why I much prefer drugs over booze. .

I'll get there, when I get there!

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 06:52:

" Alcohol is solely to be blamed for the problem with cheating among many Colombian men, especially costeños" I agree 100% with you Elmo and specially that costenos men don't like alcohol they have to be force to drink it. Remember Saint Elmo I come from a costeno family, I know how you feel........hehe

Calipro: is that an invitation ;_) hehehe

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 4, 2005, 06:55:

You are mistaken, Kat. Calipro is absolutely right on this one. My wife told me that many Colombian men had no respect for the fact that she was married and would continue to hit on her even after they knew she was married. She has been living in the US for a year and no American man has hit on her knowing she was married. In fact the ring on her hand is a clear signal to most American men to stay away. Another thing she has noticed is that American men do not speak to women that they do not know and they do not holler piropos in the street.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 07:02:

UC Well not in my case and I have got the precious ring hehehe. some of them have their wife a few feet away when they try to chat me up!
In Bogota airport there was this guy and I had the ring and the Kids it didn't stopped him.

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fzrdan says on Mar 4, 2005, 07:04:

If I knew this guy and he told me his entire family were cheaters and his other friends were cheaters? Well, I would assume he was a cheater as well. But, since I don't know him it is impossible to say. Then again, even if you know someone, does that mean you can speak intelligently on wether or not they will cheat? No. You hear people on the news all the time say "I never thought he would do such a thing" about some person who did something supposedly way outside their character.

I think the best course of action would be to have this discussion with him. Tell him you are very concerned about his fidelity because of all this talk of infedility. Of course he is going to say "don't worry, i would never cheat." So hell, I guess I don't have anything useful to say about this.

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elmodefoque says on Mar 4, 2005, 07:06:

kat1, porque no dejas ese man (tu esposo) y nos vamos a curramba de parranda. me encantan las mujeres casada. tu tienes que ser la muejer mas lindisima en esta vaina y me encataria mamarme unos buenos tragos contigo. te gusta "ron medellin" ?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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BlondeJamesBond says on Mar 4, 2005, 07:09:

Get-out clause gracez45 - It's his get-out clause - claiming hereditary infidelity

You'll be there like fzrdan says going "I never thought you would do such a thing"

and he'll say

"Come off it, don't act so surprised - I told you in the beginning what my family is like" - or words to that effect.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 10:26:

Colombian men and fidelity we've been discussing this topic for years here...or at least it feels like years. I know many Colombian men that are faithful to their wives. In my husband's family faithfulness has been pretty much a family tradition. The father was faithful, hardworking and a family man. The sons (all three of them) have walked the narrow path.
Yet I know that Colombian (and all latino men that I've encountered) are tremendous flirts, honey-tongued fast talkers, always checking out the "market" for fresh produce. A lot of times it's just for fun, fooling around and testing your magnetism with the opposite sex. Women do the same thing: they are flirts just the same as men, but many married women do that mostly to find out if men would still be interested in them: to reaffirm their own feminity and attraction.
It's true that many Colombian men that are married have girlfriends, often much younger than themselves. A lot of younger, attractive girls are not shy of using their physical attributes to advance in their jobs, to get paid vacations, gifts etc. That's borderline prostitution. While the wealth continues to be distributed on such unequal terms in the society there'll always be the lure of the easy money, using your physical assets to obtain your goals while you still "have it".
I'm just an old-fashined woman, raised up in a society where money has very little to do with sex or your desirability as a partner for life. I believe it's the "man who proposes, and the woman that concedes". If the women did not condone with the male infidelity it wouldn't be an issue.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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gracez45 says on Mar 4, 2005, 10:31:

I am hoping that he is not a cheater and just stupid for telling me stories about his family's infidelity - even his grandmother ran off with some guy.

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ColombianoX says on Mar 4, 2005, 10:31:

"I believe it's the "man who proposes, and the woman that concedes"


Así es Desi, como decimos nosotros, el hombre propone y la mujer dispone.


Saludes,

CX

ColombianoX 'Defensor de la Colombianidad'

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gracez45 says on Mar 4, 2005, 10:43:

Relationships are about taking risks - he is worth the risk. i will just have to keep my heart and my eyes open.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Mar 4, 2005, 11:01:

The Gringo Filter This is a subject where I think a lot of us are looking at the world through a Gringo filter. "Cheating" is a very American way of describing it. In a lot of cultures different values apply. For example, in France, a man is generally allowed to have a wife and a girlfriend or two but he's expected to be discreet about it. And all the parties know their place. Witness, for example, the funeral of Francois Mitterand, which was attended by his wife, his children by her, his mistress and his child by her. Nobody got in a cat fight, everyone knew the score.

I don't have extensive experience in Colombian values on the subject but I suspect the general Colombian position of the subject is closer to the French one than the American one.

Cheating, for what it's worth, implies agreeing to one set of rule and then breaking them to your own advantage. Granted, this kind of "trampas" occurs every day, especially in places with a real double-standard about male and female sexuality. But if everyone agrees to the rules upfront, it's something else, not cheating.

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BlondeJamesBond says on Mar 4, 2005, 11:10:

Mr. H Did you ever see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?

"to be wiz another woman zat is French - to be caught, zat is American"

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 11:11:

I'm afraid the ground rules may have changed, even in France.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Mr. Hollywood says on Mar 4, 2005, 11:13:

Blonde 007 I've seen the movie but don't remember the line. Very funny.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 11:22:

"why would I go picking up weeds on the roadside having a perfect rose in my own garden?"
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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gracez45 says on Mar 4, 2005, 12:18:

I agree somewhat with mr. hollywood but times have changed. i think in the past wives stayed with their cheating husbands b/c they didn't have any other options. men were the breadwinners. it isn't the case now, we can take care of ourselves. times have changed. financial stability isn't enough to get a woman, b/c we have money too. men have to look good too - hence the increase in men's grooming products. we make money, we work out and take care of our appearance why would we stay with a cheating fat bastard. i think you just can't get away with it as much now.

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Lionheart says on Mar 4, 2005, 12:32:

too funny "why would we stay with a cheating fat bastard?"

what if he is the well-groomed handsome man of today? the one you are expecting to have?

"we can take care of ourselves. times have changed"

yeah, now you can cheat just as well ... is that what you are saying?

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gracez45 says on Mar 4, 2005, 12:40:

ok, maybe i shouldn't have said fat cheating bastard - shouldn't have used the word fat.

also, i wasn't implying that we(women) should cheat, i am just saying is that we don't have to put up with that behaviour anymore, b/c we are now more self-reliant.

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Lionheart says on Mar 4, 2005, 12:43:

equal rights just as the groomed man cheats the groomed woman can cheat as well now ...

not saying you have to cheat ... but it has become much easier and is more in the open now. The cheating Colombian man isn't alone anymore ...

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gracez45 says on Mar 4, 2005, 12:51:

lionheart - i disagree with you on that, i think it is more of a taboo now than before. J F K had plenty of women and no one said anything back then, in fact he is idiolised. Bill Clinton gets a blow job from a fat intern and he is impeached.

If cheating was accepted, then there wouldnt be a need to discuss it, b/c it would be the norm. take pre-marital sex for example, it is the norm now, nothing to talk about. that would not be the case in the 50's, etc. see my point. cheating is not the norm so it is much more difficult to get away with it

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 12:56:

grace I agree with you. Cheating is NOT the norm, fidelity is. There's no way going back to that old set of values that allowed the double standard. There's plenty of examples fromthe past of society's tolerance towards double standard, but it's just that: a thing of the past.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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cremaster says on Mar 4, 2005, 12:57:

JFK and WJC The difference in the treatment of JFK`s and Clinton`s infedelity is that JFK cheated with really hot chicks. I mean how could anyone blame him for nailing Marilyn Monroe?
Clinton was impeached for lowering the standards of the office. The `fat intern` probably was a hose-bag in high-school.

My two cents,
Patrick

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Lionheart says on Mar 4, 2005, 13:14:

double standards I remember the European press making fun of Bill Clinton: for being so stupid and getting caught ...

Desi, you might have a point, while being married faithfulness is the name of the game ... but then look at how many couples don't get married anymore, and how many get divorced of those who do?

I believe in faithfulness in any relationship, but I have no illusions, I see cheating just as rampant as it always has been. The difference is that you end the relationship faster now.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 13:28:

I think that most people around here thought it was a very lame excuse for persecuting Bill Clinton. We just don't get it here, I guess. Kennedy got away with all kinds of marital foul play, which one of the politicians doesn't have some kind of past history of extramarital adventures and what does this all have to do with anything. It's like it never was a big deal to people here.
On the other hand, and in spite of our reputation of being very liberal in regards to sex I think the Scandinavians have a healthy attitude towards sex and living together: it's honesty what is important. If you can't be honest towards your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend then it's much better to split.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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ARMacleod says on Mar 4, 2005, 13:34:

Some expressions spring to mind
‘Forsaking all others'
‘Till death do us part'
‘remain faithful'

Ok perhaps we should just lie our heads off? So, based on the balance of probabilities, we can assume that we will never be believed about anything again.

Or, We can just add to the first set of standard phrases, for example:

‘Forsaking all others, except for the occasional slut that catches my eye'

‘Till death (Or some younger little tart with bigger tits) do us part'

‘remain (reasonably faithful, for as long as it takes me to become bored with you)'

Yes, that should satisfy our children, our partners, friends and relations etc when we break up or catch some nasty little venereal disease and pass it on.

Why do people have to keep proving to themselves that they still have it, and that they are gods gift to the opposite sex

WTF happened to being faithful!!!!

(ab initio a vinculo matrimonii)

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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Lionheart says on Mar 4, 2005, 13:51:

healthy attitudes I have had the same experience in Germany, but looking at statistics I have started to wonder. Marriages and childbirth are at an all time low there. Healthy attitudes for whom?

In the USA you have kids, marry, have more kids, divorce, and single mothers with kids are at an all-time high. In general you still encounter very puritanian public opinions. Average time of a relationship is just a few years as well.

How does Colombia (or Latin America) compare to this? I read a lot about young girls with kids, but how many still get married, and how many stay married nowadays?

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 14:10:

I guess lionheart that it's the cultural perspective that tends to lend color to our interpretations what's good or bad for people. People in Sweden are not getting married that young, if ever. Yet, permanent relationships are the norm of the society and fidelity is considered the norm for anybody living permanently together. Honesty in a relationship is considered a virtue, however, the longevity of a relationship is less important than the honesty, the fidelity or the mutual trust.
Childbirth is about average, yet people are waiting longer before starting a family. Not all that many teenage pregnancies, the trend is down, has been for a number of years now.
There's nothing puritan about our way of regarding sex and relationships. We're not religious people either. We believe in doing the right thing and being straight forward, open and transparent in our relationships. I consider it healthy, but then again I'm heavily influenced by the norm here.
How do Colombians regard marriage, relationships and having children? In my experience, Colombians basically will marry, regardless. The norm is not having children out of wedlock, yet the society tends to be permissive and forgiving. Premarital sex is not ok for most Colombians, yet if a young girl becomes pregnant the family and the society tends to find excuses and look for reasons that would make her not to look bad in the eyes of others. It's something truly surreal at times: the Catholic Church with it's rigid morals and opposing to it the soft sweetness of the society that'd forgive anything, for the right reason.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Mr. Hollywood says on Mar 4, 2005, 14:15:

Clinton Vs. Kennedy The cases of Clinton and Kennedy say more about changes in accepted standards of POLITICAL behavior rather than accepted standards of BEDROOM (or oval office) behavior.

You think Clinton was the first president since Kennedy who fucked around? Get serious. What changed was the rupture of the "gentlemens' agreement" that politicians didn't attack each other for things that they all were vulnerable about. The republican party opened a Pandora's box by attacking him for that and, if you recall, a number of Republican politicians fell on their own swords.

On another note, why is everyone here always talking about MEN cheating? If married women don't cheat, where are all these guys getting so much action? If single women are so opposed to this, why do so many n sleep with married men?

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calipro says on Mar 4, 2005, 14:22:

Kat1 "Well not in my case and I have got the precious ring hehehe. some of them have their wife a few feet away when they try to chat me up!
In Bogota airport there was this guy and I had the ring and the Kids it didn't stopped him."

Well Kat...you know that you can nullify the ring effect by being a little flirt. Quit smiling and winking at the guys and let the ring do it's work.

Also try not to let your mini skirt ride up a little higher than it should. That will almost alway nullify the ring. hehehe !!!

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 14:59:

married vs. single It's just a guess but I think married men are cheating mostly with single women. Single women don't think it's a big deal cheating with married men, as long as they are not being confronted with the angry spouses. Married women do cheat occasionally, but mostly on the rebound.

Cheers,
Desi
(always faithful and as good as gold)

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Lionheart says on Mar 4, 2005, 15:42:

hands Desi the Halo Women are simply better than men in keeping their secrets, except to their hairdressers ...

The single gentleman smiles and remains silent ...

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 15:58:

"and the halo looks good on Desi's blond hair, matching perfectly with the shine and the good intentions under the mane".

You've become somewhat americanized, lionheart. We (women in Europe) don't confide with our hairdressers. Only gringas do that. Our confidents are our spouses, our kids and our best friends...occasionally our cognitive behaviour therapists. (Haven't needed one yet....)
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Lionheart says on Mar 4, 2005, 16:07:

Sweden must be different from the rest of the world I recall the hairdressers mainly from Germany and from stories my German ex told me who I was married to for 7 years. I just noticed the same in the USA.

Do Colombianas confide in their hairdressers as well?

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YEP says on Mar 4, 2005, 16:40:

LH ..... as you know "HER" opinion/point of view is just one among 20-25 mil scandinavians ;-)


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Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 16:55:

Calipro "I don't do miniskirt" hehehe.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 4, 2005, 16:57:

:-)

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fzrdan says on Mar 4, 2005, 17:49:

Desi said: " Married women do cheat occasionally, but mostly on the rebound."

OK, most women will only cheat if they were cheated on? What? Only men are dogs? Please.

These single women that are screwing married guys are only going to get the same in return when they do get married. I also believe that if a single person will screw a married person, that single person will cheat on his/her spouse when married. You can justify what you are doing is OK because you are not the married one? That is hogwash.

If you cheat, that means you are a liar and can't be trusted. That is just my two cents though.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 00:52:

Married womens do cheat, God I know lots of them here where I live, and the most amazing thing is the one you least expected. But I have noticed that the ones the husband look after more, don't let them go out that much on their own, are the ones that are the most likely to cheat, because they get charmed and believe everything the men tell them.
Calipro: "Quit smiling and winking at the guys and let the ring do it's work." jajaja Calipro I am not 21. I already pass that childish stage.I let that job to my daughter. ;-) ooooooooooops

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greenday says on Mar 5, 2005, 03:26:

another pearl of wisdom from Desi "only gringas confide in their hairdressers"...please Desi, you've got too much time on your hands.
You sure have an elitist attitude towards anything that is not "european" and not "Desi"...how in the hell did you live in colombia all those years?? (IF you really did)...and are you telling me that Colombianas DON'T confide in their hairdressers??? Then what do they talk about while they are getting their hair/nails done?? The weather, FARC?? You're a piece of work Desi...

Kat1...you're cute as a button, I'd flirt with you, married or not!!!

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 03:47:

lionheart, yep yes, women chat with their hairdressers, but seldom more that just superficial things. It depends how often a woman goes to the hairdressers and if she has the same person to do her hair every time. I don't call that chitchat confiding. The image of a married woman going to a get her hair done every other week, sitting in that chair and spilling family secrets out for anybody to hear is a charicature and a stereotype, based on Hollywood movies.
While there are always women that readily confide in any stranger in a situation like sitting in the hairdresser's chair I wouldn't say "most" or "majority". Pleasant small talk about trivial things like haircolor, fashions, clothes, diets, schools, good shopping and occasionally, with a hairdresser tha's been doing your hair for a longer time and maybe knows your kids or husband too, some small talk about family too...
I love going to hairdressers for manicure and pedicure when in Cali. Sometimes the nail girl comes home to me instead. I try to avoid any work on my hair since they don't have a good hand with my hair. My hairtype is not usual in Colombia. Some of these girls who work in the beauty parlors are very nosy, very curious about you and not shy about asking. I usually volunteer with little important details about my personal life.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 03:58:

and kat, of course married women cheat too, but in my experience less than married men. I don't know about England where you live but up here in the north married women are fairly faithful to their husbands. You read about the adventures of the famous people on the tabloids all the time how this and that singer or actress cheated on her hubby with this and that other famous person, but that's just media hype. In normal workplaces when you listen to people on their coffee breaks or take a look how people around you live and behave the norm is that people are having a rather "dull" life. When a Swedish woman "meets another man" (that's the expression used here) the family splits, the couple get a divorce and the children start living two weeks at Mom and her new boyfriend's (who might also have children living with him ) and two weeks at Dad and his new girlfriend's, who also might have kids of her own. All of them meet then at summer barbecues and Christmas parties (see the Swedish movie "Santa Claus is Father to all these children)

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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BlondeJamesBond says on Mar 5, 2005, 04:05:

Desi look at Sven! Sven Goran Erikkson (the Swedish manager of the England football team)

He is currently Englands most famous phillanderer - his missus Nancy (Italian - sticks by him) looks great for her age - yet he has dabbled with his secretary at the FA and another famous Swedish celebrity here in England - Ulrika Johnson!

Uli and Sven are not paragons of Swedish virtue.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 04:15:

Blonde James yes, I already mentioned that hectic love life that many Swedish celebrities seem to have. However, that's not the kind of behaviour that dominates the life in the more "normal" circles of the society. I live in a housing development with multifamiliar units and also single-family homes, middle class Swedish, lots of kids around, a school and two day-care centers. I'm only commenting on what I see and hear happening around me, not the lives of the rich and famous which are no concern of mine, really.
I'm not saying Swedes are especially virtuous people. They are, however, pretty honest about their relationships.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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BlondeJamesBond says on Mar 5, 2005, 04:21:

In no way am I saying I disagree with you but, and there is always a but, here in England the general thought is that Sweden is a very sexually liberated country and the relationships are as open as your sandwiches - a stereotype for sure - but one that was here before Sven and Ulrika started getting it on.

I believe the statistics for cheating are pretty much the same the world over. I know there are lies, damned lies and statistics, but at the end of the day the decision to cheat is a personal one - I don't for one second imagine a Swede, a Brit or a Colombian bothers to think about the 'national average' statistics on divorce or a perception of how it may make their country look when they are gagging for it!

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calipro says on Mar 5, 2005, 04:26:

Let's recap.... The Swedish are less likely to cheat, more likely to put their children first and Swedish women are less likely to be motivated by money or prostitute themselves than any other women especially colombian women.

Did I forget anything??

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 04:38:

not quite, calipro and please, don't put words in my mouth. Only the last of your three statements would be something that I'd say. Also, I was not comparing Swedish women with Colombian women at all. I was just putting in another perspective in this debate; that of how people in Scandinavia consider cheating and marital infidelity. You don't have to believe a word I wrote but please don't twist my words to suit your own purposes.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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BlondeJamesBond says on Mar 5, 2005, 04:49:

Disagree with you there desi. *Swedish women are less likely to be motivated by money or prostitute themselves than any other women especially colombian women.*

Desi, I wouldn't know how you could agree with that, and I will disagree with you there.

I can only assume it would be an economic thing - if poverty levels of Sweden were comparable to Colombia 'prostitution' would be just as prevelent.

I met a swedish guy last year - admitted he was no 'bronzed blonde haired adonis', but the guy was absolutely loaded and he said he got girls all the time.
He also said I should come over to Stockholm because apparently Swedish girls 'love' English guys! - similar syndrome to being a gringo in Colombia I suppose - they like something different aswell

I maintain people and their wants and vices are the same the world over - the Swedish - from a British perspective - certainly hold no moral high ground.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 05:05:

that's the exact reason, Blonde James why I would agree with that statement. Money is not that important to Swedish women, Daddy Government would leap in in any acute failure in taking care of your personal economics. There's no need to prostitute yourself to make a living. Relaxed attitude towards sex in, money-oriented sex out and everybody is doing pretty much what they feel comfortable with.
Yes, Blonde James, Swedish girls just love Brits! There's plenty of Brits living in Sweden, married or dating Swedish girls. You don't need to be loaded for that either, you can always meet a nice, friendly Swedish blonde who bakes her own bread, vaccuum cleans twice a week,and parties hard on the weekends...she'll go "dutch" with you, won't cheat on you either. But if she gets tired or bored or just "wants to move on with her life" it's adios, amigo.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 05:09:

And a little correction I don't agree with calipro's statement about Swedish women being less likely......especially Colombian women. Leave out Colombian women from that equation. You, calipro, put it there, not I. I only agree that Swedish women are not likely to be motivated by money.

You were right Blonde James, I shouldn't have agreed in the first place, re-reading it I realised that I had read rather sloppily.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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calipro says on Mar 5, 2005, 05:14:

Desi I wouldn't dream of twisting your words around so I'll just post them:

"A lot of younger, attractive girls are not shy of using their physical attributes to advance in their jobs, to get paid vacations, gifts etc. That's borderline prostitution. While the wealth continues to be distributed on such unequal terms in the society there'll always be the lure of the easy money, using your physical assets to obtain your goals while you still "have it"."

Do I have to quote you on Swedish women or can we agree that your opinion of them is a tad bit better;-)

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BlondeJamesBond says on Mar 5, 2005, 05:39:

Sweden/Colombia - It's all good *You don't need to be loaded for that either, you can always meet a nice, friendly Swedish blonde who bakes her own bread, vaccuum cleans twice a week,and parties hard on the weekends...she'll go "dutch" with you, won't cheat on you either. But if she gets tired or bored or just "wants to move on with her life" it's adios, amigo.*

There is no part of that statement I don't find utterly excellent! :-D - i'm there!
I just hope they can deal with the vice versa on the 'tired or bored or just "wants to move on with life"' - let me assure you English gals certainly don't like to hear that!

And if you mean that prostitution as an economic factor is something women in Sweden want to do as opposed to women in Colombia who may feel they need to do it - then we are in complete agreement.

But i'm still not sure about Swedish women loving dinero less than any of their international counterparts - especially when it's copious quantities of the stuff - the aforementioned Swede was adamant all he had to do was flash his 'Amex Black Card' and he would be swarmed - but in fairness to your argument I didn't ask whether it was married Swedish women who were flocking to him.

I would say that another Swedish stereotype here in England is that Swedish women are all models or could be models - so maybe Swedish guys are less likely to cheat in a relationship because they are delighted with what they've got! - if you had said that as the reason for lower Swedish infedelity I would have bought that! Heh heh

Or that Swedes were too busy trying to assemble that damned IKEA furniture to think about it!

:-)

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 06:13:

calipro, Blond James no, I'm not game with your style of debating. Quit copying and pasting words and sentences from my posts to try to make me look like a bad person. I don't do that with yours. I'm refusing to pass a moral judgement on either Swedish or Colombian women: people do what they need to do. Some things Swedish women do would not look so good in the court of calipro's law either.

Blond James, I don't deny that there is a bunch of jetsetters and good-life girls flocking in the trendy nightclubs of Stockholm on the weekends and flashing your wealth there may certainly attract attention of the opposite sex. That crowd is not, however, representative of how the Swedes in general act or think. Yes, Swedish girls and guys too are usually highly regarded for their physical beauty. They are tall, well-proportioned, with chiselled features, clear eyes and blond to light brown hair. They are outdoorsy people, like to spend time practicing some type of sports, in the gym, out in the mountains skiing or trekking, sailing on the seas, playing tennis, golf, football and ice-hockey. They're down to earth and open-minded. The greatest defect that they have is their self-righteousness.
I have to get going now...
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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greenday says on Mar 5, 2005, 11:50:

Desi Please stay on topic please...this is not a board to promote the virtues of Swedish people, this is a board about COLOMBIA!!!

Of course, since you are Swedish, you are going to paint Swedish people/culture/government to be close to perfect, hence to make us believe that you are perfect, you are NOT!! Of course there was no prostitution in Sweden until the fall of Communism in Eastern Europe/Russia (something you posted not too long ago). Of course Swedish men are loyal and don't go to prostitutes (for that reason you married a Colombiano)...

As far as you not being a bad person, I think you have a few more defects than you let on...in a subtle way you love to insult people who don't see things your way, and you love to push people's buttons. You have a husband and family, but choose to spend most of your free time on this forum and others, living a fanatasy about Colombia. I find it very strange the amount of time you devote to this board, and also work full time, have a husband and family. Have you in fact really been to Colombia, let alone have lived there? You know, with the internet information highway the way it is, one could spend alot of time doing research on a certain country, Colombia for example, and come up with enough information, learn spanish, and convince people on an internet forum that they have lived there, and have much knowledge of the country. I could do the same with Sweden if I devoted enough time.
Reminds me of an episode from the old Andy Griffith show. One day a stranger shows up in town that no one has ever seen before. He starts greeting all of the town people by name, knows everyone's business, asks out the prettiest girl in town, etc., etc. Well everyone in town starts to freak out. Finally Andy confronts the guy, and it turns out that he had been receiving their town paper via mail for a few years. He became enamored with the town and it's people and thought it was a great place to live, and in the meantime became an expert in the town, and actually thought he was one of the towns people...
Now that was in the early 60's...one could do the very same thing very easliy with the information on the internet, and convince many people that they have lived in a certain place, have friends there, are married to a native from there, and are an expert on that place.
Just food for thought...

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YEP says on Mar 5, 2005, 12:41:

Greenday ...... you're only right on one thing in this post
And that topic is by default deprecated on this board.

But the structure of that line of work has changed quite a lot since some new laws passed the Swedish Parliament.


As she has stated before. We will get her story when she things the time is right.

You speaking Swedish .... "Jävla kool",


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Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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greenday says on Mar 5, 2005, 13:02:

Calipro It's very humorous Desi's response to you:

"Quit copying and pasting words and sentences from my posts to try to make me look like a bad person."

In other words, Desi can post anything here, but when you bring it up in a debate to use it against her, it's WRONG...

Listen Desi, with all of the posting you do here, I know it's hard to keep track, but at least be consistant with your supposed "ideals"...of course when writing fiction, sometimes it's hard to remember what one has written...on more than one occasion you have lambasted young Caleñas, and basically called them "uneducated", accused them of prostituting themselves...Some day when you go to Cali (I say that because I doubt you've ever been there), maybe Calipro can introduce you to some of his girlfriends and you can say these things to their faces.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 5, 2005, 14:33:

and then again you might never know. Of course, YEP is right, and the time is not now.
No, I don't like that thing about scrutinizing posts to find fault in them. I'm fairly spontaneous and occasionally contradict myself. Mea culpa. I have no interest in going back what she/he said months ago and what I can make out of that. I'm sure calipro could show me one or two things about Cali that I didn't know but then again I'm not that sure I want to know.
But yes, of course, this forum is about Colombia. Not about calipro or greenday or Desi or Sweden. So, let's get back to the topic.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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YEP says on Mar 5, 2005, 15:11:

I see we're back to an old quest that I have also raised but didn't get any satisfactory reply to.

Integrity is a doubleegded sword ;-)




-------------------------------------------------------------------
Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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greenday says on Mar 5, 2005, 16:26:

Occasionally?? Desi, you OCCASIONALLY contradict yourself??? Like I said, your "ideals" are hardly consistant...sometimes I wonder if you are REALLY happy with your life, since, when others find happiness in what they do, i.e. poor Caleñas improving their lives and marrying gringos, Calipro having relationships with young Caleñas to better his life, hell, you're even bashing Tom Cruise in the spanish only forum, and calling Sofia Vergara his "flavor of the week"...damn Desi, maybe Tom likes Sofia, and Sofia likes Tom...just because you're miserable, that doesn't mean we're all doomed to be like you.
What REALLY bothers you about gringos, gringas, gringolandia, gringos marrying Colombianas, etc, etc. Did something tramatic happen to you here in the US while you were getting an education?? Why wasn't Sweden good enough for you as far as an education is concerned??
Go ahead, spill your guts, we all love you here and want to help!!

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 6, 2005, 14:23:

I thought not knowing anything about Colombia nor having been there was one of the requirements of the site?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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lpdiver says on Mar 7, 2005, 11:14:

James That "till death do us part" kept running thru my mind. But as I figured I didn't want to die or go to prison I refrained. I just went for the arm and a leg divorce and moved on. The ex tried for the family jewels in addition to the arm and leg. She missed...the baby is due May 23 jejeje.

Personally I feel; in MANY cases the cheating is the fault of both parties

Tony

"cook some rice!"

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FalseHope says on Apr 4, 2005, 00:41:

Colombian Men...what do I need to know... I have been spending a lot of time with a Colombian man almost 20 years my senior - we both live in the US. We have focused on the 'being friends' aspect of thing, yet it has crossed the line, and I am falling for him. The problem is that I know there are cultural differences when it comes to love and relationships, and I don't know how to approach this. I don't want to come off too strong and scare him, yet I want to make my feelings known without ruining the friendship. He doesn't seem to be picking up on any of the signals that I've been throwing out there...and at the same time, maybe I'm misreading him...HELP!

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FRANCO2000 says on Apr 4, 2005, 18:59:

he will cheat most likely he will cheat on you, that is why he is preparing you so later you wont be shocked.......sorry ..honey.

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