Fiancee in Barranquilla

YTO SAN says on Jan 15, 2006, 13:22:

My Advise If everybody is saying it, it must be true. remember her friends had known her for quite some time, and you met her only 3 months ago. I've been with my GF that lives in Medellin for quite some time now and she has never asked me for money, I know her financial situation is not very good and that sometimes she does not have a peso in her pocket but again, she has never asked me for money. when I'm in Medellin visiting her I always take care of her and buy stuff that I know she needs for school.

My advise to you is that try to get to know her a little bit better before helping her financially, most likely it seems that she wants to take advantage of you.

I mean no offense, I'm just expressing whatever I think regarding your post. plus if you feel the need to test her and her family, that is not good my friend. I wish you well and I hope soon you figure out what's going on in this particular situation.

best wishes
=======
YTO SAN

=======YTO SAN

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SantaMartaman says on Jan 15, 2006, 13:34:

Fiancee in Barranquilla
It seems to me CP 290.000 is not a lot to invest for having a GF in Colombia it is important to have her learn English so you can communicate better and find out if she is a keeper CP 150.000 for accommodation in a civil area is not a lot and English lessons must take care of most of the balance, I would think you agreed to pay this because you felt a long term relationship is your mutual objective and you don’t want her to live on the street in the meantime, should it not be a real relationship in the long term it costs you a couple of hundred a month for the duration to find out, it should not break you and you will learn a lot

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Crazy4Cali says on Jan 15, 2006, 14:02:

Ask yourself.... ...how did she get by before she met you?

If you're in love, why do you have to "invest" in a girlfriend.

What are the things to watch for? when she starts asking for money.

In all the times this subject has come up, the women with self-respect and integrity (and are not too exhuasted from answering the question over and over again) say they would NEVER ask for money. All the Colombian men who have Colombian girlfriends dump the girlfriends who ask for money (unless they are "renting" their girlfriend). My girlfriend kept turning down my offers for money even though it would have helped her out (which is one reason she's my wife, now).

It's you're money and your business. If you want to base your relationship on money, that's your call. If you think you're getting played (to the point where you have to ask strangers on the internet), then you already know the answer and don't need to hear it from us.

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caslug says on Jan 15, 2006, 14:16:

i would think if you have to "test" your GF honesty.. then maybe it's time to look for a new friend. There's so many good girls down there that why pick one that you have to test?

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Gator says on Jan 15, 2006, 14:25:

It's Your Money But... if it makes any difference the $$$ you are sending is not even equivalent to the minimum wage in Colombia-but keep asking questions.

"Credidi pretio parvo emere et magno vendere tibi in animo fuisse!" .

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 14:42:

Yes. It does not seem like a lot of money and she agreed to provide receipts. I'm only testing her because so many people say never trust a costena.

Perhaps I am being too cautious? Or can you be to cautious with this kind of relationship?

Her mother told me she has been borrowing money for for the internet to chat with me. She says to call her more often, so I have at unexpected moments to verify what she is telling me she is doing. So far, so good.

Her friend seems to be the liar.

My best friend tells me nothing is certain even when you are married. Often people get married after two years and then get divorced.

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 15, 2006, 15:26:

Why are you giving her any money at all? What is the definition of a woman who is not your wife that you give money to in return for...? In return for what? Would you do this with an American woman? If not, why not? How do you think she survived before she met you? Is she interested in you or your $COP 290,000 a month? I never gave my wife a single centavo until she became my wife. Nor did she ever ask for a single centavo.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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silviat says on Jan 15, 2006, 15:52:

you test a radio, or an electronic device but testing people seems so offensive to me. If you don't trust someone why to even bother to be with him/her?

Anyway that's your problem... if you are being played... you've got it. And if she is a honest lady I hope she finds out about your "test" and dump you.

And I am sorry to sound so hateful but those "test" in people have always disgust me.

Silvia

0 funny, 0 helpful.

silviat says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:01:

the money Guys I dont know this persons situation at all... but I have to say something about the money and it goes back to what I always fight about "generalizations"

When I was in Argentina, the company I worked declared bankruptcy. They had given me and other employees paypal accounts so we could get paid. After they declared bankruptcy and paypal realize they had some shady things, paypal frozen all of the accounts related to them which included mine, with 1500 usd (a lot of money in the us but a lot more in Argentina).

My husband and I were already engaged by then and we were planning on a trip to the south of chile and Argentina as a christmas present for both of us. But after that I didn't have any money, not even for my ticket back to Colombia. So we cancelled the trip to the south of Argentina and instead he gave me a ticket back to Colombia and money for my remaining time in the country.

Am I a gold digger? No I am not. Was I with him because of his money? Of course not!

My point is... you can't be judging people you don't know... In this case those ladies... some of them may be gold diggers and some no.

To be honest some of the man that come here and write about ladies are so low minded and just irrespectful that if they are being played they so diserve it!

And if you know someone so little about your fiance/girlfriend that in order to be able to make your mind about the situation with that person you need to go and post a message in a forum where you will get advice from a bunch of strangers... Why to even be in the relationship? What are you going to do if you get married? Come and post in the forum every time yo uhave any kidn of doubt about your wife?

Ok sorry for the anger... the thing really annoys me.

Greetings! Silvia

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zuan says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:42:

A gringo in Colombia is a person from another country with unknown background, different language, culture & living conditions. Why do you think a colombian smoking hot & sincere beauty take the risk to meet a gringo?:

a. because she loves bald, old, ugly, fat & horny guys LOL
b. she is interested in leave behind her home, family, friends, pets & country
c. she is excited with the paranoid US society
d. she is looking for sincere love
e. she is looking for financial security

ok, because the 99% answer is D+E, she need confirm this things BEFORE be married:

1. this gringo is NOT a sexual tourist
2. this gringo is NOT married yet
3. this gringo is NOT poor
4. this gringo is NOT a criminal
5. this human being is REALLY interested in to start a new family with her

in my humble opinion, i think help her out with her rent, english lessons, and internet expenses in NOT a stupid decision


Greetings! Zuan

My photo album

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davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:42:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

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davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:43:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:44:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:44:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:44:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:45:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:45:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:45:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:45:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:45:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:46:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

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davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:47:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:48:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:48:

Your money Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:51:

Fiance in Barranquilla Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:55:

Fiance in Barranquilla Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

davidfmbca says on Jan 15, 2006, 16:55:

Fiance in Barranquilla Don't worry too much about it. The simple solution is not to offer her money for awhile and see what she says. If she drops you, well......Just say you're a little short of cash for a few months, Christmas bill, etc. After a few months you can surprise her and lay some cash on her. If she's still with you, she'll really appreciate not having to ask for it and she'll know you really care.
But normally they won't ask for money but if you offer, well that's a different story.
Remember the amount of money you're giving her is chump change for you and very helpful for her. So, if you love her, why not offer to help her out.
As for her friend, well, I think that many young women anywhere will try to sabotage their friends relationship out of jealousy, so that's normal. My girlfriend from Barranquilla never asks for money, but you shouldn't worry about giving her a bit to help out. The real people you need to get to know are her family. If you like her family and they treat you well, you should be okay, but stay away from the friends, because they're obviously wishing they could snag someone like you too.
Don't listen to all these windbags scaring the heck out of you. If you love her, and she's reliable, sincere and kind, then do what comes naturally to you. Remember, the girls from Colombia are no different than girls from Missouri, they just speak a different language. If you're both in love, you'll know, so don't panic.

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 17:46:

Thank you David I am a bit surprised at the responses I have received. I understand when people say don't send money. My fiancee has a great family - they were nice to me even though I did not understand their Spanish. Her mother loves me and kept a photo for herself - of the two of us when I was visiting her.

My finance is very reliable - she does what she says and provides paperwork to show it. She even gave me a copy of her passport, justicia paperwork, and notarized copy of her bith certificate - which I verified by checking another website of authorized notaries in Barranquilla.

I guess I am overreacting to all the negative posts about experiences with costenas.

The point is, my fiancee's family does not have a refrigerator, she has no work, no washing machine, and always does what she says she is going to do. She also asks me to call more often. All of these things tell me she is good. The receipts of her expenses prove so.

I guess what I would like to know is how other men have successfully managed such a delicate issue?

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Principe says on Jan 15, 2006, 17:50:

I dont think that $300k pesos is unreasonable. If this girl is your fiance I see no reason in not sending her the $300k.. though it will increase over time. As for testing her and telling her you are short on cash and see if she stays with you.. that is a very bad idea. It will backfire. THese gals have a different mindset. What we have in this message board from a Colombian female opinion are not poor Costenas. I'm assuming your girlfriend is a poor Costena. If you love her .. send her the money.. no ifs and or buts about it. Just be sure to let her know that you do it b/c you lover her and make sure she appreciaties it. As ofr all these questions people are asking abut what she did before you came along.... that's not a fair question. Most likely we are talking baout a poor costena. Lastly, yes.. the life of a poor Costena is a soap opera and probably some of what her freidn says is true and some of it is not. Colombians and particularily costenas lie about anything and everything... that's not meant to put them down. But its the truth they just dont have the same mindest .. most of them are small lies and eventually you wil ask her stuff like.. why do you lie to people like tat.. SHe'll get offended and say I didnt lie. You'll go through it step by steop with her to show her how she lied about somehing.. and her response will be something like.. yeah , ok but that's not really a lie b/c it's not something very important. Catch my drift.. Sometimes they dont even realize they are lieing.

I'd just go woth your heart. Are you getting taken advantage of? Maybe a little... but 290k pesos a month for your fiance. If you had an american fiance you can pretty much add at least an extra 0 to that number... I.e. 2,900,000 pesos a month. So play it out and see what happens.. but be ready for unexpected emergencies/monetary needs. Lastly, one poster here wrote a list of A,B, C's. Peretty accurate. But just as yoou wonder about her and if she's taking advantage of you.. she and most likely her family wonder about you and may even be testing you... I.e. If he doesn't even think I'm worth 290k pesos/month do I relaly want to marry this guy? Understand? JMO. Now if it's a deal where you arent going to see this girl for another 6 months then I would rethink this. But if you are engaged and planning on seeing her every few months for a few weeks and then getting married within 4-6 months. ABsolutley send the $290k pesos. That's like $500US over the 4-6 months. Would you want to lose the girl of your dreams over a lousy $400-500US?

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 17:53:

Thank you Zuan, Telenovias, parte 2 I think it reasonable to help her out with her basic expenses. Our mutual "friend" verified she lost her job - so I know she needs help with money. when I arrived in Barranquilla a couple weeks ago - her family had no food in their pantry - so helped out with some groceries. I don't think I'm being "played" I just met a nice girl in need of some help.

In fact I forgot to mention - I told her I could not send money for a month because of my property taxes - she was ok with that and did not complain. She made ends meet until I could help her a month later.

I do know her friend was jealous. I guess it also takes a lot of faith on my fiancee's part to trust I am not a poor bastard, criminal here in the US. Perhaps the costenas here should ask how do we know the American guys are not losers.

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Principe says on Jan 15, 2006, 17:56:

Im a little confused Why is her friend jealous.. why are you even corresponding with her friend? In the long run dont you think that is going to make your girlfreind jealous. colombianas are very jealous women. I'd stop tlaking to her friend. You have nothing to gain from it and it will cause a lot of headaches among the 3 of you. Just muy opinion. I've been through all of this beofre with a Barranquillera.

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:00:

Good answer. I'm not bald and fat, so it's not A. I don't know about B. America is known as a land of violent crime in Colombia, so it's not B or C. It looks like D and or E.

I'm 34, she is 22 - so we are somewhat close in age. What say you guys?

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:01:

Principe Thank you - she and I had a heart to heart about our so-called mutual friend. We agreed to never discuss her again. Her friend keeps emailing me - but I do not respond. Good advice - thank you!

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Principe says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:04:

Rene I'm in my 30's as well.. when will you be going back?

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:08:

Goign back in February Just two months after my return home here in SF. She really wants to get married in February and has been spending a lot of time running all over town to get the information on the paperwork needed - then she scans them and sends them to me by email.

She prefers to get married in Barranquilla, not the US, and she says she does not want American citizenship - she says she will always be Colombiana. Have I hit the lottery?

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:08:

Goign back in February Just two months after my return home here in SF. She really wants to get married in February and has been spending a lot of time running all over town to get the information on the paperwork needed - then she scans them and sends them to me by email.

She prefers to get married in Barranquilla, not the US, and she says she does not want American citizenship - she says she will always be Colombiana. Have I hit the lottery?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:08:

Goign back in February Just two months after my return home here in SF. She really wants to get married in February and has been spending a lot of time running all over town to get the information on the paperwork needed - then she scans them and sends them to me by email.

She prefers to get married in Barranquilla, not the US, and she says she does not want American citizenship - she says she will always be Colombiana. Have I hit the lottery?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:09:

Goign back in February Just two months after my return home here in SF. She really wants to get married in February and has been spending a lot of time running all over town to get the information on the paperwork needed - then she scans them and sends them to me by email.

She prefers to get married in Barranquilla, not the US, and she says she does not want American citizenship - she says she will always be Colombiana. Have I hit the lottery?

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Principe says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:24:

sent yo a private message nt

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Crazy4Cali says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:26:

Give us a break What sort of answers do you expect from a bunch of strangers spread-out all over the world who have met neither you nor your fiance?

Each person is going to fill in the blanks with their own experiences and respond accordingly. And you are going to pick the answers that sound favorable and discard the rest.

So, what's the point? Have we learned anything new here?

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Gator says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:27:

Yes... how to spell troll

"Credidi pretio parvo emere et magno vendere tibi in animo fuisse!" .

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Crazy4Cali says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:28:

no.... WRT: "Have I hit the lottery?"

No, she has and she's not about to let you get away!

I have just one word: Pre-nup.

(or does that count as two?)

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zuan says on Jan 15, 2006, 18:44:

maybe this information is important for you On January 5, 2006, the President Bush has signed into law H.R. 3402, the Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Appropriations
Reauthorization Act of 2005

This law includes the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005.

Sec. 832. International Marriage Broker Information Requirements. This section provides that a U.S. citizen filing a petition for a K visa for a fiancée from another country must provide information on criminal convictions for specified crimes. These include a list of violent crimes, including assault and battery as well as crimes relating to substance or alcohol abuse. The Department of Homeland Security will provide this criminal history information, along with
results of their search for any criminal convictions to the foreign national beneficiary. The Department of State is prohibited from approving a fiancée visa if the petitioner has petitioned for more than 2 K visas in the past, or less than 2 years have passed since the petitioner filed for a K visa and that visa was approved. DHS can waive this bar, but if person has history of violent crimes, the bar cannot be waived unless DHS determined that there are extraordinary
circumstances, or the individual's crimes were a result of domestic violence, the individual was not the primary perpetrator of the violence, and the crime did not result in serious bodily injury.
DHS is directed to create a database to track repeated K applications and notify petitioner and spouse when second K is applied for in 10 year period. All future K applications will trigger similar notice, with domestic violence pamphlet being sent to K beneficiary. The fact that an individual was provided with this information and the domestic violence pamphlet for immigrants cannot be used to deny their eligibility for relief under VAWA.
Section 833. Domestic Violence Information and Resources for Immigrants and Regulation
of International Marriage Brokers. This section directs DOS, DHS and DOJ to create a pamphlet on domestic violence rights and resources for immigrants as well as a summary of that pamphlet for use by Federal officials in the interview process. The pamphlet is to be translated
into at least 14 languages and the required list of translations is to review and revised every 2 years based on the language spoken by the greatest concentration of K nonimmigrant visa applicants. The pamphlet is to be mailed to all K applicants with their visa application process instruction packet as well as a copy of the petition submitted by the petitioner. The pamphlet is to be made available to the public at all consular posts, and posted on the DOS, DHS, and consular post websites. The pamphlet will also be provided to any international marriage broker, government agency or non-governmental advocacy organization.

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 15, 2006, 19:20:

Yeah, maybe I hear what you say about the lottery. Our relationship has not been perfect but everything checks out so far. I guess I've been disillusioned with all the American chicas, ambitious women, looking for the big man, big paycheck. My girl has yet to ask for serious money, but I'll keep the radar up and I told her that she gets no money if she stops attending school and proof of her attendance. She was cool with that. All together she was real modest about what she needs for money and I offered it first because I could sense she and her family were living on the financial edge. I think they were going to lose their middle class home.

She was proud to say she lived in a middle class home, which was better than her cousins' house which was basically a shack.

An interesting thing I noticed is that her family got into an argument with a waiter over the fact that the waiter kept my change when we went out for dinner (yes I bought dinner for about $40).

They are definitely costenos though. They think I'm rich - and by their standards I am. They don't mind me paying the bill for dinner. My girl has the sense to thank me though.

If my girl has a way out through her poverty through me - its ok with me. This is not unique to Colombia - it happens here in the states as well. The chicas here in the states are neurotic, even more so for money.

There is nothing wrong with the average Colombiana asking for a modest amount of help. If the lady has a good job and is proud and does not need the money - great! My girl needs a little help.

On the other hand, honestly, I noticed my girl has good taste in clothes and suggested I buy her an expensive skirt. I told her no because it was too expensive. She was cool with that, no pouting.

The same thing happened when she mentioned she wanted an inexpensive watch - I asked which she'd prefer money for the watch or the english lessons, she said money for the ennglish lessons is what she preferred. (she did not get a watch)

There have been plenty of tests, my girl so far has passed them all.

I guess I answered my own questions.

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zuan says on Jan 15, 2006, 19:40:

BTW trolling is now a federal crime It's no joke. President Bush signed into law (H.R. 3402 !) a prohibition on posting annoying Web messages or sending annoying e-mail messages without disclosing your true identity.

In other words, it's OK to flame someone on a mailing list or in a blog as long as you do it under your real name.

The constitutionality of this law has of course not yet been established. It no doubt will eventually be tested on constitutional grounds as soon as it seriously affects someone with a few million dollars to waste taking it to court. But until then, maybe we should all review our cyber-postings before hitting “Post” to see if they pass legal muster?

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Canadian says on Jan 15, 2006, 20:08:

My Two Cents Most Colombianas are very sincere and want a good man in thier life. I am quite sure right now she loves you and you are an important part of her life. Sounds like she dosent have much, and for that reason will appreciate what she has and that's YOU. She probably really needs that money, and she also probably really respects you for it.

Sounds to me like you've done a bit of checking, and all has come back positive so now relax about it and let things take it's course!

Hope you two have many years of happiness ahead. Bien Suerte.

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 16, 2006, 08:36:

You are setting yourself up to be milked like a cow by her and her entire family for the rest of your life. Don't say you were not warned.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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rjstuff says on Jan 16, 2006, 09:34:

Do as you wish and ignore the rest A woman anywhere can be a golddigger and many American women are exactly that - how many young and hot girls hang around fat, bald, old but rich guys!! Your soulmate maybe in Colombia, USA or Timbuctoo - if you think she is the one - do everything you can to move the relationship forward. If it doesn't work out (and yes it is a very long road ahead in this case - she has to get the visa, move here, learn the language and culture, try and find a job and friends and you have to support her and be there for her when she needs you.) It is not easy - but if you feel she is the one - then go for it! You already know her financial situation and if you can't afford it then she is not for you either! (That's just a joke - the $125 a month is the cost of one date here (or two) isn't it?) Follow what your heart and mind tell you - Best of luck

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maraca says on Jan 16, 2006, 09:57:

No matter if we are... rich or poor; boys or girls; americans, cubans or colombians; costeños, rolos or paisas... we will all take the chance of a better life if it is offered to us. Chances for a better life can appear to us in very different shapes. It can be a new job, it can be a scholarship, it can be a nice and hard working colombian partner or it can be a nice and good hearted foreigner. Who will say no to any of those? When does it become a crime to want something better than we have?

Any way, you should always keep in mind: "when the river sounds..."
Im colombian, I am a girl, and we can not deny that there is a lot of truth in the rumors about us colombians, BUT THINGS CAN NEVER BE GENERALIZED. Not all americans are silly, not all brits have loose screws, not all french are horrible, not all muslims are terrorists. Or are they?

Dont fear more because she is poor, many upper class girls with expensive nose surgeries and no problems finding a good living here will happily put a hand on you, both honestly or lying.

As opposed to your girl, many of them would say no to your money offer either because they are not in such a need, or because that is the decent thing to do, or because it is part of their strategy. But im sure they will require high maintenance in different ways.

Be sure you always put a limit to the help you give in order to avoid being milked as ucb says. And just put your common sense into action, you soon will know if you are being fooled or not.

Hope you are not, cause it looks like you dont have any evil intensions with your "tests".

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caslug says on Jan 16, 2006, 11:44:

sounds like you have a "father/daughter" relationship.. with the girl. You goto the stores, she wants you to buy some stuff and you tell her no and why she cant have it, or you tell her she has to go to school and you want and see her report card in order for you to cont. funding or you teach her what's more important watch or english lesson.

I found(generalization) many of the young col gals i've met had NO concept of savings for the future(they were very consumer driven). While in the US it's the same, BUT in the US jobs and money are easy to come by so it's not a problem paying for what you want. a young girl/guy can get a minimum wage job to pay for their dates, xbox, vacation, etc., IN COL, jobs and money are HARD to come by, yet many young girls get money and spend it right away. I had a friend that came from a lower middle class family, she was a student, her mom gives her spending money. One time, her mom ran out of money so she didn't have ANY money for bus($1000 peso/ride). So I gave her $20k peso so she has enough to take the bus to the uni.

Then I saw her 3 days later, her mom just gave her some little spending money and told her to go buy a pair of jeans. 3 DAYS AFTER she couldn't afford bus fare, this girl takes me shopping! LOL!

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 16, 2006, 12:04:

You got it, Caslug. I'd rather have a woman than a girl any day. These stories remind me of dealing with my daughters, ages 20 and 22.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 16, 2006, 19:08:

maraca Thank you for your response. Certainly my girl has mixed motives. But I think there is nothing wrong with that. Being the principe azul is alright by me. I asked her why - early on why she searched for an American husband and she says it is a problem of too many women in Colombia, not enough good men. She does not bash the Colombian men.

She definitely wants to come to the US - she was fascinated with my pictures of Manhattan. As you recommend, I have limited her requests. She receives only what she needs. I use another tactic - I send her only a small amount weekly ($35USD), not large amounts of money to limit her urge to spend on non-essential things.

As for my tests - that is an issue with me - honestly. I have abandonment issues with women. My experience with American women has been mostly negative. Some of it is my fault for sure, a result of bad decisions. This is more about my bad decisions.

So excuse me when I say I hit the jackpot because I found a home-family-loving girl crazy about me. Exactly what I want. Is she dirt poor? Yes, but she is not a prostitute when she wears my engagement ring and follows through on everything she says. So she needs some money.

There are many women here in the States, badly in need of money - but we don't call them prostitutes, when they get engaged to a man with money.

And no - my tests are not evil - they are just a way of testing her character. That I am not proud of doing.

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Crazy4Cali says on Jan 16, 2006, 20:53:

No... WRT: "There are many women here in the States, badly in need of money - but we don't call them prostitutes, when they get engaged to a man with money."

No they are usually called 2nd or 3rd wives.

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seammckenna126 says on Jan 16, 2006, 21:47:

rene Rene, not a lot of people do enough on self examinations of their character. It’s good that you realize that your motives are wrong behind your “tests”. Like you I had a fear that the women I’ve dated in the past would leave me....mostly because I knew I was very immature and basically a controlling jerk in my younger years. After I grew up and found myself and started working towards becoming the man I need to be and expect myself to be in life....I had a keener sense of what I wanted in a woman and a very good eye for it. Being a “not so nice” guy before, I had a very good B.S. detector established. Theres not a game being played that I cannot spot within a very short period of time now. I was just as bad (before) as some of the women I’ve come across in my life. Having said that....When I met my fiance, it was like what only could be described as a light bulb going off in my head. I knew, I just simply knew that she was the one I had been searching for my whole life. I could recognize the sincerity and pureness of heart in her just as easily as I could deception and dishonest intentions in other women that I’ve met in my life. A few women were close, damn close to all the things that I was wanting and seeking. But she was everything I had been wanting and things I didn’t know I wanted in a woman. There was no “what if’s” in my mind or my heart.

She has a somewhat good job I suppose and her mother depends on her for financial help. They live in a nice clean and decent two story home. She has very little left over after helping pay for the bills and food. Since I plan to marry this woman, ( you haven’t indicated that she is your fiance) I gave her my A.T.M. card so I wouldn’t have to western union money down to her. I mean, I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me she’s my wife...she is in my heart already. I trust her completely with my life, so why not money also (in my opinion). Makes no sense to trust someone with the greater thing and not the lesser thing. Knowing that she’s my wife (in my heart) she don’t have to ask me for anything. If “we” can afford it....it’s hers. She expressed a great interest in learning English, which is a very good idea since she’s coming to America, so I left it to her to choose a good school at a reasonable price. I trust her judgment. If she’s sick, I tell her to take some money for the doctor and medicine. Christmas, birthdays, what ever. I tell her to take what she needs. My situation is...I have found a sincere woman that I trust. She is just as focused about our future finances as I am. She doesn’t waste money on things she really don’t need at the moment. If she’s sick (and she has been) for a week or little longer, then I help because I know her check will be short. Knowing that her mom depends on her for financial help before I proposed to her, I made it clear that her mother would receive the same amount that she had been getting all along. She never had to ask. I help my mother out too, why should I not let her help out hers? I treat her no different while she’s there than if she was here and we were married. If I don’t trust her now, I sure won’t trust her when she’s here. Same with you. If your having doubts about her sincerity and looking for an excuse to “bust her” then it may subside for a while, but I assure you that it will return when something out of the ordinary comes up. If you need proof of her sincerity every single time that she does something then it will only continue. There’s nothing wrong with being cautious, especially if your sincere. But waiting to catch her in a lie will drive you completely crazy sometimes. And you will look controlling and too dominate...if not a jerk. Maybe your not ready in your heart or life to settle down for marriage (if that’s what your intending). Nothing wrong with that either. Better to be a man she knows trusts her than someone who really doesn’t and she knows she has to provide you with proof of everything. If you don’t trust yourself enough to know that you can make a good judgment call for a potential wife, it’s better to work on yourself for now....rather than drive a potentially good hearted woman insane. Just be upfront with her about it. If your unsure about her integrity....I would say it’s a red flag for you...in what ever sense you want to take it. Bad or unsure judgment on your part, gold digging on her part, not meant for each other, you not being ready for a committed relationship or what ever. You will either drive yourself crazy or drive her away if you continue as you are doing.

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 17, 2006, 09:55:

Thanks seammckenna126 I really liked reading your post. It made me feel a lot better. Basically, I realize that you are absolutely right - I had (notice the tense) issue with women in the past and my post is really a question mark about me, not her.

Something about your post - when you said, you knew your fiancee was the one struck me inside my heart. While I was staying at my fiancee's home, with her family, one morning, when my fiancee was waking me, she brought me coffee with a big warm smile and sat down next to me on the bed and touched my shoulder --- at that very moment I knew she was the woman for me. You see, I had instatnly had a flash of all of the memories with her, us together and my observations, feelings, and thoughts, and I realized I found her, the one.

You can be sure I will be working on this issue with myself. Not to say I will the blinders on.

Thank you for your thoughtful post.

BTW - where in Colombia do you visit your fiancee? Just out of curiosity.

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seammckenna126 says on Jan 17, 2006, 10:17:

rene I met my angel in good ol' barranquilla. Same as you. :) I'm going Feb.14 and bringing her to her new life feb.21. I'm happy my post helped a little, even though I'm long winded at times.

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 17, 2006, 11:11:

Barranquilla Cool, I'm supposed to leave for Barranquilla Feb 25th, pending paperwork and authorization.

Best wishes!

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Principe says on Jan 17, 2006, 23:12:

Wow... Sean.. what a great post...kind of leaves me scratching my head about things we've probably all done wrong. I'm speechless. I need to print and frame that post. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Jan 18, 2006, 05:16:

Maybe is pride I don't know, but I never asked my husband for money while we were dating, I always though he didn't have any commitments with me yet. I know Seanmm do it because he feels like, but I would not have accepted in my case.

Good luck anyway Borbon

By the way I am costeña

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 18, 2006, 08:12:

You are my kind of woman, Kat. As I always say, Larry is a very lucky man.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Crazy4Cali says on Jan 18, 2006, 08:50:

I think it's been said before, but it bears saying again. If you feel the need to "test" the relationship, do the both of you a favor and break-up now, deal with your insecurity, and then go looking for your soul-mate.

If you don't deal with whatever insecurity drives you to "test" your partner or the relationship, sooner or later all your testing will break the relationship and everyone will lose (and lose bad).

There's a difference between catching inconsistencies (e.g. she says "you're the only one for me" but when you're with her, she's always hanging with her friends, male and female) and manipulating situations in order to observe the outcome (e.g. sending a friend to hit on her and see how she reacts). These are just examples, I'm not saying that you have done any of these.

The "test" is, if you find you need to set things up or arrange things to observe the outcome, then ask yourself: "When will she pass such that you no longer need to do this?" (for example when will you feel comfortable enough about her not to have to ask stangers on the internet if her behavior is appropriate?)

If the answer is: Never, after all, she could change, or "you never know." Then you have my condolences. If you have found an honest and caring woman, your insecurity will first drive her crazy, then break her down, and finally drive her away. Neither of you will ever be happy. If she isn't honest, then you'll both be miserable always looking over your shoulder to see what the other is up to. Either way it ain't going to be pretty.

If the answer is: "I don't have to test her because I know in my heart she is honest and the one for me." then you have my blessings as you'll both be happy with each other.

Only you can look in the mirror and answer that honestly. Good luck!

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 18, 2006, 10:43:

Said Before All thoughtful comments, thank you. I've decided to give up my issue - when and if it comes up again - I'll just recognize my own demon and deal with it.

My fiance has turned out to be a relatively simple woman, wanting a better life. The same for me. Thanks.

;)

Rene

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vesna says on Jan 29, 2006, 10:11:

It looks like you already made up your mind and probable wont even read this comment, but I’ll post it anyway………
Are you in love? Because in your statements and comments I couldn’t find any signs of passion.... just cold calculations
If you are making a mistake by marring her, but you are doing it because you can not imagine life with out her, if you are counting minutes ‘till next time you see her, if outside world doesn’t exist when you are together, if she is the first thing you think about in a morning and a last - when you go to bad, then even if marriage will not survive you can look back and say “it was a mistake, but it was worth it, because I’ve experienced something absolutely amazing”. If you are marring her because she fits “wife” profile and marriage won’t work, imagine how you are going to fill then? If you don’t fill the same way seammckenna126 fills about his fiancé you are setting your self for a disappointment.
Your tests have nothing to do with a real life, they just prove that she is organized, knows how to use fax machine and can make a coffee. She can work as clerk in office. Are you looking for an employee or a life partner?
Both of you look pretty desperate to get married. She wants to find her way to better life, but why are you so desperate? Are you running from something or someone? Perhaps a women that is absolutely opposite of your girl, older (closer to your age), independent with a good job and can support herself. You can not handle women like that, because you can not control her. But you will have a lot of control over you girl. That what you want, it’s it?
You want to tell her what to do and she have to follow you instructions.
The real test for both of you is going to be when you bring her to US. She will have to adjust to a new life, new country and you!


Despite of everything that I sad, I wish you happy marriage, so you can prove a lot of people (including me) wrong.

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Rene Borbon says on Jan 30, 2006, 14:24:

Vesna Thanks for your post. I read it all, and I understand why you say what you said. But in no way am I controlling. I am just controlling where my money goes, verifying what I cannot in person, several thousand miles away from me.

Believe me - we are in love, there is much affection, caring, sweet moments. This post by me was triggered by a pack of lies her jealous friend made up and told me when I was visiting. Needless to say I was troubled by these lies, but let me tell you --- everything in my experience since my original post has turned out to be the opposite of the lies.

Let me give you examples. My fiance found a wedding dress she loves ---- at $300.000 to rent for a day. She asked me if I prefer to buy it for a wedding here in the states. I said yes (I prefer to pay once for the dress, I figure it is cheaper there than in San Francisco). She goes back to the store, talks to the owner and discovers she went to school with the owner's daughter. The owner of the store says she can have the dress for $300.000 -- as a purchase. Saving us $500.000.

Recently, I discussed taking her to Brazil for a honeymoon --- she says no because she doesn't want me to spend the money. Same for the reception hall - she prefers me to save the money and have the reception at her home. More savings.

Now as for controlling. Originally, we were to be married here in California. She discussed this with her mother and family and I -- and expressed her desire to be married in a church in Colombia, with her family. My attorney even advised me to have her come here first, since he had all the paperowkr ready for a K-1 instead of a K-3. I had to completely change my plans 180 degrees for myself, her, and the attorney. Now --- that is not controlling. I want her to be with her family and be happy on the wedding day. No big deal.

Everyone, please accept my apologies -- I'm no troll. I just had another jealous woman in the picture, which caused my radar to go on high alert - which has been jettisoned permanently. Thank you all for your thoughts.

Rene

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