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Decisions, decisions

Hey folks! I'm a new poster seeking advice. Like some of you, I had never given Colombia much thought before I decided to start corresponding with some ladies there looking for a future mate. I've been divorced for five years, and have had little luck in the dating scene.

So I said what the heck, invested $40 for a month membership to a service, and wrote to several ladies. Lo and behold, what a response. I had about a dozen ladies write me back, all of them beautiful, well educated, and apparently very sincere. I have corresponded with about a half dozen of them, and have seriously communicated with three of them by phone (there was a fourth, but we lost interest in each other).

My plans are to visit Bogota in April, and hopefully find my future wife. Here's my dilemma. All three know that I am visiting, and that I will be visiting others. But I feel so strongly about each of them, I want to make sure that I am not misleading them.

One is a mother of two. Very loving. About 8 years younger. We speak very naturally with each other. She says she thinks she falling in love with me. Again, I feel a strong attraction, but not sure if I'm ready to commit to her.

Another is an English Teacher. Gorgeous. About my age. We get along extremely well. She says she has had opportunities to marry and come to US, but it was never right. Says she feels I'm the one.

Third is a mother of one. About 13 years younger. Again, beautiful inside and out. We are just starting to get to know each other, but it looks very positive.

I'm not asking which should I choose, but is it wrong for me to go to Bogota without a clearly defined choice? My concern is they might turn out the be different in person (all three have told me that other men they have talked to turned out to be different when they arrived). I'm confident that they are not gold diggers (besides this mine is dry). I just want to make sure that I am not treating them with disrespect.

Also, should I let one of them meet me at the airport? Should I bring gifts for them and the family? If so, what.

Thanks for lending an ear and advice.

By dannyherm on Feb 12, 2005, 16:45 in Friendly Talkzone.

Tiger1ne says on Feb 12, 2005, 17:06:

dannyherm I am new here at this moment and I wonder how you would feel if one of them was coming to see you and three others trying to see which shoe fits better? Just my thought is all.

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greenday says on Feb 12, 2005, 17:21:

wait Try to keep your emotions in check on all 3 until you meet them in person. I would be honest with all 3 and let them know you are corresponding with other women and will meet others while in Bogota. There is no way to hide this when you get there so you might as well be upfront. Try to cool things off a bit with the one who thinks she is falling in love with you, it's not fair to her to have these feelings while you're talking with others. All 3 will just have to understand that you are searching for a wife, and that requires that you meet as many ladies as possible in order to make a good decision.
I would also recommend chatting online via webcam. Pictures can lie frequently, but with a webcam you can get a much better feel for how they really look, and they can also get a better feel for you.
Never put your eggs in one basket when you go to Colombia. You're going to see so many beautiful women there that there is a chance you'll be more confused when you get there.
Good Luck!!

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kernow62 says on Feb 12, 2005, 18:36:

Dannyherm you suddenly become a very eligible guy the minute you set foot in Colombia. It is easy to become smitten with the choice of beautiful women, all who will all probably appear very sincere.

If you find yourself surrounded by gorgeous women that you might never stand a chance with back home, ask yourself will I be as popular with this lady once I get her back home. In my opinion it is best to try to find someone who is at least reasonably close in age, education and upbringing as you.

If you live in a double-wide trailer don't expect a professional woman from Bogotá to settle in.

Try to take things slowly. It is too easy to become blinded by the selection.

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SiempreHero says on Feb 12, 2005, 19:22:

What is a Double Wide? Hi,
I just saw your post, and i cut and paste from an old post that i responded to similar to yours. Regardless if you live in a Double Wide or a mansion on the intracostal, love cant be forced. I know Colombianitas who married rich, divorced and are now with auto mechanics, and i know those who married young studs and are now with fat bald guys. There is no formula. Just protect yourself and keep in mind that the web site girls are looking for gringos for a very specific reason.

From my old post response:
Maybe you think your all that and she will fall in love with you for real once she gets to know you. But let me tell you shortly after she comes here, and sees how all the other girls live, has all these guys hitting on her, well i think you get the picture. And you know what? Even if you divorce her, all she will have to do is show that the marriage was in good faith, and "poof" she wont even need you to be married to her anymore. Or worse, one night she comes home at 5am from her boyfriends house, you get mad, she calls the cops and claims you hit her. Then she has an abuse case, and again, she wont need you for her greencard. May advice, check with a lawyer about all the risks. I have seen it happen sooo many times. Colombian girls are high maintance man. I am married to one, and she is not from Bogota's south side, but even a poor girl will have big demands when she comes here. Colombianas are GOAL ORIENTED. Let me tell you, these girls are wallet eaters, you not only have to be able to afford them, you have to LOVE affording them. Think of a man who puts all his money into an expensive car or yacht. You have to really love to spoil that girl. I mean: New Car, New Clothes every weekend, dinner out alot, travel to exotic destinations and a $$$ Allowance. I am not saying this is bad, it is the culture. I know some of the readers will write and say that not all the girls are likd this, but hey, i have known many many colombianas from all social classes and what i describe is a strong trend in any colombiana worth marriage.

My advice to you: GO TO COLOMBIA and spend a couple of weeks with her. If it is BOGOTA, you will be very safe, and have a great time. AND Best for you, your dollars will go a long way. Then, if you still want to Marry her, make her wait the entire 90 -days of the fiancee visa. See how she does for 2-3 months in the lifestyle you can provide for her. Assume that she cant work for at least 6-8 months, and you must provide everything that you cant afford. If she seems stable after 2 months, maybe marry her if you still love her.

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ARMacleod says on Feb 13, 2005, 02:58:

dannyherm/SiempreHero Great advice, I mean it. But again everyone is so different. Not just the opposite sex that a person is going to meet, but the person who is going to meet them.

We are all just little bundles of chemical energy, and as you will know we are all chemically different, also, no two chemicals react the same when mixed. Fact not metaphor.

What one person, you for example would have in his mind and his attitude and everything else, would be different from mine and could in fact be completely the opposite.

The things that you mention are very good advice, it is how the person reacts , even to the interpretation of the advice.

Do you know when you fall in love? At what point do you become immersed in the love itself and then all the good intentions go right out the window?

Good luck dear fellow, I know you will find a person for yourself. Will she have found the person she needs as opposed to who is chemically right for her?

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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utopiacowboy says on Feb 13, 2005, 12:20:

There is some very good advice given in the posts above. I disagree that the Colombianas are like expensive cars that you have to maintain. I have been married for a year and a half to a Colombiana and she is not like this at all. She does not want to be dependent on me for money even though she is right now. Of course she is from Medellin and the people there tend to have the virtues of thrift, hard work and punctuality. We married for love and we continue to be passionately in love with one another.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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dannyherm says on Feb 13, 2005, 12:50:

Thanks so much There is definitely great advice among all these posts. In particular, including cooling down the one who thinks she is in love with me.

Tiger1ne, i understand your perspective. But at the same time, many of these ladies have told me that they have met several men through the agency lookig forthe right man. So I feel as long as I am upfront about my intentions, there should be no surprises.

I look forward to my trip in April, and hope I find the girl of my dreams like many of you. UtopiaCowboy,I understand you're in Texas? I
live in San Antonio myself. Maybe we'll meet up some day.

Thank you all.

Hasta Pronto!

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kernow62 says on Feb 13, 2005, 16:02:

UTC it is not just in Medellin, I think one cannot make assumptions based upon where a lady is from be it in Colombia or elsewhere.

I've been married to my Colombiana for almost 11 years and trust me she knows how to get the most out of every dollar. I might add that she more than pulls her weight financially in out household. When I met her she was going to school part time to learn English and working a full time and a part time job, this is after she went to university for 6 years. In 11 years she hasn't even called in sick to work a single day, talk about hardworking and dependable.

When we got married she used to clean the house from top to bottom every day. All my friends said oh that won't last (they were used to American gals I guess), because she still keeps the house spotless. They also told me she would start to pack on the pounds after a few years of marriage, wrong again.

Do I sound happy, you bet!

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utopiacowboy says on Feb 13, 2005, 21:37:

The paisas do have that reputation but you're right, Kernow - there are so many exceptions to every "rule" that they make the rule meaningless.

Yes, Danny, I have lived in Bandera for the past year although I lived in Utopia on a ranch for many years prior to that. I do travel down to San Antonio every day for work. Maybe we will meet up one day!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Gomezman5 says on Feb 13, 2005, 22:48:

Dannyherm Just take it sooper slow. I know you are going to get there, and these women will knock your socks off, literally and figuratively.
Gringoinbogota is abut right on point. Back off and DON"T let them know you are this rich gringo. Now you may not be a rich gringo, but in their eyes, you are.

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