deciding to seperate or divorce over the xmas period..how common is it

LilaM says on Dec 26, 2007, 08:52:

Sorry to hear that ben but I think maybe is bc this part of the year you take a look of what you´ve been doing with your life the past 12 months so that´s why people start to be a little bit with the "malparidez cosmica". But if is at the end a deep problem in the couple it will explode for sure any time of the year.

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer." Ed. Cunningham

nueva york bombero says on Dec 26, 2007, 08:53:

I'm also a paramedic as well as a bombero, so I see the worst family situations occurr at the holidays. I guess all the stress and bullshit comes to a head like a big pimple and busts as Santa slides down the chimney!
Take a breath, act rationally and see what the new year brings....
Maybe things settle and get better or shit escalates and then you make a move.
At least you can soundly make a decision.
Good Luck !!

eywed says on Dec 26, 2007, 09:12:

Holidays = STRESS plain and simple. Only you can decide how much time and effort you want to put into saving a realationship that you say is "bad". No two realationship are the same and we of course do not know you or your spouse. I deal with these type sistutions alot this time of year and my best advise is, walk away from each other before you start putting hands on one another in a angry way. I wish you the best of luck in what ever you decide because it will take alot of work either way.

Ay Hombe!!!!!

docwilliam says on Dec 26, 2007, 09:16:

Christmas is an important holiday but is also called "The silly season" because of the bad situations that can come along with it. The season can help the problems come to a head but like Lila & NYB said, it has probably built up to this day.

Good Luck Ben, best of wishes.

"There's no time to panic"

dwmte7 says on Dec 26, 2007, 09:19:

like our buddy above said, slow down, take a deep breath. remember, vows of marriage, especially in the catholic church mean, "while i breathe" i had been married several times but never in the church....BUT, when i married in the church, it was the end of the open road possibility. it was, 'while i breathe'. now, ben, that doesn't mean we haven't had problems. LORD, we've dealt with all of it.our first child, dies in childbirth, in my hands! then we lost a business to the rodney king riots of twenty years and went from having money to zip. that ultimately precipitated a separation then a divorce. she's catholic, also, but in the court documents i had it stipulated that i would not accept it on religious grounds. no matter what, i was married to her. she took the other child, our daughter and moved back to colombia where we had come from. i finally moved everything back to colombia and told her, if we can't live together, i'm gonna live down the street, as baby needs both of us. it's not like one of us is bad or anything like that.

so, i moved back to colombia, but because of the tensions from her side of the family and me not wanting to press folks, i moved up into the mtns and stayed there for the next two and a half years. they would come up on weekends and ultimately, we got back together and re married. sooooooo, friend, there was a reason you married. remember that. and remember you both took the vows, 'while i breathe' it's worth the patience, as a relationship is the most important investment in your life. it's not just putting in money, you put in your heart, soul, time...everything...and walking away, is NEVER the answer.

now, back to your question is it just on the holidays? i don't think so, but as mentioned by others above. things just come to the surface with intensity at the end of the year.

take a little time with your lady and get away from the family and put your hearts together and really evaluate your love and situation....the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. all the best to both of you. douglas

dwmte

Brians says on Dec 26, 2007, 09:25:

dwmte what a great story. I know that is a true Cliff Notes version but good advice to everyone.

kentuckygreg2 says on Dec 26, 2007, 09:26:

Honestly never a good time to get a divorce. The only thing that sucks with being around the holidays is if you get one just prior to xmas. Then you have to deal with telling the same friggin story over and over to family members. That can be stressful.

Case in point, the girl I have been dating for the last 7 months broke up w/ me last week. Of course, AFTER I had already bought her expensive jeans. I had to keep talking about the breakup over and over the last few days since I was with family. Rather annoying. Probably triple annoying if it was a DIVORCE.

At least now I have an excuse to come back to Colombia soon. Actually the next destination is RIO in March.

Love and happiness!

john_stark says on Dec 26, 2007, 09:40:

Put her on the floor a gatas and forget the whole thing.

Lowell says on Dec 26, 2007, 10:42:

Know what you mean. Yesterday was the 2nd worst xmas of my entire life. The 1st was when my girlfriends child died on xmas eve. I will never understand how people can be such intentional jerks.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

eywed says on Dec 26, 2007, 11:27:

/

Ay Hombe!!!!!

miamimike says on Dec 26, 2007, 11:28:

Cancel all the Credit Cards in joint title if they were originally opened in your name! If she is the US, have her file a Change of Address so her mail doesn't come to your address. If you have no fault Divorce in your state and your wife agrees, file the Forms yourself and save Buckoo Bucks. If no children are involved and its a simple divorce, this is the way to go! Good Luck!

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,

eywed says on Dec 26, 2007, 11:29:

Mike is right again!

Ay Hombe!!!!!

dwmte7 says on Dec 26, 2007, 11:30:

no, eywed....fill me in.

dwmte

eywed says on Dec 26, 2007, 11:41:

Dwmte7 - I was just agreeing with Mike that if this person does divorce try and keep it simple and keep the lawyers out of it.

Ay Hombe!!!!!

Dan says on Dec 26, 2007, 11:44:

My wife came to the US (last year) and a few months later, I had to go out of town for work. When I get back, 3.5 months later (mid Nov), I find out she, along with her daughter, moved out to go stay with "Amigas". Then, I go to Afghanistan and along the way I find out she is now (probably from the beginning) living with some guy that works in the same place I do but different place. She's got pictures of herself and the other guy all over her myspace page.

I wasted so much time trying to work it out and she still left.... no reason, just gone.

Anyway, right now, I'm just waiting to hear from the Lawyer that the divorce is final.

God Bless America!

morphus says on Dec 26, 2007, 11:47:

Powwow, if you no longer have a wife, what else will you have to talk about?

Chelesupercono says on Dec 26, 2007, 12:01:

If it FLOATS- FLIES or FUCKS..........LEASE IT!

never go to bed with someone crazier then you are, you will do it and you will regret it.......

slguy says on Dec 26, 2007, 13:59:

Douglas, your viewpoint fascinates me.

I remember being involved, years ago, in a VERY complicated, very expensive real estate closing. About $120 million dollars was involved. The closing took all day, and was held in a conference room of the primary Miami Beach apartment building that was involved. The guy who was doing the buying kept disappearing, for an hour at a time, all day. He is an orthodox jew, btw.

Finally, my curiosity got the better of me. I HAD to ask. Why would this guy keep leaving a very complicated, $120 million transaction all day? His collegues told me that his family was flying in from LA that evening, and he was giving an expensive hooker a good workout before they arrived, in an upstairs apartment. WTF? I thought this guy was very religious??? "yea, but the hooker's a shiksa, so she doesn't count", I was informed.

Far be it from me to be critical of anyone's religious convictions- but I don't "get" how religious or wedding vows are less important when they aren't spoken with the "blessing" of the Church. Same as how I don't understand how the hooker didn't matter, since she wasn't an orthdox jew....

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

Costa Rica Jones says on Dec 26, 2007, 14:37:

Relationships are like investments: If you find that you're at a point where you're throwing good money after bad, it's time to cut your losses and get out, fast.

That being said: If it's the right investment, you should ride that horse until the legs fall off. LOL.

dwmte7 says on Dec 26, 2007, 14:39:

damn brother, wish i had an answer for that...there probably aint one. you get raised some way and if you're dumb (or dumber) you (me) hold on to that belief as if it were some special dispensation direct from GOD. i guess it provided a workable excuse (for me) for the other six marriages that i fkd my way out of. but you're dead on right. it's all bullshit. i just had to draw the line in the sand somewhere. so i used the marriage in the church excuse as the line in the sand. now, near twenty years later, my youngest, laura, still has both her folks under the same roof. shit!, if not, there might be 5 or 6 more mothers and 5 or 6 more children. and to be honest, brother, i'm fuckin worn out. i put up with divorce court, attorneys and property separation so many times that if i had to do it again, i'd just put the gun to my head and call it a day......thus, me..

i like the story of the jew/jewess above. you should have gone up stairs and made sure she was kosher for the guy. you do know why those nice jewish girls use gold diaphrams, don't you? that way their boyfriends will think their comin into money.

dwmte

docwilliam says on Dec 26, 2007, 14:45:

slguy, not answering for douglas but myself.

Know, one human on the face of this earth is perfect (that pertains to believers of all faiths).
A human can try very hard, to be the perfect example, but trying is the best that can be had.
Of course, unless a person is GOD, then there is perfection.

"There's no time to panic"

BAQ says on Dec 26, 2007, 16:02:

write DEAR ABBY and see what she thinks.

Semper Fidelis !

dwmte7 says on Dec 26, 2007, 16:39:

back in the '60's, wasn't it grace slick (airplane) that named her son, "GOD"?

dwmte

Robert Jorge says on Dec 26, 2007, 19:25:

"golden diaphrams - coming into money" ... Douglas, that is some funny shit. And Slyguy, sorry the closing took so long.

--"I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not for our children's children, because I don't think that children should be having sex." - Jack Handy

dwmte7 says on Dec 27, 2007, 06:16:

following that advise, GIB, i should have shot myself years ago. woulda been a lot cheaper!

dwmte

kat1 (Moderator) says on Dec 27, 2007, 06:21:

well pow wow said the relationship was bad before so the stress of Christmas time was when everything came to and end

engage brain before opening mouth

Dan says on Dec 27, 2007, 06:22:

JAJAJA... dwmte7.. cheaper for you, but payday for someone else (?)

God Bless America!

aztec says on Dec 27, 2007, 06:27:

dwmte7, a suicide is destructive to everyone left living who knew the person! It is over for you but is something your loved ones live with for the rest of their lives.

dwmte7 says on Dec 27, 2007, 06:38:

thanks, aztec...i knew someone would save the day.....

dwmte

miamimike says on Dec 27, 2007, 07:19:

GIB--Unless maybe the Hubby was proactive and planned his finances before he pulled the trigger,,,

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,

slguy says on Dec 27, 2007, 07:53:

Best legal advice I ever got was from an old friend, a country lawyer in North Carolina.

"Hal, if you ever get divorced, just sign everything over to her, pack your clothes in your car, and leave. You can always make more money - but if you take money out of the equation, there's not much left to fight about, is there?".

I've done it twice since then, and the old coot was right. 20 years later, the first ex is still a great friend. The second? Not so much-- but she's latina, so the rules are different, I guess. ;)

Except that like GIB, I kept a boat both times. I'd rather live on the boat, anyway.

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

aztec says on Dec 27, 2007, 07:59:

Something like this,GIB?

http://www.marianland.com/C_C36/DSC00547a.jpg

Dan says on Dec 27, 2007, 08:04:

I'd like to get something like that some day. Beautiful!!

God Bless America!

ColombianoGringo says on Dec 27, 2007, 08:20:

That is a great boat. I would much prefer something like that to your typical yacht. How much would you expect to pay for a used sailboat like that in good condition?

lawyer CO says on Dec 27, 2007, 08:25:

well, my experience has taught me that if a relationships is weak, christmas is the time when it will blow.

The issue is complicated and only the couple know the real reasons , the good thing ( sorry for being sarcastic) is that starting a divorce process in january gives you the advantage to get it done by the end of the year. ( 4 hearings must be done in Court) except if it`s a mutual agreement divorce.

Esteban R.
LAWYER CO
colombian lawyer
email: lawyerscolombia at yahoo.com

slguy says on Dec 27, 2007, 08:32:

"How much would you expect to pay for a used sailboat like that in good condition?"

The key word being "good". Depends on equipment, engine age, tons of variables.

I've owned a number of sailboats in my day- none of them made after 1982. The older boats have tons more hull- fiberglass was only really widely used as the basis for hulls after the mid-60's, so designers overdesigned, substantially, until they had some years of experience to gauge how much glass they really needed. My current boat (late 70's) has three times as thick a hull as new boats do, unless you REALLY spend the bucks for a world-class cruiser.

I just bought, then sold, a 34' boat that I would have sailed to Europe without a second thought. Bought her for 12,500 in a distress sale - sold her for just over 30K 7 weeks later. But a very similar boat sold on the west coast recently for 42K. Prices can be all over the place.

www.yachtworld.com is the industry standard for buying/selling all types of boats. the search feature there let's you get VERY specific. cost/size/style - everything.

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

Dan says on Dec 27, 2007, 09:44:

Thanks, slguy... I'll check that site out myself to see what I can find. I had this idea of getting a boat and sailing around the Carribean, Central/South America and maybe even the Pacific. Then, I figured it would be good to try avoiding the Cuban patrols too.between my various destinations.

God Bless America!

ColombianoGringo says on Dec 27, 2007, 10:26:

For my first sailboat, I want something that will be easy for me and a few friends to manage. I don't plan on going too far. I can spend about $40K. I probably wouldn't do it for a few years as I have too much going on in my life right now.

ColombianoGringo says on Dec 27, 2007, 10:42:

Definitely going to take some lessons. I am a big believer in learning from the pros when it comes to anything that you can kill yourself doing. I have been taking kiteboarding classes during the warmer months. I definitely would have killed myself without some lessons.

ColombianoGringo says on Dec 27, 2007, 11:02:

I live in Houston and there are several marinas in the area. Boating on lakes in Texas is a hassle. The lakes are crowded with too many boats and too many assholes. I have always preferred going out into the Gulf.

I will look up ASA(American Sailing Assoc?) and find a school in this area. I like the idea of bareboating. I did the same with kiteboarding. Classes are only $100 for a day and they provide all the equipment. They also let you rent it so you can practice on your own.

Dan says on Dec 27, 2007, 11:27:

I was looking into sailing classes a few years ago for the Florida area. Because of work I can't get away to do it for a while. Just watching your converstation, it kind of applies to me too. Thanks for the info guys.

God Bless America!

droble77 says on Dec 27, 2007, 12:50:

"From Divorce to Sailing. guys when they get divorced get a boat. Girls get a boob job. jaja"

Truer words have never been spoken. :) I suppose a boob job is a woman's idea of "self-empowerment" or some chit like that. Sailing of course, is all about FREEDOM!!

I'd be careful of using terms like bareboating though. Some people might confuse the term with something else. . . ;0))

ColombianoGringo says on Dec 27, 2007, 13:21:

My business partner's wife asked him for a boob job a few months ago. That, and the fact that they have been a little rocky as of late, led me to tell him "Don't do it. You'll pay for them and the next guy will enjoy them". He agreed and she's not getting new tits.

docwilliam says on Dec 27, 2007, 14:26:

Seems like a good idea to me, if you get a divorce, go sailing. Nice boat pic.

"There's no time to panic"

docwilliam says on Dec 27, 2007, 19:45:

LOL

"There's no time to panic"

goin_south says on Dec 28, 2007, 01:29:

pow wow brings out the best in pbh'ers.

and, thank you.

Dan says on Dec 28, 2007, 01:50:

"Sailing of course, is all about FREEDOM!!"

Good point. I could use some right about now.

God Bless America!

dwmte7 says on Dec 28, 2007, 07:19:

BOY! from the courtroom to the captain's mast in one post. now it's yachts....better subject. the former is just about as down as down can get. keep on sailing.

dwmte

dwmte7 says on Dec 28, 2007, 07:23:

oh! by the way...don't know squat about sailing. been on lots of boats but only one had sails. the first and only ride was out of marina del rey on (maybe) a 35-40 ft job. the only trippy thing about this experience was everyone ate mushrooms except for someone's teen age daughter who took over the wheel and the rest of the day was spent cruising along the calif coast between santa monica and malibu. i know, i know, it was crazyness...fool's deeds, but i was just along for the ride and high. it was actually an incredible day.

dwmte

thegrower says on Dec 28, 2007, 11:10:

There are so many women here don´t sweat it go get another one. Your wife will straighten up or leave. simple. it is the colombian way!

laboquita says on Dec 29, 2007, 10:30:

your problem is very simple. you have no Christ in your Christmas. -- LaBoquita