culture shock

Miguel says on Sep 13, 2005, 07:25:

Red Flag Or so it seems to be.

Crazy4Cali says on Sep 13, 2005, 08:14:

Good news/bad news Well the good news is she wants to get a job. But the bad news is the culture shock may be too much for both of you to stand for a while.

I haven't lived in rural Georgia before, but I'm familiar with small-town life and they can love you or hate you, or as is more often the case, look like they love you and hate you behind your back. That is tough when you speak the language, but coming from a different culture with a different language would be two strikes against her before she steps foot in the town.

Practically, that means YOU will be her entire world. That might sound nice for the first week, but it can start to be opressive for you after a while and she will start to resent it as well.

Remember, for latinos, family and culture play a BIG part in their lives. If you can't fill that need in some way, both of you will be miserable.

On the other hand Atlanta seems to have a large latino population so maybe frequent weekends to Atlanta might be all she needs to "recharge" (I wouldn't put money on it, but it's worth a thought).

Good luck, and at least you found this out BEFORE she arrived in the U.S.

aztec says on Sep 13, 2005, 08:14:

Better slow down... ... bobbyb.

bobbyb says on Sep 13, 2005, 08:15:

nope She's from Pereira and it's not a red flag about the usual latina taking advantage of the old gringo, I'm sure about that. I was trying to convey, in my first post, that with the use of pet names there's a lot of genuine affection and love between us. What I'm looking for is, what will her culture shock be like, giving where I live and where she's coming from. And what can I do to help her adjust?

Miguel says on Sep 13, 2005, 08:32:

Ok Give a little more background on this relationship...how long has it been going on?

aztec says on Sep 13, 2005, 08:39:

While I... ...currently live in a fairly large city in Georgia, I was born and raised in rural Georgia. Some of my family still lives in southern part of the State.

Now we have had 16 years to deal with the cultural shock your friend will surely experience. My wife is from Bogotá and speaks better English than many with whom she comes in contact.

If you don't make sure your friend understands the multicultural complications of living in a small town in Georgia you are doomed to failure. I can almost guarantee it.

bobbyb says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:00:

I've known her for about a year and we spent 2 months together in Panama. It's a very loving and viable relationship. I have some latin friends around here and I can only get 1 spanish station. I do know of a few latin bars and I got no problem taking her to them with my gringo friends that also have latin wives. I'm from Boston and have family in Conn. that I usually visit at least once a year. I've lived in this area for 17 years and I know a lot of people here, they're my friends and really want to met her and they have already accepted her and respect my wishes. I want her to work, it's good for her self esteem. She'll learn english quickly because she is living with me. She's not looking for a free ride. So I feel that with my support system and our genuine love for each other that we have a good shot at success.

Miguel says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:06:

I hope it works for you... While every person and relationship is different, "about a year" is not that long.

cam0940 says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:06:

Well Bobby, you know I'm pulling for you. Only thing I would shy away from is taking her up to New York to visit her friends right away. Particularly if she perceived there to be more job opportunity for her in New York. She may end up suggesting you move there.

I'm also a little confused because originally I thought you told her that she would be the only latina in town, but then later you said that your friends had latin wives. Which is it? I would think it makes a big difference.

BTW, how small is small, wrt to the town you live in? Is it like, Green Acres small, or just smaller than she's used to?

Rubiazo says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:17:

One big potential complication... Do you have any idea how long it will be before she gets her green card? I am willing to bet at least 2 years these days, even in rural Georgia. Actually some places in that state have heavy case loads and it could take even longer!
Once you apply for your green card you can get employment authorization and advance parole. This is important because without advance parole she cant leave the country until she had the green card in hand! Those processes take 3-6 months each on average.
Also remember, if she ends up being the prettiest woman in town (not to hard in most parts of the US) there will be a huge jealousy factor.
I would say have here come and spend a month or two beforehand but with how anal they are at immigration these days, this is probably impossible.

bobbyb says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:30:

from where I sit a year is long enough. My friends live 2 counties over, closer to atlanta, about a half hour down I 85. The town I live in has 1 country bar, that's how big it is. I got no problem moving back to Mass or Conn. In fact I just came back from there and I was looking at houses, in Conn about an hour north of NY. Culturally it's a lot better up there, I think, and I'm seriously thinking of moving there. She's nervous about moving here and I'm just thinking of the best ways of handeling the culture shock and providing an environment that will help us in our relationship.

bbattiste says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:33:

Last time I checked Mass. and Conn. were 97% white.

Rubiazo says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:33:

Look around Stamford Stamford has a huge Colombian population. Bridgeport does too, but Bridgeport is, well, Bridgeport!

adrimm says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:34:

images/real/percieved and pointers. I have noticed that most immigrants end up in more urban communities, so most Colombians, know people living in larger centres (NYC, Chicago, LA, parts of Florida). If this is the case and she has been imagining her future life there based on what these people have told her, you NEED to set her straight to minimize the shock.

Get your camcorder out and make a video of the town, drive from the house to the town centre, drive to the church, drive to the rec centre. If you can get an aerial shot somewhere, send her that too. Send her a photocopy of the pages in the phonebook to prove how few hispanics there are.

My mother also landed in a small rural community (tho more isolated than rural Georgia), she was sort of expecting a big city, but was unsure. Coming from a city it was a shock (climate shock too), but she had rural roots in her childhood which helped, and the townspeople were very very welcoming. Many of the women took her under their wing to teach her how to cook (my mother had never set foot in a kitchen), how to garden, and bake pies. I still vaguely remember when she learned how to make lasagna at my "Auntie" Doreen's house. Since marriage is all about compromise, my parents ended up moving to a larger community after about 6 years becuase my mother felt that school opportunities where too limited for me.


She did adapt (it is possible). Here is what will help:

1) give her the real picture

2) Make sure her English is as good as possible

3)Support and encourage her to get out and make her own friends within your town community. If she is religious then Church groups can be supportive (CWL -which varies from groups of grannies to groups of housewives, depending on the town), Encourage her to join other social groups so she can meet the people. I guess the modern equivelants might also include Yoga classes etc.

4) If the town is small and informal enough, encourage her to offer spanish lessons through the local college or rec program. It's a great way to get to meet others.

5) Participate with her in community social events: Halloween dances, bonfires.

6) Be prepared to make compromises down the road about where you live.

IMHO, if your marriage can survive the transition and she can integrate into the small town anglo-community, then her level of comfort in will increase becuase the "gringo" community will become as much her community as the latin community. It will make her stronger and better adapted in the long run (if she can survive).

elmodefoque says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:45:

I would tell you to move to u I would tell you to move uptown Manhattan in the shit hole where I live but we got nothing but Dominicans and newly arrived Mexicans. In your case Queens is best; the place is infested with Colombians. My wife spends most of her time there and feels like she never left Medellin. Sometimes we visit her uncle near Winston Salem, North Carolina but could only take a couple days of that torture. Small towns hits me the hardest, I just wanna smash my nuts and jump off a tall building, but they aint got no tall buildings to jump from. Other times I wanna run naked right into a KKK meeting and have my nuts and head blown off, just to stop the torturous boredom.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

bobbyb says on Sep 13, 2005, 09:48:

Torrington She has seen my house and the deer in the yard on my webcam and heard the birds on the phone, it's peaceful. I like peace.
I'm white, I like white, Mass and Ct too. I just want to visit el barrio I don't want to live there. No offense

elmodefoque says on Sep 13, 2005, 10:01:

Is amazing how cultures are so different, I see a deer outside my window and my first reaction would be, WTF is a deer doing between parked cars in a street in Manhattan, and my second reaction would be to blow his head off and cook that modefoque just like the Puerto Ricans cook a lechon (pig) out in City Island, da Bronx. If I don’t hear fire trucks, ambulance and police sirens all day long I get nervous and think the entire world disappeared and I’m the only modefoque left alive. I’m what they call a people person.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

adrimm says on Sep 13, 2005, 10:05:

Whoaaaa Mijo You are in for an experience and a half then.... forget moving to the barrio... some of it is coming to you. Your wife will have her fav music playing, your kids most likely will be bilingual, your wife will have her spanish-speaking friends come to visit (and all will speak Spanish). She will spend lots of time on the phone talking to her family in Spanish (loudly if the connection is poor). She may eventually wish to sponser other members of her family to help them immigrate.

It won't be full immersion, but if the barrio isn't your thing at all, then you'd better be prepared for what pieces of it do come.

Crazy4Cali says on Sep 13, 2005, 10:13:

You got that right! ...and I love it! Que familia!

bobbyb says on Sep 13, 2005, 10:16:

ya' killing me elmo I ain't got a problem with the barrio visiting me just as long you take the goat and pig back with 'ya

kernow62 says on Sep 13, 2005, 12:10:

bobbyb if she wants to be around other Latinos then one of you has to make a choice.

Move to some little town down here in Central Florida, there are still some unspoilt towns around here. Your wife will still have plenty of Colombians to mingle with, or Puerto Ricans or Mexicans or whatever, we even have white folks too! My Jamaican friends like to hang a goat up on the clothesline by its back legs and lop the head off then they toss the head over the fence for the cats to eat. Gotta love neighbours like that.

ws244 says on Sep 13, 2005, 13:01:

bobo You want a real wife in life or do you want a working partner? She already told you she wants to work. If so you are already second in her life but do not realize it. You might as well marry an american or canadian.

kernow62 says on Sep 13, 2005, 13:05:

Yeh, don't let her work. Keep her at home where you can keep an eye on her. Don't want any locals eyeing your woman.

bobbyb says on Sep 13, 2005, 13:08:

so what are you saying? That no girls should be working and they should just stay at home?

kernow62 says on Sep 13, 2005, 13:11:

You must have missed WS244's other thread on this topic, it was a good un.

cam0940 says on Sep 13, 2005, 13:15:

Bobby last night WS244 was officially christened "Archie Bunker".

The previous thread was a dandy.

With that said, comments are going to come across gloves off and people are going to take offense, but if you don't let that bother you, I think he's brought up several valid points on this board.

Mr. Hollywood says on Sep 13, 2005, 13:28:

Culture shock Man, I've lived in a number of large cities and small towns in the USA and I'd be worried about my OWN culture shock moving to small town Georgia. That seems like a tough change from Pereira.

My advice to her is to learn as much English as possible before coming and to be ready for a serious shift in consciousness. Be realistic on how hard it might be, because moving to a different culture is always hard.

bobbyb says on Sep 13, 2005, 14:35:

I read the thread I had to think about this first before I made a comment. When I signed up on this site I had no idea what anyone was like. I only know what you tell me. The only preconceived idea that I had about the people here is that they are from either north america or south america. After reading through all these threads an overwhelming theme is that there is a huge amout of people here that are worried about what color or race they are or you are. I think it's normal human behavior to have preconceived ideas and predjudices about other people. Those ideas change as you get to know those other races and nationalities. I travelled to latin america, africa, europe and the states. When I got to one town or village the people there would tell me how bad or dangerous the people in the next town were. When I got to the next town they were friendlier than the last town. When I moved to Georgia the people in Boston told me " They hate yankees down there" Bullshit! I have met alot of people in my travels and not one person has harmed me, not one. I think a racist is a person that intentionally harms another simply because of their color. When you sift through these threads I don't think there are any racists here. Just people from all over the place discussing their opinions. And personally, I have too many of my own problems to worry about what fucking color you are.

Monpirri says on Sep 13, 2005, 16:02:

Culture Shock - Cumbia or Rock -n- Roll? How about a new tune! It is so funny all these replies and some are very helpful.
As the husband and head of the house teach her what is small town Georgia is all about. Go to the local library and borrow a video tape of Georgia or a video about your community and share it with her.
Learn from her about her lifestyle, music, friends, Christmas holidays, etc. because both of you have to come to a compromise, to a point where both must mutually agree or share the difference in order to live in harmony.
Many other cultures from different worlds have been able to get married and live happily in a different world.
Ask God for help when things become very confusing or beyond comprehension.

Best wishes for both of you!
Monpirri

Annette Taddeo for US Congress 2008

aztec says on Sep 13, 2005, 16:42:

I am not... ...sure The Dukes of Hazzard is really a fair depiction of what one would find in Georgia. There is a huge difference between Atlanta and most of the rural South.

For example, in my home town in south Georgia 75% to 80% of the residents are Black (African-American for our PC crowd). The mayor and the police chief are also Black as well as most of the councilmen. There has been a significant increase in Central American and Mexican immigrants.

These people are living together in peace and harmony.

adrimm says on Sep 13, 2005, 17:05:

Bobbyb There are folks from all over here, not just North and South America...The site was founded and is run by a Belgian, and we've got other Europeans, Aussies, at least one poster in the Middle East. If you speak Spanish then I encourage yuo to read up on some of the topics on the Solo en Espanol forum. Quite a few are very thoughtful discussions on bigger issues, with heavier Colombian weighting.

utopiacowboy says on Sep 13, 2005, 18:20:

My wife has lived here for close to 2 years. If her English were dynamite she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose off.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

ws244 says on Sep 13, 2005, 18:25:

cam9 After several discussions of real estate and economic political discussions, i trust my christening as archie yesterday was all in jest. I am old enough to be your father so remember a little respect.

BAQ says on Sep 13, 2005, 19:37:

Thats WHY it is a FIANCE visa Well, she has 90 days to decide she likes it there and wants to get married, if not, she can return to Colombia.

That being said, I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND you do one of the following: Either have a very honest conversation with her about DAILY LIFE living where ever it is you live OR come down here with lots of photos and video tape of your city THEN arrange a few counciling sessions with a licensed counseler here to make sure you are BOTH on the same page.

Let me put forward this other observation, PUT THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT. Try to mentally put yourself in her shoes. YOU moving to Colombia, no family, no friends, you don;t speak spanish, no car, no concept of how daily life works, different food, you can;t use the telephone, no television or radio service in english, you need her to go with you to do simple things like banking, speak with a doctor, find a store that carries the items you need, talking to your neighbors, ect ect ect....

I SERIOUSLY HOPE WHAT YOU JUST READ SINKS IN BECAUSE IT IS FACT. She will face ALL these issues and being in a "Small town" where she is the ONLY Latino will compound the problem.

I am not trying to be negative, I am trying to explain to you what you face for AT LEAST the first year or two she is there.

I WISH YOU LUCK. What you face is not impossible, but it won;t be a cake walk either.

Semper Fidelis !

cam0940 says on Sep 13, 2005, 21:10:

WS244 I hope you didn't take the "Archie" moniker as disrespectful. Archie just spoke his mind and didn't really care about sugar coating anything. Didn't care about being PC. I thought it was fair and accurate.

On more than one occasion I have tried to make some of your comments more digestable for the rest of the crowd. I have also given you credit on multiple occasions for having legitimate points of view. I actually look forward to your posts. The thing is, if you make someone angry, they can't hear the rest of what you're saying. You're a grown man and can type for yourself, but sometimes it does need to be softened up. Like this whole thing about why an anglo or Black might mistake a Colombian for a Mexican. Any reasonable person ought to be able to see how that could happen. But the way it came out when you first said it... well, it was just very reminiscent of Archie.

No indeed, I meant no disrespect.

kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 14, 2005, 04:44:

BAQ I agree with you, but I think 90 dyas is not much time, wait when the dust settle then is when the problems start. 90 days is like a holiday period. It's hard for a latin or Colombian person to adapt to small town like this, specially from the background she is coming. bobbyb I wouldn't said What am I getting myself into? I would said what she is getting herself into.

engage brain before opening mouth

bobbyb says on Sep 14, 2005, 05:57:

I woke up wicked ascared this morning, what if this girl adapts so well that she turns into a gringa? I also noticed that when I go to the latin clubs around here it's like I invaded their space but when I go to the clubs in Latin America it's as though they treat you like you're a king. What's up with that? And as far as the 90 day visa thing goes, I'm not given any other option by my government.

elmodefoque says on Sep 14, 2005, 06:09:

bobby, i been saying this for bobby, i've been saying that for years. latin broads her in the USA will not give you the time of day, but go and hang out with middle to upper class colombianas and see how quickly you turn from a gomer pyle into a brat pitt.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

cam0940 says on Sep 14, 2005, 06:12:

It's going to be fine, Bobby. Keep both hands on the football and finish this up.

bobbyb says on Sep 14, 2005, 06:13:

why is that? so it's a class, socio/economic thing rather than racial?

cam0940 says on Sep 14, 2005, 06:16:

Yes, if you're referring to that other thread....

calipro says on Sep 14, 2005, 06:20:

Opposite problem I was hoping to have a little culture shock on my side.

I told my caleña girlfriend that if she came to the states that she would have to wait until she was 21 before they would let her into any clubs here in the states to go dancing, that she would have to go to college and work full time on top of the usual sex twice daily.

Right now it's all she has to do is put out twice a day and then sit around watching novelas all day *DELETED* while I pay her way through life. She still wants to come to the states to live with me. WHAT CAN I DO?

cam0940 says on Sep 14, 2005, 06:44:

What you can do is click "Edit" under your post and change it before this entire thread gets deleted.

elmodefoque says on Sep 14, 2005, 06:51:

Listen, in the coast MOST girls in lower class love the crap outta their broke ass Colombianos, that’s a fact. Colombia is a very classicist society, their upper class wants to climb even higher in the social ladder and what better way to achieve that goal than to land the ultimate prize, a gringo! Poor coastal colombianas are satisfied with their low life, sweaty, no class taxi or bus driver. I do great with those women, but put my Lisandro Meza looking ass up north with the rich barranquilleras and I strike OUT, no nookie, but you on the other hand, will do great!

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 14, 2005, 07:00:

strange, elmo in Cali it's just the opposite. The poor, lower class girls are the ones trying to land a gringo=mealticket=gravy train=green card while the upper class girls love their own Colombian men to no end.
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

Miguel says on Sep 14, 2005, 07:11:

Even stranger Elmo You got snagged by a paisa!

bobbyb says on Sep 14, 2005, 07:17:

'ya know what else that made me ascared is what my friends' chiliana esposa told me, that when she first got here she was just a sweet, normal latina. Now she confides in me that lately, she sees so much wealth here that she's become envious and wanting everything that everone else has. Then her old man tells me "she wants this and she wants that" crap. Do you think it's capitalisim?
Hey ws244 do you think I should limit her time in front of all these TV and computer screens I got around here?

elmodefoque says on Sep 14, 2005, 07:20:

This is what I observed and experienced and I’m looking at it from both size. One day I could go to a fancy club in curramba as a local every day run of the mill poor ass barranquillero and I get no action, but as soon as the middle class girls find out I carry a blue passport I immediately turn into a Ricky Martin. Yet, I noticed than in clubs down in Murillo or Soledad, once I put my sweaty corroncho ass on the dance floor I have no problem picking up local girls, as a matter of fact I do quite well, thank you very much, and they don’t even know I live in the USA, that’s just and added bonus.
I always thought that Cali was the prime spot in Colombia for my gringo borthers to get laid.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

calipro says on Sep 14, 2005, 07:29:

Don{t worry cammy..... The editors will take care of it.

But they won{t have any problem with Dezi implying that poor caleñas are gringo chasing, mealticket=gravy train=green card(whores) and nothing will be done.

elmodefoque says on Sep 14, 2005, 07:31:

Miguel, thought my wife was born and raised as a cachaca in El Poblado, Medellin; she’s really a full blood costeña with a father from Cartagena and mother from Sincelejo. In all the years traveling to Colombia, she was the only middle class broad that gave me the time of day, and to this day insist that I’m a corroncho low life, but I still can’t get rid of her ass. It must be my corroncho charm.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

cam0940 says on Sep 14, 2005, 07:35:

I see what you mean, calipro.

Bobby I do know a guy who's fiancee came here from a very poor country. Couldn't even spell Gucci when she got here, now everything has to be top of the line.

Of course, the girl in that story was probably worse off than the average Colombiana.

bobbyb says on Sep 14, 2005, 08:04:

ya making me more ascared I'm gonna have nightmares tonight. I don't think I can hang out with all ya'all anymore today. I gotta go to work. I gotta slop the pigs and get them ready for the latin market in Atlanta. When it gets this hot here the flies and nats are in full force, It's like I gotta wear "OFF" as my perfume all the time. Maybe that's why the latinas shy away from me at the clubs?

toneloc24 says on Sep 14, 2005, 09:55:

If you're not in Atlanta, there will be MAJOR culture shock for her in South Georgia. I actually live in Atlanta and have many friends from Latin descent. Here are some things to consider.

1st - The language. By now, you may have become accustomed to the Southern accent, but in South Georgia, the accent gets real thick. If the poor girl had studied any English, she'll have a tough time understanding anything. Hell, I can barely understand folks down in Macon when I travel through there, and I'll been living down here for almost 12 years. I'm from NYC.

2nd - Since it's a small town, you're gonna have to gauge her temperament to being probably called a Mexican. Like it or not, most folks in Georgia don't even know much about Colombia, the country, as opposed to Columbia, South Carolina.

3rd - Thanks to the media (some based in fact), she's gonna need to get thick-skinned about the drug and violence issues that Colombia faces, and generally all that the media/government (CIA reports) relates about Colombia.

4th - If she wants to work, is she currently a professional in Colombia? If so, there is a chance of her meeting other Colombians monthly in the Hispanic & International Professionals Socials that occur here in Atlanta. There's also specifically an Association of Colombian Professionals in Atlanta (ACOLPA).

5th - Being that she's from Pereira, and judging from the perceptions of Desi here and those of other Colombians, she's gonna be the butt of jokes. Previously in passing, I've already asked some of my Colombian friends here only about the place itself. The first thing they say are that the girls are very easy and caliente. Then comes the deaf joke. They treat them as such.

6th - She's going to be the belle of the ball in South Georgia. You sure that you're prepared for all of that, and all that comes with that. Hope you're not a jealous type when you take her out.

7th - While YOU may not have problems with race and discrimination, be assured that many do in South Georgia, esp. since the immigration reform issue is such a hot topic. In Atlanta, it's not as big a deal. However, you have already stated that you don't want to live in the ghetto, just visit. Be prepared for her "ghetto" habits, as others have already explained.

8th - As your friend's Chilean wife already inferred, she will become Americanized also. Gucci, Prada, Victoria Secrets, etc. It's the nature of the beast.

9th - 2 months together out of "almost a year" does not mean much, even if you speak with her daily, webcam, etc. Those 2 months are a vacation from her normal life. It ain't reality. Be sure that you're sure. Because once the fantasy wears off for her, what's left? Is there really love on her part, or just need on your part?

If coming up to Atlanta to party is a big deal, there are many places to check out throughout the week. Not sure how old she is. Nothing Colombian-specific, more generic-Latino. Havana Club is always cool on the weekends. Tongue and Groove is happening on Wed's Latin Night. Thurs at The Compound is always a good crowd. Santo Domingo has its nights in the evening. La Rumba has a certain Saturday night, up off of Roswell Rd. For Colombian food, there is Patacon Pisao in Norcross off of Jimmy Carter Blvd. There are many other places around town, including Mexican places.

Hope some of that helps. Read the signs with a clear mind, heed the warnings that have been passed along by others, if you're still okay with it, you're a grown man, do as you wish. Good luck, either way.

"Don't tase me, bro!!!!"

Miguel says on Sep 14, 2005, 10:32:

I continue to wish you luck bobbyb And as in my initial response, that red flag is batting in the breeze. Tone makes excellent points regarding Georgia, and he's coming from the background of living there over a decade and having a damn good grasp of colombianas.

Miguel says on Sep 14, 2005, 10:34:

Good Thread PBH It seems we all are actually concerned about bobbyb's well being and for the most part there has not been too much trash talking. Que será será, and hopefully we'll read about a happy ending. (cue violin music..no...make that vallenato)

elmodefoque says on Sep 14, 2005, 10:35:

A DAMN GOOD GRASP!!!

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

aztec says on Sep 14, 2005, 11:12:

Couldn't have advised... ...better than toneloc24 myself. And, I've lived in Georgia considerably more than 10 years. My wife tells everyone she speaks several languages because Southern English is a separate language.

Most every one she meets in rural Georgia will be "stunned" because she will be so much more beautiful than the typical Latina they normally see. None will ever have seen a Colombian. As toneloc24 says, their point of reference is the Mexican or Central American woman.

Older Georgians will be slow to accept her but eventually will be her most ardent supporters. As my 80 year old Mother lay on her death bed this past year, the only person she asked for and wanted by her side was her Colombian daughter-in-law.

toneloc24 says on Sep 14, 2005, 12:39:

Elmo-

I've had a few grasps, but YOU????? In a league of your own, hermano.

"Don't tase me, bro!!!!"

BAQ says on Sep 14, 2005, 14:46:

LISTEN AND THINK BOBBYB, LISTEN to what I and TONELOC24 are telling you, PLEASE. Like I posted before, it IS POSSIBLE but won;t be a cake walk.

I also think it will depend on her age, if she is young it will be much more difficult than for a women who is 30 or above.

There are several on this board who think it is the cats meow to be a bit older and snag a nice young chica (18-24). I realize it is great for the ego ect., and for a short term fling and a a few weeks of great sex that is fine, but in all honesty, you have to remember these YOUNG chicas are still growing up so for a long term relationship and marriage, there are many obsticles to overcome.

JUST MY OPINION

Semper Fidelis !

bobbyb says on Sep 14, 2005, 17:59:

those pigs kicked my ass today and I'm plum tuckered out to make any intelligent response to your comments tonight.

miamimike says on Sep 14, 2005, 23:27:

Must Be the US Materialistic Society/Mentality That Changes the Latin Women. Living here in Miami, I see many who first arrive here as simple,non-materialistic women. This mentality doesn't last long-they soon adapt the American Way desiring a bigger House, Bigger and Newer Cars, clothing, trips, fancy restaurants,ect. without thought of how one will pay for these new items. Many times the Husband, be he a Latino or Gringo, is in real trouble because he 1)may not desire these things or he is financially prudent 2) The wife starts to look at others(men) who can provide these things.Seen many Marriages here come unglued because of these new ideals. I could bet this Colombiana in short time will want to move to NYC area or the Miami Area-I doubt she would stay in a small Georgia town for any amount of time. Not if she is a City Girl!

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,

bobbyb says on Sep 15, 2005, 05:26:

I think there's alot of good comments here. I think it would be best if I just close up shop here and head north. I mean when I was 9 years old my paper route was the subway in downtown Boston and I ask myself, everyday, WTF am I doing in rural Georgia? I'm ready to cut my balls off and jump off the roof of a chicken shack. I can't move right away but I'm gonna start the process. If I do this I think it will ease her culture shock. If we buy a house together there, she will feel that it's her home too. My family is up there too and I know they will support her. She also has a 5 year old daughter and they both will have each other for support. The kid will learn english real quick and she can be like her little pocket translator.
I already have alot of material things and if she gets out of hand with that crap, and I've I told her before, if you want to go shopping for Gucci, get a f**king job. I'm a mature and confident guy, that crap goes in one ear and out the other. I'm too old to be retrained. I want to address one comment made by Toneloc24 concerning the girls from Pereira. I talked to her about that last night. This is her response. She said that the girls from Pereira, Cali and Medillin are pretty much the same, sexy and hot. And that comment probably came from a guy in Bogota, because none of the girls from those cities would touch guys from Bogota with a ten foot pole because they're all ugly. She went further and said she would never marry a Colombiano because they are all ugly pigs and disrespectfull of women. And just from my own observations I have a question, why is it the colombianas are so hot and sexy and the guys are so ugly? jejeje

cam0940 says on Sep 15, 2005, 05:34:

Not sure, but let me tell you: I've been to Boston in January. You're going to have to teach your wife phrases that her 5 year old can't like: goose down, long johns, ear muffs, and Jack Frost (aka The Hawk).

bobbyb says on Sep 15, 2005, 05:40:

BUT they will speak propah english! and the little colombiana will keep me warm.

cam0940 says on Sep 15, 2005, 05:45:

Sure. Get a nice little house in "Bericka" and cuddle up in front of the "fiyaplace".

elmodefoque says on Sep 15, 2005, 05:48:

"she would never marry a Colombiano because they are all ugly pigs and disrespectfull of women

Now where would she get such an idea? I have great respect for colombian broads, as for us being ugly pigs, i will give her that one.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

bobbyb says on Sep 15, 2005, 06:11:

maybe you heard this one there's a young bull and an old bull standing on a hill overlooking a heard of cows. The young bull turns to the old one and says" Why don't we run down there and f88k one of them thar cows?" The old bull turns to him and says " why don't we just walk down there and f88ck 'em all"

toneloc24 says on Sep 15, 2005, 07:17:

"She said that the girls from Pereira, Cali and Medillin are pretty much the same, sexy and hot. And that comment probably came from a guy in Bogota, because none of the girls from those cities would touch guys from Bogota with a ten foot pole because they're all ugly. She went further and said she would never marry a Colombiano because they are all ugly pigs and disrespectfull of women. And just from my own observations I have a question, why is it the colombianas are so hot and sexy and the guys are so ugly?"

This is not all true. I have friends from Cali, Barranquilla, Medellin, and Bogota. The guy from Bogota was NOT the one that mentioned the sorda joke, but he knew it and laughed as well.

Here's something to think of - in Latin America, women are generally disposable as partners. Hence, the infidelity. Sound harsh, right?

Can't blame these guys sometimes as the chicas are so hot. However, think about this as well. The men do not and generally would not marry a chick who has a baby. They may screw her, but they won't keep her. Also, after about 25 or so, the women are generally "past their prime." Hence, all these single mothers and available women over 25. I didn't agree with this, until my buddies asked me to step back and look at it. It's the same all throughout Latin America.

There are many guys who leave Bogota to go to towns like Giradot, Melgar, and some even to Medellin, Cali, Pereira, Manizales, Cartagena, Barranquilla, etc. just to screw college chicas for free. Maybe not your chica, but the Bogota intrigue (I guess because it's the capital) intrigues some. I've seen some of the pics of these chicas. Some of these dudes do it regularly as it's that easy.

I'm not gonna get into the ugly Colombian debate. However, as I stated somewhere else, someone's getting all these ladies pregnant, and it ain't gringos. Take from that what you wish.

And those dudes from that TV show thread, didn't make a favorable impression of the looks of gringos either, LOL!!!

"Don't tase me, bro!!!!"

Miguel says on Sep 15, 2005, 10:44:

Tienes razon tone En el programa los gringos bailan como Herman Munster o Jerry Lewis y hablan español como George W. Bush.

Mediterraquest says on Sep 15, 2005, 10:50:

2 cents from una colombiana importada Hey guys, as a recently new addition to the NJ fauna myself, via marriage with a gringo, I have to say this:
1. pereiranas may have the fame to be easy, often being called "perreiranas", truth is, all nationalities whores are everywhere just waiting for their free ride, keep your eyes open guys, it happens all over the world, not only in colombia.
2. girls from cali, medellin, pereira and specially barranquilla are really really hot.
3. Marrying a gringo takes a leap of faith, not only faith in the guy but also in one's ability to adapt to a new life and face the challenges of everyday life away from what is warm and known to you.
I did it, married the gringo and got here, not much of a cultural shock....more like a cultural deception (my opinion), life can get really boring in the suburbs, let alone a small town in georgia.
4. If the girl wants to work that's pretty much the best option, get a job, be able to financially take care of herself (obviously she'll need the guy's help for a while, I still can't afford half of our living expenses but I'm on my way :))

I just got fed up with corronchos and cachacos cheating on me and decided to take a chance on the gringo. I knew it would be hard and it was but he always stood by me and helped me through the adaptation period (I'm still adapting).
Good luck to the guy with his colombiana.

If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all.
-Noam Chomsky

If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all. -Noam Chomsky

utopiacowboy says on Sep 15, 2005, 11:16:

You are so right, toneloc24. I can never figure out why the gringos want these young chicks. My wife was 42 when I married her with three kids to boot. For the Colombianos, it was totally and completely unthinkable to have a relationship with her for anything other than sex. Yet she is a wonderful person who can pass for a woman 15 years younger and is smoking hot. Even now at 45, she is hotter than 95% of the women I see, young or old. I'm still nuts about her and she treats me like a king. Their loss, my gain. I advise other gringos to do the same but very few do.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

BAQ says on Sep 15, 2005, 12:15:

GREAT PLAN BOBBYB, I think what you wrote is a GREAT PLAN. Sounds to me like you REALLY care about her and I think making a move north shows a GREAT DEAL OF COMMITMENT on your part and I think she will realize that. Personally, I would tell you WHY you are moving, I think she she accept it as a true and sincere gesture of your desire that she be happy.

GOOD FOR YOU AND BEST OF LUCK !!!!!

Semper Fidelis !

miamimike says on Sep 15, 2005, 12:43:

Here are some professional researcher's comments on the matter of Cultural/Langauge shock. Pretty interesting, though these women in the study are Chinese, the culture shock is generic in nature-it cuts across all lines when one is moving to a foreign land.





Adjusting to A New Society: A Study of Educated Chinese Women's
Acculturation in the United States
Ping Liu, Ph.D

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Liu, Spring, 1997
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Meeting the challenge of adjusting to a new culture and social life from a professional to a housewife places a great deal of pressure on these educated Chinese women. They have strong desires and motivation to continue their professions, but have not obtained the support necessary accomplish their goals. As housewives, their social circle is very limited, which leads to isolation in the host culture.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leaving one's motherland for a new country where a different language and culture dominates often results in barriers which must be overcome. However, I had never realized how hard it was to adjust to a new cultural and language environment until I immigrated to the United States. The most prominent change that I experienced in this new land was the shift from a professional to a housewife. Fortunately, this status did not last long (a year and a half) before I had the opportunity to pursue a higher degree. I was, then, able to resume the career that I had enjoyed in the past.



Today, with an earned doctoral degree, I often reflect on my personal experiences in the past six years in the United States and wonder what happened to other Chinese educated women who are not able to pursue their careers in the new country but remain housewives instead. How do they adjust themselves to the host country? What are their reactions to their current status? What support and help do they need in facilitating the process of adjustment? What are their desires and hopes? With these questions in mind, I conducted research on married Chinese female immigrants who were well-educated and employed in China.


By the middle of this century, Chinese women had been playing a subservient role for more than 2,000 years. In a woman's lifetime, she was supposed to obey her father when she was a girl, obey her husband when she got married, and obey her son when her husband died. She had no right to inherit family property and was not even allowed to keep her own name after marriage; she was addressed as her husband's wife or her child's mother. In addition, women were deprived of the right of education, and it was a virtue for a woman to be uneducated. The social status of women changed dramatically over the past few decades. They were encouraged to walk out of their houses and become active participants in society. Although many critical issues still exist in women's status in China (Croll, 1995), Chinese women, especially those who live in urban areas, have witnessed fundamental changes in education, employment, and marriage.


The majority of Chinese women who joined their husbands in the U.S. were well educated and employed in respectable professions in China. These female immigrants are usually unable to find a job to resume their professions in this new country due mainly language and cultural barriers. Therefore, they may encounter more difficulties in acculturation than those women who originally were in the traditional roles of housewife and mother.


For this study, I interviewed three Chinese women who were all college graduates and who worked as a teacher (Mrs. Z), an administrator (Mrs. P), and a journalist (Mrs. C), before they immigrated to the US. They have been living in the US for 9, 8, and 3 years respectively. Except for Mrs. Z, who has been working in a plant for a few months, the other two have not been employed since coming to the U.S. In this manuscript, I focus the analysis of their responses in the following categories: language/cultural barriers in adjustment, self-evaluation of current status in the host culture, reaction to gender issues, and attitude toward the pursuit of a higher degree.

Language/Cultural Barriers in Adjusting to the Target Environment

Mrs. Z was a middle school English teacher, so her English was good enough for basic daily communication. However, she admits that she has both language and cultural barriers yet to overcome. "Although it is important that you should have high language proficiency to communicate effectively, there seems to be as much of a cultural barrier as there is a language barrier. Little is shared between people from different cultural backgrounds, and few common topics exist between them. For instance, I do not have much communication with my American colleagues, except for exchanging greetings and discussing the movies we have seen. Most of the time, I associate with Chinese workers."
Mrs. P, a former administrator at a university, and Mrs. C, a former journalist at a national newspaper, are both full time housewives, taking care of their husbands and kids. They claim that language barriers prevent them from getting involved in the social life and hinder their professional development in the new environment. Everyday they communicate with other Chinese immigrants but seldom interact with native English speakers. As a result, they feel very much isolated in the host culture.


*********All of the three women report that when they first arrived in the U.S. they attended English language development classes but soon dropped out. Their general impression of the quality of the classes was unanimous -- not positive, though their specific comments on the ineffectiveness of the classes vary. Mrs. Z explains: "I dropped out mainly because the level of the class was too basic. What I need is to enroll in an advanced class, so that my English can be improved. I am sure that my English can be greatly enhanced if I had the opportunity to study in a formal educational program." ***********


Mrs. P's reaction to the limitations of the English classes is similar to that of Mrs. Z. "You may learn the basic skills for daily communication, but little support was provided for language advancement." She lists further reasons for the ineffectiveness of the class: a) the teachers were not well trained, b) various proficiency levels of students in the same class made it harder to focus instruction, and c) the teaching materials were not adequate.


According to Mrs. C, the English classes she attended did not help very much because of ineffective instruction. "Vocabulary was the focus of teaching. We learned and memorized many words that we seldom or never use in daily life. I think listening comprehension is a major area that needs to be stressed, which was unfortunately ignored in the class. Since only English was used for instruction, I often failed to comprehend what was explained. The games we played, on the other hand, were too easy. Another weak area of teaching was that grammar was not taught at all. Therefore, we only know isolated words but do not know how to use them properly."


It is interesting to note that all participants chose to have the interview done in Chinese because they could explain themselves better in their native language. ************Perhaps language is not the only issue here; culture may have a lot to do with their choices.******* It is still questionable whether the Acculturation Model (Schumann, 1978) explains all about second language learning, but the participants' experiences do indicate that language learning is closely related to social interaction, or vice versa.

Self-evaluation of Current Status in the Host Country

Since the Chinese women's social lives underwent a dramatic change due to immigration, they were asked to compare their current status with that in China.********** Their adjustment in the host country not only includes knowing a new language and culture but also experiencing the change from professionals to housewives. Are they happy with their current status?*************


"*********I am not quite satisfied with my current situation because I have not been merged in the social life here," says Mrs. Z. Mrs. Z continues, "Ever since I came to this country, all I have done was give birth to two daughters. Though I have a minimum wage job now, I am still not involved in the society. I guess one of the reasons for the isolation is that I do not have a chance to be educated." Mrs. Z states that she would rather go back to China if her life and status remain the same in this country.*********** "An individual needs to make contributions to a society. So, my strongest desire is to change my current status by starting a profession that I like and becoming an independent woman again."


*********Similarly, Mrs. P is disappointed at her current status. "Now I do not have my own social life. There is a major difference between being a housewife and a professional. You do things playing either role, but you can only enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when you complete tasks as a professional. You work everyday as a housewife, yet you still feel you are nowhere." Except for volunteering as the principal of a Chinese Sunday school, Mrs. P has never officially been employed in this society. She has been trying very hard to find a job, but has been rejected so far. "I wish I could go back to China to continue my career. However, I have to stay to take care of my husband and two sons. I do not know exactly how my experiences here would affect my life in the future, but one thing is for sure -- I am wasting my time for my career."***********


Isolation and the feeling of being lost are also the primary worries of Mrs. C. "As a professional, I often felt exhausted at the end of a day but was happy. Whenever my articles were in print, I enjoyed my achievement. Language and cultural barriers prevent me from making use of my expertise and being recognized in this society." Mrs. C does not see herself being involved in the mainstream life yet. "I still eat my Chinese food and keep my own life style. I do not know very much about the American customs." Her communication circle is limited to Chinese people. She is not sure how the experience would affect her life in the future, however. "I have gone through a lot of psychological pressures which prepare me to handle a new environment better." Mrs. C is expecting her second child in eight months, and can only plan for her future when her husband graduates.

Reaction on Gender Issues

In the interview, the participants evaluate women's status in the U.S. compared to that of Chinese women. They also comment on whether the barriers they encountered in the new environment were related to gender differences. Interestingly, their responses to the issues represent different views.


Instead of directly comparing women's status in the two countries, Mrs. Z admits that age makes a major difference in the way U.S. women fit into family and society. For the traditional (older) women, husbands are their bosses and they are very obedient. But the younger female professionals, are more independent and have a more equal relationship with their spouses.


The reflection of Mrs. P on women's status in both countries is rather straight forward: "I think Chinese women are much better off than the American women in terms of independence and professional development. Almost all Chinese urban women are employed and have a more equal relationship with their husbands. In this society, you hear stories of family violence and battered women all the time."


Holding an opposite view to that of Mrs. P, Mrs. C thinks American women are well treated. "Quotas prevent women from discrimination in job searches. When a couple is getting divorced, the wife can still get economic support from the husband if she is not independent. Women's rights are well protected. For instance, a pregnant woman can always get the nutrition she needs for the baby's and her own health from the government."


All of the women agree that the pressure one is under in adjusting to a new culture is more universal than gender related. However, their opinions on the amount and types of pressures experienced by males and females differ.
Mrs. Z believes that her husband has more pressure than she does. "He has to worry about holding his job so as to provide economic support for the family. My pressure is rather caused by the tedious routines and boring life. Other than that, I do not have to worry about my food on the table." Mrs. P indicates both she and her husband have pressures but their pressures are different. He has the responsibility of supporting the family, while she is concerned at the change of her current status by finding a job. She further explains that no matter whether one is a male or a female, s/he must deal with many difficulties in adjusting to a new culture. "But I think it is even harder for a woman because she has more family responsibilities, such as taking care of kids. If I were in China I could get help from my family, and now I have to handle everything all by myself."


Like Mrs. P, Mrs. C admits that she and her husband have different types of pressures. "My husband's pressure is mainly from his career. He is not young anymore, but has to work hard to support this family. I, on the other hand, do not have economic pressure but am caught in a dilemma: if I stay here, I cannot resume my career; if I go back to China and do what I enjoy, I have to leave my husband." Mrs. C further states that both men and women will encounter difficulties when they are in a new country. However, men are more independent than women in adjustment. Women are usually dependent on their husbands and have their specific problems to deal with such as bearing and raising children. "I do not have anything else to do now, so it is the best time to have children. Children make me feel wanted and bring me joy."


Obviously, these participants express very different views in their evaluation of women's status in the U.S. A possible explanation to the phenomenon could be that none of them has actually looked into the issue, and their responses are primarily based on the nonsystematic information available in their lives.

Attitude Toward Education and Pursuit of a Higher Degree

Asians view education as a means to improve their lives (Scarcella, 1990), and the three Chinese women are no exception. They all understand the relationship between continued education and the development of their careers in the US, but only Mrs. Z has an immediate goal to work on a higher degree. The other two both suggest that it is not realistic for them to continue their education due to language, culture and age barriers, responsibilities in their family, and limited support available. However, Mrs. C plans to choose a career that requires less language skill. "I would like to do something in a Chinese community or select a profession that does not require too much language proficiency, such as running a Chinese restaurant. Making money is important, but my priority is to maximally develop my potential."


Although the Chinese women have experienced many difficulties in their adjustment and still feel lost, they have not given up. They have been trying persistently to find a way out so that they may develop their potential in the new environment.


Meeting the challenge of adjusting to a new culture and social life (from a professional to a housewife) results in a great deal of pressure on these educated Chinese women. They have strong desires and motivation to continue their professions, but have not obtained the support to accomplish their goals. As housewives, their social life circle is very much limited, which leads to isolation in the host culture. They are fully aware of the relationship between acquiring the new language and pursuing their careers in this country, but they are not yet able to improve their English proficiency.

Implication/Conclusions

An implication of this study related to English teaching is that a good understanding of students' needs is fundamental for effective instruction. If students do not see much progress in language learning, it is not only a waste of time, but their self-confidence may be negatively affected. Moreover, English classes should also create opportunities to have students well connected to the new society to both improve their language proficiency and facilitate the acculturation process. Social/psychological distance seems to play an important part in students' language acquisition. In other words, their isolation from the target language group slows down the process of English learning. Language, culture, and opportunities through jobs are key elements to newcomers' success in this complex society.

The three interviewed women were eager to participate in this new society but found major language and cultural barriers. As the country with the largest number of immigrants in the world, it is important that U.S. institutions be established to serve the immigrants' needs in language acquisition, education, and employment. If timely guidance and support are provided, the acculturation processof immigrants would be greatly facilitated. The sooner Chinese women immigrants find their positions in a new society, the less pressure they will have to deal with, and the sooner they can make contributions to the society if they choose to pursue their careers

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,

toneloc24 says on Sep 15, 2005, 13:23:

I think she'll have a much better time acclimating to the North East, as opposed to South Georgia, as Mediterraquest and BAQ have stated.

South Georgia is for special people. And definitely not a young Colombiana. LOL!!!

"Don't tase me, bro!!!!"

ws244 says on Sep 15, 2005, 13:54:

ken2 Why so many norte americanos are marrying Colombians is for their looks, no not to keep them at home, but rather to put their young bodies out there on a pedestal for the macho latin look for all their friends to see, and in the end usually divorced going back for another one.

Fionalatina says on Sep 15, 2005, 14:46:

Too bad it is true My experience, no matter where you will be, you will always find some Colombian, I was living in the middle of nowhere in Washington State and there are Colombians there.

I speak English, had a good job but took me a long time to adapted... specially because my husband and I had problems from the beginning. At the end we got the divorce, now I am back in Colombia and he is already dating another girl who he meat on the internet... (too bad she doesn´t know the trouble she is getting into).

I would thing the best way to do it is to bring her to the US as a fiance, get a job that wouldn´t have to report her income, learn the language and see how well she adapts to it... if not, you won´t have to get the divorce and she will be able to come back to Colombia. Marriage is not always the best way to do it... it is just the fastest.

Fiona

Fiona

miamimike says on Sep 15, 2005, 15:27:

Fionalatina-True the Fiance Visa is a Good Way But its only 90 Days and this is NOWHERE near enoughg time to 1) Learn the Langauge 2) work 3) Acclimate oneself to the Culture. In 90 Days, you are barely scratching tjhe surface so to speak. However, you could bring her back 2-3 times as a Finace. At best, its a difficult, difficult Mission.

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,

bobbyb says on Sep 16, 2005, 04:57:

Thanks guys the input helped me out alot with the decision of getting gone! I was leaning towards moving outta' here anyway and ya'll pushed me over the edge and I'm real comfortable with the decision.

elmodefoque says on Sep 16, 2005, 05:11:

hey bobby, did you finish milking them there cows yet?

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

bobbyb says on Sep 16, 2005, 05:58:

I'm working on them dam goats today Elmo a couple of questions about when my girl friend gets here and starts cooking for me. Should I start to load up with Pepto-Bismol and extra toilet paper?
And will I have to change my name to Bovvyv?

elmodefoque says on Sep 16, 2005, 06:11:

As long as she doesn’t show up in Georgia International airport with gallons of Colombian water, you should be ok.
Bobby, I could just imagine your colombianita getting up at 5 am, putting on her make up, that very tiny super low cut blouse and the 6 inch heels to go milk the cows.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

bobbyb says on Sep 16, 2005, 07:03:

I suppose this question is for the gringos that are living with/married to a colombiana. With regards to everyday living, what are some of the Cultural differences vs. personal habits that you think are a little different and strange and some advise on how to handle it?
Like if she comes here and nails one of my chickens to the front door to ward off evil spirits and I take it down. Will I really be cursed?

flaleo says on Sep 16, 2005, 07:29:

My novia says it depends if it's a leap year.

Seriously, my fiancée should be here within 1-3 months, so I am curious to see if you get any informative responses (intead of what we usually see here - nothing but generalizations).

quindioman says on Sep 17, 2005, 05:47:

LMAO you guys are too friggin' funny.....six inch heels and milking cows....i never thought I'd see these words juxtaposed in such a manner.....lol
Hey bobbyb....watch them chickens nailed to the door!

kernow62 says on Sep 17, 2005, 06:44:

Wait till she sticks a nicely manicured nail up the chicken's culo to get your eggs for breakfast. That's how it is done in Colombia, the eggs just fly out, still nice and warm.

silviat says on Sep 17, 2005, 06:55:

I am the colombian wife Hi bobbyb

I am glad that your fiance wants to work in America... I think that shows that she doesnt want to be using your money and depending on you (I am really crazy for starting school and receiving my work permission so I can have some money of my own, go out of the house and have some space of my own, etc etc...).

Anyway you should tell her that she shouldnt think on working without her proper documentation, it could be bad for your immigration process and you guys dont need that... tell her to be patient... you guys have been patient with the process and why to dont wait a little more and do things the right way...

By the way... I dont agree with those that say there is a red flag in what she said... I would be concerned if she would say something like ... "cielo get ready because I will want lots of clothes and jewelry and to send back money to my parents and you'll have to pay for that".


You should also explain her that she is not going to live anywhere similar to NYC and that the idea her friends have given her about the US will be very different from the place she will actually be living at... If she thinks the US is NYC or what she sees int he movies then she will have a big surprise when she finds herself in your town in GA.

In our case is easy because we are both city people, but when I came to see his parents in their little town in OH... oh my god!!!! I loved it but for a vacation (and just because of the parents... the town has not much to offer)... I was very amazed for how small and how conservative the town was... and the first thing that came to my mind was: Its fine for vacations but I would certainly go crazy if I would live here more than 1 month.

Maybe in your fiances case will be different (everybody enjoys different things) and maybe you guys will be able to find the things that she require to have a confortable life in GA.. I hope so, but to be honest, for me (I am just talking for myself)it would be hard.

About shewanting to live close to latins... its totally normal... she is leaving her country and family and friends... and she wants to dont feel that far away from what she belongs to.

I didnt really like your comment of I am white and I like white (stating that you wouldnt move to a latino neighborhood). You are white and you like white, but now you are marrying a latin person with different preferences and it would be a good start for you to take in account her perferences, to make decisions together and balance what you both want or dont want out of certain situation (for example: You want to live in the middle of whites and she in the middle of latinos... look for something in the middle like a mixed neighborhood or somewhere close to some latinos she knows - of course that if you move out of GA someday-... or... You want to listen to american music and she wants to listen to colombian music... well 30 minutes for your music and 30 minutes for her music). If you expect her to move there and adapt to what your lifestyle is and you are not expecting to make changes... then it will just be harder for her to ever get adjusted and also it will be hard for your relationship to succeed.

For me part of what has help me a lot when I am feeling down (and to dont feel down that often) its to see how my husband loves to sometimes do things he wouldnt normally do (learn dance salsa, eat big lunches and small dinners, try harder on his spanish, include a ton of colombian things on our wedding plans, etc etc etc) just to see me smile. In my opinion that is one of the most beautiful ways he expresses his loves to me.

Now about your last question with regards to diferences in the everday living:

I eat big lunches and small dinners and he does the oposite... we are trying to work it out (I prepair a big lunch when I am home and he eats not much in quantity and then he eats a ton of those leftover at nights, sometimes I join him in his lunch sandwich and in his big dinners and go to bed with stomach ache because I am not used to :P)

Music, Carlos Vives vs Beck (I love Beck and I've never been too much a tropical music person but since I am out of colombia nothing cheers me up more than listening to La Tortura... well we try to have a Colombian music dinner or afternoon every 3 or 4 days)

Colombian saver vs American spender (I grow up saving every penny and every posible food, I think actually in my mothers eyes I was a spender... I realize I was not that much of a spender when I came here and saw the way american do so. At the beginning for Seth was weird to have me trying to control every spent but once he saw his account balance that month he loved it)

I cant think on much habits right now (and I dont know if our differences are really that cultural) but I hope it was of help... I gotta leave now, his parents want to pick me up

Have good luck

Silvia

kernow62 says on Sep 17, 2005, 07:11:

I forgot about that one Silvia. My wife is the same, we do not waste food. I even have found uses for sour milk.

Also Bobby if you are a typical messy bloke, with the house in disarray, be prepared to have lots of your valubale junk thrown out or at least tidied away where you can't find it. I am ending up with two of everything because I can't find the stuff so I end up buying the item again, then I suddenly find the first item that she has tidied away. Just this week I purchased a caulking gun, a nail gun, a taping knife, and an electronic stud finder... all of which I am sure I already own at least one of if not more.

kernow62 says on Sep 17, 2005, 08:08:

I had to leave something for Gomez to have a go at.

silviat says on Sep 17, 2005, 11:47:

My mother in law's opinion I was talking to my mother in law about this thread and when I told her about this line "Cielo I want to live near other latins. Baby marry a colombiano. Ceilo eres odioso." she said... Well I dont think this is a red flag for him but a red flag for her!

just posting her opinion ;)

silviat says on Sep 17, 2005, 11:54:

Kernow Hahaha that about not wasting food is funny... if Seth would like to write in forums he would probably complain about it... he says I am a little obsessed with the no wasting.

Last week we came to OH for a month, so I didnt wanted to waste any of our food and made a lunches a dinners list based on what we had in the freezer that may get spoiled after a month.

So we ate basically ate food all based on broccoli, spinach, pasta (because we had lots of salsa), eggs, tomatoes and onions, parmesano cheese and garden burgers for a week... at the end he asked me to please dont try to use more of the food that we arent supose to waste... to please throw away some of it because all he wanted was a slice pizza that had nothing to do with broccoli eggs or parmeggiano...

We had the pizza (and then because I didnt wanted to throw the left overs we took them with us in the plane :P... It saved us luch in the chicago airport!)

CaryGrant says on Sep 17, 2005, 13:09:

Sylvia! Great posts! Thank you for being informative, light-hearted, and not judgmental.

bobbyb says on Sep 17, 2005, 14:36:

sylvia I have read a lot of your posts and they are usually very insightful and I appreciate it. I do have a few remarks about the ones you wrote here. I understand the need to be thrifty but I think it's border line to being cheap and stingy (?sp). I prefer quality of life over quanty and the things I buy are to make my life easier and there's now way I'm gonna eat leftovers everynight either.
In American slang us white folk call the spanish ghetto "el barrio". And I wouldn't live there just as wouldn't live in a black ghetto or a white trash trailer park, been there done that and ain't no way I'm going back simply because mi esposa wants to be near other latins.
Besides it was bbattiste that said Massachusetts and Conn. are 97% white, as though he were implying that the people there are racists and since I'm from Mass I was a little offended by the implication.
So hopefully that clears that up and you can explain to your mother-in-law why I said what I did because I really don't want her to cuff me upside the head.

bobbyb says on Sep 17, 2005, 14:44:

you know the first post that I wrote here I was just adlibbing and kinda joking around with serious undertones of course. So don't take everything I say too seriously or lituraly,(I can't spell wotrh a shti today) I'm sorta stressed out about waiting for her visa and joking around helps relieve it.

silviat says on Sep 17, 2005, 15:09:

hehehehe I know I am a little to complicated with the food thing.

My mother and grandmother always said: The worst sin is to waste food, when there is so much people starving on the world.

And I probably didnt understand it as much when I was a little girl but as I grew older and specially after volunteering in a soup kitchen for unemployed persons in Argentina I did really understand what they meant.

I always try to dont buy more than we need (specially in food), because I seriously thing it wouldnt be fair to put food on the trash when there is people starving in my home country, africa, and during those days even in the US (our flight was while the superdome and convention center crisis in New Orleans).

I am not as cheap with other things! I am very picky about my clothing (thought never would spend 500 dolars in a shirt because that is waste!), my face creams, home stuff... the same as my husband (que chico tan picky).

Oh and I swear I wouldnt pack up my gordo with spinaches, broccolis and parmesano if we werent traveling (he has a better quality of life than that ;o) )

In our usual daily life many times he has our lunch left overs for dinner because I never cook for dinner (I usually eat fruits or something light at least that we are having a romantic pasta night or people over).

Is not that I need to explain myself but I dont want to give a wrong image either :P

I already told my mother in law about that... she laughed about it... she thought it was funny I wrote her opinions in my forum

Where in the k1 process are you bobbyb?

bobbyb says on Sep 17, 2005, 15:29:

I hope there's no problem I did what you guys told me and sent the "Virtual Packet #3" to the embassy via a courier. The embassy received it last Tuesday the 12th. I had found out, from my state representive, that the embassy sent her packet to the wrong address July 22nd. I just got a message from my Rep. Friday that the embassy will be resending her the packet #3.
So I don't know if this is gonna screw up anything or what because of the resending after they received the virtual packet. I'm gonna monitor the Embassy site for the next set of interviews

bobbyb says on Sep 17, 2005, 15:34:

Sylvia I just reread your post, Did you really spend $500 on a shirt?

silviat says on Sep 18, 2005, 20:21:

Oh noo! I am not as cheap with other things! I am very picky about my clothing (thought ---- never would spend 500 dolars