Craving Attention (Part Two), Addressing Colombiche

calipro says on Apr 25, 2006, 19:40:

southernman "However, if these women crave this attention, is it because they are insecure within themselves? I have heard it said that the men basically ignore them (so much beauty around them, they take it for granted)?"

Sounds a bit more ridiculous when you read it out loud. hehehe!

Colombians (men and women) are much more sociable from the get go than the average american. I wouldn't describe either gender as being insecure about themselves. And I certainly wouldn't describe colombianos as ignoring women.

Men here in the states pay far less attention to women in general than colombianos pay to colombianas. There is a good reason for it though. It is a bit harder to strike up a conversation with a hot looking americana than a drop dead gorgeous colombiana.

I think that I have spent to much time in Colombia to really relate to american women anymore. I started chatting with a woman (and not very attractive) at work one day. She cut our conversation short by saying she had a boyfriend. I was stunned and just stopped talking to her. I couldn't believe she actually thought I was hitting on her. I guess she wasn't as bore as I was because if I was out somewhere I wouldn't have wasted a minute talking to her.

But that's my point. I'm an american. We usually have a reason for striking up a conversation. Colombianos don't really need a reason.

Let me give you a test. Just call up some american friends that you haven't spoken to in awhile and just start chatting some small talk with them. Time how long it takes them to ask you whats up or what you have on your mind (code words for why are you calling me)then call some colombian friends and do the same.

I think you will be surprised by what you find.

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Dolfi says on Apr 26, 2006, 00:49:

Whenever I see a good looking woman walking down the street in Germany (where I live) holding her head up so high and avoiding the looks of any male persons who passes by, it makes me smile since I travelled to Southamerica. I ´m thinking: do you really think you are so special? There are a dozen of your kind in any cafe in Medellín or Caracas or Asunción.

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Dolfi says on Apr 26, 2006, 00:49:

Whenever I see a good looking woman walking down the street in Germany (where I live) holding her head up so high and avoiding the looks of any male persons who passes by, it makes me smile since I travelled to Southamerica. I ´m thinking: do you really think you are so special? There are a dozen of your kind in any cafe in Medellín or Caracas or Asunción.

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Albatross says on Apr 26, 2006, 04:31:

Southerndude You make it sound like talking about one's privates or blow-up dolls is a BAD thing.

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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Albatross says on Apr 26, 2006, 04:34:

Calipro "I think that I have spent to much time in Colombia to really relate to american women anymore."

I couldn't agree more...

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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caulfield2 says on Apr 26, 2006, 06:42:

I think that a lot of the younger Colombian women tend to be more competitive with each other...in terms of apparel choices, how much skin they show, make-up amount, high heels, the whole nine yards.

Of the women I know from 25-35, the ones that are established in jobs, career, family...they are much more secure and down-to-earth, but they still take great efforts to look nice in public. As they get older, they realize that beauty is less significant than self-fulfillment, and that even the most beautiful woman quickly becomes quite ugly without a brain and personality to match her exterior appearance. Perhaps there is some jealousy between the two groups...the younger ones wanting to be ¨settled¨ and not lonely, the older ones wanting more attention, to have guys flirt with them, even if they are already married...just to know that they still ¨have it¨ and are considered attractive, even with all the pretty women that abound in Colombia.

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southernman says on Apr 26, 2006, 06:43:

I don't know anything about blow up dolls..... by the time I am done giving so much attention to my Colombian woman, I don't have time or energy for a blow up doll. I just don't think I could get the same affect with a blowup doll, except for them not talking back to me. But then again, the words my Colombian woman say to me, I would much rather talk to her, than a blow up doll.

But I understand that some may get more action with the dolls (big Smile)

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 06:47:

HI Southernman I am swamped with work right now, but i will write a more elaborate reply as soon as I get a breather :)

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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southernman says on Apr 26, 2006, 06:55:

Colombiche I am waiting for your reply,

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Albatross says on Apr 26, 2006, 08:17:

Talking Dolls They make ones that talk (or so I've heard...)

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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Blue says on Apr 26, 2006, 09:20:

What makes you believe your premise? Maybe this observation is wrong to begin with. Seems like a bogus observation to begin with.

Blue

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 10:14:

First off, I think you were referring to the statement I made in Elmo's thread where I half-jokingly said "Colombianas don't crave attention, we just get it". What I meant to say is that if you look around PBH, the whole forum is driven by a fascination with "The mythical colombian woman". There are a good number of posters who would never have ventured to "dangerous, mysterious" Colombia if it wasn't for the lure of the sirens. Many, like yourself, have gone there and discovered that behind the "We are a mad exotic country full of gorgeous eager women.." facade, Colombia is actually a place inhabited by normal, friendly, warm people who just want to live their lives to the fullest.


Which brings me to my point: Colombian women as a whole are not that different from women anywhere else on the planet, we are not a different specie, we as a group don't really crave attention any more or any less than say Chilenas or Italians. WE are not made in an assembly line. We are just a product of a combination of genes and the society we live in. There might be some cultural factors that make it appear as though colombian women are attention hogs, for instance:

Colombian culture is flirtatious by nature - Both women and men in Colombia are warm and converse in a manner that might be considered open flirting by foreigners. Even after years of living in North America I still can't manage to shake off my colombian friendliness, I have had problems at the office where male clients call me 10 times a day just to chat it up with me. I was getting tired of it, discussed the issue with my boss and came to the conclusion that I am just too pleasant, I should be colder and more business-like as in "Hi, yes I'm fine, what do you need?". I just can't go through life being that cold to the people around me, and it doesn't even have anything to do with flirting. It is recognizing that the person at the other end of the conversation is a human being who has a family, friends, children... etc. This is something very colombian in my point of view, and when north american men come across such friendliness they can't help but feel charmed by it.

Colombian culture is very sensual-- It impacts you guys because you are looking at it through foreign eyes, contrasting it to what you grew up with. Our music, our dance, how we dress, how we speak - we are louder, we talk with our hands, we express our emotions more readily.

Colombian men are allowed to push the envelope more than their North American counterparts -- If a Colombian man sees a woman he deems to be beautiful, it is "encoded in his DNA" to say something to her right away, to stare, to gawk to let her know (where North American men are more likely to quietly admire and "wait" for a chance to talk to her). Women in turn, live in this environment so we get used to it.

Glorification of Female beauty -- Colombia is a culture built around the cult of female beauty. If you listen to Colombian folklore, it is peppered with very poetically stated references to the female anatomy.

If a woman lives in a society where a woman is judged on her appearance and expected to be ravishing, how can you not expect her to flaunt what she has sometimes? I don't think there is anything wrong with that. What I think is wrong is living in a place where people have to always keep their needs and their emotions bottled up inside.

None of this has anything with machismo, or women not succeeding at other levels, it is about cultural idiosinchrasy. Some of our customs might be enchanting to a foreigner, some might be hard to discern. It doesn't matter.

Maybe that is why Colombia, in spite of all the political turmoil, still ranks as one of the happiest places on earth.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Apr 26, 2006, 10:24:

YOU COULD NOT SAID IT BETTER COLOMBICHE! :) THUMBS UP

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Gomezman5 says on Apr 26, 2006, 10:49:

Kat took the words out of my "hand" (mouth) Colombiche.....I agree with every word you posted -- without any ameliorations, qualifications or otherwise.


"Colombian culture is very sensual-- It impacts you guys because you are looking at it through foreign eyes, contrasting it to what you grew up with."

That quote requires repitition.....

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oldbongo says on Apr 26, 2006, 11:26:

and it requires reversing... canadian culture isn't very sensual, and it impacts colombianas
in the same, but opposite way in here. la commandante always notes how different things are....she is correcto...
colombiche....thank you for the very nice reminder.

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Albatross says on Apr 26, 2006, 11:37:

Ditto I too, have often thought that you are just too pleasant.

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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Blue says on Apr 26, 2006, 11:44:

So if Colombiche is correct in her observations, it's actually the love-starved gringos who are the ones craving attention when they seek out a Colombiana and not the other way around. Maybe we're all dysfunctional after all. lol

Blue

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 26, 2006, 11:59:

Good post. It must be rough living in Toronto.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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oldbongo says on Apr 26, 2006, 12:16:

it sucks so bad there... the oldgringo forbids la commandante to venture east.
one look at that bleak space and her blood will freeze.
sorry colombiche, you surely do what you want there, but
condolences for having to participate in canada from such
an unhappy place,.(why does the oldgringo always see such
wonder in the faces of visitors from back east?)

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 12:25:

"Good post. It must be rough "Good post. It must be rough living in Toronto."

Well, living in toronto has its plus and minuses like everything. I like a lot of things about this place, the freedom to come and go as I please, the relative safety, but there are things I don't like about it and they are generally in the realm of how cold and aloof people are here (in general), how the city lacks passion, warmth, people, and eventhough 60% of the city's population is foreign born, no immigrant community has yet made an imprint in the city's facade. Entertainment here is costly.

I also can't stand how people take 5 minutes to do a right turn when the road is clear... oh wait, this last rant belongs in the traffic thread ;)

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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caulfield2 says on Apr 26, 2006, 12:29:

Yes, Blue, something I can agree with, lol.

I'm sure there are not a plethora of websites with Latin women glorifying themselves about how many gringos they've scored with...for some reason I'm reminded of that line from GLADIATOR that Maximus delivers to Commodus before he kills him..."the time for glorifying yourself will soon be at an end" (or words to that effect).

And, while I am also sure there are plenty of Colombianas who have taken advantage of gringos...plenty of the opposite examples...and, the majority, where both sides use each other.

The difference is that the women are a little more dignified in their comportment.

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 12:33:

ijwle I'm surprised that being a member for 13 minutes, you already know this much about my contributions to this forum. You might as well have posted how you really feel under your regular user name (let me guess what letter it starts with).

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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oldbongo says on Apr 26, 2006, 13:21:

oops!!! my dog got out.

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 13:34:

Very articulate I can barely understand anything you said mr anonymous.

Egocentric? Maybe. So what?
;)

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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southernman says on Apr 26, 2006, 13:39:

I agree Colombiche, and I disagree a little You made alot of correct comments, and I agree to a point that women are basically the same, but in many respect they are different just as both genders male and female of colombian nationality and culture are different.

Language defines our culture, this is true because not race or culture does things the same, even down to very small details, and it is those detail, that make us different in some respects, the same in others.

Yes women are basically women, but also women are different based on what their culture has taught them as a people.

As I personally met a Colombian woman, I enjoyed her not because of how she looked, because for a long time I had not seen her, we just emailed, but in emailing she shared with me what she was like at heart, what she wanted in life, her goal, dreams, fears. I fell in love with the interior person, so that when we met over one year later, it did not matter to me what she looked liked. our hearts joined, and we knew that we wanted to be together. When we met, yes, I will admit I was pleasantly surprised by her looks.

Attention: She wants as much attention from me, as I want from her.

I do think americans have more baggage due to poor relationships, and so need and want much attention from their other.

I appreciate your comments, some a little over my head, I am just a plain meat and potatoes man, but I appreciate your wisdom.

But it I can make one more comment, I think that life is meant to be simple, this gives us opportunity to enjoy so many other things in life, like our families. Can I ask a question, are you upset because men and or people want to talk to you all the time, because you are nice to them?

No one likes to be hit on, or used as a sounding board all the time, but please don't adopt a rude approach to people, because they are taking your friendliness for flirtation, or whatever.

I only say this because everyone in the world or your community is not like that, so don't make them pay for the mistakes of a few others.

life is too short to go through it, and not enjoy who you really are.

I know I don't know you, but your post sounded a bit angry.

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 13:40:

I too, have often thought tha I too, have often thought that you are just too pleasant.

I know Alba, that is why you are always swarming around me, craving to get my attention.... :D

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 13:41:

... ooopss, double post, the server is acting up (internal error).

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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Colombiche says on Apr 26, 2006, 13:56:

Can I ask a question, are you Can I ask a question, are you upset because men and or people want to talk to you all the time, because you are nice to them?

Southernman, I assure you there was absolutely no anger in my post, maybe just wordy and you misinterpreted my babbling ;)

I wish I could spend my whole day talking to people, the problem here was that my friendliness was being misinterpreted (I think). Like for instance, one of these clients took it personally when I stopped answering his calls and tried to wait for him to leave messages, he actually started questioning me about my whereabouts and all that, I thought that was a bit strange in a business environment. What do you think I should have done in such a case southerman? Give me a man's point of view.

Will I change? No. I love talking to people, people are amazing, everybody has something to teach you. It doesn't upset me at all that some people might want to talk to me. I was just worried about whether being friendly was sending out what some people might interpret as "signals".

I even enjoy the cheapshots posters on PBH take at me, I swear!

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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southernman says on Apr 26, 2006, 14:18:

Colombiche I appreciate your comments, I think you should be frank on your job as you are on this post with most of your comments except the one you sent to ijwle (smile).

I would straightforwardly tell the person that there conduct is not professional, and if they can't be professional, please don't talk to me, this is business.

It is very sad when someone takes a person kindness for more than that.

Sometimes women in my business try to come on to me, because generally I am pretty laid back talkative fellow, but when I notice that they are getting too friendly, and I am sure that's what it is, I will pull them to the side and let them know, that I cannot deal with them in that way. I can be professional and kind, but i cannot flirt with you, and really this is part of some persons problem, they will flirt, but then when others flirt back or bring it on kinda of strong, the other person wants to slam on the breaks.

I am not saying that this is you, I am just sharing what happens when people try to innocently flirt.

In your case, you are just being nice and professional, I would let them know that you are prepared to keep it that way, but if they continued, you would not be able to be nice to them, because clearly he is taking all your friendliness for something else.

I would hope it that was my wife, she would get tough with those persons who CLEARLY have crossed your line and the line. I am sure your boss would not appreciate that line being crossed, and if it is fellow employees, do you know how to say sexual harrassment?

I read several articles on in Latina about Hispanic women who are being prey upon because of them trying to be nice, in fact one article the boss wanted his employee to dress a certain way, things like that, can you imagine how her husband would feel knowing that.

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Blue says on Apr 26, 2006, 14:45:

Caulfield... If we start from the premise that “love is nothing more than the exchange of two fantasies and the melding of flesh” (forget author) we can look at this from another perspective. In other words, these relationships defy logic. Even more so than when a culture is shared between two people. But I like your mutual exploitation theory. Maybe not such a bad thing. All I can say is never shatter the illusion of a lover. Relationship killer to the max. But I’m sure you already know this.

Blue

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caulfield2 says on Apr 26, 2006, 15:00:

I actually took the time to read that article about what women are looking for...the MOB one.

The problem is that it is very difficult to assess what people REALLY want in a relationship, because the ¨personal ads¨ they looked at contain only fragments of truth. Surprise that the women said they were seeking a faithful, committed, ambitious and prosperous man? Well, geez....and then their control group, if you want to call it that, were 20-21 year old medical students. A pretty homogeneous group if you ask me. I really wouldn´t draw any conclusions from their study, and I certainly am not ready to believe that these women are as guileless as they are projecting themselves to be. Heck, I would like to see one relationship where the man is obviously better looking than the female counterpart.

And just because you say you´re looking for something doesn´t mean you are being truthful...the women didn´t mention appearance once (either theirs or that of the man) as being one of the key factors, except for those pesky Russian brides, lol, who were more obsessed with finding an attractive mate than the Colombianas.

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morphus says on Apr 26, 2006, 17:38:

Southernman, do you live in the Southern U.S.? The women there are very friendly. More than some parts of Colombia. I never had a problem with those Southern gringas. They give good love. Its a different ball game down South. When I stare at hot blonde down South, she smiles back and blushes. Here in New York City, they're scared of getting raped or something. I notice that a lot of women in New York are intimidated by my masculinity. I'm sure they are wetting their panties but are afraid to admit it to themselves.

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morphus says on Apr 26, 2006, 18:43:

You're right! The women here in New York making 100k a year don't need men. I went on a date with a girl a few weeks ago. She has a PHD and makes a lot of money. She thinks she is so great. She's real snobby and expects me to worship her anus. Its not happening. I'm too dysfuction for American dating. I belive the man should come first. If the woman does'nt love you broke and homeless, then its not real love.

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 26, 2006, 18:46:

I agree with Morphus that there are wide variations among different parts of the country and ethnic groups.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Blue says on Apr 27, 2006, 06:57:

Haha Morphus could find some action out here in California although he'd have to pick his spots. The San Francisco Bay area would pretty much be off limits to him. Too sophisticated there and the women too brainy although there are some places but it would take patience and he'd have to be on his best behavior with no body odor. Southern California is another story. Starting at Santa Barbara on the coast and heading down the beach towns to San Diego would be a mother lode for him. L.A. also. Best place would be Pacific Beach in San Diego. Party central for guys like Morphus; but just up the road in La Jolla he'd get run out of town..lol Would one of these women want to permanently stick her hooks in him...maybe...but one night stands would be plentiful. Anywhere in California he could find himself a rich 45-50 something for a sugar momma.

Blue

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