Colombian Women please help, Culture barrier!

utopiacowboy says on May 24, 2005, 19:11:

Yeah, stop telling your friends how much you love it when she gives you El Chiquito. A grand gesture isn't going to work if you just go back to your old ways. I guess she thinks some things are best kept private and maybe you should respect her wishes.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kernow62 says on May 24, 2005, 19:54:

If you cannot be discreet when you have had a few drinks; you might try drinking less or not at all. If you really feel she is the love of your life you need to do something about YOUR behavior; otherwise you might lose her.

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Miguel says on May 24, 2005, 22:36:

The "grandest gesture" Would be to read the writing on the wall; keep your personal business personal, and if alcohol makes that difficult, cut down the drinking.

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shirly1981 says on May 24, 2005, 23:18:

keep your mouth closed................... There are just two members in a relationship you and your wife, everything that happens in you house has to stay there, nobody has to know neither family nor friends, thats what a marriage means. If you cant control you mouth when you drink so stop drinking like that if you dont want to lose your wife. What do you prefer keep telling your friends what you do with your wife or give her a miserable life everytime she sees you doing the same thing???? I Know you used to do the same but now is different, you are married with a colombian girl and we have a different and better way to make a man happy but it is not to be published in the new york times ok. good luck!!!!

Sophia

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morphus says on May 25, 2005, 00:04:

i don't understand these guys that take shit from their Colombian wives. they should be living like kings. you have to show them who's the boss. this is how it is suppose to be: supper better be ready when you get home from work. if its a bad meal then you throw it on the floor and make her clean it up. whenever you need a fork, cup or salt shaker she brings it to you. if you are watching TV and want a beer, she brings it to you. you should'nt have to get up. if she opens her mouth, tell her to shut it or else. if she does'nt want to have sex, then you go out to a bar and leave her home alone all night. thats what real men do.

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shirly1981 says on May 25, 2005, 01:17:

thats the tipical colombian guy..................... Thats exactly what colombian guys do, you are right!!!! but thats why colombian women are looking for men from others countries 'cause of men like you. Colombia women what to be treated right, with love and more when we give our 100% for our man to feel good. But men in colombia receive 200% and they dont worth it.

Sophia

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dwmte says on May 25, 2005, 03:28:

right, morphus.... that must be your receipe for a real man...

anybody who treats anybody like that...much less their wife...would quickly have deminishing returns.

even a dog--man's best friend--would quickly abandon his oh so miserable master if treated like that.

dw

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kernow62 says on May 25, 2005, 04:02:

Morphus are YOU a "real man"?

Nah, I didn't think so.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 04:12:

to morphus yeah! And a real woman waits that he goes to the bar, then she change the locks of the house ,put his clothes in rubish bag, throw it out of the window and !woo hoo! A free man Zone ;-)

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 04:24:

smart wives Subject: Smart wives


Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give
me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or
not."

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 04:26:

Part II Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Husband--Stiff At Last.'"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 04:27:

Part III
Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings
her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 04:27:

Part IV Marriage (Part IV)

A man has! six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it! Time to go home and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 04:29:

and finally.... THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake
up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Miguel says on May 25, 2005, 05:11:

Original poster and Morphus Hopefully he'll get some helpful advice; as to the reply of Morphus; it follows his tone in previous threads. If he is serious, then too bad; if he is kidding, I could give a sh~it. It's all worth it after reading the replies from shirley, kat1, and Desi.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 05:57:

nothing cultural about this as many other posters have already pointed out the problem is yours, dumbgringo; the fact that your wife is Colombian has nothing to do with it, so the very question you make is on totally false premises. You have a relationship problem and need to deal with it if you want to save your marriage. Based on what you chose to tell us on your opening post I can't find any fault with her; I would have felt very humiliated too at that situation. You have humiliated her and failed to respect her when babbling out intimacies (did you think the fact that you had been drinking would be an excuse? Real men can keep secrets even when they drink).

Morphus, I believe, is another joker here who believes he has received such bad treatment with the opposite sex that he feels he doesn't have to show consideration or respect for women. Why he is hanging around here letting us all know how angry he is at women and how cynical his attitude is beyond me.

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Sunsetsrbest says on May 25, 2005, 06:43:

Dumbgringo... My first suggestion is not to worry about the "grand gesture" because what will impress her more is sincere apologies and actually fixing the problem. I think you also need better friends, where you won't feel you have to impress them, or be a part of the group only if you humiliate your wife. It is a basic self-esteem issue on your part, and a bad choice in friends. Sounds like the only good friend you have is your woman... maybe spend more time with her and less drinking with "the boys". Trust me, you won't be less of a man, and anyone that says so has no self-esteem and little self-confidence.


Gringo rojo :-)

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aaronfromus says on May 25, 2005, 07:14:

Parts I, III and IV above I don't think that parts I, III and IV (above) show these wives "one-upping" their husbands. When these wives, just to make a point, demonstrate their own infidelity they are no better than their husbands. In addition, perhaps these wives are even worse than their husbands since their husbands were not shown to be un-faithful in the stories. On a side note, I don't think dumbgringo's wife would think the jokes were funny either. If she does not even want dumbgringo to talk about their own sex life, much less is she going to think it is appropriate for wives, like herself, to do so. Ya, the guys seemed to be jerks, but aren't we all sometimes. It's not a license.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 07:21:

aaronfromus, those are just jokes. Nothing more was intended, only that I just happened to read them on one my other forums and they kind of fit the thread.
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 07:25:

and then again, they were just a reaction to morphus' cynical and high-handed post.
What dumbgringo's wife may or may not find funny is still a mystery to me. I only know that she doesn't like to be humiliated by a drunk husband and who can blame her.

No, I don't advocate infidelity, male or female. Not even as on rebound.

Cheers again,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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aaronfromus says on May 25, 2005, 07:34:

Oh ya .... Dumbgringo, I wanted to say congradulations on finding the love of your life:D Many people never find that special someone, and others just settle for whoever is convenient. But, it sounds like you've already set some things in motion in your relationship, things that never should have happened to begin with. Good luck on making a positive change. Don't screw it up.

Desi is right, you should not be humiliating your wife. That just makes no sense. Especially, if you really care about her.

Gringo Rojo is also right. She needs a real apology, not an excuse from you based on your inability to control yourself when you drink. Further, like Gringo Rojo said, acutally fixing the problem (i.e. shutting your mouth) is also necessary.

If you want a grand gesture, then do what they suggest. Shut your mouth and stop humiliating her, and sincerely apologize to her. I believe these things would be the grandest gesture that you could do, becuase it will show her that she still is, truely, "the love of your life."

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aaronfromus says on May 25, 2005, 07:40:

Desi Sometimes I find myself paying close attention to the jokes people tell, because what a person thinks is funny can say a lot about a person. But I understand where you're coming from. I do have a sense of humor.. Honest ;) hahahahaha

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Nora says on May 25, 2005, 07:55:

Perfect marriage I was an exchange student in Costa Rica in my youth, and had the unpleasant but interesting experience of living with a host family going through a divorce. The marriage had been more or less of the kind M describes as his ideal, and my host mother got enough, went to night school, found a job and left. I remember sitting in the kitchen with my host sister during one of their arguments. The wife locks herself in the bathroom and the husband, still in a fury enters the kitchen and grabs a can of condensed milk out of the fridge. Then he turns around with a disoriented face and opens a couple of closets befor turning to ask my sister to get him an opener, not realizing that he’s standing 1 step away from the drawer where it’s kept. Poor guy being so helpless in his own house… After she left I heard he moved in to a one-room apartment with only a fridge, a bed and a TV. What a life!

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 08:59:

aaronfromus, yes, I know what you mean. However, I think you might read too much into it what kind of jokes people tell. Occasional bad jokes don't make a bad person. I know many totally lovely persons who every now and then fall in bad taste with their joking, only because they didn't think all that carefully about what they said.
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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aaronfromus says on May 25, 2005, 09:36:

desi You are right that telling a bad joke does not make a person necessarily bad. Sometimes a joke is really just a joke. I was only making some personal observations, becuase sometimes people tell a joke without paying any attention to the themes underlying the joke. What we joke about today, sometimes, becomes what is acceptable tomorrow. Ya, you're also right, I probably analyzed the joke to "death" jajajajaj but every now and then I like to take a step back for some perspective. I think that's a healthy thing to do sometimes.

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quindioman says on May 25, 2005, 09:46:

dumbgringo well you might not have the people's sympathy here but you have mine....I too like to dispense with a lot of personal stuff to close friends. I see it like this...."orejas que no escuchan....plato que no se va a quebrar"
I mean we all need an amateur shrink methinks.
Morphus: your reply had me in stitches....perhaps it was because i took nothing that you wrote down seriously.....do you play smack my bitch up before chucking the food on the floor?
Just wondering :-p

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ARMacleod says on May 25, 2005, 09:56:

Difficult without the whole story. Marriage should be a partnership of equals. This is not a 1984 situation, i.e. All people are equal, but some people are more equal than others?

It is not a question of 'giving in' it is more a question of constantly trying to understand each other and refraining from that which offends, but even that has to be taken in the context of what is reasonable.

It is harder to remain friends than it is to become enemies.

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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morphus says on May 25, 2005, 11:46:

whats the problem? why do people on here always have to turn everything into a funeral? or are only certain people on here are allowed to be jokers? alright Desideria, you're in charge. you can decide who can be a wiseguy and who can't.

i'll reply seriously to the original post. Dumbgringo's wife is unhappy with the marriage. thats why she gets angry over every little thing. she does'nt like the man and probably only married him to get out of Colombia. thats why its so easy for her to get angry. it all goes back to the bedroom. she wants to have sex with him as little as possible. thats why she will continue being angry at him all the time. if Dumbgringo can show her he's not a pussy whipped fool he might be able to get her respect and turn this marriage around.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on May 25, 2005, 11:50:

Dumbgringo Just Zipped :-)

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N2Aquatix says on May 25, 2005, 11:56:

Respect Damn Desi, that's cold. Here's my take on the post. Treat people the way that you want to be treated. This tends to earn respect instead of resentment.

Jay

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N2Aquatix says on May 25, 2005, 11:58:

One More Thing Oh, one more thing. Treat your woman like a queen or someone else will. ;)

Jay

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dumbgringo says on May 25, 2005, 15:53:

got me all wrong ..i think Ok thanks everyone for a bit of a battering i know i needed it. Who said anything about my sex life? thats something i would never discuss with anyone!!! My wife does not like me talking about her. period. I sometimes tell my friends what we do( outside the bedroom) and places we go, how happy i am in my marriage and how much i love her. These are the things that upset her its hard to not say anything about the person that i live to live for. My post wasnt about some idiot going out getting drunk and telling his mates about his great sex life, that guy doesnt deserve her. Im not that guy. It was more trying to get a view as to why i cant say anything about her at all, a comment like " my wife travelled to canada 2 years ago" would offend her. This is my problem!

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mzzmerized says on May 25, 2005, 16:19:

I'm sorry to have to say this... But she's just not that into you. Even before I read your response I knew you weren't talking about sex. But it is not a Colombian woman thing...this is universal... I would say she is about to leave...her true feelings are showing. And to get back to sex, I bet there is not much happening in that department either. When you are in love, you certainly don't mind your lover going on about you to his friends...unless she's hiding from the mafia or something.

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utopiacowboy says on May 25, 2005, 18:16:

Good response, Mzzmerized. My wife can't get enough of me talking about her because she knows that it means I'm nuts about her. And she wants me to stay nuts about her.

I thought Desi's jokes were hilarious. Very amusing.

They reminded me of the old farm couple who went to a livestock show where there was a fine specimen of a bull. They're looking at the bull when the wife reads some information on a card placed on the bull's stall. "Look at that, it says here that this bull can mate 10 times a day! You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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jags44 says on May 25, 2005, 18:59:

DumbGringo Below is your fatal mistake and in my opinion an unrecoverable one.

My wife certainly wears the pants in our relationship and that is fine by me. Recently she has been getting really mad at me

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jags44 says on May 25, 2005, 19:07:

Wearing the pants Men wear the pants. You can still love your wife. Respect her and treat her like a Queen. Pamper her bring her flowers. That stuff is great. However, there is only one Chief when push comes to shove. It must be known who the Chief is also. Human nature dictates the man is dominate. Or better be, If not the woman will quickly lose respect. Hence our friend that started the discussion. The woman actaully wants the man to be in control. This is not a bad thing. Both are equal and of same importance.
One last thing I have learned. You canot teach this to a weak man. They will argue up and down when you try to help. Then they end up alone or in constant torment. Some never learn, most learn the hard way.

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Peter Miami says on May 25, 2005, 19:18:

You must cut down your drinking or atleast for a while. Also treat her very good and with respect. A relationship is something that must be work at.
This part is very important keep your eyes open there could be bigger issues i.e. maybe she is not as much in love with you as she though or something of this nature.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 26, 2005, 11:22:

strange that men should think women like to be "cherished, pampered, treated like a queen". Yes, of course I also like to receive flowers and presents occasionally, but it's not what makes or breaks a relationship. I believe in love, affection, affinity and shared interests. All this talk about 'treating your woman like a queen' makes me think about a constant effort to make up for failures and deceptions.

I believe that morphus is not that far off in his serious answer to the original poster.( Mzzmerized is right too.) I'm sorry morphus, I didn't perceive your post as a joke, my fault. Somehow, it just sounded too much in line with your previous posting. No, I don't call the shots here or decide who can crack jokes and who can't. I'm not in control of even of my own life on these days, as you might have noticed.

Dumbgringo, I misinterpreted you too. Knowing quite well that some guys like to talk about intimacies with their buddies when drinking I just assumed you had been sharing bedroom secrets with your mates.

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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calipro says on May 26, 2005, 23:25:

"Colombian Women please help, Culture barrier!" It appears only one colombiana responded (Kat) and she didn't want to offer you any advice:-(

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kat1 (Moderator) says on May 27, 2005, 04:29:

My dear Calipro I did. I told him to zipped. ;-)
what better advice eh.

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N2Aquatix says on May 27, 2005, 08:20:

The Throne Room I would have to admit that I have met many women that simply do not appreciate the royal treatment. Most of these undesirables also do not know how to make a man truly happy. Hence my journey to Colombia where I found a very beautiful woman who definitely appreciates being put on a pedestal. I am the lord and master of all who stir in my universe and she is no different, she simply shares the throne room with me. ;)

Jay

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riomagdalena says on May 27, 2005, 16:10:

I do this for my American boyfriend, but if he did not treat me right I would be on the first flight back to Colombia myself! LOL

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riomagdalena says on May 27, 2005, 16:16:

This too shall pass I don't believe you are doing this to be malicious or anything. I think it's harmless to you. Unless you're telling extremely private or embarrasing things I think this will eventually pass once you two talk it over and iron out boundaries. For the most part us Colombian women are very private so this is likely what is bothering her. Just assure her that you love and respect her and therefore you would never do anything to intentionally embarass or humiliate her. This will help smooth things over with her. Good luck and God bless.

Alicia

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Desideria (Moderator) says on May 27, 2005, 16:36:

undesirables I don't understand this talk about throne rooms and piedestals, kings and queens, desirables and undesirables at all. I'm just a woman, a human being and all I ask is to be treated as such. I don't believe in power struggles, subordination or icons of love or desire. For me, it's enough to have a man who loves, understands and can put up with me, he doesn't need to be a king or I his queen. It's all very strange, very weird, a relationship that's not based on mutual affinity and shared tenderness, shared values, deep friendship and acceptance of each others' shortcomings (none of us are perfect, not even the kings and the queens)is not anchored in the reality of every day living. I must be one of these undesirables, but for the men that have loved me I have always worn the face of the Goddess.
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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N2Aquatix says on May 27, 2005, 21:47:

Desi I hear ya, babe. I just enjoy letting my woman know that she is the most important person in my life. I am from the land of relationships that suffer due to an idiotic battle of the sexes that is completely pointless. I believe that men should be men and women should be women, and both sexes should embrace their gender. ;)

Jay

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Robbobb says on May 28, 2005, 00:01:

Colombian Women Hi everyone. All I can say on the subject of Colombian Women is that after dating many, many women, being married to an American women before,etc., I prefer Colombian over them all! About 10 years ago, after my divorece was final I began to go out to dance clubs in Los Angeles and Miami where I was introduced to Salsa. I met some Colombian people and eventually some Colombianas from Cali, Bogota and Medellin. Eventually I married a lady from Cali Colombia. I find Colombian women in general to be loyal, caring and faithful. My opinion to any American man seeking relationships with Colombian women to have some class because most of them are not "One Night Stand" type of women. As most of the younger Colombian women are quite beautiful I advise American men not to be ridiculous and awe struck by their beauty. I just love em!!! Havce fun in Cololombia guys! It is a Gas!!!!

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morphus says on May 28, 2005, 21:08:

there does seem to be a lack of "one night stand" type of women in Colombia. it usually takes a few dates to get them in bed. this made me wonder where all the sluts in Colombia are? then i realized that they are working as prostitutes. it makes sense, right? why not get paid for doing something that you are going to do anyway? plus its legal there. here in the U.S. and Europe its different. the sluts already have money and don't usually have to work as prostitutes. they go out to singles bars or you can find them in beach towns during the summer. did anybody else figure this out or am i genius?
:0)

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aaronfromus says on May 29, 2005, 14:39:

So what your saying Morphus is............ So, what your saying Morphus is... in a nutshell...

Colombian sluts are smarter than sluts in the U.S. because at least the sluts in Colombia get paid for what they do.

and...

Taken as a whole, Colombian women make U.S. women look like sluts.

I know you're at least half right, because I know a lot of U.S. women.

Aaron

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N2Aquatix says on May 31, 2005, 08:24:

Best Kept Secret It seems to me that Aaron and Morphus have discovered the best kept secret in the modern world. ;)

Jay

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