Colombian (Latin American): cheat, faithful, etc.?

elmodefoque says on Oct 7, 2004, 09:29:

I love successful women, I get really turned on when they make more money than me, I even get more turned on by feminist hairy armpits, I find that extremely sexy. Are you into old modfoques?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 7, 2004, 09:46:

rachel never mind elmo, he's the class clown.
I'd say that your chances of finding a faithful Colombian man are about as bad as finding a faithful gringo. Or as good, whichever way you want to look at it. There are plenty of wonderful, faithful Colombian men it's just that they like to talk so much about what they did/probably didn't do that the reputation has gotten larger than life. To generalize some more, Colombians (both men and women) tend to be rather playful inthe younger years, and then turn into a sedentary middle age when women really calm down and men too, except that many of them don't really grow up ever, but still continue think of themselves as irresitable studs, whith the beer belly and all. The majority of them, if you look past this boasting and fantasizing about "other" women are faithful.
There are, however, a number of men in Colombia who would never pass up an opportunity to make a conquest. They love women, so much that they can never be faithful to just one of them. Stay away from them.
Yes, you'll find female friends in Colombia, good as gold. It depends on you, actually. If you respect their relationships they'll (as a rule) will respect yours.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Miguel says on Oct 7, 2004, 10:28:

Siempre... Elmo es arrecho y Desi tienes razon...depende a la persona.

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caslug says on Oct 7, 2004, 12:12:

Let's put it this way... The number of "eligible" guys in Colombia is much smaller % of the population than in the US/Canada/etc., While women education/employement opp't is not as great as US. Which leads to, a few a smaller group of men that are educated, somewhat culture, & making decent money(to go out, be able to buy things, etc.,). With a large pool of a attractive women in COL that has less "option" than in the US.

Because of various situation, the "cheating" threshold is much lower than in US. In the US, if your avg guy w/ avg personality & look, u r rarely cheat because, it's too much trouble. It's not like a hot chick is flirting like crazy w/ you. BUT in COL, if u r in that group of "eligible" guys, then the hot chicks ARE flirting w/ u. SO IF your NOT REALLY in love w/ your partner it's quite easy to "jumpship". Of course if your ARE in LOVE then u won't cheat.

So if your a local colombian guy that is educated, w/ good job, decent looking and want to "play", it's quite easy to have multiple flings(at the same time). The only limiting factor is time&money. Of course there are colombain guys are quite faithful, just ask many women on this board... Just that all the local guys(w/ wives or girlsfriends) I met were more happy to go out w/ me to meet girls. While in the US, I rarely got my friends that were in relationship to go meet girls w/ me.

BTW, being a gringa you'll have the same "bonus" as "gringos" when it comes to attracting opposite sex. You'll be even more popular than in the states, just like the states, you'll have to wade thru the pool and throw out the bad ones(unless that's your type) and keep the good ones.

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adrimm says on Oct 7, 2004, 13:09:

Not so sure I dunno....

My mother's side of the family is all in Colombia, and I know of 3 cases of male relatives cheating on their spouses, and 2 cases of it among couple friends of my mother's. These are educated men, most often the "other woman" was some sort of admin assistant at their work. 2 reconciled, 2 divorced and I don't know what happened to the last couple where the guy was cheating.

I certainly haven't heard of that many occurences in Canada (I know of 2 and have lived here my whole life) BUT neither do we hear about the causes of divorces, and generally ppl here are a bit less talkative. I find Colombians to be very gossipy - even of they are reserved at first, once they feel close/comfortable with you, the floodgates open up.

So is it a case of we hear more about the colombian cheating or there actualy are more? If there are more (which I suspect is the case, alhough not by the degree that most people seem to think), I believe that part of the reason may be the higher stigma of divorce in Colombia. Spouses that don't get along as well anymore may still stay together - hence the man gets "una mujer" on the side.

Granted that Colombian opinions on divorce are rapidly changing, but it's still not as blase an affair as in N. America

My $0.02 CAD

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caslug says on Oct 7, 2004, 13:49:

Leading cause of divorce.. In the US is MONEY, not cheating or abuse like the movies or TV shows. Couple in the US sometimes differ on how to save, spend or make money. Money effect your life style tremendously, the US is a very consumer and materialist driven country. Maybe because there's alots of opportuntity for it, via work or investment.

If you look at the personal ads in US vs COL you'll see subtle differences. Women's ad in the US rarely say they look for "uncomplicated" or "faithfullness" as a trait, because it's taken for granted. I asked a Colombian women what "uncomplicated" meant, she said, "someone that doesn't physically abuse their partner". WOW. What a difference in culture, huh??

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juanalejo says on Oct 7, 2004, 19:00:

A different point of view I am at the other side of this conversation as I am a Colombian who is faithful to his girlfriend with whom I share my home for two years now. All my friends are either married or live together with their girlfriends and yet we never seem to notice problems of unfaithfulness in each others relationships. Although I can say when my grandfather existed, having a "moza" was the norm, it was not the same for my father and less for people my age. I we have a problem we can not solve we separate. On the other hand I work in a company where a large number of foreigners: Asian, European, Northamerican and Latinamerican come regularly to Colombia and we as hosts have to entertain. The norm says that if those arriving are from Europe they want to do their own thing in the evenings, if they are Latinamericans they want to go out to eat and stay out late, and if they are Asian or from USA they want to go see a striptease show and maybe meet a local girl. So I guess some are not as saints when they are at home and others are not as saints when they are abroad. Obviously this is not always the case but it seems to be a normal trend.

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JT says on Oct 8, 2004, 00:35:

It seems like cheating is more widespread I'm not sure why, but it seems that the average Colombian man is more likely to cheat than the average North American. Or maybe it just seems that way becuase of how open Colombian men are when they show how much they love women, other women, even when they have one.
The one colombian person I am close with says that all of thier uncles and father have cheated on thier wives. And from my observation of how men are towards women, it just seems that Latin guys don't show enough respect to 'relationships o compromisos'. A Latin guy sees nothing wrong with flirting w/ a chick who already has a man. And perhaps that has some affect on whether they will cheat once in a relationship themselves. I am speaking on very limited experience, so don't take any of this too seriously. I'm more wanting to get other peoples take rather than say that this is how it really is down there.

JT

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 8, 2004, 09:57:

uncomplicated? That was news to me. I always thought "descomplicado" means easy to get along with, but maybe there's a hidden meaning to it. If I were to place a personal ad in Spanish looking for a man I'd write "tranquilo" or "de buen genio" if I was looking for a good-natured guy.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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caslug says on Oct 8, 2004, 11:31:

Example of some ads "La apariencia física?, pues digamos que alguien ''normal'', pero simpático, descomplicado, amable y caballeroso."

"me gustan las personas sinceras, amables, con buena educación, de buen gusto, descomplicada, cariñosos, que le guste dar y recibir detalles, que tengan objetivos claros y emprendedor, en cuanto a la apariencia fisica no es lo mas importante prefiero las personas altas."

BTW, I'm not saying this is an wide-spread problem, but you have admit, between the lack of law enforcment(regarding domestic abuse) or education, combine w/ high poverty & unemploment, throw in sexism that exist. This may lead to some social obstacles for women. This is NOT unique to COL, any country that has the same social/economic situation similar to COL, will have the same type of problems.

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buzbeech says on Oct 8, 2004, 12:46:

Latin American men who cheat or play games Where can you find a Latin American man who doesn't cheat or play games. Any man for that matter. Have you checked your local cemetary. lol
All men (and women) play games.

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elmodefoque says on Oct 8, 2004, 12:59:

To me “descomplicado” means someone just like me, nothing bothers him, not fussy, que sera, sera, attitude. If you tell me ‘hey, that blonde you want is not available, but here is this toothless gordita mas fea que un culo”, I’ll say “no problem, I’ll bang la gordita. Or “I’m sorry but your tuna sandwich fell on the filthy floor” “hey, no problem, I’ll eat that sucker!. Or the barber tells me “hey dude I just left a big ass landing strip on the back of your head, I’m sorry!” “No problem, then just cut all the freaking hair off, thanks!”. That’s descomplicado to me, and that’s me.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 8, 2004, 13:05:

soo Elmo, for you "descomplicado" means a slob. However, that's more in the line of what I thought. Now, if you were "Un tipo complicado" would that mean that you'd be a wife-beater? I guess that could be a colloquial expression for a man who abuses his wife/children physically or verbally....
cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 8, 2004, 22:55:

After I married my wife, she wore her wedding ring on her right hand as is customary there. She said the Colombian guys did not pay the slightest bit of attention to her ring or the fact she was married - they kept right on hitting on her as though she was single. She says that in the United States, again wearing her wedding ring but this time on her left hand, she says that not a single man has hit on her. Now I am not saying that American men are all choirboys and all Colombianos are philanderers (my brothers-in-law are devoted and faithful husbands) but there does seem to be a greater respect for marriage here than there is there.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Mi_lukea says on Oct 10, 2004, 01:27:

hmm I was wondering the same thing Rachel.

My boyfriend is Colombian. He has now returned to Colombia and I have since found out from friends that he cheated alot on me. This he denies and my friends can not give me specifics. Just that they believe he did.

The one thing I do know is that when we started dating, he was cheating on his girlfriend of 5 years. He then broke up with her. As she was in Cali and he was here with me. But since he has returned I do not what he will do next. I will not see him for another 4-5months before I go over to Colombia.

But who knows what he will do between then.

I dont think you can generalise that all Colombian men cheat. As all the married Colombian men I know, would NEVER cheat on their wives. But all the Colombia guys I know HAVE cheated on their girlfriends!

So I dont know if you can make a generalisation from that, and I dont think you should. But I think they only marry the one they wont cheat on! The others are fair game!

Buena Suerte

ml

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ChivaAleman says on Oct 10, 2004, 09:22:

Colombian women are the best! is anyone suprised that Colombian men are not very faithful? I mean theres just too much temptation everywhere you go!

I spent some time in Colombia and was amazed with the grace and beauty of Colombian women. I don't have problem to be faithful in USA... one bitchy, fat, spoiled american girlfriend is enough! but in Colombia? this is a different story, the hardest thing is to make a choice, I love Colombian women and I'm sure that I will spent my life with a Colombiana...sooner or later...and I promise myself to be faithful...but we have to live in US...
ciaito
Rafa

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smf says on Oct 15, 2004, 03:08:

para Rafa "Colombian women are the best!

Author: ChivaAleman | Date: Sun, 10/10/2004 - 12:22 | reply to this comment

is anyone suprised that Colombian men are not very faithful? I mean theres just too much temptation everywhere you go!

I spent some time in Colombia and was amazed with the grace and beauty of Colombian women. I don't have problem to be faithful in USA... one bitchy, fat, spoiled american girlfriend is enough! but in Colombia? this is a different story, the hardest thing is to make a choice, I love Colombian women and I'm sure that I will spent my life with a Colombiana...sooner or later...and I promise myself to be faithful...but we have to live in US...
ciaito
Rafa"
=====================================================================

There is no need to choose. Just take one of each!

Muy bien dicho


http://www.colombiadivine.com

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Peter (Moderator) says on Nov 4, 2004, 10:13:

you havent had an american woman have you

Poor but snappy

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elmodefoque says on Nov 4, 2004, 11:16:

I remember my beautiful blue eyed, golden angel asking me how to say penis in Spanish I said “trola” then she asked me for the name of my favorite candy to suck on, I replied that in Barranquilla my favorite candy to suck on was something called a ‘bon bon”
She then started calling me “trola de bon bon” this girl could suck water outta a desert stone; she was my Dutch/German sex goddess. Colombian women, that I experienced, only go down on you because they feel they have to and you sense that immediately, unlike American women who go down on you because they totally enjoy it sometimes reaching orgasm, even with out you touching them. It happened with me. I will try to be as delicate as possible. I had a couple of my ex-blue eyed golden angels give me oral pleasure while I was driving. I did not requested, I was just sitting there driving, enjoying the scenery and music and they just started pulling my zipper down. It happened going from NYC to Cape Cod and the other time from Miami to Key West, a four hour drive. This drive is simply spectacular but on that day I don’t remember any of it, luckily I did not ran off the road into in-coming traffic. These girls had the most beautiful chiseled muscular jaws I’ve ever seen, they were beautiful

“el modefoque” defendor de la muje Americana, why? Because they gave it to me for free and many times even pay for my broke ass while I had to pay for those damn Colombianas, only to be disappointed..

I'll get there, when I get there!

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cintiamay says on Nov 5, 2004, 09:44:

Elmo, thanks for defending our honor... I think...

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Peter (Moderator) says on Nov 5, 2004, 10:03:

you are very welcome. defender la mujer americana es mi placer. you ladies were always there for me, even while i was one broke modefoque with out a penny to my name, something i could not say for my so called compatriotas colombianas, neglecting me while giving it away to ever tom, dick and harry that arrived from usa and europe.

Poor but snappy

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 8, 2004, 18:33:

Why is sexual fidelity such a big deal to women? Why is a man's sexual fidelity such an important point to women??? I really don't get this and never have.

And why do guys allow themselves to be roped into committing to being faithful? WHY? There are so many girls out there, why would you feel like you need to make this commitment?

Me, I just tell my girlfriends flat-out: "Look, I'm NEVER going to be faithful. The best you can hope for is that you get to participate or watch. I'm only being honest with you. Other guys will lie and tell you that they're going to be faithful, but then they'll cheat on you. I will never 'cheat' you, because I will never promise not to sleep with other women; therefore, when I DO sleep with other women, as I WILL, it won't be 'cheating'."

Now, I'm only talking about Latin girls here... as to what gringas think, well, I have no idea, but I have only rarely had this come up as a dealbreaker for a Latin girl. One girl told me "her rules" included no other women. I thought about that overnight, and the next evening met her for a drink and told her that although I really, really liked her, I was unable to comply. She started crying and I thought I had really hurt her feelings, and I tried to console her, but she said no, she was crying from happiness, thanked me for being honest, and told me that I was the only man in her life who hadn't lied to her.

Guys, if you want to bring the freak out in your woman, just be honest with her and tell her what you really want: You want to bang other chicks, you want her to be involved, you want to watch her with the other chicks, whatever. You'll probably be really surprised how she reacts. Of course, I do recommend safe sex outside of a committed relationship. That's actually my personal definition of cheating: Not using a condom.

Anyway, until there is some kind of shortage of women, I don't see myself making silly promises I know I'll never keep.

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 8, 2004, 20:31:

Interesting questions, Diego: "And why do guys allow themselves to be roped into committing to being faithful? WHY? There are so many girls out there, why would you feel like you need to make this commitment?"

You're right. There are millions of women out there and if you are a gringo in Colombia, it's like a big candy store where you can eat until you are sick. I guess it's a question of what you want out of life? If you want to nail a lot of women, to use Elmo's term, then I guess there is no point in committing oneself to any woman. You can just go on like this until you die or you're so old that you don't have the energy for it anymore or you can no longer attract good looking young woman. If that's your style, hey go for it, at least you are up front and honest about it.

For me, I never wanted to marry a woman so much as I wanted to marry my wife. There is no other woman on this earth who makes me feel the way she does. When I met her in person for the first time and saw her face, I knew that I would regret it every day for the rest of my life if I did not marry her. And so I did and I have no regrets. When I come home at night, there she is to greet me with a kiss and her loving arms. If I could have any woman alive, she is the woman I would pick, bar none. To me she is and always will be the most beautiful woman on earth. So that is why I am committed and faithful to her - I'd have to completely crazy to screw this thing up. I am married to the hottest chick in the universe!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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elmodefoque says on Nov 9, 2004, 05:52:

Diegodelnorte, I’m going to do just like you and be completely honest with my wife. This evening I’m going to tell her that I love the crap outta her but I need to pork other women even younger than her. Soon she’ll be 28 and I’ll be 48. The older I get the more I’m attracted to younger broads, 19 to 25.
I’ll tell you what she said

I'll get there, when I get there!

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 9, 2004, 07:08:

I laughed when I read your comment, gringoinbogota, "If you are thinking of coming here and marring some girl or guy you met on a web site you really need to have your brain removed and examined." That is EXACTLY what I did. And I think I am the happiest man on earth with my wife.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 9, 2004, 07:28:

Man, that is awesome! "For me, I never wanted to marry a woman so much as I wanted to marry my wife. There is no other woman on this earth who makes me feel the way she does. When I met her in person for the first time and saw her face, I knew that I would regret it every day for the rest of my life if I did not marry her. And so I did and I have no regrets."

Seriously, that is really awesome, Cowboy! I'm glad someone out there has found true love.

For me, it has never been this way. Well, I guess I've never really been open to it, either, so I'm not going to try to blame the cosmos for letting me down or anything.

But, back to my original question: What is it about sexual fidelity that women find so damnably important? It seems that women would rather have a faithful man who stays drunk and beats them than a nice guy who gets some occasional tail on the side. Why is it so important to them?

"To me she is and always will be the most beautiful woman on earth. So that is why I am committed and faithful to her - I'd have to completely crazy to screw this thing up. I am married to the hottest chick in the universe!"

OK, that's what I mean... why would a little sex on the side have to screw up your relationship? I understand that you don't want to screw it up -- and I admire your commitment -- but why does it have to be that little flings or affairs would ruin your relationship?

BTW, I don't ask for anything I'm not willing to give. A woman "cheating" on me is not possible, at least not in a sexual context, because I have no expectations of sexual fidelity from any woman I'm involved with, and I don't hold it against a woman for being as free as I am.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 9, 2004, 07:40:

Go for it, Elmodefoque! "Diegodelnorte, I’m going to do just like you and be completely honest with my wife. This evening I’m going to tell her that I love the crap outta her but I need to pork other women even younger than her. Soon she’ll be 28 and I’ll be 48. The older I get the more I’m attracted to younger broads, 19 to 25.
I’ll tell you what she said"

Hey, man, I wish you the best of luck on this. Hopefully, she'll be reasonable, and hook you up with a cousin or friend or something. I'd say something like, "You know I love you. I just need some variety. Don't you think it would be better that I don't go behind your back? Maybe you could help me find someone appropriate. Think one of your primas would hook me up?"

I'm dying to know what she says.

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 9, 2004, 07:53:

Here's why. I just don't want to be with any woman other than my wife. I am so completely captivated and in love with her that I don't have any interest in sleeping with anyone else. For us sex with each other is really something very special and we don't want to share that with anyone else. It's really easy to be faithful to my wife because I know that what I experience with her (sexually and otherwise) I could not experience with anyone else.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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elmodefoque says on Nov 9, 2004, 08:19:

Why is having an affair such a big deal? Women should think more like men and there will never be a divorce problem. Guys are dogs, punto! We need to stick in as many orifices as possible. Just because you nail a broad it does not mean that you no longer love your wife. Your wife is the person you pork and then kiss and curl up to the rest of the night. A one night stand is a broad you pick up in a bar get her drunk and take her to an hourly rate hotel. There you pork her like an animal, in all three inputs, and then you go home, no feelings involved everybody is happy.
I nailed many donkeys in my life, did I ever fall in love with any of them, NOT! I did not even know their name, the same with women. Why can’t women understand that?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 9, 2004, 10:42:

A chick's opinion Many men play the I don't 'cheat' because I made it clear before hand that I am not faithful game. I decided that I would do the same that had been done to me by different men. I tried to convince myself that sexual fidelity was not important because in the end whoever I was with would be making love to me and not the other chick. Once I saw that I was just as unimportant as the other chick then I decided to do the same. I dated and made it clear that I didn't 'cheat' because I would never be faithful. I told this line to many of the guys that had inicially said it to me. It all started great, I would f**k a guy and leave, it was never anything more then sex to me. But after a while they started feeling upset. The big question was always what is that I don't have that you need to move on and try to find in another man.

Basically, sexual fidelity is important when seeking love. If you love a person then why keep looking for something else.

Guys allow themselves to be roped into sexual fidelity when they are in love. My fiancee was possibly one of the biggest dogs known to mankind, but he changed. He made a committment to be faithful to me because he loves me. The only reason I know can make someone remain faithful is love. I expect fidelity from him because I don't want any other woman to feel the way that I do when I am with my man. Sharing is not an option.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Nov 9, 2004, 11:30:

I wouldn't share either. Call me egotistical, or selfish or a bore, but I just don't believe in playing games with other people, men or women. Unfortunately, some of us have feelings that get hurt sooner or later, and I don't want to be at the hurting end, so I don't hurt either. Sexual fidelity is viewed as something boring and unnecessary by a lot of men, but few women, except some that have been played and been hurt see it that way. Men see sex and love as two totally separate things, we women tend to get attached to the people we sleep with, for the better or the worse:) Sometimes I wish men would think more like women, so everything would be so much simpler.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 9, 2004, 11:45:

No Games Here Hey, thanks for the insights, but both of you women who just posted referred to my approach, either directly or indirectly, as a "game".

A game would be lying to a woman, telling her she's the only one, etc. and then going out and chasing other women.

My approach is exactly the OPPOSITE of a game! I give them full disclosure, and allow them to make up their own minds. Now, if after being told the facts, some woman gets it into her head that she is going to be the one to change my mind about fidelity, and thinks she is going to change me, well, she ends up with her feelings hurt and eventually leaves. Still, that's HER game, not mine.

I just don't get this whole overwhelming love thing where one person has to be everything to another person. Seems kind of like carrying a piano around on your back.

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cintiamay says on Nov 9, 2004, 11:54:

DiegoDelNorte, I see your distinction. But you are unique in your honesty. I've met only 1 man with similar approach (and he got married last year =)
I never met any man (worth pursuing) that wanted me to be with other men. They wanted me to be faithful, even if they themselves wanted something more "on the side". I've heard that whole, bring a friend, let me watch b.s. too. It seems okay for a man to be w/ 1-2+ women at a time, but, for the most part, if it were a 2nd man, forget it. Because then they would be comparing themselves to them, potential homosexual stuff, blah, blah, blah. As though the same thing would not happen for the woman in the reverse situation. Most men I've met who yearned for additional action on the side, were never as magnanimous with the woman they were in a relationship with. It seems if it feeds the man's fantasies, its fine, but if it feeds his insecurities, its bad.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Nov 9, 2004, 12:39:

Raising my glass to Diego I'm with Diego. It's not a "game" to be honest to each other about what we need or want in relationships. I'm forever telling friends to put EVERYTHING like that on the table before marrying and yet most people I know go into relationships based on assumptions of what the other person wants or believes. In the end those assumptions pay you back with some tough surprises.

The painful thing about being honest (either way, not just about wanting a sexually open relationship) is that sometimes otherwise great relationships will come to an end because you're just not on the same page about that.

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 9, 2004, 13:42:

Explanation Many men play the I don't 'cheat' because I made it clear
before hand that I am not faithful game.

What I meant by the comment is that men will lay down the rules of
how they intent for a relationship to work, but it won't work
because chicks tend to flip the story. Even if a chick says that
she understands you wanting to be with other chicks. The truth is
she is lying and thinks that she can change you.

Desi, you look way to much at the bs said not at the overall concept.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Nov 9, 2004, 13:51:

then I agree with you, gringa After reading your explanation I agree about almost everything except who is playing the game. To me, a woman who agrees to certain ground rules but is "lying and thinks she can change you" is the one playing the games.

That said, I've known a number of women who were the ones who didn't want to be monogamous and I've seen them, too, having trouble finding men who would play by those rules, so it's not a strictly male phenomenon.

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BxUnika says on Nov 9, 2004, 17:09:

While You're At It and Not Calling it "Cheating"... Don't forget to tell tell the board how syphillis and AIDS feel in the last stages. What you are doing isn't just cowardly and immature, it's pretty damn dangerous too. I know you think you're invincible now because you're young, but it all catches up to you sooner or later in one way or another.

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BxUnika says on Nov 9, 2004, 20:01:

I Totally Agree, gringo And this is coming from somebody who is probably younger than anyone on this board. I have seen people die of AIDS. I watched my aunt die of AIDS a miserable death as a child and it's just not worth it. Young people think they're invincible, that it'll never happen to them but my aunt was only 26 when she passed away, so you tell me how true that is.

Don't be stupid, guys. You'll pay the price, believe me.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 10, 2004, 00:40:

Diseases "Don't forget to tell tell the board how syphillis and AIDS feel in the last stages. What you are doing isn't just cowardly and immature, it's pretty damn dangerous too. I know you think you're invincible now because you're young, but it all catches up to you sooner or later in one way or another."

Please. Did you read my comments about safe sex? Actually, I don't think I'm invincible and at 41 I'm not really what most people would call young.

Sure, wear a helmet when you ride a motorcycle. Cross the street at crosswalks. Buckle up when you drive. Avoid dangerous neighborhoods. Don't shoot drugs or have sex with people who do.

But don't stop riding, walking, driving, visiting friends, or having sex.

Personally, I'm a hell of a lot more worried about fathering children than I am about getting a totally curable disease like syphilis or the much less likely (at least for the man and in the kind of sex in which I participate) AIDS. Condoms substantially reduce the risk of many unwanted potential effects. 100% effective? No. Neither is a motorcycle helmet or a seat belt.

"The painful thing about being honest (either way, not just about wanting a sexually open relationship) is that sometimes otherwise great relationships will come to an end because you're just not on the same page about that."

Indeed. Well, I guess if it was always convenient, everyone would always be honest. :)

"Even if a chick says that
she understands you wanting to be with other chicks. The truth is
she is lying and thinks that she can change you."

That's a pretty broad brush you're using, Gringa. So, any girl who tells me it is OK to have other women is a liar. Just that simple and unequivocable? Well, I guess that in the end her motivations really don't matter.

I still don't think anyone has given a good answer as to why women find fidelity so important. Gringa maybe came close with, "He made a committment to be faithful to me because he loves me." So, a sacrifice must be made to prove love. How about you let him get some tail on the side because you love him? :)

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calipro says on Nov 10, 2004, 01:37:

The only safe sex is NO SEX :-( Submitted by BxUnika on Wed, 11/10/2004 - 01:09.

"Don't forget to tell tell the board how syphillis and AIDS feel in the last stages. What you are doing isn't just cowardly and immature, it's pretty damn dangerous too. I know you think you're invincible now because you're young, but it all catches up to you sooner or later in one way or another."

Hey while you're at it BxUnika, tell the fornicating bastard that he is going to burn in hell !!!

HeHeHe !!!

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 10, 2004, 06:46:

Even if a chick says that she understands you wanting to be
with other chicks. The truth is she is lying and thinks
that she can change you.

Yes, this comment is huge generalization, but most women date
because inicially they like the attention. So even if a chick
truely doesn't mind you being with other women, it pisses her
off that you choose to be with another when you have her.

Diego, when you are open with telling women how being with you
works, are you starting a friends with benefits relationship or
a real relationship?

By the way, if I were to allow my fiancee to get some ass on the
side, we wouldn't be getting married b/c he would dump me. He
would feel like I didn't love him and that's why he can go
around like dog humping everything in cite.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Nov 10, 2004, 07:25:

the overall concept You are still staging your love life and relationships based on your own concepts and "needs", so I still call it a "game", another variety of the same, this one could be called the "honesty" game. Everybody else but yourself is still interchangeable, pawns on the board, while you're the King. You want to be in total control, and think you can acquire this through being totally honest. You make no promises, and accept none. It's a very nihilistic approach to interpersonal relationships; it serves ultimately only one person, and that's yourself. You are being totally honest because you need to feel good about yourself, about what you are doing and how you are handling the situations. You think that being totally honest you don't hurt anyone...it doesn't work that way.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 10, 2004, 07:41:

"You are still staging your love life and relationships based on your own concepts and "needs", so I still call it a "game", another variety of the same, this one could be called the "honesty" game."

Desi, who are you referring to when you make the statement above
start it with you?

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Nov 10, 2004, 07:43:

gringa I was referring to the person who initiated the thread, Diego.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Nov 10, 2004, 07:45:

sorry it wasn't he who started the thread, but I'm still referring to Diego.
D

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 10, 2004, 07:46:

Thanks, Desi : )

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 10, 2004, 07:55:

Chain Me To The Bed, Please "Diego, when you are open with telling women how being with you
works, are you starting a friends with benefits relationship or
a real relationship?"

I'm not sure what the question means. Are you asking if I am paying them for sex? I'm not going to lie and say that I've never paid for sex, but I'm not talking about prostitutes if that's what you mean.

Or does "friends with benefits" just mean friends who have sex? In that case, I guess that's pretty much the way I like my real relationships to be!

But to answer your question: I have several girlfriends. They all know about each other. They can be in the same room together. In fact, two of them are cousins and they live together. They do not act jealous around me, possibly because I've made it clear that jealousy or possessiveness will absolutely not be tolerated. I've taken three out to dinner at one time before, and the four of us enjoyed a lovely, romantic evening together.

Now the "benefits" part, I suppose, is that I always pay when we go out. Drinks, meals, taxis -- whatever. I'd say that it is pretty normal for a man to pick up the tab when he takes a woman out, isn't it?

From time to time, one of my girls will need a little cash, like to go to the doctor or for rent or groceries, whatever, and I'll help her out. I guess it is understood that I'm not getting paid back, but the amounts are small and I don't feel exploited in the slightest. The last thing I would want to do is put the burden of a debt on her, and I enjoy being able to help a friend with a problem. Is any of this more than a "normal" boyfriend would do for his girlfriend?


"By the way, if I were to allow my fiancee to get some ass on the
side, we wouldn't be getting married b/c he would dump me. He
would feel like I didn't love him and that's why he can go
around like dog humping everything in cite."

Wow. I'm glad for you if you're happy, and I recognize that what's good for me is not good for everyone, but from my perspective, your relationship seems like a control game. He must sacrifice to prove his love, and by keeping him on a leash, you demonstrate your love for him, and probably pretty much vice-versa. Your love is proven by your willingness on both sides to conform to restrictions on your behavior.

OK, here's a question: Say that your boyfriend really loves bowling. You hate bowling, but you enjoy shopping. He hates shopping. Should he give up bowling to demonstrate the level of his commitment to your relationship? After all, time spent bowling could have been spent with you. Should you give up shopping? Or should we go even a step further and say that not only should he give up bowling, but he should take up shopping and enjoy it, because it is an activity that you can share? Who's going to give up what to accomodate whom?

What about social activities, such as parties? Are they really worth attending? After all, you already have each other. Why speak or socialize with other people when you could be spending time alone together? Social activities only increase the opportunity for your mate to encounter a competitor for your attention.

Well, there's one more thing that I think goes on a lot in so-called "normal" relationships, and that is that one or both parties just lies and says he/she is going to be "faithful" and then goes ahead and does whatever he/she wants to do... well, not exactly, because they have to be sneaky and deceitful, but nevertheless, they have sex with other parties. Women are better at commitment than men, I think, but the most you can expect out of a man who is trying to conform to the social norm is that he will stop looking for other women. You put the average guy in a situation where an opportunity just falls in his lap and he has little chance of being busted, and he's all over it. Women always want to think that their own men are different. I'm sure there are guys out there who can resist temptation, but they're definitely in the minority.

My approach is just to accept myself as I am, let other people know what they're dealing with, and live my life the best I can.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 10, 2004, 08:11:

Guilty, I Guess Desi,

Well, I guess if a thorough analysis one's own life, worldview, relationship history, tastes, strengths, and weaknesses, etc. followed by a conscious decision to break from societal norms and pursue a course of openness, fairness, honesty, and being in control of one's self is a game, then I am a game player.

"You want to be in total control, and think you can acquire this through being totally honest. You make no promises, and accept none."

Not exactly what I said. I make promises, but only when I intend and am capable of keeping them. As for total control: Of course I want to be in total control of myself. What is liberty other than freedom from the control of others?

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 10, 2004, 08:42:

Actually starting to laugh now 'You are still staging your love life and relationships based on your own concepts and "needs" '

I just read this again and started to laugh... really, really laugh.

Is there some sane way to manage my life other than basing my decisions on my own concepts and needs??? What am I supposed to do? Should I manage my life based on your concepts and needs?

Maybe I should cut off my nuts and take a ride on the spaceship hiding behind the comet.

That's what happens when people don't have their own concepts or recognize their own needs.

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 10, 2004, 08:58:

Diego, why do you keep saying that it's women who want committment and fidelity? This is what I give my wife and I certainly expect it in return. I really have no problems with your way of life if it works for you and those you are involved with. I suspect that the women find it less satisfying than you do. At one time I thought the way you do but that was back before I met my wife. With her, one woman is more than enough for me.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Nov 10, 2004, 09:18:

laugh away but if you didn't understand the concept, why didn't you just ask instead of just assuming that I meant that you'd change your way of thinking just because I don't applaud your rather self-centered way of thinking?
You are never free of social norms, or in total control of your life, because you are interacting with other people who might or might not approve your way of conducting your interpersonal relationships. I'm not suggesting you do anything, by all means; only trying to get across a concept that doesn't match yours. Where does your freedom starts, if not right there where the other persons freedom ends? Why should your freedom be more important than other persons' freedoms? Taking responsibility, not only over your own life but also over the lives of people who care for you is the true mark of a mature adult; shows much more character and strength than hiding behind self-fabricated paradigms of total freedom, total honesty, total openness. You can continue laughing now.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 10, 2004, 10:26:

Chick's opinion Yes, is pretty normal for a man to pick up the tab when he takes
out a woman. Although, I wish men didn't think like this.

Friends with benefits means that you and the person, are friends
and the benefit is that you f**K.

My boyfriend really loves soccer. I hate soccer, but I love
shopping. He hates shopping. I don’t expect him to give up
soccer on the contrary if he loves soccer so much then I want
to enjoy it with him. So I watch soccer with him, read a bit
about soccer to talk to him about it, etc. Since he knows I
love to shop he goes shopping with me. He picks out outfits
that he likes and has me try them on. After a while, he began
to like shopping and goes to the store alone to buy me things.
I watch soccer alone sometimes because I have grown to like it.
We compromise.

We love to party. Yes, of parties are worth attending. My fiancée
and I have each other, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have
friends. We socialize and spend time together. At times we rather
be alone then with a group of friends, but we also find it
important to be involved in our normal activities. Social
activities might increase the opportunity for either of us to encounter a competitor for our attention, but it also is a way to prove that as much as a person may physically attract either of us, what we have with each other is a lot more important than the competition. If he were to pay more attention to the competition then to me then I would know that he is not the man for me and visa versa.

A man or a woman that is in love is less likely to cheat. Because
If you care about a person you are not willing to take any type of
risk of hurting that person. People have self control.
If you know that something is good, but that it could lead
To something bad, then ultimately it doesn’t look so good.
For example, I am if someone is trying to lose weight
And they see un pan de bono. It just happened to be there.
So Temptation fell in their lap, but ultimately the person
Knows that el pan de bono is interfering with their goal.
Pan de bono is not bad, but it’s in the way. So when the
Person starts to think damn I want it, but the end result
Is that its going to take me longer to lose weight or if I
Keep on this track I am never going to lose it, then you
El pan de bono just doesn’t seem as tempting. In end you
Know its bad for you so the instant gratification doesn’t
Seem that great. My fiancée is not Mr. Invincible or perfect,
But he knows that if he cheats it will hurt me so the likely-
Hood of him cheating is slim because he loves me and
Won’t hurt me.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Nov 10, 2004, 10:45:

Ahem, Desi, Diego is no more playing games or being unreasonable (or selfish for that matter) by being honest about wanting sexual openess his relationships than any woman (or man) is who demands complete fidelity in hers.

Here's the trick, as I see it: Relationships don't tend to work long when based on lies. Being honest about what you need from relationships is good. That's how you find someone who shares your POV. Not everybody has the same needs and once you scratch the surface you realize that there's really no "normal" or "right" form of relationships.

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caslug says on Nov 10, 2004, 11:01:

Diego's my new hero!!! "I've taken three out to dinner at one time before, and the four of us enjoyed a lovely, romantic evening together."

Let me understand this, you have dinner w/ several "girlfriends" who know that you sleep with the other one. Is that right? Damn!!! that's some hot stuff, you really need to right a book on how you do this without pissing the women off.

Desi, EVERYONE makes decision based on "enlighten" self-interest. Sometimes, that leads us to be faithfull because it's to OUR interest to be. For example, if you want to raise a children, it's alot easy having a spouse/mate helping out, so "we(generalization)" are willing to be (faithful, as an example) in order to achieve or self-interest(raising our children). Othertimes, it leads to us a more "indvidualistic" interest.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Nov 10, 2004, 11:27:

oh well I could continue to try to get my point across til my arm falls off without getting any closer of being understood by anybody. I'm dropping the subject.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 10, 2004, 11:42:

Diego, How in the world do you get 3 women to go out to dinner with you and still make it a romantic evening when each of the women know you are involved with all on them?

Your going to continue this lifestyle until you see a problem with it yourself.

Ask yourself these question, no need for you to responde back to use with the information:
1. How do I feel? (Remember, you can be in a room full of people and feel alone as hell.)
2. Why do I feel the need to be with different women? (Trying to fill the gap of loneliness)
3. Finally, of this is if you come to the conclusion that you feel alone, analysis what you are doing, and the results you are currently receiving.

Good luck :)

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Mr. Hollywood says on Nov 10, 2004, 13:04:

Laughing my ass off I'm laughing that it seems like all the women here think Diego has a problem and all the men here WISH we had his problems. Mars and Venus and all that.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 10, 2004, 13:11:

Absolutely! "Diego, How in the world do you get 3 women to go out to dinner with you and still make it a romantic evening when each of the women know you are involved with all on them?"

Well, we go out to a nice restaurant where they have some guys playing guitars and singing, and we have some drinks, we sing along a little with the musicians (the girls more than me), we have a nice meal, and we talk, then we have some desert, and some coffee, and we talk. Then we go to a cafe and sit outside and talk and have a few more drinks, etc. Have you never entertained more than one person at a time?

"Your going to continue this lifestyle until you see a problem with it yourself."

100%, absolutely correct. So far, I'm quite happy with it.

"Ask yourself these question, no need for you to responde back to use with the information:
1. How do I feel? (Remember, you can be in a room full of people and feel alone as hell.)
2. Why do I feel the need to be with different women? (Trying to fill the gap of loneliness)
3. Finally, of this is if you come to the conclusion that you feel alone, analysis what you are doing, and the results you are currently receiving."

You seem to be making some assumptions about me and how I feel. You said there was no need to respond, but I will anyway.

1. I feel pretty well most of the time.

2. I don't really feel a NEED to be with different women so much as I accept that I WANT variety in my life and I ENJOY the companionship of different people. I want more than woman in my life for the same reason I have more than one good male friend: It is nice to have friends.

3. N/A. I really don't feel alone.

Caslug:

"Let me understand this, you have dinner w/ several "girlfriends" who know that you sleep with the other one. Is that right? Damn!!! that's some hot stuff, you really need to right a book on how you do this without pissing the women off."

Man, it is really, really easy to have this kind of situation if you want. Just be upfront about it and set the right expectations right from day one. My experience is that women are very understanding if you are honest about what you want.

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caslug says on Nov 10, 2004, 13:30:

too funny... OK, Diego, the million dollar questions is this...

After the evening's is over. Do you make breakfast for one, two, or all three the next morning?? inquiring minds want to know. Now, if you answer more than one. You'll definitely the BMOB(big man on the board).. :-)

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 10, 2004, 14:34:

Confused Diego, I got asked the same questions sometime ago and answered pretty much the same way. But I kept thinking about them and came to completely different conclusions.

Yes, I have entertained a number of guest at the same time, but never making it a romantic encounter. It doesn't seem possible to me to make the date romantic unless the chicks are bisexual, but maybe I just don't get it. Men are definitly more difficult to understand then women.

I do admired your honesty, although I think your a jackass. I must admit that before I was the type that would have been one of the comprehensive chicks that went dinner with a man with your idealogy.

Best of luck :)

Mr. Hollywood, Great point! Women just can't understand this theory. We expect sexually fidelity so we think Diego has problem, but according to you he doesn't have a problem, yet a fabulous situation. Do why do men expect women to be sexually faithful?

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caslug says on Nov 10, 2004, 15:07:

hypocritical male (animal kingdom) I remember watching some nature show on TV about monkeys, lions, etc., The top male(monkey, gorilla, lions, etc.,) always had a harem and they protect and don't allow other "males" to mate with his "females". The reason was because he didn't want to weaken the line(since he was top dog, by nature's standard, his line was strong) by allowing the "loser" male to popullate his population. The only way a "loser" male got to mate was either a) he beat the top male or b) he mated when the top male wasn't around to catch him.

Male(most species) proably expect/demand sexual fidelity because they(male) don't want to use resources that they gather on offspring not of their own. Now, i'm not using biology to justify infidelity among HUMAN males, just that it is that way for many species in nature. Consquently, in some species the female get to "play around" while the male tend the offspring, or even the female devoure the male after mating.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 10, 2004, 15:24:

Breakfast "After the evening's is over. Do you make breakfast for one, two, or all three the next morning??"

Make breakfast? Man, I can't cook!

Seriously, that particular night, I slept with one of the girls. We dropped the other two off at home. It isn't really normal for me to be out with three girls at a time. Normally, one, sometimes two. The truth is that two works out really well for me because most girls don't have a lot of stamina. Despite the often-heard complaints and jokes from women on TV, etc. regarding men's staying power, the average girl really doesn't seem to be able to hang much more than 30 or 45 minutes. Your mileage may vary; this is just my experience.

Gringa: As far as it being romantic, well, it was romantic for me, and the girls seemed to have a good time, but I can't speak to how they really felt. I can only say that none expressed anything like any kind of dissatisfaction with the situation. Maybe they were faking with all of the singing and drinking and kissing and toasting each other, etc.

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caslug says on Nov 10, 2004, 15:35:

Diego, u r too funny... r u in bogota? I'm planning a trip to bogota in a few weeks and would love to see u in action. I'm always game to learn from my better. I'll even report back, as the poorbuthappy freelance embedded reporter, reporting directly from the frontline of dating in Bogota... I promise to write a objective and unbaise story, we can keep all the name anonymous to protect the innocent(?). Do you think other guys in COL are doing the same thing u r doing?

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 10, 2004, 15:50:

BOG or CTG Caslug: Sometimes I'm in Bogota, sometimes Cartagena, sometimes Barranquilla, and right now I'm in the states. I'll be back in Cartagena in probably a week or 10 days... don't know if I'll get to Bogota on this trip or not, but if I'm around, I'd be happy to meet up with you. Have you been to Cartagena? Definitely worth a flight up. Only takes about 1.5 hours from BOG.

I don't know if there are a lot of guys being totally straight up about what they want, because the big secret is that most guys haven't figured out that you don't have to lie and that everything is so much better when you don't!

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Mr. Hollywood says on Nov 10, 2004, 15:52:

Gringa-Colombiana "We expect sexually fidelity so we think Diego has problem, but according to you he doesn't have a problem, yet a fabulous situation. Do why do men expect women to be sexually faithful?"

Who said most men expect that? Maybe your man wants that, but there are a lot of guys out there who don't have that kind of double standard. Any guy who thinks it's good for the gander but not for the goose you should dump in a heartbeat. Frankly, speaking as a guy who knows a lot of guys, there are a lot of men who deal with their double standards (or, in other cases, their wife/girlfriends' insistance on a closed relationship) by pretending to be "faithful" while sneaking around doing all kinds of crazy shit.

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 10, 2004, 16:12:

Screw it I am just always wrong. :)

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Lionheart says on Nov 10, 2004, 23:01:

*** thinks everybody is right *** I love this thread ... I spent the past hour reading it ... then another 30 min writing a reply - this new site didn't allow me to post and deleted the 100 lines I wrote. So this will be shorter than the original, if I can post.

Diego has written a lot of common sense I would like to hear more often in life. Call me a "virtual Diego" because I am doing the same online. During my research over the past 4 years where to move to in Latin America I ran across Amigos.com - a free/pay dating site belonging to the Friendfinder group. I posted my bio and was overwhelmed with the responses. But I stuck to my guns and stayed honest ... like Diego. I told all "I like her, I would love to meet her, I want to be friends first" - not easy for many to accept but it is a good filter. If a Latina understands that friends first is better than a display of jealousy (which is rare) then I know she will accept me as who I am and not want to change me. Her reward is a faithful man, because I will love that woman to death.

I lived 30 years in Germany and now 10 in USA, divorced from German blue-eyed bosom blond, and divorced from a skinny US redneck bitch. Both where unfaithful to me. So I generalize and say European women are selfish and self-centered career seekers, US women just don't give a damn how to get their drugs. I can go into detail why I say this.

I have met many Hispanic women in Europe and Latinas in the USA. I think we are more compatible than other combinations. This was one decision why I chose to go to Latin America and not return to Europe. Living in the USA has become unbearable for me, and being a globalization engineer I need to find new international markets. The USA has shut down thinking global. When reading the various threads concerning Latinas and Latinos and all their problems, I thought about writing an article about the traditions and the culture creating this situation. Matriarch, machismo, and church are just 3 keywords.

I love the animal example ... hey, I am the lazy lion and King of the jungle ... I know exactly how the pack principle work. Most human behaviors can be found in the animal world. But I am not a dog humping donkeys. Hey, Diego, I am an excellent cook and I have fed a few breakfast. In the past 5 years there are bi-girls everywhere. If you meet a girl and tell her you are open-minded and tell her the honest truth, she'll whip out her cell phone and call a few girl-friends. I run a lifestyle oriented Internet radio station with DJs scattered over the globe, it seems to be a new wave everywhere.

Bottom line ... Honesty wins, Players loose ... that is my experience.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 11, 2004, 06:48:

Excellent! "If you meet a girl and tell her you are open-minded and tell her the honest truth, she'll whip out her cell phone and call a few girl-friends."

Lionheart, excellent post. Guys, if you don't want to be "faithful", just honestly reject the concept. Don't try to shoehorn yourself into a lifestyle that is not compatible with who you are!

The first step to your freedom is to resolve to never again lie to get sex. Never, never, never. A large percentage of guys will know what I'm talking about here: You know that feeling you get when you know you've been less than honest with a woman to get her in bed? Even while you're having sex with her, you're thinking about how you're going to get out of the lie you told to get here there. "I love you", "I'm leaving my wife soon", or whatever. You're already planning your getaway. When the sex is over, you hem and haw and make excuses and slither away. She feels used and you know it, and you feel like a shitheel (which you are) for using her.

All of that goes away when you don't lie to women. The biggest lie we tell them is the "fidelity" lie. Many men find sexual exclusivity extremely difficult to maintain and contrary to their own natures, but the expectation of it is often built in to our relationships with women, even from getting the first date, although usually not explicitly brought up that early. Conditioned by society to believe that all women want and expect men to be "faithful", in order to obtain sex they try to demonstrate through words and actions their ability and willingness to conform with this expectation.

This leads to outright lying and so-called "cheating".

Anyway, if you haven't lied to get a woman in bed, you can enjoy being with her when the sex is over. That urge to get dressed and disappear or hustle her out the door just isn't there, because you've got nothing to run from. You can actually just lie there with her head on your chest and run your hand over her skin and enjoy being with her. You can let her stick around and take her to breakfast, and have fun with her.

If you come across a girl who just can't handle your outlook, wish her all the best and stop dating her.

I realize that I am revealing a lot about my past life and experiences with these comments. I don't expect everyone to agree with my outlook, but guys, if we just start to realize that we don't have to lie, we can start to be free.

The truth shall set you free!

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 11, 2004, 07:38:

Inspired by Diego Wow! After reading,"Diegos Guide to Freedom" I feel inspired to go back and sleep around, of course always begin honest.

From the female prospective it's a lot easier for a women to say that she will not be faithful and still stay with the man. From that point on the man might looks at her like slut, but still fuc*s hers.

If more men and women were to lead a lifestyle as that of Diego's this world would probably filled with more disease then it already is. Safe sex, whatever. I guess that means sucking plastic.

Whatever gentlemen. Chao

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 11, 2004, 07:49:

I laughed when I read this comment from Diego: "Despite the often-heard complaints and jokes from women on TV, etc. regarding men's staying power, the average girl really doesn't seem to be able to hang much more than 30 or 45 minutes. Your mileage may vary; this is just my experience." That may explain a lot. Man, 30 or 45 minutes - we're just getting started! You might not need more than one woman if you had the right one.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 11, 2004, 09:47:

That's Right, Rub It In "That may explain a lot. Man, 30 or 45 minutes - we're just getting started! You might not need more than one woman if you had the right one."

OK, we get it Cowboy: You found the perfect woman for you! You're totally faithful and happy that way. I very heartily and sincerely congratulate you on your happiness and pray for your bounty of fresh air, sunshine, and love to continue for the rest of your days. I'm not being a smartass, either. I mean it.

But can you accept that just because "fidelity" is a concept and lifestyle that works for you and your wife, that does not necessarily mean that those of us who choose another way are missing out on something? Is it OK for me to honestly reflect on what is important to me and evaluate what I want out of life and come up with a different answer than you do?

I own me. I can do with me whatever I wish, always governed of course, by the concept "I don't own you." I certainly have no desire to force my morality (or what I'm sure some here consider my lack thereof) on anyone.

I'm also willing to accept the possibility that you may be right. Maybe I just never found the right woman. Maybe there's a woman out there who would just be so totally perfect for me that I would never want to spend time with anyone else. I hope not, because that really is not the life I want.

Once again, congratulations to you and your wife. Sounds like you're very happy and compatible.

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 11, 2004, 09:52:

Curious Diego are you Colombian, gringo, etc. and are the ladies you date around your age?

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caslug says on Nov 11, 2004, 10:02:

The truth shall set you free! As long as u r speak the truth to your partner(men/women) about what u want/expect from a relationship, then there's no harm. If u want to be faithfull, say it(like gringa and others), and if your partner feels the same way, then u will have a monomgous relationship. While if u say u don't want/ready for a committed/faithfull relationship, say it too, this is what Diego(and other) is advocating, laid out expection BEFORE going to far.

As long as both side speak the truth, it allows the potential partners to make their own inform decision. Now, Deigo theory is out of the norm, and will not work for ALL men/women, but it's their/ours choice to follow it our not.

Also, keep in mind that relationship is dynamic, so it CAN change over time. If u want to be faithfull after finding the "right one" then u can do that to. Of course, u run into the possibility that when u want to be faithful, your partner decides he/she wants to be free. That's life right?

I applaud Diego, Gringa, and other for putting their own belief out there for us to reveiw and make our OWN decision on what is right for us.

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 11, 2004, 12:33:

Hey, I was just teasing you, Diego! Like I said, I have no problems with your philosophy - I thought as you do once upon a time. Live and let live works for me.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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DiegoDelNorte says on Nov 11, 2004, 12:35:

Teasing "Hey, I was just teasing you, Diego! Like I said, I have no problems with your philosophy - I thought as you do once upon a time. Live and let live works for me."

Oh. Maybe I need to lighten up. :)

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gringa-colombiana says on Nov 14, 2004, 12:32:

Diego, I saw the movie Alfie and although I would agree with many critique that is not anywhere near the number one movie, I believe that it quite accurately portrays the reason why women expect fidelity.

Personally I thought the movie was wonderful because I saw my life as it was and why I am happy that I changed. Either way if you see it you might have a different prospective, but I believe you will be able to relate to it very well at least in part.

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