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Colombian hookers have feelings too.

A strange thing happened, I had a couple hookers actually fall for me, I think?
Unlike regular girls they don’t pretend to like you or give you some sap story, they show up in your hotel room, take off they clothes and get down to business. They obey your every sick sexual desire, except one, NO KISSING. They shower, you pay and they go home. Well, this beautiful young hooker from deep inside south barranquilla, came to the hotel looking spectacular. Her skirt had to be no more than 12 inches long exposing her very tanned shapely smooth legs, nice firm very perky breast and tight stomach. She works out. Her juicy thick apple candy lips screams out “I’m a hooker”.
The first time we hooked up I was a bit apprehensive, this bi-ch looks just like my daughter, hair, body, height, complexion, attitude, everything! but after a few drinks, f-ck it! I’m getting me a piece of this no matter what. To me, she’s as Colombian Roselyn Sanchez.
Anyways, this particular evening I decided to show her off and took her to a club in Murillo. She don’t talk much, all she does is stare at me. Thought we had sex dozens of times before, we NEVER kissed. We were partying smack in the middle of a bunch of corronchos, the music was loud, the place crowded and everyone was sweating and dancing. We finished off a bottle of Old Parr and ordered another one. She got up and dance reagatton between my legs as I sat there like a frigging king. All eyes were on her. We danced a few salsa and merengue songs. At one point they played “Marta la Reina” by Lisandro Mesa. This has to be one of my all time favorite song. You could not possibly call yourself a true butifarra eating costeño if that song doesn’t give you goose bumps. I got up, grabbed this incredible hot girl and we started dancing. I was holding her very close, corroncho style. This song is very melodic, a mixture of vallenato and old cumbia. As we danced, I notice she kept pulling me even closer, so close I could feel her heart beat and I was getting a real serious embarrassing boner, but what the hell. We continued pulling each other closer, sweating all over each other. I began kissing her shoulders then her neck and that got her even more excited. She put her hands under my polo shirt groping me all over squeezing my dried up old ass causing an accidental fart discharge. She did not hear anything and continued caressing the back of my head and hair. All of the sudden, she KISSED ME, and kissed me like I’ve not felt a woman kiss me like that for months. The kind of kiss a woman only gives you when she’s in pure heat, como una perra caliente, in need of serious monda, y monda toa la noche. For the rest of the song we continued making out, it seemed like the entire world disappeared and it was jut the two of us. One very old modefoque and this hot young hooker left in the planet.
I thought, gee wiz, this young chick is really into me, she never kissed me before. I felt tears or maybe sweat coming down her smooth tanned cheeks and then she said “vamos pa el hotel” “Check please! was my reply.
Needless to say we broke night and almost the bed. As she was leaving, the following morning, she said something weird “me nacistes adentro” I was born inside of her. WTF is that? that chit freaked me out.
I’ve not called her again, instead called another young hot hooker and the same chit happened, but this time while we danced to “Luna Sanjuanera” by los Hermanos Zuleta.
The moral of the story, young hookers from south barranquilla have feelings too, and if you don’t want them to fall for you, don’t dance songs with them that touch the inner soul of every costeño and costeña unless you really care.
I gotta run, got a toilet overflowing on the third floor.

By elmodefoque on Oct 20, 2006, 08:20 in Friendly Talkzone.

elmodefoque says on Oct 20, 2006, 08:47:

Man, I had every STD known to mankind. Just kidding. Listen I used to screw donkeys and they carry a very strong immune system which is passed on to humans, that’s the reason I NEVER had any STD.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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RUV says on Oct 20, 2006, 08:55:

Dang Elmo,
You should work Dang Elmo,

You should work for Hallmark. That or the CDC. You are making me cry.

: ,

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Crazy4Cali says on Oct 20, 2006, 09:49:

well... If you're just sitting around NYC thinking about this while you wait for the next toilet to overflow, I can see how NYC might be a bit less attractive.

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elmodefoque says on Oct 20, 2006, 10:10:

I never do bareback with hookers, I gotto Duane Reads in NYC and fill half of my suitcase with those things. I buy life style vibre-ribbed and Rough Rider with water based lubricant. I spent more than 100 bucks on those damn things.
I’ll be honest, I ride my little burrita bare back and never encounter any problems; it has not fallen off as of yet.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Oct 20, 2006, 10:42:

I have a pretty nice system set up for such cases as overflowing toilets. The same electronic eye that detects ass removal from a toilet seat, also detects water floating over and hitting the floor. This system also detects excessive foul order and sprays your ass before you leave.
From my room behind the boiler I’m able to monitor any problems and immediately get to work.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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MacGringo says on Oct 20, 2006, 11:03:

So do they only fall for you if you dance well with them Elmo? If so, the only thing I'll have to worry about is dodging that empty Old Parr bottle
coming towards my head because doesn't dig my gringo robot jig!

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elmodefoque says on Oct 20, 2006, 11:19:

Mac, you too can dance like a native. Listen, download this song “Marta la Reina” Lisandro Mesa” grab a broom and dance real slow, but only follow the sound of the guacharaca. You ever watch tall palm trees during a late afternoon breeze. You see how they sway, well just follow those moves and hold on tight to that girl, it should be ok.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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MacGringo says on Oct 20, 2006, 11:27:

Just did a search and get a load of other Lisandro Mesa tunes but not this one.
You see Elmo, all the other shit I can handle no bother, hookers, hits, Old Parr, gettin kicked in the nuts by burra....no probs...apart from the burra part, but the dancing part beats me every time..haha
I'll need to get some practice in, just in case I ever make it to the festival...which I'm hoping for one day!

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elmodefoque says on Oct 20, 2006, 11:33:

mac, see if you find this song "luna sanjuanera" los hermanos zuleta.
that's another panty removal song.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Gomezman5 says on Oct 20, 2006, 11:37:

Elmo.. It's stories like this one, that make me miss this site. But then again, you are the only modofoque that good get away with posting one like this.

Lucky you and try not to break any Barranquillera's tender heart.

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elmodefoque says on Oct 20, 2006, 11:39:

hey -- [comment deleted - don't let it happen again!]

I'll get there, when I get there!

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MacGringo says on Oct 20, 2006, 12:00:

Elmo, have you got internet copyright over all the pantyremovaltunes. Again, got loads of other Los Hermanos Zuleta tunes, but no "luna sanjuanera"
I'm going to download some of them anyway!

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elmodefoque says on Oct 20, 2006, 12:11:

mac. the full title is "cumbia sobre el mar (marta la reina) by lisandro meza, one romantic corroncho modefoque.

G5, i brake their heart, they in turn brake my wallet.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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cali373 says on Oct 20, 2006, 12:21:

LOL!!!!! My co-workers think I am crazy now because reading this post hs me laughing my ass off. Elmo, I never had a hooker and probably never will but we have to hang out one day. LOL

Smile if you are a thinker!

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MacGringo says on Oct 20, 2006, 13:05:

You're just a tease Rubito!!
You're just a tease Rubito!!

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MacGringo says on Oct 20, 2006, 13:07:

Stringing them along with the number for Dominos or something... i like it!!

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Peter Miami says on Oct 20, 2006, 13:28:

Elmo I am going to download those songs tonight and I am going to star drinking Old Parr and try out my new moves when I get back to Colombia. Maybe this will help me out and I will be a stud like you. LOL

Peter Miami

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colombian111 says on Oct 20, 2006, 13:34:

OMG ! From all these sites I am getting that my innocent childhood in Barranquilla was a lie! Miercoles! Que le paso a todas esas monjas del Biffi se convertieron a coyas o que?

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Peter Miami says on Oct 20, 2006, 13:44:

Hero Elmo you are my hero. When I grow up I want to be just like you.

Peter Miami

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PreciosaPaisita says on Oct 20, 2006, 15:24:

ok... you are definatly what your user name is... a motherfu*ker. Tan bobo

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PreciosaPaisita says on Oct 20, 2006, 15:25:

and you might wanna check yourself out for STDS. Yes, plural you a$$hole

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 20, 2006, 15:38:

preciosa, don't take offense, these clowns are only tolerated here for the entertainment value they migh have for their peer group. Nobody else cares. (BTW, roofus is one of the worst of those bottomfeeders, he's just trying to be funny)

Cheers,
Desi

«Sé que los seres humanos y los peces podrán coexistir en paz». ( George W. Bush, Saginaw 29-09-00)

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Colombiche says on Oct 20, 2006, 16:28:

Tasteful how you mention Kat and myself in a hooker thread, the allusion was tops.

Seems like nothing can stop you guys from having a laugh at the expense of these girls, the least you can do is leave Kat and myself out of it, please?

Que pena tan tenaz la que siento.

I feel for those girls, I really really really do.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 20, 2006, 16:29:

I'm glad you've comfortable with that, roofus.
When I think of bottomfeeder I think about those little fishes in my aquarium that live in the bottom and eat up all the filth. That's all. (Roofus, Morgus, Morphus, Crawlus, Creepus and Slimus)

Cheers,
Desi

«Sé que los seres humanos y los peces podrán coexistir en paz». ( George W. Bush, Saginaw 29-09-00)

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 16:34:

PreciosaPaisita, how about a pic? Then you can join Colombiche and Kat as the obscure objects of our desire. Not that Colombiche has ever given us a pic which makes her a very obscure object of desire indeed. She says she's a ton of fun though.

No lloraste, Colombiche, sobre la historia puteria de Elmo?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Colombiche says on Oct 20, 2006, 16:37:

Si lloro UC es por esa pobre pelada, que vida tan triste la que debe llevar.

UC, I was always nice and respectful to you of all people dude, we might have disagreed on some things but at least keep things civil out of respect for whatever good rapport we might have had at one point, please?

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 16:39:

Y sus bobos compañeros como nosotros?

So you're not a ton of fun? You're still the obscure object of our desire though. And to think I was in Toronto a couple of weeks ago fantasizing about you.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Colombiche says on Oct 20, 2006, 16:45:

I bet you were but I am just a name on a monitor, whatever else is in your head (me being a ton of fun etc etc) is your own fabrication. .

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 16:47:

Es la verdad, mi querida. Todo en mi mente.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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podborski says on Oct 20, 2006, 17:06:

not everything everyone writes is the literal truth ya know girls? Some people just like to tell stories, and Elmo is damn good at it. He provides some much needed humour, which you don't understand, but seriously are in need of IMHO.

It continues to amaze me how upset you women get when the guys are just shooting the shit.

Relax. Go start a thread about something that interests you.

And for the moral fascists hoping we all get STDs, some news for you: it's a thing called penicillin. Works great I understand. Sorry to burst your bubble.

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pedro says on Oct 20, 2006, 17:38:

Thanks for the story Elmo. An interesting read, as always.

Question for people who are very literate in Spanish. Am I correct to believe that "nacistes" in this story is incorrect and "naciste" is the correct word? When you hear native speakers saying things like nacistes, estuvistes etc... is that some kind of dialect, deliberate way of speaking? Or is it just a level of Spanish that's not completely literate?

que nota!

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 17:56:

Elmo is completely literate - corroncho literate.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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PreciosaPaisita says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:02:

someone tell me how to post a pic

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billyb says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:08:

Keep 'em comin' Elmo..... BillyB

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pedro says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:09:

Posting a pic Paisita,

Easy way is to use the site www.tinypic.com

Click the "Browse" button, pick a file on your computer, then click "Upload Image".

Once that's done, select all the text from the "HTML" box. Copy and paste this into your PBH message and you're done.

que nota!

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PreciosaPaisita says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:19:

thanks, i'll get on that
thanks, i'll get on that

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PreciosaPaisita says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:30:

[IMG]http://i11.tinypic.com/4c8ift3.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i11.tinypic.com/2h3wyyt.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i11.tinypic.com/48z199y.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i11.tinypic.com/2znpjrp.gif[/IMG]

sorry guys im not very photogenic

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:35:

Deleted the photo in favor of the edited one below.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:36:

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:39:

No podria resistir ayudandote un pocito.

I wish we could rotate that large one and scale it down a little. Damm, that's a hot photo, mamacita! You know perfectly well that you're so hot we could fry eggs on your trasero.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:45:

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 20, 2006, 18:46:

Mucho mejor! Let's see Morphus' little girls match this. Now THIS is a woman.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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podborski says on Oct 20, 2006, 19:05:

I'm with you UC But PP, what's with the attitude?

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goin_south says on Oct 20, 2006, 21:51:

and, then scramble 'em! the eggs! ay-yay-yay!

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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goin_south says on Oct 20, 2006, 22:41:

Roofus Is your igloo a little warmer, now? Are the icesicles dripping wet yet?

Did we hear you say, "Va a Colombia" again?

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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goin_south says on Oct 20, 2006, 22:47:

Convengo con Utopiacowboy ella es una mujer verdadera
And, I am sure if she stays around until Monday, Elmo will break it down, or run it away, one or the other, after reading those few short, sharp comments. jejee

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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goin_south says on Oct 20, 2006, 23:07:

PreciosaPaisita Now look at what has happened already, in your short time on this forum... the only girl pictured in a thread entitled: Colombian Hookers Have Feelings Too. It could be your 'desk-top, short cut' to fame, and you can circumvent having to go on American Idol!

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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pedro says on Oct 21, 2006, 03:10:

Not vosotros Rubito, the vosotros form is nacisteis.

An example, I hear this every time I listen to the song "Fiera Callada" by Magnate y Valentino. The guy is singing "tu desbordastes". When you go and look at the lyrics online, it has "tu desbordaste" as the lyric.

que nota!

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elchantajista says on Oct 21, 2006, 05:45:

cali I can relate elmo, met a girl in bogota she's 23 and from Cali God greatest gift to this gringo a great kisser and looks like a diosa, got her phone # e mail we talk every other day, going back in dec. got to she her again along with my regular chica don't really know if she is a full time pro but don't really care either,we danced kissed drank will get pic next time
"Vicente"

anda de parranda al Juanchito "Vicente"

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shawnnn says on Oct 21, 2006, 05:52:

Becos is my middle Name I dont what you look like but every Colombiana (hooker or not) kisses me like there is no tomorrow. I guess I can attribute that to A's in kissing school and good looks. I guess the fero guys dont get kissed. I sure do.

Good luck

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podborski says on Oct 21, 2006, 06:15:

is nacistes the subjunctive tense of the 2nd person sing?

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goin_south says on Oct 21, 2006, 08:03:

my point is proven, finalemente. you guys all arguing about PROPER SPANISH. Wait for Desideria; she will correct the situation for you (me.)

Schawwwwnnnnn... she probably was feeling sorry for you, stuggling to walk as you do, and dancing in that wheelchair. Me gusta mucha el vestido verde

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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Plato says on Oct 21, 2006, 14:10:

Interesting thread - and PreciosaPaisita is indeed a hotty - wow!

As far as hookers, I never followed up on that option even though Roosevelt Avenue, Queens was chock full of brothels at one time. There were many police raids which decreased the number "purchase love as you go" businesses.

For some of my friends, it was part of their weekly routine to go visit these places. One time my brother asked me to go with him. I went and the place looked like a clinic! A lot of dudes waiting to get their turn. I left because I was disgusted. What a meat market! And it doesn't matter how high-class the brothel was either. I was told that there were a few in some Mid-town high rises. The women were much more good looking but it was the same thing: men waiting for their turn.

I can never say that I would be strong enough to avoid such impulses to go that way - never - because I'm a man with many character flaws. However, I struggle to rise above my lowly carnal desires - not celebrate them. We know nothing about the woman in Elmo's story other that for one night she may have felt special. What does she have to look forward to in life?

I'm not bull$hitting the guys here: it's reality, I know. But, there is more to life than getting laid. (That may be heresy to some! Ha ha !) I guess if you're in the environment, the wave will take you.

By the way, women operate the same way, but they're not just as upfront about it. How about those gold diggers? Hmmm? "Gasolineras?" You can't be hard on the guys that are upfront and honest about what they do. That would be hyprocrisy.

Regards,

Plato

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those [liberals] who, in time of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.--Dante Alighieri, (1265-1321)

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goin_south says on Oct 21, 2006, 14:16:

bad imagination: living life without the urge.
Plato, you mean you are working on being one of the males in the world who only think about sex every 10 seconds rather than every 5?

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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Plato says on Oct 21, 2006, 14:31:

Ha ha! Think about it: Would there be less problems in the world if people didn't let their urges get the best of them?

Regards,

Plato

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those [liberals] who, in time of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.--Dante Alighieri, (1265-1321)

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goin_south says on Oct 21, 2006, 15:22:

there would be less people, so, I guess your right: fewer problems.
but, I think we're destined then to self-destruct.
Everyone isn't going to subscribe to 'recovery'.
I myself subscribe to 'recovery from recovery'.

LET THE PARTY PLAY ON!

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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Plato says on Oct 21, 2006, 15:40:

Destined to self destruct? Very interesting. Yeah . . . it seems that way. I guess this would be a good topic for another forum. Thanks for the thought. And, yes, LET'S PARTY ON! After all, it's in the blood - we're Colombians!

Regards,

Plato

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those [liberals] who, in time of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.--Dante Alighieri, (1265-1321)

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goin_south says on Oct 21, 2006, 16:12:

No; we're not. But, where I am from, or have settled... It's in their blood too. I considered the Recovery Program; but the more I read about it, the more it looked like another addiction. I didn't figure I needed another one... lol.

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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morphus says on Oct 21, 2006, 18:36:

"Mucho mejor! Let's see Morphus' little girls match this. Now THIS is a woman"

Utopiacowboy, how about this?

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 21, 2006, 18:43:

Her toys in the background were a little distracting I have to say but she's a cute little nymph. Didn't I see her pic on www.jailbait.com?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Oct 21, 2006, 18:48:

Nacistes ending the "tu" past tense form in an "s" is a common but grammatically incorrect usage. Particularly common in "la costa". Ie. Fuistes al mercado? Comistes?...

It's not subjunctive or vosotros or anything else, just adding an "s" to the correct conjugation

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Plato says on Oct 21, 2006, 19:04:

Hey, if 'recovery from recovery' is your thing - fine. What's with the rotating names bit?

Regards,

Plato

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those [liberals] who, in time of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.--Dante Alighieri, (1265-1321)

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 21, 2006, 19:10:

So far nothing tops PreciosaPaisita's photo. She is absolutely exquisite.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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goin_south says on Oct 21, 2006, 19:47:

But PP has not showed face today, UTC so, I'm not so sure you didn't suck that up off the 'net.

Yeah, I was noticing her toys too, but not the ones in the background. Good job morph. Moving up; she must be on the long side of 16 1/2 years.

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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goin_south says on Oct 22, 2006, 00:09:

Oh, come on Rubito Just change the names to protect the innocent.

"No hay tal cosa, como ' español perfecto '." __Senora Alta Vista

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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elmodefoque says on Oct 23, 2006, 08:34:

Colombiche got me thinking about my very special young hooker so I called her yesterday. I asked her why she got all sentimental last time we were together. Her answer was no surprise to me, but I’m sure very difficult for Colombians and others to understand.
This young girl is Guajira from Riohacha and just like my family, her family also migrated to Barranquilla many moons ago. Her flawless glowing copper tone dark tanned shapely body with strong powerful legs came from running up and down the beaches near Puerto Aramatka and going up and down la Sierra Nevada.
She doesn’t get goose bumps listening to gasiosa en estero, but she does get sentimental listening to her music and dancing with her people, in this case yours truly. I don’t know how many here seen a Guajiro couple dance and I’m not talking Guajiros cus they were born en la Guajira, I’m talking Wayuu. Music to us is the essence of life, is very spiritual and to dance something like “cumbia sobre el mar” (marta la reina) with another native touches the deepest, inner core sentiments of a Guajiro
She told me that for those few minutes dancing with me, I belonged to her and she belonged to me, just like it was meant to be. As I held her very close and we both sway in unison to this beautiful song, she felt safe and protected and when she closed her eyes it took her back to her childhood, back to a beach near Riohacha. I also felt something, but my feelings were purely sexual, I had the mother of all boners and all I wanted to do was drill her right in the middle of that dance floor. It would be no big deal, everyone there was just like us, lost in lust with their dancing partners.
Listen, I’m not as fortune as American and European dudes, Colombian women don’t chase me around, contrary they get deeply offended if I even look at them. They make me feel like Pepe Le Pew, like I stink or something, so is very rare that I get a chance to dance with them.
This Guajira girl felt great joy knowing that I valued her as much as I did and was proud to show her off. In the old days we bought our brides with 27 goats, then the Colombians came and ingrained into their heads that they were worthless Injuns, but I made her feel special, like she was worth her weight in gold.
I like to imagine marrying that Wayuu girl and buying her a house by the beach near Riohacha with 10 little dark full blood injun modefoques running around naked with a hard on, just like I used to do, but that won’t happen, I’ll be damn if I ever get married again.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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