Colombian culture and diamond rings

rqi449 says on Feb 13, 2006, 16:13:

listen and care... hello jmw....as you know the most important thing for a woman is to be listen. Also colombian girls like to be care, sometimes with small gifts and also with a lot of love. They always want to feel special. Also is important that you meet her familiy and learn from them...many of the characteristics of your girlfriend will be in the way of how she was brought up.
I think this will help...this are general comments on the way you can treat her...c ya man and enjoy bogota and offcourse your girl!!!

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jmw says on Feb 13, 2006, 16:26:

Thanks for the comments rqi. I have met her family and spent a weekend with them. I was impressed with how close they are. All the girls still live at home and are either working or in college. I appreciate you comments. I like buying gifts so that will be fun. What about things like diamond rings? I am not yet ready to pop the question, but I am thinking about it. I am assuming I should ask her father at the right time. I have no idea how Colombian culture impacts relationships. I am curious to know about how to proceed without hurting anyone's feelings. So far, her family has enjoyed my awkward moments and laughed heartily when I made simple mistakes. This has been great fun and put me at ease.

Anyway, do fiances expect diamond rings? I have been amazed at how quickly my girlfriend has responded to my advances. In the US, this never happened so fast! My heart is almost made up and I think her's is too.

Thanks for listening and thanks for the advice.

jmw

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Feb 14, 2006, 04:50:

I agree with GIB don't get a flashy things just a simple present would do, get to know her better, spend more time with her before showering her with expensive presents.

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lpdiver says on Feb 14, 2006, 07:02:

As for me... I asked my girlfriend what she wanted and made sure she knew my limitations. My wife is very unmaterialistic. Rather than a large rock I elected to marry in Colombia and pay all expenses so that her family could participate.

It was deeply appreciated.

Tony

"cook some rice!"

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jmw says on Feb 14, 2006, 08:15:

Thanks for all the advice. I know my head is in the clouds and I am enjoying it. She is too. We have talked about how little we know of each other and how much we have to learn. I do not know any other girls in Colombia than just her family. I did not mean to suggest that I was speaking for anyone outside her immediate family. In her family, all the girls still live at home and either work or are in college.

My girlfriend is very intellegent and affectionate. You all are definately right. My head is in the clouds. I have no idea how quickly relationships mature in Colombia or what is expected. I know that where I live, people get married anywhere from 3 months after their first date to 7 years after their first date.

Thanks again for all the advice. I am pleased that flashy rings are not "in" in Colombia. My taste is not flashy.

Kat and Tony, thank you for your sincere advice. It is very much appreciated!!!!

Jmw

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southernman says on Feb 14, 2006, 08:45:

Ring I Bought my Baby a $1,400.00 ring, and if she knew I paid that much for it, she would kill me in a loving welcomed kind of way.
Her exact words were to me, when I told her I will bring back a ring to claim what is mine, She said "All I want is you"
Nice gifts but continuous is the way to go, nothing too expensive, but add alot of love with it, and then borrow some if you think you will run out (of love), she will demand mucho love.
She will give more than you can ever stand, but it's nice trying to stand all of it.

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Monpirri says on Feb 14, 2006, 08:58:

Happy Valentines Day! Happy Valentines Day to all!!!

Annette Taddeo for US Congress 2008

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southernman says on Feb 14, 2006, 09:39:

Tinto (HaHaHa) See I knew you would talk about my cheap ring (LOL), Hey man, that was all I could afford. Yeah, you are right, if you marry an american woman, you better buy a 3500 ring.
The matter of changing, you can't say that about every woman, is that what happened to yours?
if it is, then brother we need to talk (just enjoying myself)
seriously, I am covering all all this ground, and if she proves to be a bad apple, you know what to do with that don't you.

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southernman says on Feb 14, 2006, 09:49:

you have a point I was just playing around myself, thanks for your comments

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mariasman says on Feb 14, 2006, 11:03:

I agree completely with Southernman except to maybe add an extra 1,000$ US to that price tag. You see, here in the states, if you buy a woman anything less than that, then the American woman mindset is "What a cheap S.O.B." Ive even heard stories of them going straight to the jewler that very same day just to see what the price would be. I had to explain this to my Colombiana because like all of you, I thought that when I proposed to her that it would have to have been something that would knock her socks off (AND IT WAS)and in reality, I could have just spent maybe 500$( any less than that and well, unless you really are broke, then you are cheap)and I would have gotten the same response and yes, when she found out what I paid, she was really taken but at the same time worried that I had spent so much on her. You know, it was worth every penny that I spent and the place that I bought it from was so professional and the box that they gave me had a blue flourescent light so when I did ask her to marry me and opened the box, it was like a laser light show. In reality, all your woman wants( if she really loves you) is you.

mariasman

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black-mamba says on Feb 14, 2006, 12:40:

Happy Valentine's day It's so nice to say something like this on a day like this.... if she loves you, she won't a mind an o.k. ring as long as it's something decent. It doesn't have to be flashy if you or her don't like that kind. Let me tell a little bit about myself: my husband is very gringo and I'm very colombian, but very americanized also and I know the $5000 kind of engagement ring, heck my friend at work sold his car to buy one for his girlfriend (I know, crazy!). But when my husband popped the question he wasn't sure of what kind of ring I wanted so he didn't have one... you would think it was a big deal, well it wasn't for me, I was very happy I could choose my own, I'm short and wouldn't have been able to pull a big rock like the one he wanted to buy without looking like a freak or corroncha (I hope you know what it means by now), or like a ring with hand instead of hand with a ring. My ring was o.k. priced (around $2000 including wedding band) and I wouldn't have appreciated it if he'd spent more than that on it.
It's not about the ring or the price but please, make sure she likes it and when in doubt, maybe she could choose her own, there can't be anything worse than getting an engagement ring you don't like.
Something else, it's true some people would say you have to wait so and so before the big question... I met my husband on April’s fool day and got married may 29, same year. When you know that you have the right person in front of you, any risk is worth taking. Isn't marriage a risk anyhow?? or a lottery as we say?? I've known plenty of people that have dated for as much as 15 years to finally get married and become one unhappy couple, like they didn't know that was gonna happen before tightening the knot.
Follow your heart but use your head while at it... if she loves you, she won't care about how much you spent but keep in mind, if she comes to live with you in the states, she'll know what girls have for wedding bands or rings and you don't wanna be the one who bought her a $200 ring.
Best wishes and good luck!!

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southernman says on Feb 14, 2006, 17:46:

Black Mamba You married your man in the same year, very short time. Tell me what was it about him that made you know that he was for you, the ring?

Only joking, seriously what was it. Help us men to understand the feelings of a Colombian woman, to know that it was love at first sight.

I am asking because I have a wonderful Colombian woman, and sometimes, I scratch my head and say, this is not normal to be in love that fast, at least not from an american way.

But then I ask myself, maybe the american way is wrong anyway, because like the ring subject, you give an american woman a 2,000 dollar ring, she is going to go and get the big telescope at smithsonian, because she wants to see it, she thinks, it's not big enough.

But tell us, what was it that made you fall for your man, and share please the view of a Colombian woman, how she falls in love.

All you Men that know the Subject of Colombian women, take notes.

Black-Mamba, you have the floor.

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black-mamba says on Feb 15, 2006, 14:28:

About rings and other things I can try and tell a couple of things from the eyes of a Colombian woman but don’t take it too seriously because we are all different and the way I feel is not necessarily the way every Colombian girl thinks… let’s put it this way: I’ve known many girls who would be dead before marrying a gringo, just because they can’t dance the same way a latin man would (specially if they are from Barranquilla….. God, can we dance!!!), or they don’t speak the same language and she doesn’t want to learn it, or they are just fed up with Americans and don’t wanna know anything about them… there’s nothing wrong on not liking someone, right?? Now in the other hand there are many girls who would prefer a foreigner, why? The list doesn’t end but it may have something to do with the fact that opposite poles attract each other, that wasps are in average less macho orientated than latin men and some women like that. There’s nothing sexier and nicer than a man who is not afraid to show that he has sensitive side, and you’ll see that very rarely on a Colombian guy, specially in the coast or in Barranquilla where I think your girl is from. (I’m also from there). You can also share more things and learn more about each other when you come from different backgrounds, I can’t start to tell how much I’ve learned about classical music and how much my husband now knows about Colombian music, or how he had no idea about foreign movies and now we have a nice collection of them.

If it is normal or not to fell in love this fast, I don’t really know the answer… many would say you are crazy and it won’t work out, but that wasn’t my case. I don’t think there’s anything wrong or weird about it, I believe that loves is what it is and you can’t either push it or force it or try to make it happen because it just does. When you less think of it, it happens. When I met my husband I had just decided to stay in the United States after being convinced that all I wanted was to live in Canada. I even went there and came back and I didn’t really know why I was doing it and then I met him… isn’t that weird?? Everything happens for a reason and in my case that reason was him, and in his case that reason was me. He had just moved down for work reasons from Mass. to Florida where he had no family or friends but deep down he knew that there was a reason behind it… things just worked out the way they had to.

Now, when you ask me what made me fall in love, I don’t think there’s just one thing, (and it was definitely not the ring - he didn’t even have one when he proposed) –lol- I think there were many. He always puts me first and I know that there’s nothing more important in this world for him than me, which is just the way I feel about him. He supports any big decision I’d make no matter what as long as it’s not any of my crazy ideas, he listens to me (except when playing video games so I’d rather don’t talk to him while at it because he’ll have no idea what I told him), he makes the best omelettes and oatmeal cookies in the world, and I could go on and on about the reasons why I love him. But the most important reason of why I decided to marry him is that he was all I wanted in a man without even realizing it before. I had always said that I was never gonna get married (yes, I was that kind), that guys were a waste of time and look who was the first of my friends to get married…. of course, it was ME.

Remember there are not only roses on the road. We’ve had problems, little things though, like the fact that he’s a morning person and I’m not (there’s nothing worst than a happy person at 7 a.m. when you want to shut at anyone in front of you), videogames when I try to talk, etc. And they are nothing compared with the love we share but keep in mind that cultural crash is the biggest thing you’ll be facing. Even though many Americans consider family very important, we have another notion of it and sometimes involves opinionated relatives, which not everyone knows how to handle. Also, and this is a stereotype but in my case happens to be true, we are hot blooded and you may not know what to do when she explodes (if she happens to be one). Advice: don’t pay attention, or try to fight it…it’ll go away.

Finally, tons of roses and love always help anyone fall!! A ring is jut a ring and if there’s any girl who wouldn’t appreciate a good man because of a ring, maybe she shouldn’t be with him in the first place. Besides, it could get lost, stolen, damaged and then why the big deal about it??

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lpdiver says on Feb 16, 2006, 09:13:

Apparenty I am one cheap hijo puta gringo... I let my wife choose her ring and probably it would be $200.00 from a wilsons catalog. I did trvel to Colombia to marry her and paid for all the expenses to have most of her family present at the wedding. In the end it was a joint decision. They are all different guys. do the talking before you jump in the fire~~

T

"cook some rice!"

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Feb 16, 2006, 09:27:

GringoD I went and choose the ring with my husband, I ain't wanted any cheap rock huh!, ahhhhhh what about love like that :p

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jmw says on Feb 18, 2006, 06:33:

Wow What great comments. Thanks BlackMamba. Sounds to me like, even though there are significant cultural differences, men are still men and women are still women. jejejeje We all enjoy courting!!!!

Thanks for the advice on the cultural differences to BM and Kat. I was really hoping to hear it from a woman's perspective.

At this point, I am still amazed at my novia. She is very smart, very pretty and very affectionate. But most important, she loves me. She could be the greatest woman in the world, but if she didn't love me, it wouldn't do me any good.

I am getting ready to spend 10 days in Bogota with her and her daughter. I also hope to spend more time with her family. I really enjoyed getting to know her mom and dad last time I visited.

Thanks for all the comments.

BTW, I think it was BlackMamba that wrote about how people dated for 10 years and then ended up getting a divorce. I have seen some really great relationships form in less than 3 months. I have seen some great ones that took a year or two. But from my, admitedly small, experience, those that date for extended periods (5 years and longer) haven't done so well.

Thanks again for all the input. It will be interesting to see how we develop over the next few months.

JMW

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morphus says on Feb 18, 2006, 07:31:

I was talking to one Colombian girl about wedding rings in the U.S. Here in New York, you have to spend at least $7000 or its difficult to find a woman to marry you. She could'nt believe it. When her parents got married in Medellin around 25 years ago, the rings they had were so cheap, the priest did'nt want to touch them.
I know a guy that proposed marriage with a cubic zirconia during a helicopter ride over Manhattan. The girl refused and told him to come back with a real ring. A cubic zirconia is technically a diamond, only man made. Look what you can get for $650..lol

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southernman says on Feb 18, 2006, 16:13:

Rings The United States is a pretty country, there is money to be made. A woman with good education, good looks, smart, can land a job easy 50,000 dollars a year, I know several women I South east United states, that are doing this.
They drive expensive cars, have condos or own their home. These women date, but they don't keep boyfriends long.
Most guys just want to get between the legs, and move on.
The point is NOT guys getting between the legs, I know some guys on this site that will take it there regardless (lol).
The women equate material things, education, success, with happiness, but these same women cannot hold a man for many different reasons.
I would dare say that if such a woman saw value in a man, other than value in a 7,000 dollar ring, she would probably end up with a good man, and maybe the 7000 ring anyway.
It's about what is most important, if a woman thinks that having things, and stuff is most important over seeing a man for his internal worth, she will always come up short handed.
This sounds old fashion, but some, and maybe many colombian women won't even wear such a high price ring, for fear of someone cutting off her finger for the ring.

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black-mamba says on Feb 20, 2006, 10:59:

Not a prob JMW Please keep us posted of how everything goes and good luck while in Bogota!!

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Crazy Eagle says on Feb 20, 2006, 17:57:

diamonds a marketing scam The most successful campagin in the history of business. De Boors started it all. Diamonds are NOT rare - they are just shiny rocks. De Boors buys up diamond minds and shuts most of them down, to keep the rocks off the market so that the price remains high. In places like Siera Leone different groups kill each other for control of the mines. In many European countries married people just wear a plain ring - no shiny rock. Remember that Simpson episode where Skinner falls for Homer's sister in law? He goes to the diamond store and the clerk tells him "a good rule of thumb is three years salary." Yeesh.

"Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what is for lunch." Orson Welles

"The natural rhythm of life is routine punctuated by orgy" Aldous Huxley

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ronaldo says on Feb 23, 2006, 11:28:

Marketing Scam - Crazy Eagle Crazy Eagle:

You are exactly correct the most successful marketing program of
all times.
Diamonds are not rare at all.
In South Africa some of the "mines" are not mines at all. They have
men with a tin can hung around their neck crawl along the ground 3 feet apart and they pick up the diamonds on the ground and drop them in the can. The only thing that makes them rare is the scam marketing programs and peoples lack of brains.
Japan never ever had a diamond in their marriages until the diamond scam artists did their thing on them and now one third of all japanese women look for a nice big rock as a sign of your love.
The rule for buying a rock to show your love is you have to buy one that you can not afford and then it proves to her that you love her.
Anyone that buys a expensive diamond ring should check himself into Bellville.
If you watched the diamond scams in New York on national TV you seen that EVERY store that they took a expensive diamond ring in to be cleaned was lifted and a cheepe replacement was substituted. And these were big named jewellers.
Southernman is also correct, I would not let my woman wear an expensive rock, I don't want her finger cut off over something that is superficial.

Ronaldo

Ronaldo

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Feb 23, 2006, 14:06:

Ronaldo Those thieve in Colombia don't know a real diamond, so you can be wearing a cheap zirconia and they still will cut off your finger.


Morphus, the shine of a Zirconia is totally different from the shine of a Diamond ;)

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black-mamba says on Mar 6, 2006, 14:09:

Southernman I hope you have a good time in Barranquilla next month. I couldn't reply your last private comment..... Unfortunately, the private message was turned off. I'll talk to you later.

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southernman says on Mar 7, 2006, 16:40:

black mamba I hate the private messaging is gone but my email address is crand42189 at aol.com
I would like to hear your comments to my comments, so if you see this message, hit me up.
I will be going to Barranquilla in the latter part of April, first part of May.
Hope you and your family are good.

Chester

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