An Unhappy Father NEEDS Help!

vicshere says on Jun 15, 2008, 20:50:

powpow's back

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webmanco says on Jun 15, 2008, 20:50:

Have him contacting this fundation Bogotá 57 (1) 607 44 14

http://www.padresporsiempre.net/

Nuestra Fundación es una entidad sin ánimo de lucro cuyo propósito es el apoyo, estudio, divulgación, investigación, promoción y profundización en la problemática de la niñez de padres separados para poder brindarles ayuda y soluciones a los problemas que se les avecinan, ya que son los niños generalmente las 'víctimas' de la separación de sus padres.

No hay extremo cierto o verdadero, porque los extremos opacan, enruedan, (lavan cerebros) verdades. Yotas

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CatGirl says on Jun 15, 2008, 21:02:

Last time I heard...from what you are explaining - he is in a common law marriage my friend - they reside together? correct ?;)) I think it is 6 months or one year only too...

If he stays and allows the children to watch him be abused, it will be bad for the children ;((
I do not think it is ever a good idea to stay in any bad relationship for the kids, they are NOT stupid and they can feel the chaos. When they are old enough they will see the truth.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jun 15, 2008, 21:07:

Sorry - 2 years oops (unless of course the laws have changed??)

http://poorbuthappy.com/colombia/post/legal-advice-of-the-week--common...

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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paradigmer says on Jun 16, 2008, 05:38:

Is the court system "pro mother" in Colombia as it is here in the US?

He needs to get recordings of her abuse, documentation (emails etc.) and witnesses.

Even with all that it can be a tough process for the man. Of course, i'm speaking about the court system and family law here in the US. How is it in Colombia?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) (☼Travelguide writer) says on Jun 16, 2008, 06:18:

Lowell says on Jun 16, 2008, 07:27:

I'm in a very similar situation. If I leave, my child and wifes sisters child will suffer. If I don't my health will continue to decline as it is doing now.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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vicshere says on Jun 16, 2008, 08:26:

i like to be wrong kat....but its the end that counts

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chispajuisiosa says on Jun 16, 2008, 09:05:

First, THANK YOU all for your comments!

Morphus: He actually makes $235K pesos bi-monthy and brings home $120K /-...the majority of the deductions from his paycheck are life insurance, health insurance (aporte ordinario, seguro de vida colectivo, AMI (children's emergency care/at-home and ambulance service), colseguros, comfamiliar, recordar (this is like in case of death a deduction to help with the funeral costs), Colmena ESP and pensiones y cesantias).

The house they live in belongs to his mother who is letting his family (her grandchildren) live there rent-free. There is a small apartment next door which they collect $200K pesos in rent monthly for utilities and other expenses. Education here, even for a child of three years is NOT free or public schooling like the US...you HAVE TO pay for your children's' education which isn't cheap here either. There is no doubt that he needs to get a better job and believe me, he is trying to find something better, but good jobs here are hard to come by for someone with barely a high school education. Her taking the children away from him will kill him, he lives for those kids and they love him equally. It would be unhealthy for those kids for her to take them to Bogota...away from him. She is using the kids to get him back, and now the he refuses to be get back with her, she wants to hurt him by taking the kids from him.

Joel and Luza: Yeah, I agree with you too, but it's not that simple here to take the children away from the mother, that is what we are trying to find out. That he has equal rights. And yes, he is in a common law marriage. I just found out that according to article 154 of the Colombian Civil Code, the divorce is a way to end the link created by the marriage. The law 25/92 explains which the causes are: 2. violence, cruel behavior or injuries to the partner. I believe he has grounds for a good case in court against her. He has lots of witnesses of her bad behavior towards him and in front of his children. It's the reason why he left her now, to prevent the children from continuing to endure it.

CatGirl: I also agree with you. The children are NOT stupid and they see and hear everything. This is very depressing for them and can do a lot of damage, especially at such a young age. I don't know why people think that if they stay together "because of the children" when they DON'T get along, that they will hurt the children, when, in fact, they are hurting them even more living in a loveless (sometimes violent) environment. I feel children would rather have two happy parents living separately than having them live miserably "together"!!!

"When there is no other explanation...there is only ONE explanation!"

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CatGirl says on Jun 16, 2008, 09:07:

Chispaj: Amen.

Paradigmer: BTW - I can only speak for the court system in EEUU - Calif. But I will tell you that the courts are changing dramatically here and much more supportive to the father's. I have sat for hours (on different court days) listening to these cases. Mothers trying to keep the father's away from the children, ( a female judge) only to watch the judge scold the mother and make touching testimonies of the importance of the father's being in the children's lives. I almost wanted to write a letter to the editor with the comments this judge made. She also saw through the father's that really needed to problem solve more and gave them resources.

;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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webmanco says on Jun 16, 2008, 09:09:

Tan juiciosa la prima!

No hay extremo cierto o verdadero, porque los extremos opacan, enruedan, (lavan cerebros) verdades. Yotas

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CatGirl says on Jun 16, 2008, 10:14:

Paradig: "He needs to get recordings of her abuse, documentation (emails etc.) and witnesses"

True - you should get solid documentation of the abuse. But this is NOT Judge Judy or Peoples Court. I have yet to see emails admissable in family and divorce court, do not waste time or drama on this, it is not solid evidence. Anyone can alter an email, period. How can you prove who sent it? This is probably why you dont see it in REAL court. Recordings? hmmm, another one that might be a problem if the person does not give permission it is illegal to record a conversation, but not to save a v/m
I have seen only phone records proving that a person has called multiple times (harassment) used in Family Court. What you need to do is go to the police and explain your situation and connect with the Father's Rights groups.
You will find that legal documentation from the police coming out to the home for abuse will hold much more water! File for a restraining order if you have to, then the court system will also have to address your rights to visit your child ;)) At this point you can assign a neutral family member of good character to be the contact person - grandmother, aunt etc... Mother can drop child off there and then you can pick your child up for visitation.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jun 16, 2008, 10:16:

I only mention this strategy from watching multiple real life family court situations. Not from "one" person I watched go through this..OK?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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chispajuisiosa says on Jun 16, 2008, 13:15:

CatGirl: Thank you for your comments and advice! Today, we found an agency here in Barranquilla called "Comisaria de Familia" and we have scheduled an interview for intervention. Witnesses are not going to be a problem...he has an entire neighborhood that can attest to this woman's behavior against him.

Webmanco: I support my cousin 100% because I know what it feels like to have a "deadbeat" father. My cousin may not be some "macho-type", but he genuinely loves and supports his children...which I find commendable...given his situation!

"When there is no other explanation...there is only ONE explanation!"

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paradigmer says on Jun 16, 2008, 14:05:

How are the court systems in Colombia? Is it "pro-mother"?

There are more and more fathers/husbands going through spousal abuse these days than is ever talked about or reported. It's really sad.

What I really find alarming is that I think it is very prevalant amongst Latinas. I have been married to and/or dated only Latinas for the past 20 years of my life and have lived in Panama and been completely immersed in Latin culture for the last 20 years.

I've experienced this and seen it with other couples as well. It seems that Latinas are very passionate about everything they do--including being angry. Have you ever heard a Latina verbally "go off" on her man? Trust me, it aint pretty.

And now for a tangent...

Why are Latinas so hot - tempered? Whoever put forth the stereotype of the sweet little mamacita that serves her Senior only got it half right. The same woman that will wake up with you, cook your breakfast, iron your shirt and make love to you like a Tiger before work will be the same one to cuss you out like a sailor and hit you when she gets angry!

(End tangent) :)

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

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CatGirl says on Jun 16, 2008, 14:38:

Chispaj: Good to hear this ;))

Paradigmer: Hmmm I understand the question completely, not sure if it is isolated to Latinas?
I know Latinos do the same. Interesting you ask this because in every instance (exception of a few) I have seen there is this short fuse. Not sure why.

But - I have seen abuse on Latino men too. When I was very young I worked with a gal who had a bf that was illegally in the EEUU. When I saw how he was living - it was like a dungeon and she was very controlling. I did not know what to think. One time her and I were supposed to get together after work and instead we ended up driving to the Mission District (he was at a bar there) and she got it in her head he was fooling around. She barged into the bar, made a scene and almost ran over him with her car....I could not take the drama, he was treated horribly and she threatened to call the INS. I ended our friendship (she was whacked). A few years later, I was in dire straights trying to move some things, as I was moving my things out onto the street, he spotted me and offered help. He was very nice, I learned he left her and found a better person and a happier life. Hey, this is just one of many situations I have seen where the men are abused by the woman. I don;t know if it is isolated to Latinas/os. I have seen it in all different nationalities :). But the short temper and quick to jump? I do see this as a common thread.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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paradigmer says on Jun 16, 2008, 18:22:

Hey Cat, that's interesting to hear your agreement with me on this being that you're uh-Latina and all. haha :)

I think that this "short fuse" thing is prevalent amongst latinas because they are by their nature very passionate and emotional beings. So it's bitter sweet. They are the sweetest girls in the world that can consentir their man and spoil him silly, but when they get angry (and that happens easily) it's like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

That being said, i'm still hopelessly addicted. I can't go back to white girls now :( I'm spoiled...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

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CatGirl says on Jun 16, 2008, 19:02:

para
being that you're uh-Latina and all. haha :)

I am? Hold on let me double check....nope. jejeje... ;)). But I have many Latina Amigas and they tell me things they would never share with the men jejeje;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jun 17, 2008, 13:02:

Lila - sad but true. Seen some fight for their rights andthen drop the ball ;(

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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