Advice needed for relationship

msaucey says on Mar 11, 2008, 12:25:

Okay, first of all.... She needs to get a real visa....

a tourist visa is for that purpose, touristic purposes... If she wants to learn english, she can take specific classes at her school... or private tutors...

Tourist visa are HARD to get... they don't care if you have a letter from the FBI... She needs to be able to justify that she will be returning to Colombia, (she has money in the bank, owns property, has kids)... something that guarantees she'll be returning to Colombia.... Mr.Anderson I'm sure will vouch for this... He is american and married a colombian, and still can't get his WIFE a tourist visa to visit the states....

Okay, so let's say she does get this tourist visa.... If she's found working part-time or anything else then she will face jeopardizing any future options.... So, if you're willing to take her on, then you'll be helping out the family.... Look at it as an overall $500 a month allowance, minimum.... $250 that will go to her family in Colombia, $250 for herself (this should include school and any other expenses)....

IMO, she needs to study english in Colombia... I'm sure you can send her the money for that and it would be cheaper for her to study that there then in the states.... Wait until your relationship fully blossoms and if this is the woman for you... marry her and yadda, yadda, yadda....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

wjp0180 says on Mar 11, 2008, 12:26:

Tough predicament. No doubt about it. Maybe reverse the situation. What if you came to Colombia? It would mean giving up all your comfort for her - the same thing you are asking her to do. But maybe flipping the situation will only take you so far. Maybe it is better to understand the culture. Family ties are very important here. If you put her in a predicament where she might not be able to help her family, she will probably give up the relationship.

Do you have to help the family? No. But then again, I don't think she will leave her family stranded...you might just have to help. Is she worth it? By coming to the US she will be taking a gamble on you, you might as well take a gamble on the possibility that things will work out. You can't expect her to give up everything, and then try to feel magnanimous simply because you offered to pay for her English classes. It is an uneven sacrifice.

WP

lfsr1544 says on Mar 11, 2008, 12:45:

Completely agree with ms. She needs to show that she's dedicated by at least learning English prior to coming to the US. Heck, for a much cheaper cost I gather you can even subsidize private lessons in her home. Three things you need to paint a picture for her:
1) Poor in Colombia = Poor in the US. The economy in the US is in a downward spiral.
How much money is 'enough' for her to help support her family?

2) This is not 'the year for the immigrant' in the US. It's a hot issue in american politics, society, local tows, you name it. Coming to the US right now, and integrating is not an easy process by any means. It never was but it's especially a heated topic.

3)Why don't you help her reinvent herself. What are some of the immediate needs of her town. What can you do to help her start a business or idea to make some money? It just seems to me dependency of any kind isn't a way to get a 'head start' in life.

Good luck!

"Solo se que nada se"

bhill says on Mar 11, 2008, 12:48:

Depending on where you live, getting a job without work authorization will either be hard, very hard, or impossible.

mnavarro says on Mar 11, 2008, 12:51:

lfsr1544, great post particularly number 3. I agree with the idea of reinventing herself.. but the reality is this implies helping her start a business. I like this idea more for her family than for her. I discussed that they could run the business and earn better salaries because I'm not greedy and the business would be more for them. This will require investment on my part too. But I generally like this idea better.

mnavarro says on Mar 11, 2008, 12:53:

I intend to do everything legally. I live in San Francisco bay area. My cousin's wife received a work pemit very quickly with little effort. If she can't get a tourist visa we will get a fiance visa first. The first trip was hopefully to visit me before she made any decisions. The next step would be a fiance visa.

Mononoke28 says on Mar 11, 2008, 13:11:

Mnavarro,

If your girlfriend is helping out her family with what little she has you have to understand that when she comes here, they will be her priority as far as financial matters are concerned. It's part of our culture and most of us children know that it's our responsibility of taking care of our parents even our siblings for as long as we can. With that said, if she doesn't find a job as soon as she gets here, you will therefore be responsible for taking care of her family. If you don't think this is fair or you don't want to for whatever reason, then you need to find another girl who will share your ideas because that's how most of us, not all of us, but most of us Colombians think.

Diana

mranderson says on Mar 11, 2008, 13:12:

Yep...even with the help of 2 senators, and a family member who works for the department of state I still can't bring my wife to the states to meet my family. The embassy in bogota will basically tell a u.s. senator to fuck off.

Strobers says on Mar 11, 2008, 14:11:

I was in a similar situation as yours with my then girlfriend who is from Colombia.

I made it a point to clearly explain the way thing are here in the U.S. which is nothing like people see on T.V. in other countries. By the time she got here eight months later she didn't experience the level of culture shock that one would expect because she was already clued in about the realities of living here in the states.

She always had helped her mom and family and I supported her completely regarding her wish to continue doing so when she emigrated, but I also made sure it was understood that when we were married OUR relationship came first before anything else.

She started taking English classes straightaway and studied solidly for an entire year. After a year she got a full time job. To maintain a fair balance I got her a bank account where she could deposit the money from and we made the joint decision that 60% of the money went toward our bills and everything else was to stay in her account, with the understanding that if we were in a financial jam that money would be used to pay off debt. We both understand that there is no such thing as My Money in a relationship. When you are married it is OUR money. This set up has worked out great and after almost six years of marriage we are both extremely happy and everybody's needs have been met.

Creating a Win-Win situation is what you always want to end up with, but that only can happen if both people enter into it with the right attitude and a level of understanding that takes into consideration the needs of the other person in the relationship.

"Life is too serious to be taken seriously"

mnavarro says on Mar 11, 2008, 14:56:

Strobers, what arrangement did you come up (supporting the family) before she could work? What percentage of the money that went into the account went to her family?

azunoman says on Mar 11, 2008, 16:20:

In Colombia you marry into a family, which I can honestly say has blessed me in my marriage. They are brought up in an environment the family is the only social net they can count on.

My wifes family and her feelings about them is for me what makes my wife and extended family such wonderful and caring people.

To try and apply lists and order to what you are willing to accept might result in you missing out on something really good. This in reference to helping her family, how you going to be poor and happy?

oh..and if she can get in legally on a visitors visa, well you got a shot at the system. :)

Ready, Fire, Aim

Nucknfuts says on Mar 11, 2008, 17:02:

mnavarro ,

I will make this as simple as possible,

"long distance relationships don't work"

I know you don't want to hear this and probably ignore it.
But 99% of the time it's true.

At most pay for her Engish lessons and wait untill you can be with her "a lot"
before making any commitments.

I know it is hard if not almost impossibe as the Colombiana's are real special.

Tha Nuck

You are never lost, unless you don't want to be where your at.

aztec says on Mar 11, 2008, 17:55:

Too bad we don't have some of the old timers still posting here. They could provide usable advice!

Nucknfuts says on Mar 11, 2008, 19:07:

Just go's to prove,

Very few people will accept good common sence advice.

Due to the fact it is not what they want to hear.

The nuck

You are never lost, unless you don't want to be where your at.

mnavarro says on Mar 11, 2008, 19:44:

Nucknfuts, your advise is useable, but not the specific advise I was looking for. I know plenty of relationships that worked out and I'm certain there are many on this board. Obviously, more do not. I was looking for advice from some of the people who have successful arrangements. I'm open to everything including "long distance relationships don't work." We're all grown ups here, and their are many more obstacles to overcome with a long distance relationship. I am close to her family I have spent all it all about 2 months living with her. I talk to her every day. I was recently there and her 13 year old brother whom I was close with died of brain cancer. While I am close to the family I don't want to create a life long dependancy on me. I think it's better to help them help themselves. I know I need to make compromises because the culture is different.

There are something which are more of a warning flag for me. Currently she's half way through receiving a specialization which she pays about 1 million pesos monthly. She makes about 1.6 million monthly. Her contract is over at the end of March. She will not have a lot of money monthly to pay her tuition. She says her main concern is helping her mom. I tell her if she's really interested in helping her mom and future with me that she would be better off working and studying English. She can help her mom out and prepare for her future abroad. But she doesn't like this or won't listen to this. To me there is something wrong with being so stubborn not to listen to reason. I even told her if she doesn't like being in the USA the worst case scenario is that she would have free lessons to learn English and will have had the opportunity the united states. From my point of view she's not losing that much. I even offered to pay for the rest of her tuition should things not work out. Some of this is that I personally think she's wasting her time with a specialization that will mean very little here, and learning English is infinitely more important if she wants to work here (and help her mom) I need to be objective, but sometimes I feel she's not being flexible. Am I being reasonable? Is this a sign of a significant problem?

CatGirl says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:05:

MNavarro: said "I tell her if she's really interested in helping her mom and future with me that she would be better off working and studying English. She can help her mom out and prepare for her future abroad. But she doesn't like this or won't listen to this. To me there is something wrong with being so stubborn not to listen to reason. I even told her if she doesn't like being in the USA the worst case scenario is that she would have free lessons to learn English and will have had the opportunity the united states. From my point of view she's not losing that much. I even offered to pay for the rest of her tuition should things not work out."

RED FLAG!!! Read above.

Two months is Nothing...period...and the rest is long distance. You sound like you are trying to sell something to her......or maybe she is VERY smart and later after you ave sent all the $$ that you are discussing - "well you insisted"

Listen, if this is a collaborative relationship the above statement you are making should not even be present. Do you see yourself growing old with her? If there is a TRUE connection between you that flows.....she would want to learn English and move to the US
OR you would Want to learn Spanish and move to Colombia (I am assuming we are talking about Colombia - correct).

Give that some thought, your comments spell DOOM - sorry

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

Nucknfuts says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:06:

Has she shown a real desire to come to the US ?
Not all Colombians want to.
Most love thier country.
And most young women don't want to leave thier family.
( Too far to see them very much )

Tha Nuck

You are never lost, unless you don't want to be where your at.

CatGirl says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:11:

MNavarro: says "There are something which are more of a warning flag for me"

BTW - this is called a Freudian slip .....you Know the Answer to the Question

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

Catfish35 says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:15:

MN,
May I say something without regard to the visas status and your future plans of bringing her to the USA?
Firstly, as you must realize by now this is not your normal run of the mill relationship, no? Although you state that you have spent approx. 2 mesos with her and her familia and that you are close and all, this is still a drop in the bucket as far as a relationship. Lets just say this girlie is in the US, ok? And you have met her and like her and met her family, ya know the whole enchilada like you have with this Colombiana. 2 mesos is nothing man. Would you be putting this much effort, time, money etc..on the girl if she was in your country? I think you would be doing the normal stuff like getting better knowing each utter and and dating and living separate and so forth, ya know the normal stuff.
Look your talking about changing this girls whole life, bringing her to America, shes probably gonna live with you right? Be all up in ya, right? after 2 months or so? Listen man my advice to you is slow down, you have the rest of your life together. I do not mean to belittle you son but you sorta sound like a teenager in love. And thats great I am as happy as a short bus full of slow mo's on their way to Chuckee Cheese for ya, but listen man, your talking about major life changing, investing a whole lot of time, money, aggravation, and most of all alot of let downs. Buddy, the Dumocrats are a comin, I am one, but they are not going to be all lovey dovey with Colombia.
Osama Obama has already made some mean statemants to this affect.
I think LOVE is great man and truly I wish you the very best and a hand full of crackers but you need to simmer, ya know chill about all these majors plans. You have questions about her that you need to workout thats stuff that goes on in an early relationship. I am not telling you to give up my brother, I am just telling you that you need to spend alot more time down there with her and the Familia, learn the ways, learn her ways, learn her dance, salt the cow and get the calf, all the stuff your slap happy grand pappy should have already taught ya! This is a life were talking about. Don't you think she wants to come to the big ole land of milk and honey? She does....you don't have to wag a carrot at her. Respect her side, slow down, get down there and live it with her, maybe you may question yourself later and say WTF was I thinking? Maybe you may decide to pull up and live there with her? I dunno, just slow down man and take it easy, if its meant to be it will be, stop trying to force the hand, Jesus H.Stevens-Christ you got the friggin FBI in this.
The FBI gots their hands full right now..FBI...Forever Bother Italians..peace

The grass is always greener over the septic tank

Papi de Alejo says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:17:

As someone in a situation similar to your own, I think that you need to step back a little. What she is studying is important to her and to her life as she knows it. The possibility also exists that she can use her education in a new life in the US. Family is more important in most of the world outside of the US. Don't take this lightly. If she bears a responsibility to support her family, she will not allow you to interfere with that. Let her do her job. You will lose her if you try to prevent her. Do you think that she will ever be happy knowing that she is living a good life and that her family cannot because she is not doing her part? If you spent time with her and her family, you are sure to have seen the the way that they interact and you can also see the gap that will be there if she leaves. If you are serious, you will share each others burdens, this includes her support of her family.

PdA

Nucknfuts says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:25:

Cat girl,
Great common sense advise.

I was typing my last post while you were posting.
Otherwise I would not have asked the questions I did.

The Nuck

You are never lost, unless you don't want to be where your at.

CatGirl says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:29:

;))....Purrrr

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:37:

...OK maybe I could have been less curt about it and said it just like Catfish put it
"Whoah dude....slow down....you are pushing things way too fast, you are asking this girl to change her whole life - BIG decision" (I like the way he put it too)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

Nucknfuts says on Mar 11, 2008, 20:38:

Oh Man, Catfish35
I posted bebore reading your post.
Damn Man !!!! You said it !!!

It this ain't "usable advice" I don't know what is ???

Tha Nuck

You are never lost, unless you don't want to be where your at.

mnavarro says on Mar 11, 2008, 21:19:

Well I appreciate your comments and I need to hear all of them. I think there's a lot of truth in these postings. I've had a relationship with this girl over a year but in my personal visits with her I have spent over 2 months living with her. I don't think this is really rushing into anything. When planning for a fiance visa it's about 6 (and a few more visits) months or more, so now is the appropriate time to plan and have these discussions. If we are not serious at this point I need to move on. I am not trying to be overly controlling, I'm trying to arrive at something reasonable. I understand that what may be perfectly logical to me, is completely different to somebody else. I'm 38 years old, and I'm way beyond puppy love. I've had enough life experience to know that love can be fleeting and there are many other things that are required to build a long lasting relationship, like communication and compromise. If some of these things are not there at this point, then perhaps it's better to move on.. I've made many sacrifices to meet and be with this girl. I've also learned Spanish. I've helped her and her family out. I've had great experiences and I try to keep it all in perspective. I definitely need to take a step back and do some more thinking.

Lisa Zee says on Mar 11, 2008, 21:41:

My humble opinion, If you bring a young girl from a low strata, and try to make her blend in a country that does not have the social life that she is used to, hence: lots of family around, music and parties, and if you are the quiet type, none partier, dancer an social bug.... it usually does`t work.
If she is young and from a nice well to do family, (not in this case) you guys have to tell your Colobianita that they will be:.... a full time maid, she has to go to work, no pedicures, no going dancing with friends, or going to the mall every day. they have to adapt to a 100% different life style. It usually doesn`t work.
If she is older, it is even worse!, she is used to working and making a living, here in the USA she has to start from a much lower income job that she had in Colombia.

You have to have a great relationship, be able to comunicate in one language, have the same likes and dislikes, prety much like CAT GIRL SAID!

CatGirl says on Mar 11, 2008, 21:48:

MNavarro: "I've had enough life experience to know that love can be fleeting and there are many other things that are required to build a long lasting relationship, like communication and compromise. If some of these things are not there at this point, then perhaps it's better to move on.. I've made many sacrifices to meet and be with this girl. I've also learned Spanish. I've helped her and her family out. I've had great experiences and I try to keep it all in perspective. I definitely need to take a step back and do some more thinking."

This is a very sensible move. I really like your comment now.....If she is reluctant, not a good idea to push. She is reluctant for a reason....they are HERS and hers alone. You are seeing a warning flag.....go with your gut.
Her family is important to her....disconnecting from her family when she is not 100% with you on this idea. It might prove to be a dynamic neither one of you will be ready for ;)).
If her mind is always in "Colombia" worrying for her family, friends - it might end up being the "bone of contention" between you so to speak.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 11, 2008, 21:51:

Hey Lisa! I was typing while you were posting - looks like we said just about gave the same message - different way :))

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

Lisa Zee says on Mar 11, 2008, 21:59:

I hope it helps avoid some heart aches.

Catfish35 says on Mar 12, 2008, 00:13:

AHHH to be in love again!!!!!......shall I ever find my damn zel in distress???
I want the mariposa stomach too!

The grass is always greener over the septic tank

Catfish35 says on Mar 12, 2008, 00:14:

Hey is that her in the bottom of this Tequila bottle?

The grass is always greener over the septic tank

jinksmiester says on Mar 12, 2008, 07:08:

Of course your lady is going to want to continue to help her family...like it or not that seems to be the way of things for most colombians....as others have mentioned..and thats a`good thing as it shows a level of commitment (perhaps not to you)but non the less a level of commitment she will not walk out on.I agree with other posters that you need to slow down and take your time...take as much time as you can getting to know her family and culture and that will have its own rewards.Its sounds like perhaps she is unsure and you as well....wait till you are sure...forget the tourist visa as its a big shot in the dark and unlikley you will hit the target and she will get one...have a relationship and one day when you are both ready and sure put a ring on her finger and bring her as your wife not a try on relationship.
One idea for a way for her to earn money if she does get to the u.s. is to do what i did with my wife.As her english skills were still a little rusty and we had a little one and she could not work much i set up an import business selling products from colombia.She has some colombian handmade jewelry ..handbags etc on consignment for sale in a few locations and occationally sets up a table to sell at trade shows and fairs etc...its nice stuff and sells well and its allowed her to turn 1 dollar into three or more with everything she sells.It keeps her busy and happy and at the same time maintains a tie to her colombian heritage and she has her sisters and family shopping and sending what we need to us...in turn she sends some of the money she earns to her mother and sister for there work and it does,nt cost me a cent.
Its turned into a viable business that employs her here and employs her family in colombia.

A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams

robi666 says on Mar 12, 2008, 07:15:

Great advice, Lisa.
Sum up to: living in the US could be boring to anyone used to live in Colombia.
Or... where's the middle class in Colombia?

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

gringoloid says on Mar 12, 2008, 07:22:

mnavarro..........................plain and simple...........this is some advice you can use:

"don't ever get involved with a woman that has more problems than you do"

Catfish35 says on Mar 12, 2008, 08:46:

Here Here GLoid !!

The grass is always greener over the septic tank

Lisa Zee says on Mar 12, 2008, 09:45:

If you are happy in Colombia and with a "good job", come to VISIT USA, travel all over this beautiful land, but do not live here, it is very, very hard to adapt. This is what I would suggest to the ones that wan to come and leave Colombia.

ColombianoGringo says on Mar 12, 2008, 11:02:

The relationship issues are one thing, but I think the difficulties in adapting to life in the US for a Colombian are greatly overstated. After all, there are millions of Latin American immigrants living successful, happy lives in the US. I know plenty of Colombians who came here without any family support. When my parents came here, they had no one here but my mom's cousin in Queens. It was a difficult adjustment, but certainly not a reason to not come to the US.

As far as jobs, I think it is pretty clear that there are few jobs in Colombia that will pay anywhere near the equivalent in the US. If anything, she will come here and make substantially more money.

dwr says on Mar 12, 2008, 11:04:

My personal experience is that Colombian women do better in a relationship with a foreigner living in Colombia. You will have to support the family. They will feed you if you go belly up. I do have a question for you. You say that you have lived with your girlfriend for a couple of months. I find that very curious as it is not real common here and more likely than not frowned upon. What did the family say about this situation? How old is she?

wendell13 says on Mar 12, 2008, 12:06:

It is very common here in Cali for girlfriends to live with their gringo boyfriends. Not frowned upon at all . That is a good one

mnavarro says on Mar 12, 2008, 12:07:

My girfriend is a city girl and off all the cities she prefers Bogata. San Francisco is a million times better than Bogata in almost every single aspect. She will have no problem adapting to life here. She will miss her family but we will take trips. I'm not trying to turn her into a maid.

She's 28 years old.. There wasn't really an issue with this. I've made 4 trips to Colombia. I've stayed with her in different living situations. The first was with her aunt, second trip was at her apartment, and the third was she basically stayed with me at the hotel night and day and we went to her mother's house daily. I was far more comfortable at the hotel, and preferred to stay there because I worked remotely during the day. This was not an issue with the mother. I'm sure the father (divorced) would be less interested in knowing that her daughter was with me the entire time, but in my last visit her brother died and I was somebody from the outside that provided alot of emotional support. I had a good relationship with the child that passed and brought him an xbox and lots of games. He was very happy and that was a very minor thing I could have done. I also paid for the whole expense of the funeral. Everybody cried when I left, because it was a tough time for everybody, and I provided a lot of support. Her mother and father weren't working that much because they where taking care of their dying son. But I also need to be smart and more interested in helping her/family only with what they need.. not necessarily what they want. I don't want to have a situation where I've helped create a life long dependancy, when I could set some realistic expectations from the get go. I'm still convinced that if I can help them start some business where the family could work (i'm not necessarily interested in the profits) that they could have a good business and be more independant. Obviously that's not realistic in the short term, but I prefer that then sending them money monthly. I'm not opposed to helping her family out, I've already helped them out. If I send her about 200 monthly is that fair, how much is enough?

A mentor once told me that if you're tying to send a rocket to the moon, the initial trajectory is critical because if it's off no amount of mid course corrections will get you there.

durito says on Mar 12, 2008, 12:57:

"San Francisco is a million times better than Bogata in almost every single aspect."

That's just your opinion. I can almost promise you she won't agree (I certainly don't(.


I'd try living in Colombia with her first for an extended period of time.

robi666 says on Mar 12, 2008, 13:07:

Do you mean Bogata, TX, true? http://www.red-river.net/bogata.htm

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

NJ C Rep says on Mar 12, 2008, 13:51:

She meant Bogota NJ...

http://www.bogota.nj.us/

DodgerDogs says on Mar 12, 2008, 14:04:

"San Francisco is a million times better than Bogata in almost every single aspect

Why would anyone want to go to Frisco unless they wanted to get a same sex marriage.
I dont think a Vallenata will like Frisco, now if she was a Vallenato then Frisco
would be better than Bogota.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King:

dwr says on Mar 12, 2008, 14:48:

Wendell. Prepagos don't count!

Chelesupercono says on Mar 12, 2008, 17:36:

Another one bites the dust.....hey by the way? Do you have a MONEYGRAM account? Well pal bend over and get one because you are going to F6CKED BIG TIME........LOL

never go to bed with someone crazier then you are, you will do it and you will regret it.......

guacharaca says on Mar 12, 2008, 18:21:

Smells like troll here.

Colombianos: Las armas os han dado independencia, las leyes os daran libertad. (Santander)

orestesdd says on Mar 12, 2008, 18:37:

I live in San Francisco and I have lived here for 28 years and I do not think that San Francisco is better than Bogota Colombia. If I could make the same salary in Bogota as I make here, I'd say that Bogota is a better city. Besides, I speak the language since I am cuban. Anyhow, I think that Bogota is better in the long run, but that's just me.

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 19:40:

DD: It's spelled Bo-gata, OK? Geez

MNavarro: Cut it out. Listen...since you have lived with her for a sporadic 2 months over a year, I say GO FOR IT ALL!!
Send at least 75% of your paycheck to Bogota. Sign up for the Hotline in the Tenderloin and live in a hotel in the Mission District. Maybe 16th and Mission. Just don't touch the walls.

I give up

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 19:48:

Oh - I forgot....there is a soup kitchen in the Haight and also you can get a hot meal At Glide Memorial. Long lines though.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

miamimike says on Mar 12, 2008, 20:00:

Obviously that's not realistic in the short term, but I prefer that then sending them money monthly. I'm not opposed to helping her family out, I've already helped them out. If I send her about 200 monthly is that fair, how much is enough
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


How much is enough??? In your situation at this point in time, DO NOT SEND ONE DIME! Sounds like this woman is looking for a Ticket to Miami! Beware Friend

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,

gringoloid says on Mar 12, 2008, 20:03:

san francisco? you gotta be kidding me! you can't take a piss without 5 guys wanting to hold your cock.

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 20:05:

Loid - that's why I suggested he get a free hotel on the Mission. At least you get a room alone. You will have to share your bathroom and shower though. Anywhere else, you'll be sleeping in a room full of cots with who knows what.
He's yanking our chain

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

deathnova says on Mar 12, 2008, 20:09:

mnavarro,

Just ignore the rude comments, it seems the misery around here is in desperate need of company. I'm sure you're intelligent enough to pick out the legitimate advice from the incoherent spewing.

Everyone in a Colombian family needs to pull their weight and it sounds like you're pulling quite a bit. This makes you valuable and in turn you're earning quite a bit of respect. Just don't go overboard with it and be respectful, understand that while you're helping out you're also slowly degrading their feelings of self worth by creating the dependency. Hold them up and help them get ahead, just i'd avoid supporting them 100%.

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 20:11:

MNavarro: What part of SFO do you live in? What area?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 21:55:

DAN: Not hating it at all (strong word - dont usually use it). I did some work/volunteer in shelters in the City through St. Vincent De Paul and the Catholc Churches- helping the homeless. This is why I mentioned the Hotline.
If you had a choice, would you stay in a shelter in the Tenderloin, or a Hotel on the Mission.? jajaja. I would choose the Mission....it is a compliment, but also a joke to, because I get the feeling this is becoming the never ending story ;))).

I like the Mission too....used to work and live in the area looong time ago.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 21:58:

Well, you know how most of the "world" can stereotype SFO ..... Gays and Lesbians are homegrown there and live in camps, jaja ....wake up people.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

miamimike says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:08:

San Francisco---Why not stay where I stay when visiting San Fran at the Fort Mason Hostel overlooking the Bay&Golden gate Bridge at ,Gasp, the Skyhigh price of $16 per night! Damn, its went up $2 nightly since my last stay but the same great view&location persists even with that astronomical price increase.! LOL Don't like that place and view-go a little farther south and stay in the Lighthouse Hostel,,,

http://www.scc.ca.gov/coast&ocean/winter97_98/A06.HTM

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.,

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:18:

DAN: What is the cross street? Is it by 24th?

The Haight has chnged alot (Panhandle)...yup

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:20:

MM- sorry I was being saracastic...I actually agreed with your statement to the poster and CG's "If" this is a legitimate poster story...hmm.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:23:

DAN: Better yet, what district are you talking about? I may have eaten there, not 100% sure

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:31:

OK - yes I know the area...no I have not eaten there. Amoeba is huge...when I lived in the Haight it wasn't there. But Mickey D's was on the corner - LOL

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:46:

LOL! a hop skip and a jump from the Park = junkies

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:48:

I think if I lived in SFO again - I'd pick Noe Valley

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 22:56:

I guess Noe has changed since I last visited

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 23:03:

jaja....uh - the dread look?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 23:05:

Nice views - that's what I remember and quiet, cosey (sp?)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 23:08:

OK DAN...finished my milkbath, massage...time for kitty to curl up and ....Puururrr

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 23:09:

Nice talking with you...Nite

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

DodgerDogs says on Mar 12, 2008, 23:10:

The one good thing Frisco has is those wild Cherry Head Cunures.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King:

CatGirl says on Mar 12, 2008, 23:11:

Hey...DD - never seen those. Only Sun Conures...OK nite

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

DodgerDogs says on Mar 12, 2008, 23:14:

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King:

mnavarro says on Mar 14, 2008, 20:46:

Right now I live in Emeryville.But I grew up in Monterey Heights. I've lived in alot of different parts of the city but my favorite part neighborhood is Potrero Hill. I don't see how one can say Bogota is better (besides the women), but to each their own.

Really the questions that I have where mainly geared at people who have relationships/marriages and are helping/supporting.I thought this site would be more helpful/friendly.

By the way I had a Molluccan Cockatoo... kind of like a Colombiana in a way.

DodgerDogs says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:13:

Each person likes differnet places, I guess thats why people can live in Barstow , Calofornia
and think its the perfect place.
Molouccan Cockatoos are very demanding birds, and also make too much feather dust.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King:

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:14:

Mnavarro: I think we gave you a lot of good feedback, you said you wanted to think on it and then came back asking about #'s and finances - that's really your call. You even commented that you were open to criticism in a way. It started to look a bit as if maybe you were not really "thinking" when you started bartering about $. Hey help is help.....but hamster wheels go round and round and get no where.....maybe that is my biggest vice, sorry if it was a problem for you.
If you look at most of the answers - you will see only one really gave you specific $ amounts, so I think again - you need to make that decison.
Wish you luck....

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:23:

DD; Barstow, CA - LOL....uh, R U thinking what I am thinking?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

DodgerDogs says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:30:

Barstow is only good to stop and grab some munchies on the way to Vegas.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King:

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:32:

jajaa - Yes...and can be a big speeding trap too ;)). Luckily I haven't been caught yet - LOL

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:40:

LOL - Never saw that moive before, I think I might Netflix that one ;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

msaucey says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:42:

Hey, am I being teased.... I see familiar cities being commented... hmm.... Trust me it's not perfect, it's cheap!

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:53:

jeje.....well maybe DD can recommend a good bird for your climate ;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

msaucey says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:55:

Ummm.. I have birds... they're called pigeons and finches..... and besides, what's the point my dogs would get to them....

CG, there was another cat incident.. =(

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

DodgerDogs says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:56:

msaucey,
do u live in Barstow

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King:

msaucey says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:57:

Maybe.... I know, I know... what was I thinking... Oh yeah, a mortgage I could afford.... lol... Yes, DD... I do.... sshhhhh.....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 21:58:

Wot? Something happen to a pussy?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

DodgerDogs says on Mar 14, 2008, 22:03:

The Barstow sun fried this dudes brain.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King:

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 22:03:

What happened Saucey?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

msaucey says on Mar 14, 2008, 22:03:

Yes and I have 3 guilty dogs..... pointing paws at each other.... sorry.....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 22:09:

I'm dying!!! LMAO......Long distance prancing? 2010?? EEeeek
Great find! Thanks DD

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

CatGirl says on Mar 14, 2008, 22:10:

Your doggies ate the puddy? Saucey....don't tell me I can't bear the thought ;(

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

msaucey says on Mar 14, 2008, 22:12:

LOL.... Dodger Dog that is hysterical!!!! LMAO.....

I'd like to point out that I'm actually a true minority here.... You see among the people I must live....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

msaucey says on Mar 14, 2008, 22:26:

CG, no comment....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

deathnova says on Mar 15, 2008, 18:57:

Talk about thread high jacking..

Lisa Zee says on Mar 15, 2008, 19:34:

DodgerDoges: Those birds are so beautiful, they fly all over Redondo Beach, it makes me feel I am in Colombia, I had one many years ago, and it escaped one day, I think, he found a girlfriend and had babies.
That guy in the video was on PBS, he was a homeless that lived for free in one apartment there in Frisco for 5 years I think, and he was forced to move out after bonding with all those birds, it was pretty sad, but he ended up marring the woman that filmed the documentary!

802MARK says on May 18, 2008, 01:12:

I had the same deal. what I did was pay each month what she was earning in colombia to her family. You have to understand you are taking part of their family away and part of what keeps the family in food as a whole. my wife made 175.oo per month as a black jack dealer, so that's what I send them. this will make your girl feel at ease with her leaving her family and going with you and she will know that you care for her and them.

as far as a toursit visa I doubt she will get that approved.

if she does live with you, humm what are you getting out of it and whats it worth to you? will she clean your house?, wash your clothes? cook your meals? well there be SEX??? whats all that worth to you. what would it cost you to pay someone to do those things,, beside the sex part that would really run the bill up there.

right now she is working and helping her family. if you want her to move in with you, then its up to you to pay for it all. and send money home to the family. if your not willing or able to do that, then leave her alone

if you have a u.s girlfriend and she is living with you and makes money and she loses her job, what then? you going to throw her out because she can't pay for some of the things? will you tell her no if she ask for money to pay for something she needs or wants?

CatGirl says on May 18, 2008, 08:20:

OMG...

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

rjstuff says on May 18, 2008, 10:26:

Though this figures in this relationship - it happens in all relationships - do you love her enough to be with her the rest of your life? Are her tastes more expensive than yours (my wife's are!) Are you two willing to adjust to each others life styles, financial situation, family needs etc.? My wife's mother passed away in February - she ended up spending more than $10,000 in that trip - would I argue with her over this - NO! It would be the same if it had been my mother (though she died 10 years ago). However, I did have to get her to spend less on clothes, jewelery and shoes (oh I forgot purses)! The first 4 months she spent almost $5000 on these but now its more manageable. Good Luck with your choices