Advantages and disadvantages of dating a gringo

miamimike says on Jan 25, 2005, 13:55:

For what its worth,..... Be careful of what you wish for......

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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oldbongo says on Jan 25, 2005, 14:05:

puzzled???? c'mon mrs.G

you know what's goin on..

it's both,...it's natural,
...and it's fun,
...when you get tarted up to the max,
floozy all over the floor,leave them agape,..

turn them on,girl....for him.

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dwmte says on Jan 25, 2005, 14:12:

ditto, mike.... sounds like mrs. gomez has a jewel for a husband...better treat him like he is. what's knowing how to dance salsa in the whole scheme of things. not to much.

hell, i lived in colombia for years and love salsa, my wife, also loves to dance salsa. but me, i have no clue what the 'right' moves are. but don't think that keeps me off the floor. i just get up there and move to the music. my wife even tells me i'm not doing it right...like i care? dance, to me, is feeling. i just do what the spirit moves me to do.

your old man sounds like a nice guy, mrs gomez, what's the problem?
not knowing the salsa moves? we better get elmos take on this. i'll bet elmo can't dance salsa, he just rocks.

peace,

dw

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lpdiver says on Jan 25, 2005, 14:22:

Package deal Take him as a package and either accept him or leave him. Of course you could ask him to take some salsa lessons. Make sure there are some hot chicas there to dance with him and I'd be willing to bet he'll continue with the classes.

I did for my wife anyway...jejeje...of course I enjpy the fringe benefits also!

Tony

"cook some rice!"

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dwmte says on Jan 25, 2005, 15:47:

ya'know mrs gomez.... we have something her in the states called 'line dancing'...
as for my self, i always preferred a line before dancing.

dw

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Lionheart says on Jan 25, 2005, 15:53:

jealousy vs. pride vs. respect "The thing is that although he’s not the jealous type which gets mad at me for putting sexy clothes on and even though he doesn’t say anything to me he does go mad when Colombian guys look at me I can see it in his eyes! But he loves all the attention that I get from men when I go out! It leaves me puzzled! So I don’t know if it’s insecurity for thinking that I’m going to run off with a Colombian guy who knows more about our culture or if it is his Colombian ego and jealousy taking over him."

I have run into this debate a few times, and I believe it is a big cultural difference. Let me try to explain my POV: I am also not the jealous type, when I am with my lady I want to have a good time, I trust her not wanting to mess around with other men, so why get jealous? I believe jealousy is a sign of insecurity, you are not sure if she will run away. With the Latino background, on the other side, it is hard for a Latina not to become jealous, because they have common past reasons to be insecure.

I enjoy my lady looking sexy, be desireable, also in public, and I enjoy the men drooling over her. Then I am proud of her, I am proud of myself for having her and being worth her. This goes so far, that I can't wait to ravish her when we get home or in the parking lot.

I get irritated at the men, when they do not respect her for being taken. This is not jealousy, it is anger over the disrepect they show towards my lady and me. I have noticed the more Southern the man's heritage is, the less respect they show. In the USA I have noticed that with Latinos and with Rednecks equally.

For Latina's it seems to be an unusual combination in the way I described it. Please regard it as our gringo culture. I am European gringo, so you should see some of this in other gringos in the UK as well. To be honest, I don't do must clubbing in the USA, so I don't want to say it is the same in the USA.

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Lionheart says on Jan 25, 2005, 17:20:

middle-aged gringos and dancing Gringos in the USA and in Europe have a very different history than latins/os when it comes to dancing.

I am born '56, a good year ... but those over 40 now have had a very different past considering dancing, compared to Latin countries. The generation before mine grew up with rock'n'roll and learned to dance. I grew up with sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll, which was actually rock and flower power hippie music. No big dancing there, mostly rockin' around - you were considered to be a sissy if you danced anything formal.

So we middle-aged gringos never grew up with real dancing, and especially no salsa. We are all willing to learn, but please be patient (a non-latina trait) ....

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fzrdan says on Jan 25, 2005, 21:44:

Dancing..well all i have to do is have a few drinks then I think I am a dancing fool. Yeah, so does everyone else. :)

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teppar says on Jan 25, 2005, 23:16:

i don't think its just the dancing.... everyone is focusing on this issue of dancing, but what mrs. gomez is talking about really is the differences couples of different cultural backgrounds face. it is never easy to bring two different people together to build a life, when you add in language, culture and religious differences then the problems get even bigger. little things like not dancing the same way or not eating the same food suddenly become a really big deal. what we need to always remember is what brought us to love that person at the beginning. try to bring yourself back to what you fell in love with. and to always remember that you must accept someone as they are and never try to change them. change is something we have to want to do on our own, and no one else can make us be any different than we are unless we want to be.

i know i have been very quiet on this site for awhile. i must admit not much in the conversations have stirred me lately. i had no interest in playing with trolls or debating yet again which city is better or which women more attractive in colombia. but for the first time in awhile i'm seeing a post that moves me.

i'm at a point in my relationship with my colombiano that is not going so well. he's proposed, we are living together in the middle east (his choice to come and join me here)...we've had a lot of problems. those of you who have been on this site will remember many times when i posted things asking for translations. well basically we had a long time apart where he got scared and ran away from me, telling me he didn't love me and in that time he dated other women. anyway....thats long past now and as i followed the old adage 'if you love someone let them go and if they come back they are yours, and if they don't it was never meant to be' (ok thats not the exact words but you get it)...anyway he came back...

so as of last may we began to repair things. i spent 5 weeks in colombia with him and his family. he decided to move to dubai where i live, and within two days of arriving was down on his knee asking me to marry him having brought the rings and told his whole family. well...i love him to death and have wanted to marry him for ages, but with all the rough moments we went through we needed some time to just be before we got engaged and married. we've never lived a 'normal' relationship and it was time to do that. to just stabilize, put the bad parts of our past behind us and move forward. so thats what we've been trying to do.

but it is not easy...it can't happen overnight. and my darling is the most impatient person i know. and i am the most fearful person i know. very cautious about letting go. anyway....lets just say its been a rocky ride. but things we finally beginning to stabilize. i spent a lot of time earlier this week walking, praying, thinking and basically decided that i was tired of being afraid and that i was not going to think about the past anymore. that i was going to be free and give all that i am to this relationship.

ironically, the same night after my walk he spent a sleepless night where he decided the next day that things were over between us. i guess why mrs. gomez's post triggered this in me is one of his comments is that i'm not latin, i'm not colombian (i'm armenian...and not armenian from colombia, but armenian from near turkey....but i've grown up around the world and don't really have a home and probably have a lot of middle eastern and north american influences in my life). i can salsa...ironically he can't....well he can, but colombian style...vallenato...i'm a cuban salsa girl but i still love being held close by him and dancing. and i do it well.

at the beginning of our relationship it was me who was cautious about being involved with someone from another culture. i've always dated armenians and said i always wanted an armenian. then i figured out why i thought that way, what my culture meant to me, and what it was i was really wanting by saying i only wanted an armenian. and then i was sure that this man, despite his being from a different background, was what i wanted. and now....he's going back to his roots saying that they are more important.

anyway....there have been a lot of extenuating circumstances in our relationship. the least of which at the moment is he has still not started his new job and it is hard for him to not be working for the last four months while he's been here and being so dependent on me. he has nothing outside of me here and i know that is very difficult for an independent person like him. so with these circumstances, and the determination on my part not to let him walk away from this so easily, i've convinced him to give this a little more time. to let us settle a bit with his new job and if at the end of a few months he still feels the same then i will let him walk away from this and wish him the best in life.

i don't know why i'm telling you guys all of this. i think i just needed to get it out of my system. its hard to look at someone you love so much, someone you can see so many possibilities with, and all they can see is negative things. things that are a product of their mind and fears and not real. i know this is not going to make a lot of sense because there are so many pieces of this story to tell and its confusing. the one thing this relationship has taught me though is to follow my heart always as it is honest and true. so that is what i'm doing. following my heart and trying to show him all the possibilities of the love we have. when that stops feeling like the right thing to do then i won't do it, or if he really decides its not what he wants then as i promised him i'll let him walk away. i just hope it works out.

sorry mrs. gomez for hijacking your post. i didn't mean to. and i have come to see that when i post on this site the conversation dies, so i apologize if that happens this time to your query :-) what i wanted to say to you is just love your gringo husband as he is. if he wants to learn salsa teach him, but don't force it on him. you fell in love with him for a reason, remember that always. no one in life is perfect, including ourselves. we must love others as they are and take pleasure in the differences. something brought your lives into one together and if focus on that you will be satisfied.

anyway...that's my very romantic take on the world. after years of trying i'm finally learning to live true to my essence, to my heart, to me...and yes that is romantic. but its me :-)

cheers

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dwmte says on Jan 26, 2005, 03:54:

salaam, teppar.... boy! you two have yourselves in a world of hurt. an armenian from the middle east, a latino from colombia...trying to put it together in dubai! whew. i say it not in jest, rather in deep and honest truth, good luck to both of you.

years ago, working in iran, i ended up marrying an iranian lady...we did it with a mullah, with whom, i made ashad (testiment), converting to islam. that was easy (i'm catholic) because the testiment does not offend my religious beliefs. first of all, one states 'there is no GOD but GOD. then, mahammed is the PROPHET of GOD. and finally, ali is a friend of GOD. nothing false about any of that.

anyway, that's all an aside. the reality set in when soossan moved to the states to live with me in berkeley, california. boy was she in for the shock of her life. forget about food, music, culture, this was the late '60's and berkeley was hippy land. even the cops had long hair and beards. and soossan was a spoiled, rich--very rich--iranian. she had spent her life in private schools in france, scotland, switzerland and italy. i knew infinately more about iran than she did. she was more the italian model type, well educated, spoke 5 languages, was given everything and spoiled rotten. well berkeley was 'one toke over the line for her' she had no safety net, no family here...outside of me, and she just lost it. we ended up breaking up, divorcing and being apart. now, many years later, she's still here, lives in berkeley and gets on with her life. we have a 28 year old daughter, sage. but this poor (wonderful) woman has been to hell and back. it's like thomas wolfe said, 'you can't go home again'.


i wish you and your love all the luck and strength in the world. if it was me, i'd get outta the middle east and go someplace neutral and sunny--not to mention romantic--to try and resolve our issues. dubai doesn't qualify in any of those catagories. i worked in the middle east for 13 yrs, mostly iran, and it's never gonna be known as love land. as you well know.

peace.

d w m

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teppar says on Jan 26, 2005, 04:38:

dwm... thanks for your insight...its hard when one party is not used to being out of their home. that is the problem with my colombiano. he has lived away from home but only under temporary conditions. i am one where the world is my home and i am comfortable anywhere. i think the stress he's feeling now is largely adjustment issues. largely b/c he hasn't been working, hasn't been independent, has been at home in our flat all day except for when he comes to my office each afternoon to check email and chat with his family. that would drive anyone a bit crazy. hopefully things will get better.

and i appreciate that you didn't find the middle east a romantic place, but dubai really is...and it is home to me...or has been for the greater part of 12 years. my colombiano is actually off to bahrain soon as he found a job there. not the ideal situation under our already stressed relationship to have us at a distance. and its at a time when i'm too busy at work to try to take too much time off. but we'll see. if its meant to be it will work.

ironically, we just got word that some of his family have already bought tickets to come to dubai for our wedding (which was supposed to be in november)...oh boy...hope they just enjoy the place as a holiday destination and don't notice that the wedding isn't happening :-) hee hee....

thanks for reading all that i'd written. it was kind of a 'vomit' of my heart...just things i've been dealing with and needed out of me. i was inspired by mrs. gomez...thanks for reading and sharing your story.

cheers

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 26, 2005, 13:07:

It never ceases to fascinate me when I read about "the differences couples of different cultural backgrounds face. it is never easy to bring two different people together to build a life, when you add in language, culture and religious differences then the problems get even bigger." I'm not knocking you, Teppar, or your experiences. It doesn't sound like it's been easy and I wish you the best. For my wife and I, everything has been easy. It makes me wonder if this is not a function of the different personalities involved. Of course my wife and I come from different cultures and even though we communicate in Spanish, I am by no means fluent. Yet we always have a lovely time together, talking and fooling around with each other.

DW, I'm with you on the salsa dancing. Like with my Spanish, I did not start out knowing but week after week, I am getting better. Of course it helps that my wife praises me all the time. If you think I'm going to sit at a table while I watch her dance with other men, you're crazy.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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teppar says on Jan 26, 2005, 23:16:

utopia... yes it could be very easy....but it is all up to your state of mind. and i think too, please don't be offended, it is different for north americans. correct me if i'm wrong but you are from the states and there is somehow a different sense of identity there. i come from a background of suffering people. we were nearly wiped out by a genocide. we are displaced and that builds a strong sense of pride, attachment and identity with our culture. we don't live in our country, but we try to hold on to our culture. for my novio, he's only just realizing what being colombian means to him. perhaps it will mean that he needs another colombian beside him. but hopefully not. i don't think i'm making much sense at the moment. he convinced me to go see 'the grudge' last night and i haven't slept at all as a result! so i think i'm too tired to make too much sense at the moment....

cheers

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nanis says on Jan 27, 2005, 09:14:

THANKS FOR YOUR POSTS GUYS!! i'm sorry if i offended anybody with my post, this was ment to be all about the differences in our culture and the struggles that we as a couple go through due to the fact that our up bringing and backgrounds were a bit different but i do love my husband and appreciate everything he does for me i love the fact that he is american but i just want him to get to know our culture a bit better since he was born in colombia so is there any harm on that? i hope not but i wouldn't force him to do anything that he feels uncomfortable doing and i do respect his culture and what he believes in.

p.s to TEPPAR: i'm sorry about your relationship, it is sad that you and your partner are going through this bad patch i wish you the best girl!

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 28, 2005, 11:55:

I wasn't at all offended Teppar. I hope it all works out for you. And Mrs. Gomez, I enjoy your posts, keep on truckin'!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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teppar says on Jan 31, 2005, 02:22:

thanks guys. thanks utopia and mrs. gomez. its nice to have some support. my fiance and i are talking a lot, being very honest with eachother and ultimately life will tell us what is the right path for us to take. if it is meant to be it will be.

cheers

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N2Aquatix says on Feb 1, 2005, 00:58:

Cultural Differences In the case of my fiancee and I, the cultural differences make it the special relationship that it is. She appreciates me in a way that women from the USA never could, and by the same token I admire and respect her in a way that is totally new to her. Our conversations are about half english and half spanish, as we both speak a little of each others native language. Still, we have no problem communicating or understanding each other, and we are both very appreciative of the differences between us.

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