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Adoption, a relationship killer?

Hi all, I've got a unique question and am interested in your opinions.

As I am getting to know the Colombian culture, I am realizing more and more that Colombian women seem to put a higher premium on family than US women in general. This raises a question, is adoption a relationship killer with a Colombian woman? When I was younger, about 12 years ago, a girlfriend and I had twin girls outside of wedlock. We gave the girls up for adoption to a well off couple that could not have any children themselves. At the time my girlfiend and I had no resources or family support for keeping the twin girls. As the girls get older, it is a real possibility that I will someday meet them, which I look forward to. Obviously, it is not something that I am proud of. In fact, I regret not acting more responsibly in the first place. But a lot has changed in my life since then, which includes the fact that I am now a single father.

I have heard different things before from different people, but I am curious to see what all of you think. Is this something I should or should not tell a Colombiana I am corresponding with seriously? When would be an appropriate time to mention it? What do you think her response would likely be coming from the Colombian culture?

I realize that no one can predict the future, but I welcome any thoughts.

By aaronfromus on Sep 23, 2004, 12:21 in Friendly Talkzone.

Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 23, 2004, 12:44:

I think you should tell her, because if you are going to have a lasting relationship she should know about your girls, and the sooner the better. What do you think she would say if/and you guys start talking about getting serious, get engaged or start planning the wedding and she'll find out from somebody else? I'd say you ought to take your chances and come out clean. There's no better time than right now.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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oldbongo says on Sep 23, 2004, 13:31:

i think you should wait.. you said you were corresponding only, si?

you have not met each other, neither of you really
know if you may want to persue the relationship after meeting.
why ask her to respond to such a reality in your life before
you really know each other. its not fair to her.you can inform
her that you are looking forward to meeting her and sharing more personal matters that may only be shared in person.
get to know each other a little,and then,as desi said,
the sooner the better.if she stays you're in deep.
if she bails,move on the wiser.

p.s. many people have living skeletons in their closet.

in opening that door to others,..they reveal themselves to you.

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ez says on Aug 7, 2005, 08:05:

adoption The soceity generally looks down at adoption, which is sad as the resources exisit to satisfy the needs of every child. I think generally if in-laws are from Colombia they should be kept at a distance in terms of adoption as they could be offensive. However, I would not go so far to say its a rule of thumb

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Mr. Hollywood says on Aug 7, 2005, 08:10:

No shortage There's certainly no shortage of Colombians who have given children up for adoption. I don't know why it should be any more of a skeleton with a Colombiana than with a gringa.

Obviously, you need to wait for the right moment in a relationship to begin talking about serious and heavy things, but in the long run it's something you should share.

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rjstuff says on Aug 8, 2005, 13:42:

I didn't think it was a big deal My fiancee talked about wanting a boy - actually about adopting one! She is catholic and colombian - maybe she is more evolved than others. I didn't agree to her wish - so we settled on getting a dog!

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