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A Strong Colombian Man

You very rarely hear anything positive about Colombian men, so I thought I'd like to tell you about one very strong Colombian man-my husband. He came over to Scotland with me a year and a half ago. He's a Graphic Designer and in Bogota worked as a professor in three universities. He loved his job and his life. However, we decided to see what Europe would hold in store for us, I wanted to continue my studies, and my husband was paid very little in Bogota and wanted to try working as a designer rather than teaching. He arrived in Northern Ireland with me in December, leaving his family, friends, job and sunny (sometimes!) Bogota behind. We worked in a horrible factory, full-time, in the freezing cold, and walked home in the rain every day. When we got to Scotland he got a job in a call centre and felt very proud of that. But they sacked him, saying his English wasn't good enough. He felt so demasculated, alone and rejected. But he picked himself up, got out there, handed his cv around everywhere, rang people to ask for jobs, even though his English wasn't that good. He worked as a cleaner, in a sweet factory, and now works for Royal Mail. His job bores him, it's repetitive and unchallenging, but he gets up and goes about his day, cheerfully and bravely. People make jokes about drugs, complain about immigrants, and sometimes even shout at him to "go the f*** back to where you come from!" on the street. Yet he gets on with it and keeps his head held high. Soemtimes he feels so lonely, and it can be so hard for him, but he says he'll keep on fighting, because he loves me and wants to be with me. He also wants to make his family proud of him. Sometimes he says he feels so worthless, and that he's doing nothing with his life, but what he doesn't realise is that he's learnt so much. His English is really good now, he's gone out and done everything for himself here, so he's much stronger and more resourceful. He can now earn a wage that allows him to pay his bills, buy the things he needs to be a better designer, and go home to see his family. I'm so proud of him. He also cooks, cleans, and has never been unfaithful. He never had a girlfriend in Bogota, even though he's good-looking, caring and intelligent, because he had no money. I know he's not with me for money or a visa as life is definitely harder here for him than it was there, and we've been together for a long time now. So there you go, a story about a good Colombian man!

By ShazCas on Jun 3, 2004, 12:52 in Friendly Talkzone.

CuriosJoe says on Jun 3, 2004, 15:14:

we have 6 million of them in LA We have 6+ million of them in Los Angeles alone from latin america, more than half of them are men. Also unlike your man many are here illegally and there is no light. There must be a lot of prejudice in England, because they don't seem all that unhappy here. Many don't even bother learnig Engish, what for.

Is this correct you are saying one cannot have a girlfriend in Colombia unless he has money? That's strange because my Colombian friend never has any money in US and still gets a ton of girlfriends lol.

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vicshere says on Jun 3, 2004, 16:40:

Money and girls i would say for a large part the colombian woman looks more favorly on a man who has a house, a car, a job, many women are unemployed and have childern and therefore live with family. man i could go on for hours.....i am not saying it about every woman but certainly a lot more than say north america.

listo

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CuriosJoe says on Jun 3, 2004, 16:59:

I thought this was the case with many eastern european women, and that latin girls are more romantic, at least the ones I knew in US weren't about money at all, maybe it's a US thing

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utopiacowboy says on Jun 3, 2004, 20:51:

Great post, ShazCas! CuriosJoe, Latinas may be more romantic but they also like financial stability. Life can be precarious in Colombia so who wouldn't want some financial security.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Jun 4, 2004, 09:23:

great post The Colombian population in this area is not very large, but there are the occasional Colombian guy that marries a Nordic woman and makes a perfect adjustment. Maybe not perfect, but a workable one anyway. Learning the language, finishing/adjusting his education to the needs of this society, doing his share of the housework and caring of the children, being a wonderful husband and father. If the attachment is genuine these marriages can be long-lasting and successful; I've seen several of those. It's very hard on the guy: his whole life has to be changed, the climate is cold, the values and priorities may be different, the work exacts different attitudes and qualities than he was raised up to be able to meet. The family life is different too: the home, the children and the wife have to become the focal points of his life. Fidelity is expected and many have had to even learn to speak in a softer voice.
However, I'm amazed how well many have been adapted here. I'd say that Colombians are extremely rescilient people: their capacity for survival in strange environments is surprisingly good. Comparing with the Chileans (the largest Latin colony here) the average Colombian adapts better, learns the language faster, moves on to better positions at work faster.
Of course, these are just loose observations. There's quite a few of the "other" kind too, and they don't make out that well here either. There's far more Colombian men than women here, and most Latin men marry local girls, even though there are a few "all-Colombian" couples and families as well.

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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emero says on Aug 20, 2004, 03:28:

Just found this post Thanks ShazCas

one thing you and your wonderful husband has done for me is help me understand my man better...

he is talented clever and hardworking, he gets so tired sometimes it's not easy for him either he's had so many jobs, he does feel like the "foreign guy" though he is a hell of a lot more honourable than some guys I've dated.
I keep telling him i date him because it is him i adore, and that he is a lovely person.

he is wonderful to me and we get on great, as we help each other.

He misses his family a lot and I try and help by helping him cook arepas/empenadas and we put on the colombian radio on the internet(think it's RCN) and he wanders round my home singing

His english is fantastic also he has never been unfaithful to me he doesn't date unless it feels proper ( e.g not 1 night stands)

I'm learning spanish slowly which he loves helping me with.

I thought he had self esteem issues but i can see know that is part of the adjustment to being here.

It has really opened my eyes to how resilient these lovely men are...

He is also coming to my sister's wedding in Edinburgh in September, he mimics my scottish accent really well

I may even get him in a kilt as all the men at the wedding are wearing kilts. well if Mel Gibson can do it heeheheheheee

He is open friendly honest and loving person, please do not judge all colombian men. They are individuals and to be judged on their actions.

P.S I am soooooooooooo happy that I met him xxxx

hugs Diane x

hugs Diane x

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elmodefoque says on Aug 20, 2004, 05:58:

Hey, how come nobody talks about me the way shasCaz talks about her husband, that's not fair! I’m a hard working, low life, spanglish talking, immigrant to USA too. I hope she’s not insinuating that I’m the apposite of a strong Colombian. I had it tough too! do you have any idea how many milk fights (1/4 quart containers) I got into in the cafeteria of P.S. 192 in Manhattan because I was the only kid with very long hair, or how the little girls would chase me all over the school because they wanted a piece of me, they never seen anybody so exotic, it was rough.
I should not be jealous and instead congratulate your husband; he has one hell of good wife.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one. CURRAMBA, EL MEJOR VIVIDERO DEL MUNDO!

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ShazCas says on Aug 20, 2004, 10:18:

Colombian man in a kilt! Hi Diane,

I'm glad my story helped you - it's nice for me to hear about another woman in a similar situation to myself. I would LOVE to get my husband in a kilt, and have tried on several occasions, but alas, to no avail! He does eat haggis though, and has an Edinburgh accent!

I know what you mean about self-esteem issues, but as you've said, it's very hard for a man who's moved away from everything he knows. And men are expected to be tough and get on with it, whereas a woman gets more support and sympathy.

It would be nice if we could meet up when you come to Edinburgh in September, maybe for a pint or something? Just let me know, my e mail address is: shaz_b88 at hotmail.com I'd love your recipe for empanadas!

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ShazCas says on Aug 20, 2004, 10:22:

And El Mo... Thanks for the compliment - and you're a very funny man, you make me laugh all the time! Poor you, all those little girls chasing you! I'm sure not many of them had heard of la Guajira before they'd met you...

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daver says on Aug 20, 2004, 12:22:

ShazCas...

I am from a Scotish family, and I know how racist those people can be. I, and my parents, were born in Canada, but when it comes to grandparents and great-aunts and great-uncles, they are the most racist people I have met.

I invited two of my friends over to my place when I was in highschool. My grandmother (born in Scotland) would not eat with us, because my one friends last name was Bauer, and the other Marzana. The was no way she'd eat with a German and an Italian! Even though both my friends were born in Canada. My grandmother (my dad's mom) also lectured my Mom for an hour because she had a friend who was black. She tried to convince my Mom that it wasn't proper.

Anyway, if your husband can survive in Scotland, he can survive anywhere.

Good luck to you both

Dave

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ShazCas says on Aug 21, 2004, 13:40:

Racism in Scotland Hi Daver,

Thanks for your support, it's appreciated. Wow, your gran sounds pretty hardline! You'll be pleased to know that not everyone in Scotland is that racist! I suppose it's because your gran is from a much older generation. We do encounter some racism here, but it's not that bad! Most people are really interested in my husband, and in finding out a little about Colombia.

I think the racism you find is similar to that of Ireland. Both counties have had few immigrants up until recently, and it's only now that people are moving further away from London, and up to Scotland and Northern Ireland. The people there are more traditional and conservative, and are not used to living in a diverse community, and that makes them agressive and sometimes racist, due to ignorance and fear of the unknown.

When my husband told me that he had encountered racism, I found it hard to believe, surely not in the 21st century, in such a cosmopolitan city, but then, what would I know about it? I have since witnessed it for myself. The only tme I have faced racism was when I was a child on holiday in England during the worst troubles in Northern Ireland in the 90s. And it was horrible, so I think it must sometimes be difficult for my husband.

Please don't think Scotland is a very racist country because of your granny though, because for the most part it isn't, and most people are really friendly and helpful.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 21, 2004, 14:43:

Racism in Sweden Reading the previous posts about racism in Scotland I started to think about how similar the situation for foreigners is here in Sweden too. The racism here is more covert, more on the individual level, never really expressed in so many words, only when you look for a job having a surname that is not Swedish becomes a handicap. I have a double surname, Spanish-German, but it sounds very Swedish, plus that my first name is very typically Finnish and identifies me automatically as a Scandinavian. Thus, I get called to every interview for every job I apply.
There's a Colombian colony in Stockholm, of around 5-6 thousand people, most have come here claiming refugeé status, and have een granted it. Many others have come because they have married or lve together with a Swede, most of those are men. They have a hard time finding jobs, but can survive due to the social benefits programmes.
My family never objected me marrying a Colombian; only my father was a bit worried about the position of women married in Colombia versus the independence of the Nordic women. He never had a chance to meet my husband, but passed away three months after our wedding. My mother and my sisters and brothers have visited Colombia, and we never heard a bad word from them about me marrying a latino.
Shaz, I feel very touched by what you have told us about your husband, and I agree with you that there's strength and resilience in Colombian men who marry foreigners and make a new life for themselves far away from their families, their culture and everything that they love and are used to: all for love of a woman. It's a great tribute, and something to be proud of and cherish,
cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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daver says on Aug 21, 2004, 16:07:

***Please don't think Scotland is a very racist country because of your granny though, because for the most part it isn't, and most people are really friendly and helpful.***

I should have paid closer attention to what I said. I love all things Scotish, am proud of my heritage, and I think Scotish people are amongst the best in the world. However, they do tend to be a bit on the racist side.... but so are a lot of people from a lot of places, like Des was saying.

People from the English Isles have always looked down on foreigners to some extent. It comes from a culture being isolated on an Island. The Japanese, for example, also had a similar distrust and contempt for foreigners for many many years.

Yes my grandma was hard-core. The only good people in the world where 1st, my family, 2nd other Scots. You should have heard what she thought of anything ranging from Catholics, to inter-racial relationships. She's probably rolling in her grave right now knowing that I'm engaged to a Catholic Colombian!!

Oh well, behind it all she was quite the lady. I miss her a lot, actually.

Dave

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emero says on Aug 23, 2004, 02:52:

Colombian men & kilts yes please ... Ahh Scottish culture meets colombian culture

well they both have accordians in their traditional music

ShazCas I'd love to meet you and your husband in Edinburgh

You got mail!!! :)

Dave the quote about catholics and protestants was very accurate

my parents were shunned because my mother was protestant and my dad catholic and they got married.

my mother and father came to london when i stayed there in the 90's and she was amazed how many "coloureds" (her words not mine) were there, she's not intentionally racist, she just grew up amongst "white" people in a small town, and had never been in the company of other cultures

My folks are friendly and would talk and pass the time of day with anyone, my father went into a betting shop in hackney and got chatting to some rastas... about the horses.

I don't know many people who are that open and trusting.
bit like crocodile dundee...

hugs Diane x

hugs Diane x

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daver says on Aug 23, 2004, 13:47:

emeor,"coloureds" seems a ***well they both have accordians in their traditional music***
yes, but would a Colombian wear a kilt and play the bag pipes...

emeor,

"coloureds" seems a lot more proper than my grandmas use of the word "darkys" (well, with her accent daahhrkys). She was not above the N word either. And any Catholic was just a "Mic". We just had to live with it. I mean, what can you do?

My father was very intolerant of racism with my brother, sister, and I. Having Scottish parents, and growing up in a very small town in Canada, my father was just as racist as they. I guess he started to realize in his 20s and 30s how stupid it really was, and made a point not to pass on the same crap to us, as he got from his parents.

So, as a child growing up in a mid-size town in Canada, I was exposed to people from all over the place. Naturally, my white friends and I would develop racial slurs and poke fun at these kids... Boy oh boy, when my father found out I got in trouble at school for this, I got an ass-paddeling of a life time. I mean a real classic whopping. The kind that reminds you of who the boss of the house really is.

I really came to terms with racism in University, where I was an engineering student. To anyone who has studied engineering in Ontario Canada, you know that whites are a minority. So, once I realized that some of my best friends where from Sri Lanka, India, Korea, and everywhere else, I realized how stupid racism really is.

I had a tough time adjusting to Medellin, where it seems people draw very distinct lines when it comes to the colour of you skin, the size of your nose etc... In most ways it worked in my favour. My fiance is light skinned, from a high class family... her grandmother is much like mine was. My fiance would tell me that if she had a boyfriend with darker skin than hers, her grandmother would instantly hate him. When she saw me, with my pasty white skin, dirty blond hair, and blue eyes she instantly loved me, and complimented my fiance on her "choice". So, she approved me based on my race, before we really even talked (her grandma has no Enlish, and my Spanish is still terrible). She assumed I was from a good family (which I am) just because I was white. Little does she know, North America is loaded with white people who are extremely trashy, low class, and ignorant.

It hurt her grandmother a bit when she found out I wasn't Catholic. I lied, as I told her I am Anglican (most of my family is) as I was not about to tell this women I'm an atheist. When my fiance translated to her I was Anglican, her grandmother wanted to know if that was Christian! My fiance and I burst out in laughter, which didn't go over so well.

Well, I am rambling a lot, I would just like to encourage those out there who are discriminated against to just push through it the best they can. Ignorance is bliss....

Dave

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