alleycat has left 37 comments

alleycat comments on Exclusive area, North Bogota , Nice Apartment for rent

fernando what exactly is the location? which strata? you don't have to give the exact address but what are some landmarks so one can get a general idea of where it is. north bogota cuts a wide swath.

alleycat comments on furnished apartment in bogota wanted...

i should have been more clear... apartment must be in estrado 6.

alleycat comments on furnished apartment in bogota wanted...

thanks franko... do you happen to have a place in a strata 6 area?

alleycat comments on Romanticizing Colombia. The painful truth.

elmo is spot-on colombia's women have nothing over any other women regarding "beautiful" physical characteristics. They do seem to be preoccupied with appearance, however, getting the most out of what they have. This can mislead people into believing otherwise. Colombian people also seem to be relatively young(in actual age) compared with other places. This can distort things as well because younger people are with few exceptions far more attractive than older folks. Most observers will choose a 20 year old over a 40 year old as being more sexually attractive even if the 40 year old has better bone structure, etc. Just go to any college campus and then a PTA meeting. Pretty obvious.

alleycat comments on no puedo hablar inglés

Pod says...... "A chinese friend of mine, the smartest guy I know, now a math/physics professor, said he found learning english to be extremely difficult, and he landed in canada at age 5".

"I think anyone who has learned english without being immersed in it (meaning living in an english speaking household) is either very smart, very dedicated, or very gifted".

Not necessarily. Many people have excellent language facility but would have an iq in the average range. If your math professor fits the typical profile, his iq would be skewed toward the visuo/spatial/analytic and not verbal.

alleycat comments on no puedo hablar inglés

english is one of the more complex languages to learn. easier to learn the younger you are but rules make it very difficult for someone over 15-18 years old after learning patterns are formalized. better for the english speaker to learn spanish then slowly work at spanish speaker learning english.

alleycat comments on I adopted a whole family??

money issues are usually the number 1 source of tension and conflict in a relationship. better get these issues resolved prior to taking the plunge. if you're not inclined to help her family let her know. you mentioned your own financial situation is currently shaky. let her know this also. my advice is to develop a joint plan on how to handle money when you're married. maybe she could work once here and adapted and then send her family money out of her own funds. be creative as this isn't insoluble.

alleycat comments on I am now lost

why not give her a phone number? she's probably up to mischief but you never know. besides, as long as she's here in the u.s. you're technically responsible for her support according to that document you signed. i suggest the two of you sit down with someone impartial who can sort out you're relationship. can't hurt and could pay big dividends down the road.

alleycat comments on I am now lost

aztec says "It would simply be too tiring to always be assertive, strong, and dominant. Living with anyone is easier if that person is also your friend". exactly. some of these knuckleheads might actually find it liberating to share the heavy-lifting in a relationship. lol

alleycat comments on I am now lost

just for the sake of clarification niceness or sweetness should not be confused with traits such as passivity, conflict avoidance and emotional caretaking. people often confuse these characteristics and lump them in with generic niceness.

alleycat comments on I am now lost

i'm glad a woman chimed in on this one........ needless to say her point of view tells far more than others. people are unique in what they find attractive. personally, i've never known a woman who wanted to be "controlled" much less rejected someone because they were too nice. it is true that women who simply want a fling may desire some guy who is controlling and manipulative but for a long term gig most people prefer nice and sympathetic. most of us aren't masochists.

"You as the MAn need to control your realtionships at all times and make the woman be after YOU. The other way around results in the woman cheating on you or leaving you". jeez isn't this tiring to always be in control? sounds like mucho energy expended for no real gain. far more important would be to develop a sense of humor. if you can make a woman laugh you're around second heading for home. these are the skills to develop. i've never known a woman who didn't appreciate a guy who can make her laugh. i'm glad David Deangelo has figured out what poets and philosophers have been ruminating over for centuries. lol

alleycat comments on I am now lost

well dan it sounds like things are heading in the right direction. did you happen to show your lawyer a complete copy of that affidavit of support you signed? a friend of mine married a woman he met in spain a few years ago and signed one of these after consulting with a lawyer about it. the lawyer told him these might be unenforceable contracts but until tested in court should be taken very seriously. for example, divorce doesn't end the support requirement and your wife can actually sue you if you fail to provide the support level required by this obligation. this was the law a few years ago and maybe has changed since then but something to think about when dealing with your wife. this lawyer told my friend that he would advise anyone confronting this to be careful when working things out during the divorce. he personally said he would take a carrot/stick approach to getting the ex out of the country as fast as possible. obviously one's own moral and ethical compass will dictate a strategy.

alleycat comments on Thinking about moving to Colombia

pilar your yearning for a time gone by reminds me of a quote by a.e. housman: “that is the land of lost content, i see it shining plain, the happy highways where i went and cannot come again”. i’m not sure colombia is the answer to your dilemma. as some of the previous posters have indicated, the struggle for existence there can be far more brutal than what you’ll encounter in the u.s. rejecting the dominant values of consumerism, materialism, “working bee” mentality and disregard for family and friends, can be done without you going anywhere. moving to another continent to live the lifestyle you dream of is simply unnecessary. you may, however, want to visit colombia for an extended time and make the comparison yourself. but remember, you can make choices wherever you are and find a nice niche even in the u.s. millions of people here share your values and find great satisfaction in their work and social lives.

alleycat comments on I am now lost

haha although i think you're far too good looking for her...probably made her insecure. lol

alleycat comments on I am now lost

these comments serve no useful purpose.... "Do what you have to do to divorce her and get her deported.. we dont need another blood sucker living off of our tax dollars"

"Once she's back to being a hooker in Colombia - which I'm sure is what she was, though you probably didn't know it - she won't be able to screw up your life anymore".

let's not forget that this woman is dan's wife.

alleycat comments on I am now lost

i think your instinct to resolve this sooner rather than later is a good one. once things are sorted out, your morale will be better and your legal jeopardy will be lessened. you then can start over with more experience to guide you along. many relationships have twists and turns which defy logic. it's not inconceivable that at some point you could have a relationship with this woman. your feelings and her feelings are highly fluid and subject to change. for now, however, you'll be better off emotionally and financially if you divorce. then you can begin the dance again when you're ready.

alleycat comments on I am now lost

mm says "You do realize as long as you are married to her you are financially Liable for her here in the USA; you have signed in the past an Affadavit of Support(5 years for her) and I believe 10 years for a minor child when you brought her here"..

well: this may be potentially more complex than originally thought. i don't know anything about an "affidavit of support" but i hope you(dan) do and thoroughly understand its implications. i would find a lawyer who can explain this if you don't already know how it works. for example: does this support requirement end with the marriage or does it survive the marriage and end only when she leaves the country. these things probably would never be an issue but if they were could have significant financial impact. maybe all the more reason to protect yourself well but keep things cordial and lines of communication with her open.

alleycat comments on I am now lost

dan: things will get better and easier. just be patient and do a few things to help this along. if you're sure you want to divorce contact her directly and let her know. be civil and cordial and if you can afford to do so offer to help her out for a few months. no need to make a mission of her deportation. do nothing but what you're legally obligated to do in this regard. if you're not legally obligated to do anything just let it go. don't be consumed with hatred and vengeance. find a good lawyer to help you sort out the legal issues. this should be a very uncomplicated divorce due to time married, etc. tell the lawyer you want things done with decency and fairness. you'll be much better off in the long run by taking a noble approach. don't hire a lawyer who won't proceed with a "nice guy" approach.

alleycat comments on U.S. college grad looking to move to colombia, how to pay up loans?

with change of house & senate control things may change regarding student loans. here's an excerpt from a recent usatoday article: "A cut in student-loan interest rates. House Democrats want to reduce rates on federal Stafford loans, which go to students, to 3.4% from the current 6.8%. Democrats will also push to reduce the rate for the Parent Loan for Undergraduate Students (PLUS) to 4.25% from 8.5%. PLUS loans let parents borrow up to the full cost of a child's attendance, minus any financial aid". sit tight for a few months and frequently google this topic. changes will likely occur very soon if they're going to occur at all and you never know what the final legislation will look like but the changes may benefit you. could be a surprise or two in there.

alleycat comments on divorce part 2

now, she states that "god and angels have appeared to her and stated that she must stay by my side as a responsible wife" culinary: this doesn't sound good. it could be nothing more than religiosity but may also indicate psychiatric impairment probably the result of extreme stress. her statement suggests that she may be loaded down with guilt. you sound like a decent person. a few months of counseling in colombia might help her to sort things out and get back on an even keel.

alleycat comments on Does a Colombiana turn into a Gringa?

aztec my theory is far more plausible than yours; to wit:

"Many if not most of us were burdened with too many American gringa's of all different colors, ages, and financial status. Admittedly, it was intoxicating to have 21 year old American girls for a date. Having strange women show up at your door and even have them physically fight over you was unbelievably exilerating for someone my age and experience".

alleycat comments on Does a Colombiana turn into a Gringa?

blondie that's probably not the issue with most of the guys that go to colombia seeking wives. they want younger and better looking women than they're able to get in their own country. they believe colombianas perceive them as attractive. this is quite an ego-boost for someone who is routinely rejected by their own women. let's also not forget that they also desire a softer more submissive female. the idea of equality is anathema to them. furthermore, there's potentially a huge difference between guys who fall in love with a foreigner in their own country or who spontaneously falls in love while visiting a foreign country and between one who deliberately sets out on a mission to a foreign land for marriage.

alleycat comments on any relationship advice?

well it turns out that sarah is the science expert. that's interesting! i'm a trained psychologist(psy.d) but gave it up several years ago to become a freelance writer. if dg wants to debate he can do so with sarah as my expertise in the subject doesn't extend beyond my previous post. lol no doubt an interesting topic.

alleycat comments on any relationship advice?

dongringo i'm not sure what you base this statement on: "Darwanism is dead. Still some old tired dried up old Darwin thinkers in the Universities but they are not going to last long". i saw something recently indicating that roughly 90% of the members of the national academy of sciences believe darwin was correct in his observations and theories. they similarly reject by the same numbers the notion of "intelligent design". these are the university people you refer to. btw: belief in evolution is not mutually exclusive with a belief in a deity. but obviously intelligent design proponets reject major darwinian concepts. it appears highly unlikely that intelligent design will ever compete as a "scientific" explanation for our existence. it's a religious explanation and nothing more.

alleycat comments on any relationship advice?

it may be more correct to say that all men are potential cheaters rather than all men will eventually cheat. this goes for women as well. very few species have been observed to be consistently monogamous. there's really only a handful out of many thousands of species with links to us, humans. moreover, simply because we have a highly-developed brain doesn't remove us from our biological evolutionary past. we were probably at some point far more promiscuous as a species than is now observed. i know guys often use this as an excuse to try to explain conduct considered inappropriate. and it doesn't act as a salve for hurt feelings but it does give some context to our behavior which oftentimes seems disgusting. "biology is destiny" i guess lol

alleycat comments on any relationship advice?

just remember that colombian men are well-known for machista. this could be a source of agony for you down the road. you're not going to be able to change someone despite believing this is possible. if these traits are present in his personality they're going to remain there. also, colombian people as well as other latins are generally more promiscuous than anglos. this may or may not be a problem as well at some later date. i would separate myself from him for some time so you can determine your true feelings. go home for a few months and think about it. if the two of you are genuine in your feelings, you will get back together.

alleycat comments on Colombiana psychology - help

it's not a good sign that you're unable to "read" or understand this woman's behavior. you should be able to immediately and instinctively discern whether or not she's genuinely attracted to you. if her "signals" are garbled, it's not a good beginning. we need more information, however, to give you a better answer. for example: 1. how did you meet her? 2. are you and her similar in attractiveness? 3. if this exact same woman was an american woman in the u.s., would she be dating you?

alleycat comments on What to do with myself in Colombia?

i would just have fun and learn some things about your parents country. no need to make major decisions. enjoy freedom while you can because you'll probably have to spend the next 30-40 years working. take a class at a university, meet some people there to hang with and make contacts there as well for a potential future job. you can always return to the u.s. if things don't work out. meeting well-connected people at a university should produce results.

alleycat comments on The Body Beautiful

now it's about the "boys" in colombia. lol will this thread go over 200 posts like the one about colombia women?

alleycat comments on I have a question, why do these men have to go to other country for a woman

i've always wondered if all these guys who dislike american women have mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. must make for some awkward and tense moments. lol

alleycat comments on

there's probably 3-4 billion people in the world who live in far more harsh conditions than poor colombians. poor colombians don't have it so bad. there's nothing unique about their situation.

alleycat comments on I have a question, why do these men have to go to other country for a woman

i don't know about canada but in the u.s. you just have to be patient and you'll find someone you like. you mention brad pitt. if you're chasing women who want someone with exceptional looks like pitt, and you are more average, obviously you're going to have trouble. does anybody really believe that women from CA or SA don't rank looks high on their wish list? they're just like women from NA. regarding materialism; there's plenty of women who value other things far more than consumerism but you have to look in the right places. start with intellectual and artistic women. i will say this about emphasis upon money: more of the recent generation of u.s. women highly value earning capacity. i've noticed this has changed pretty significantly in just a generation. you have to, however, just look harder. i know it's easier to hop on a plane and seek out someone living in relative desperation.

alleycat comments on I have a question, why do these men have to go to other country for a woman

huh? "american women are infinitely'less" desiarable than colombiana's"
have you seen tara conner recently? talk about good-looking and feisty to boot. never seen a colombiana this pretty and sexy.

alleycat comments on

i've observed that very few people can resist the temptation to hoard. probably some kind of survival instinct deeply rooted in our nature. granted, most people in the world don't hoard because they're too busy living day to day. but they do hoard when they can. those that hoard far more than they will ever need do so out of fear of what the future may bring. my theory is that if this wealth and energy were used to solve world problems, societies could be transformed overnight. find a way to change human nature and you can end the misery you see around you.

alleycat comments on I have a question, why do these men have to go to other country for a woman

this was taken verbatim from a marriage introduction service in bogota.

"Latin women are mostly conservative. They are raised with unspoliled attitude and are prepared to devote themselves totally in marriage. They believe that a marriage lasts forever. The role of the woman is also the guiding light of the family so she maintains strong family values and traditions.
The woman shown in our website, are all professionals and while they expect to fulfil traditional roles of wife and mother, they also anticipate continuing in their professional careers.
Given the opportunity, a well-educated woman of Colombia will prefer to have a relationship with a man from another country. This is because she believes the Colombian men will always be domineering, unfaithful and maintain a chauvinistic attitude. She seeks a kind, loving and thoughful man who wants a monogamous relationship in marriage. In most cases, age or physical looks are not primary concerns of a Colombian Woman. we prefer older and mature gentleman who will treat us well and love us sincerely".

american men read this marketing hype and naturally want to find a woman like this when they think all american women are completely the opposite. so they get on a plane and head to these places and expect to find their savior.

alleycat comments on I have a question, why do these men have to go to other country for a woman

there does seem to be many of these guys who head south so they can try to hook up with a more passive and submissive ideal. american women simply don't need men the way they used to. this economic liberation, like desideria says, leaves these men angry and confused. but are colombian women really any different? my experience says no. not in this respect anyway. most women from every country i've visited are in fact more family oriented than american women but this can be traced to the extreme individualism that characterizes the u.s. and not some magical quality of a foreigner. once you scratch the surface of this intense family orientation the truth is it can be suffocating
and debilitating and leaves many believing they're getting far more than they bargained for. these guys aren't necessarily defective just stuck in a time-warp longing for the days when they ruled the roost.

alleycat comments on I have a question, why do these men have to go to other country for a woman

it's usually because they can get a more attractive woman in colombia. not always but this is the main reason. supply and demand. the women who they desire in the u.s. don't find most of these guys very attractive. we'll consider 3 factors in a man's attractiveness; looks, personality, and money. let's also throw in age. there's a fairly strong cultural bias in the u.s. for men and women to connect with someone around their own age. most hot 20 something women won't even consider seriously hanging with someone twice their age. a 55 year old guy can go to colombia and connect with someone half his age. whether it works when they come back is another matter but at least he'll delude himself into thinking it will work. but discrepancies in attractiveness usually don't work. how many couples do you really see in everyday life where one partner is unattractive and the other a stunner? men go to colombia believing they can do better.